begining is kinda sorta rated....

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“H-hangeng oppa… H-how are we together?” I asked him,

“We’ve been together for 3 years already… did you forget?” he smiled, “A year after your dad died,I was teaching you how to make fried rice, and while we were cleaning up, we kissed remember?” he smiled,

Of course I remembered! That was my first kiss!

“B-but oppa, I thought you said you didn’t care about me” I stared at him,

“Of course I do” he smiled and kissed my cheek, “If I didn’t, then why did we spend that night together?” he smiled,

“T-that night?” I gulped,

“Did you forget everything?” he smiled and princess picked me up, “Then I’ll explain at my house” and he ran to his house

~~~~”
I remember when Hangeng kissed, me… It was when he was teaching me how to cook, then when we were cleaning, he teased me with water, and then it ended up into a water fight, then I accidentally slipped on the water and fell on him. Well, not really, he was still standing, but I grabbed him for support, so my head was resting on his chest, meanwhile he was at the counter wall… I looked into his eyes, and he looked into mine, and we kissed… but then, he pushed me to the wall and made the kiss a little (I mean a LOT) more passionate… he was the one that let go, and tell me that he couldn’t fall for me, that he didn’t have any feelings for me… leaving me all heartbroken….

“H-hangeng, tell me what happened!” I asked when we finally got to his house

“We slept together silly” he smiled putting me on the bed,

“W-WHAT?!” I stared at him, “Y-you mean, just like.. Literally sleeping together?! And not the thing that married couples do?!” I stuttered, PLEASE TELL ME IT WAS THE THING THAT SIWON DID WITH ME! (Check chapter 59)

“I can’t believe you forgot” he sighed, then looked at me, “I guess we’re going to have to reenact it” he smiled, and got on top of me, I crawled away, but he was faster and kissed me, I was blushing like crazy… (not to mention his kiss was REALLY passionate)

He slowly started to kiss my neck, which made me blush even more, I kept trying to wiggle free, but he was stronger than I was… Then he kissed me again, and I could feel him ing my PJ shirt…

“H-Hangeng!” I blushed pushing him away,

“What?” he smiled at me,

“I-I don’t understand! When did this happen?!” I asked, shaking a bit,

“When I was teaching you how to make fried rice” he smiled and kissed me even more,

“What?! But you pulled away!” I said, he pulled away,

“No, neither of us did… That’s how I made it into your bedroom” he smiled and kissed my neck, “And that’s why we’re together” he said

W-what?! THIS DOESN’T MAKE SENCE! I-I did that with Hangeng?! HE’S 7 YEARS OLDER THAN ME! Isn’t that illegal?! Or is that just in America?

A-Also! I promised dad that I wouldn’t do such a thing till I was married! Why the heck did I do it?!

“Hangeng! I clearly remember that you pushed me away” I said and stopped him before he went any further,

“Why would I? I didn’t have a reason, and you were really cute that day” he smiled, “I’d probably only stop if I knew someone that related to you or something” and he started to kiss my neck

“Then why were you teaching me how to cook rice?! There’s no way I would had ever met you” I paused… There’s no way I would had ever met him if it wasn’t for Donghae….

“We met at the coffee shop remember? Then we got to know each other more over the years, and then you asked me how to make fried rice, and that’s how we slept with each other” he explained my neck

“I… I don’t understand!” I blushed,

My eyes widened, If that kiss still went on, I would’ve broken my promise with dad? This is a dream right?! This has to be one! I quickly got off the bed, and buttoned up my shirt again,

Gosh! I feel like… I feel like a !

“Alex! Where are you going?!”

“I’m going to look for my brother!” I said, and started walking,

“YAH!” Hangeng said, and hugged my body and quickly pinned me to the wall, I couldn’t help but blush, I could feel his stare,

“H-Hangeng, what are you doing?” I gulped, then he started to kiss my neck, then he started to bite, I started to moan, “H-H-HANGENG!” I blushed, but he wouldn’t stop…. And with him just doing that, I felt like I was going to melt, I felt like I lost all of my energy, “S-stop!” I moaned, but he didn’t listen,

“Alex” he whispered to my ear, I closed my eyes really tight,

He continued to kiss me, and then he started to my shirt, he made it to my lips, and kissed me, he bit my lip, causing me to open my mouth, and he slipped his tongue in there... I could feel him my shirt, but his kiss was really passionate that I barely noticed….

“Alex~” he whispered, I could feel his breath on my neck,

“Hangeng oppa” I murmured, he lifted my head up and continued to kiss me, I wrapped my arms around his neck and followed his lead,
And it wasn’t until he tried to take my shirt off (Completely) I realized what I was doing and quickly pushed him away,

“Alex?” Hangeng stared at me

“I have to go!” I blushed and walked out.

Gosh! I feel like a ! Never in my life has that ever happened to me! This has to be a dream right?

I quickly buttoned up my shirt and ran out of the dorm, it was raining like crazy outside, but I didn’t care…

Donghae… Donghae! Where are you?!

“It’s you!”

I turned around and saw Kyuhyun,

“Kyuhyun-shii?”

He ran up to me,

“Who are you?” he asked me, I couldn’t help but bawl at that point,

“W-WOAH! I DIDN’T MEAN TO MAKE YOU CRY!” he said shocked at my reply, I violently shook my head,

“I-it’s not that! It’s just that I can’t find my brother” I cried even harder, I could feel Kyuhyun just staring at me,

“Then, do you want me to help you find him?”

I looked up at Kyuhyun, and nodded, he sighed,

“Is there anyone you know that might know where he is?” Kyuhyun asked, I paused for a bit,

“Eunhae” I murmured remembering those fanfics,

“Eunhae?”

“Do you know a guy named Eunhyuk?” I asked,

“No…”

That’s right! Eunhyuk isn’t his real name! What was his name again?!

“Lee Hyukjae!” I said, Kyuhyun stared at me,

“Well… I know a guy named Lee Hyukjae, he works at the zoo” Kyuhyun said,

“Can you show me?!” I asked him, Kyuhyun nodded,

~~~~~~~~Zoo~~~~~~’

“So where does Hyukjae work at?”

“It’s usually with the monkeys or at the aquarium” Kyuhyun said,

We both walked in, and Kyuhyun and I ran to the monkey place first,

“Hyukkie!” Kyuhyun yelled, but no answer,

Then we ran to the aquarium, and I saw Eunhyuk cleaning up the hallway,

“HYUKJAE!” I yelled, he looked up and stared at me,

“Can I help you?”

“Do you know anyone by the name of Lee Donghae?” Kyuhyun asked Eunhyuk,

Eunhyuk eyes seemed to widen,

“What about him?” he rudely asked,

“He’s my brother! Can you tell me where he is?” I smiled, Eunhyuk stared at me,

“I-I’m sorry” he started,

“What do you mean?” Kyuhyun asked,

“I’m afraid that it’s too late to find Donghae now” Eunhyuk started to cry,

“W-Why?” I asked him, he turned away and I could hear him crying

“He committed suicide two months ago” Eunhyuk said, I stared at him,

“W-what?”

“He was sad because of his family always fighting, and he said that he wasn’t their real child, so he wanted to find his real family… but… The stress got to him” Eunhyuk broke out crying, “No matter how many times I tried to be with him, comforting him, and so much, he still committed it” Eunhyuk cried,

My heart stopped,

My brother is dead?

He’s not in this world anymore?!

Donghae… DONGHAE….DONGHAE!!!

NO! You aren’t allowed to be dead! You have to be alive! Please Donghae?! You can’t be dead! You have to live! Please…

Tears started to roll down my cheeks,

“No…NO! THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING! DONGHAE! DONGHAE! I KNOW YOU’RE OUT THERE! COME HERE NOW! DONGHAE!” I yelled,

“Alex!” I looked around, but it wasn’t anyone,

“ALEX!” I heard a different voice, but no one was around me,

Please, leave me alone so I can cry…

Donghae, come back! I cried,

“I am here silly” Donghae’s voice rang, I looked around, but no one….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~;
Donghae POV
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“Donghae! Come back” she kept on crying, I stared at my little sister, was she having a nightmare?

I walked up to her, and whispered in her ear,

“I AM here silly” I said,

“Please come back” she murmured still asleep,

“I’m right here, just wake up”

“Donghae, you said…. You’d be here for me….” she murmured,

“I am, wake up and you’ll see” I smiled,

She slowly opened her eyes, and looked around the hospital room,

“Dong….Hae?” she asked, I smiled and wiped off the tears off of her tear stained face,

“Yup, the best brother in the world” I winked, then before I knew it, she gave me a tight hug, with her chin resting on her shoulder

“Donghae… Donghae…” she started to cry, I motioned all the other guys to leave,

“Have a bad dream?” I asked her, I could feel her nodding,

“Donghae… Don’t dare die ok?” she croaked, I smiled

“Of course! Why would a brave person like me die? The entire /south/ Korean republic would be sad if I died!” I joked, she laughed a little bit,

“You better not! Or else I’d cry like no other!” she sniffed, “I’m serious Donghae! You better not die!”

“Aish! What’s with you?” I laughed, and pulled her away, “We’re checking you out of the hospital tomorrow ok?”

She nodded,

“Donghae… Do you remember sorry sorry yet?” she asked me,

That’s right…

I can’t remember anything….

Just what happened?

Come on Donghae! Remember something!