Gray skies. The scent of melancholy rain. The soft pitter patter of the rain upon my black umbrella.

                The lingering aura of peace… but also sadness.

                I stood before a gray tombstone, my hand clutching a bouquet of flowers. I sighed deeply, closing my eyes.

                “I’m sorry, Seunghyun. Truly, I am…”

                Wake up. Coffee. Newspaper. Drone through the day. Come home. Close eyes. Sleep. Wake up. Coffee. Newspaper. Drone through the day. Come home. Close eyes. Sleep. Wake up. Coffee. Newspaper.

Drone through the day.

                It all seemed too robotic, leading this life. Finding nothing to look forward to, finding no such interest in any activity that I attempt to put myself through. Sometimes, I ask myself why I’m still trying to push on through. Push on though on what? I have no idea. What good is in watching cars pass by below the building that I was trapped in, filing papers mindlessly for pompous, condescending bastards who call themselves business men?

                I never really stood out as a kid. Always the quiet one; not very intelligent, not very outgoing. I kept my head low and spoke when needed to. I had very few friends as well, quietly following along, watching them and laughing as they pull off their shenanigans.

                So this ordinary kid got an ordinary job. I work quietly in a cubicle, answering occasional phone call with a “yes m’am, I did file the paper work already…” or “I apologize, sir… I will try my hardest to get things back on track.” while I remain surrounded by stacks and stacks of unfinished work. Or were they finished?

                Pay was alright, but I think it’s time for a change.

                Maybe I should just move. I thought to myself as I sipped on my bland coffee. Move into the country. Fresh air, mooing cows… God, why am I going through a goddamn midlife crisis at 31?

                Well, I can’t be young forever. I should stop keeping my head down low and do something for a change.

                Another sip of my coffee.

                Hah, Seunghyun. You’re getting way ahead of yourself. You’re not really good at anything. What makes you think that change is possible?

Is it?

                Well, damn. I did it.

                Seunghyun, you’ve been more ballsier than you’ve ever been in your life.

                I bought a cozy little house in the country. Well, it wasn’t necessarily country in the sense that there were cows everywhere you looked. I should say that it was more heavily suburban: small, quiet, neat houses, no highways, blue and cloudy skies, and spacious land. A big difference from the city.

                There were no angry car honking, no annoying phone rings, busy chatter of businessmen… I’m liking this so far.

                I gulped nervously as I raised my keys to the keyhole with shaky hands, trembling from such an immense curiosity, such strange excitement for what laid behind this mahogany red door.

                A click, a swish, and a light push brought me to a whole new world. Okay, maybe I was over-exaggerating... there weren’t any roaring dragons, no yellow brick road, no Narnia… but, it was definitely different from what I was used to back in the city. Spacious rooms, bright scenery, adorable, homey decorations.

                I didn’t even take the time out to survey the house or anything. I bought this house as quickly as possible before I even had time to reconsider my actions. I quickly sold everything before I regretted it: my apartment, my clothes, my furniture. I only came with a small suitcase with some clothing, a toothbrush, and some cash in my pocket. The kind ajumma who sold me the house told me that all the furniture was all there, and that I didn’t have to worry much about moving in. All I had to do was get cozy.

                The family that lived here before suddenly abandoned everything for unknown reasons. They left the house up for sale and took off without a word, let alone a ‘goodbye’ or ‘farewell’.

                It was strange indeed, but I silently appreciated it, marveling at what an adorable house this is. Everything was neatly arranged, humbly beautiful but boasting a careful owner at the same time. I lingered around the house and smiled brightly, nodding to myself at how things are looking better and better by the minute.

                I haven’t smiled like that in a while. I haven’t had many friends to converse with, so much of my smiles and laughter are kept inside. Family’s all gone too, with the exception of my cousin, who lived on the other side of the planet- the states. I heard he was highly successful, but then again… I haven’t spoken to him in years.

                Hmm… it’s 7:30 in the evening. I thought, checking my phone. Eesh, I’m so tired.

                I flopped on the king-sized bed and laughed brightly, sighing contently as I inhaled the light smell of freshly done laundry. Ah, that ajumma. She really did spruce up the house right before I got here. I should say thank you…

                But I do deserve a nap.

                Well… that nap turned out to be a powerful 12-hour one. I groggily sat up and ruffled my hair, taking in my surroundings. Wait. Oh yeah. I just moved in. Haha.

                I looked down to see that I was still in my business clothes: a plaid tie, a white button down, a black vest, and some slacks. My shoes were even on.

                I can’t believe you slept on your face for 12 hours, Seunghyun. How tired must you been? Pabo.

                I laughed to myself and stretched as I made my way towards the bathroom. I took a long, warm shower and changed into some comfortable clothes, anticipating what the new day would bring. Sauntering into the kitchen, I glanced at the clock and made a mental note: the sun already shines brightly at 7:45. I made myself some coffee (those previous owners owned some damn good coffee, if I do say so myself) and walked out the front door to get some fresh air.

                Why didn’t I do this earlier? I thought to myself, shaking my head as I sipped on some coffee. I walked over to my mailbox and opened it.

                Nothing.

                Well, yeah. That’s typical. I didn’t even change my address in my records so I’m not surprised.

                I glanced at the mailbox right next to mine and laughed, seeing so many things stuffed in the tiny mailbox. Well, that’s weird. Back in the city, we each have our own separate mailboxes. Over here, they put two right next to each other for every two houses.

                I shrugged, and began to make my way back until…

                “Aigoo! Aigoo!” a voice cried, becoming nearer and nearer. “Argh, it’s been too long since I’ve checked my mail…”

                I turned around to see a flustered boy, pouting slightly as he tried to gather all of his letters and mail in his small arms. He was also in his pajamas, his hair ruffled with a toothbrush in his mouth. “Aish…” he muttered, bending down to pick up a brown package. He stood up again and saw my amused but frozen expression.

                The boy was beautiful, even with a toothbrush in his mouth. Is that even possible? My mouth slightly gaped as I secretly tried to study his face a little bit more before he ran away. He had such pale skin… and pink lips… and those eyes. Those innocent eyes.

                “Annyeong.” He greeted with a muffle, toothbrush still intact with his mouth. He suddenly stopped with widened eyes, seeming completely frozen as I am. We were both caught in the same, strange trance but I realized it sooner than him and snapped out of it.

                “Y-You’re drooling.” I chuckled, pointing to his frothy lips.

                The boy also snapped out of the trance and quickly brought the back of his hand up to his mouth, wiping his lips out of embarrassment. In doing that, he dropped all of his mail on the ground, adding to his flustered face.

                It was so adorable but I could tell that he was so embarrassed so I laughed lightly, setting my coffee down on the ground. I squatted down and helped him gather up all of his mail, trying to lessen the boy’s embarrassment.

                “Good morning.” I laughed, handing him his things. “And here’s your stuff.”

                The boy nodded but didn’t look in my eyes, quietly taking his mail into his arms. Shy… so cute. I thought to myself, chuckling. I stood up and offered my hand. “Choi Seunghyun.” I introduced myself, smiling as the boy accepted my hand to stand up.

                “Mm.” the boy said, looking down on the ground. He bowed swiftly and began running back to his house, completely flustered.

                “May I at least have you name?” I called, laughing as he flew through the grass, like a ninja would.

                “KWON JIYONG!” the boy shouted through his teeth, slamming the door behind him.

                Kwon Jiyong, huh?

                Adorable.

                Today was more climatic than my normal day. Actually, probably more than my entire life. I found out that the kind ajumma that sold me the house lived down the street. She offered me to take a tour around this humble town, showing me around in the market, shopping centers, restaurants, and even bars.

                “Ajumma, aren’t you a little too old to be drinking at these places?” I joked as I watched her not-amused expression.

                “Yah, Choi Seunghyun. Since we’re gonna know each other for much longer than 20 minutes, call me Halmoni. Second of all. I can drink wherever the hell I want.” She smirked while keeping her eyes on the road.

                I pretended to raise up my arms in defeat. Damn, so fierce. “Alright, alright. You call the shots, Halmoni. I got it. Hell, I didn’t know you were like this when you sold the house to me.”

                “I had to act nice in order to sell you the house, duh.” She said, as if it only took common sense to understand this.

                “Halmoni, you’re scaring me.”

                “Just wait. You’ll piss your pants when you get your hands on my kimchi.”

                “Don’t let me down.”

                Well, damn. She didn’t let me down. Her kimchi made me almost want to cry due to its impeccable taste and flavors. She had invited me over to dinner and allowed me to try her famous kimchi.

                “You weren’t kidding.” I breathed as I gripped the tablecloth. “Do you ever allow anyone else to taste this goodness?”

                “Are you kidding me? I’m sure every night at least 3 families come over to try some of this. I usually have a full house. People even come over from all of Korea to taste and buy this.”

                “Damn.” I murmured, savoring each taste in my mouth. “So it’s like a party with all your neighbors every night.”

                “Basically.”

                “What about Kwon Jiyong? Does he ever come by here?” I suddenly asked, finding no reason in asking but I did nonetheless.

                “Oh, Kwon Jiyong?” She laughed, shaking her head. “He’s like the grandson that I never had. He’s such a skilled cook and everything. Comes here all the time!”

                 “I just met him this morning! Such a cutie.” I said, propping my elbows on the counter, sighing dreamily.

                “A cutie, huh?” she hummed, smirking at my expression. “You look like a goddamn high schooler in love.”

                I had pleasant night’s sleep. I woke up feeling a lot better than expected. That’s awesome. Enough energy for me to go out and look for a job.

                I did my usual routine: showered, brushed teeth, shaved, found a suitable outfit, and brewed the heavenly coffee that sat at the dinner table. It’s 7:45 again. Coffee in hand like last time, I strolled outside once again, breathing the fresh air into my lungs. I sighed contently as I neared my mailbox, stretching my neck to the side until I saw the same boy run out from his house towards his mailbox.

                He didn’t say a word as he focused on opening the mailbox and retrieving the multiple envelopes of mail that sat waiting for him. “Aish…” he muttered, furrowing his eyebrows as he read its contents.

                “No toothbrush this time?” I asked, chuckling as I sipped on my coffee.

                His head snapped up in surprise and he blushed, diverting his eyes somewhere else when he made accidental eye contact with me. “No, not this time.”

                I laughed and looked down at my coffee, trying to restrain myself from staring at him for too long. I didn’t want to creep him out, but I honestly couldn’t help it. “That was adorable, yesterday, by the way.”

                “Huh?” the boy asked, raising his big eyes at me. I gulped nervously as I tried not to lose myself to this boy- he was so captivating, and his eyes weren’t helping.

                “Y-Your little incident right here…” I pointed to the ground before the mailboxes, “it was adorable. Don’t be embarrassed.”

                The boy blushed and brought the envelopes to his face, trying to hide his pink, flushed face. “T-Thank you.”

                “Not a problem.” I smiled, looking around. “You’re new here, aren’t you?”

                “Hmm? Ah, no, actually. I’ve lived here for a really long time now.” Jiyong said, furrowing his eyebrows, even slightly pouting.

                “Ah, I see.” I said slowly, nodding to myself.

                We stood in silence for another couple of minutes, occasionally awkwardly making eye contact with each other. It was amusing, to say at the very least.

                Then, the boy broke that atmosphere.

                “Would you… like to have some lunch with me today? Y’know, because you helped me yesterday and all…” he said, occasionally stuttering.

                If you keep doing that, I may just scoop you up and take you home in my pocket.

                “That would be delightful.” I smiled, feeling my heart flutter.

                “12 sounds good?” he asked, beginning to make his way towards the house, not keeping his eyes off of me.

                “Yes, it does.”

                “Where do you wanna meet?”

                “At the mailbox.”

                I brushed my teeth again, combed my hair numerous times, spent about an hour trying to pick out a nice looking outfit (but ended up settling for a plaid, long-sleeved button down, a sweater, and some dark washed jeans), carefully applied cologne, and paced nervously around my bedroom, trying to make the hands on the clock turn faster.

                I didn’t understand why I was feeling so fired up. I’ve never actually felt this way before. The excitement that put a spring in my step every time I thought about the boy. The way he talked, the way he walked, it was just so intriguing.

                y, even.

                Adorable, but y.

                I ran my fingers through my hair once more, trying to relieve my anxiety. I glanced up at the clock and sighed. 11:37.

                What was I going to do in the next 23 minutes?

                Unable to contain my excitement any longer, I grabbed my keys and my wallet, making my way out the front door as quickly as possible. To my surprise, I saw the boy sitting right below the mailbox, tapping his shoes together in a bored fashion. Was he waiting for me the whole time?

                “Y-You’re here early.” I laughed, startling the boy. He clutched his chest and laughed as well, breathing a sigh of relief.

                “You startled me!”

                “My deepest apologies.”

                “Apology not accepted.” The boy crossed his arms, looking away from me.

                “What must I do to gain your forgiveness then, oh princess?”

                “Treat me to lunch, Choi Seunghyun.”

                “What, I thought you were taking ME out for helping you!” I cried, laughing at the boy’s flirting.  This is getting interesting.

                “Take it or leave it.” Jiyong said, huffing a playful sigh.

                “Since when did shy Kwon Jiyong become diva princess Kwon Jiyong?”

                “Since Seunghyun almost gave Kwon Jiyong a heart attack.”

                “Arasso, arasso. Let’s go out to eat.”

                We strolled through the marketplace, window-shopping through the many boutiques that this town had to offer. Our feet led us to a small and humble café, nestled in the heart of the buzzing marketplace.

                I leaned back in my seat, inhaling the scent of the aromatic café. The boy did the same, closing his eyes as he sipped on his coffee. “So, Choi Seunghyun.” Jiyong said, looking up from his coffee. Oh, his eyes. They’re worse than sirens’ songs. “What brings you here to this humble town?”

                I shrugged. “I needed a change. The city life wasn’t for me.”

                “Oh? Is that so?” he mused, his eyebrows rising.

                “Mm. Everyday was the same: wake up, go to work. Go home. Sleep. Wake up, go to work. Go home. Sleep. Too robotic for me.”

                “Ah, you needed an adventure.” The boy observed, nodding slowly.

                “And meeting you is already an adventure.”

                Jiyong stopped swirling his coffee in his hands, his large eyes gazing up at me. His lips suddenly curved up into a light smile. “Meeting you was also an adventure.” He said softly, diverting his eyes at anything else other than mine.

                I chuckled, feeling butterflies dance happily inside me. But, I prevented myself from going any further, unsure of the consequences if I happened to slip up. I gazed around in the café, sighing contently. “What about you?” I asked, cocking my head to one side. “What brings you here?”

                The boy smiled once more, but this time sprinkling a hint of melancholy with the already sweet mixture. “Ah, so many things…” he murmured, looking outside the window, lazily watching people pass by. “So many…”

                “Oh, I see.” I said, looking down at my own coffee.

                “But for the most part, city living wasn’t for me either.” Jiyong said, smiling sadly. “You would think a 28 year old would prefer to live life with such vigor in the city, but that just ain’t for me.”

                “28!?” I exclaimed, laughing. “You look too young to be 28!”

                “Right!? That’s why all the ladies go for me.” He smiled smugly, shrugging nonchalantly. “But right now I only have eyes for one person.”

                “Oh, and who is that?” I asked with an amused expression.

                Jiyong chuckled and shook his head. “So there’s this guy who always stands at my mailbox…”

                The days flew by quickly, usually starting the day off with a bright conversation at the mailbox with the boy. It was the only thing that I looked forward to nowadays. Yes, work was a lot better than it was back in the city, but Jiyong was the reason that I woke up early every single day.

                Every morning, as soon as my eyelids fluttered open: Jiyong. Whilst brushing my teeth: Jiyong.

                Every morning, Jiyong.

                The rest of my day would be ‘eh’ but I didn’t care.

                But today was strange. Today was indeed strange.

                The boy wasn’t there like I had expected.

                That’s strange… I thought, looking around. Well, maybe the poor boy fell asleep or something. That could be the case.

                I lingered around the mailbox, waiting for the boy to come out.

                It was that moment when I realized that I had been so stupid not to ask the boy for his number. I was too busy focusing on being a goddamn romantic and not asking him for his number, pretending that I was in a romantic Korean drama and only running into him when fate allowed. Romantic as in waiting for him at the mailbox each and every day.

                I decided that the boy had slept in, and that he probably did need some sleep, whatever he was doing the night before. I nodded to confirm myself and walked back in, closing the door with a heavy but confused heart.

                The next day was the same thing. I sat at the curb during the usual time, occasionally checking my phone for the time.

                Was he oversleeping again?

                It’s been two days…

                Same thing happened. The morning was dark today, the clouds covering the sun away from me as if I had deserved it. It was the third day.

                I felt such worry build up in my chest, my heart wrenching at the deprivation of Jiyong. There was just something about the boy that drew me to him, something that beckoned me to love him, to hold him…

                But he wasn’t there.

                I looked down at the mailbox and found that it had been stuffed full with envelopes. Curious, I pulled the mail out onto my arms, examining the labels of each.

                National Cancer Foundation.

                IMPORTANT DOCUMENTS INSIDE.

                Respond urgently.

                Bill information inside.

                Medical paperwork- please fill out and send back.

                Chemotherapy bill.

                My eyes widened as I felt my hands trembling, dropping all the important envelopes onto the ground.

                C-Cancer? I thought, my eyes b up with tears. H-He never told me… any of this. I… J-Jiyong…

                Without another thought in mind, I ran to his house with all of my might, trying my hardest to fight back the tears that begged to escape.

                Cancer.

                It can’t be.

                “J-Jiyong!” I cried, banging my fist on the door. “P-Please! Jiyong!!” I frantically rung the doorbell and continued to pound my aching fist, tears quickly b my eyes as I cried out to him once more, wishing to see his face.

                My heart racing, I felt words being choked up in my throat. “J-Jiyong…” I whispered, clenching my teeth as I closed my eyes shut, silently sobbing while I pressed my head against the door.

                “P-Please.”

                A click, swish, and a light push of the door revealed a tear-stained boy, his eyes red from what seemed to be the result of constant crying, day and night. His hair had thinned and began to fall out. His cheeks were sunken and his body quite weak.

                Without another word, I engulfed him in my arms, holding on tightly as I continued sobbing. He clutched onto me as well, sobbing into my shoulder.

                “I’m sorry…” he sobbed through gritting teeth. “I’m so sorry.”

                I pulled away from him, studying his beautiful face, tears and all. I said not a word, passionately pressing my lips against his, tasting the salt and sadness that lined his lips. The vigor that shot through my body as our lips met were electric, as if my lips were made for his lips alone. He returned the kiss, sighing deeply as he melted into my arms as if he had yearned for me all of his life. Our tears continued to stream down our faces as we explored each other’s depths with roaming hands and battling tongues, sweet sighs and blank minds- for all we really knew how to do at the time was express our love for each other. His warm breath upon my skin sent chills down my spine, his soft but audible sighs almost sending me to a whole other world.

                Kwon Jiyong, how did you transform such a dull person into this? A man who can actually love and feel. I’ve never felt like this before. You’re… the only one who has been able to change me like this. And I’m not ready to give you up for the world.

                Before I lost myself in him, I pulled back from him, slightly gasping for air. Both our breaths were labored, adrenaline coursing through our bodies like never before. I brought my hands up to his face, cradling his beautiful complexion in the palms of my hands.

                “Don’t you dare ever be sorry.” I said in a mere hoarse whisper.

                “But I’ve let you down.” He breathed, diverting his eyes away from mine.

                I tilted his chin up, wordlessly begging him to gaze into my eyes. “You have not.” I murmured, his cheek, wiping away the last stray tears on his face.

                He nestled his cheek within the palm of my hand, sighing softly. “It’s too late…” he whispered with half lidded eyes, his body feeling weak. “I’m slowly disappearing, Seunghyun.”

                “Not in my arms, you won’t.” I said softly, kissing his forehead.

                “You don’t fear of arriving too late, Mr. Superman?” he asked, smiling sadly, his large eyes gazing up at me.

                “Nothing will be able to stop me.”

                “Judging by Mr. Kwon’s examinations, the outlook seems rather murky for this young one.” A doctor said, lightly tapping his clipboard. He looked up at me sadly and sighed. “I honestly don’t know he he’ll make it through the surgery, although it would be the only way to attempt to get rid of the tumor cells. He has given permission for you to make the decisions for him, correct?”

                “It’s all in the paperwork.” I said, clutching onto my jacket anxiously. “He has no more family… I’m the only one he has. I’ll pay for everything. The treatment, the past unpaid bills, I’ll take care of it.”

                “Very well.” The doctor nodded, scribbling some more things on his clipboard. “What is your final decision, then?”

                “I’ve thought long and hard about this one, and I say that it is best to go on with the surgery.”

                “Alright. We will notify you as soon as we finish. It will be a very long and hard process, but please sit tight. We can only pray for the best now.”

                Yes…

                Praying was all that I could do.

                Praying was all that I knew how to do.

                I watched them slowly push Jiyong into the operating room, his eyes already drooping from much needed rest.

                Was rest all that he needed?

                Was I selfish, forcing him through this surgery so that I could keep him for my own?

                “W-Wait.” I uttered, begging the nurses to stop for a moment. They bowed and allowed me to say any last few words before I lose sight of him.

                “What is it?” Jiyong asked, reaching out for my hand. I gently held it and kneeled down right next to him.

                “I-I… just wanted to say…” I stammered, feeling such nervousness build up in my chest. “I just w-wanted to say that I love you. So very much.” I breathed, kissing the back of his hand.

                His lips curved up into a weak smile. “I know.”

                “Still goddamn cocky even when you’re staring at the face of death.” I chuckled softly, his face lightly.

                “Arasso, you already know that I love you as well.” He laughed weakly, closing his eyes.

                “I’ll be waiting for you.” I said sternly but gently, eyeing him. “You better be at the mailbox at 7:45 tomorrow morning.”

                “I’ll make sure to brush my teeth before retrieving my mail.”

                “Awh, you’re still embarrassed about drooling in front of me?”

                “So embarrassing that I’ll be rolling in my grave because of it.”

                “You’re not going to die, Jiyong.”

                He said not another word, rather, he smiled sadly and closed his eyes for the last time before the nurses began to wheel him through the operation doors.

                “I love you, Choi Seunghyun. Forever and always.” The boy merely whispered.

                But I heard. Oh, I heard. Those words were such music to my ears.

                Gray skies. The scent of melancholy rain. The soft pitter patter of the rain upon my black umbrella.

                The lingering aura of peace… but also sadness.

                I stood before a gray tombstone, my hand clutching a bouquet of flowers. I sighed deeply, closing my eyes.

                “I’m sorry, Seunghyun. Truly, I am…”

                “I feel so guilty.” I sighed, feeling my heart clench once more. This feeling was all too familiar. And I didn’t like it. “This life slipped through my fingers like mere smoke.”

                “No one lives forever, Seunghyun.”

                “I know, but I just wish that I had more time. That’s all I needed. More time.”

                “We all wish for more time, Seunghyun. Humans are greedy little creatures.”

                “I know, Jiyong. I know.” I sighed, shaking my head.

                “It’s best that Halmoni’s resting now, Seunghyun.” Jiyong said, placing an arm on my shoulder. “She’s in a better place now. I know… you’re going to miss her kimchi.”

                “I will.” I said, smiling sadly. “The whole world will.”

                “Funny thing is… I checked my mailbox this morning… Halmoni had sent me her top-secret recipe right before she passed away. She even wrote ‘NOBODY OPEN EXCEPT JIYONG’.”

                I laughed brightly, bowing at the tombstone. “Halmoni… you still have your sense of humor. You will be missed, but your kimchi will live on.”

                “Yeah, Halmoni.” Jiyong smiled, bowing as well. “We’ll teach our kids how to make your drop-dead kimchi as well! Your legacy will go on, for centuries to come.”

                “Just like our love will, right?”

                “Just like our love will.”