He hurried across campus through the pouring rain on a dreary Friday morning to his level three law class. Nobody else was around. Nobody else was stupid enough to schedule a class early on a Friday morning but the few dedicated law students. When he arrived he saw his cousin Cho Kyuhyun sitting in the front of the room and sat down next to him. The boy gave him a small smile as he jotted something in his notebook. Kyuhyun and Sungmin were going to end up working in Sungmin’s father’s law firm when they graduated. It was the perfect job.

The professor entered and began his lecture and Sungmin began taking notes in his perfect, sloping scrawl.

When the class ended Kyuhyun and Sungmin headed back out into the rain.

“Do you want to have lunch?” Kyuhyun asked.

“No thanks; I have to study.” Sungmin answered.

It was a half truth hiding a secret. He did have to study, but that was an excuse to hide one of many secrets; he didn’t eat. It was just another crack in the mirror.

He headed back to his apartment. He didn’t have another class until late afternoon and should work on the paper he had due soon. He stopped at the coffee place on campus to pick up his usual large coffee before he made his way back to his apartment.

Once inside he threw his books down on his bed before heading to the bathroom that he shared with his roommate Donghae. He washed his face off and looked in the mirror, eyes immediately going to the huge bags under his eyes. He raised a hand and poked at them, examining them from all angles before reaching in the drawer where he kept his things and pulling out a bottle of concealer. Guys weren’t supposed to wear make-up; he knew that. There wasn’t much of a choice for him though. He was perfectly beautiful, but nobody wanted to see huge dark circles so he hid them behind a mask. Another cover up to another secret; he didn’t sleep. It was just another crack in the mirror.

He emerged from the bathroom to be greeted by his roommate.

“Hey hyung, I want you to meet a friend of mine tonight, ok?” Donghae asked but Sungmin just stared at him as though he was from another planet.

“What friend?”

“Lee Hyukjae.”

“No.” Sungmin said and went to walk away but Donghae grabbed his arm and stopped him.

“Why not?”

“He isn’t smart enough. I can’t be friends with him. Besides, his father is a rival of my father.” Sungmin explained as though his reasons were valid.

“Oh come on, just because his family doesn’t agree with your perfect family doesn’t mean you can’t be friends with him.” Donghae argued but Sungmin had already spaced at the words ‘perfect family’.

Sungmin’s family may seem perfect on the outside, but they weren’t. His mother was cheating on his father, and his father was cheating on his mother. The two hadn’t loved each other for years but remained happily married because it displayed the proper ‘image’. Not to mention he hadn’t spoken to his brother since he ran away to the United States three years ago. People thought he was there studying; nobody knew the real reason. It was another shield to another secret. It was just another crack in the mirror.

“Hyung?” Donghae called him back from his reveries.

“Neh?”

“What do you think about meeting him?”

“We’ll see. I have another class later anyway.” Sungmin answered shortly and headed into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

He sat down at his desk and opened his lap top, showing his blank background. There were no flowers, no pretty sunset or ocean view. There wasn’t even a picture of a popular girl group. The background was blank, just like his heart. Behind the laughter and smiles he showed everyone was a numbness that kept Sungmin from feeling anything; the result of a childhood heartbreak. It was another mask; another secret. It was just another crack in the mirror.

“Sungmin! Lee Sungmin!” A voice yelled from across the common area.

Sungmin turned around and saw a young boy with a goofy gummy grin on his face coming towards him. Sungmin looked around him frantically but saw nobody. Who else would be out at 3 a.m. on a Monday night/Tuesday morning?

“Can I help you?” Sungmin asked as the boy reached him.

“I’m Lee Hyukjae, Donghae’s friend. We were supposed to meet on Friday night but Donghae said you had to study.” The boy said with a friendly grin and extended his hand. Sungmin shook it out of pure politeness.

“Yeah, sorry about that.”

“It’s ok, but I have a question for you. Who studies on a Friday night?”

Sungmin didn’t have an answer for him. Nobody in their right mind studied on a Friday night; not even the other kids at the top of their class. Sungmin had a 4.0 and he planned on keeping it that way, so every free moment was spent studying.

“Who is out at 3 a.m. when they have class the next day?” Sungmin finally decided on answering with another question.

“An insomniac; me.” Hyukjae answered and looked up at the stars which were shining brightly through the clear sky.

“Why?”

“Don’t know. It’s just a part of who I am, a flaw I guess. Nobody’s perfect after all.”

Sungmin stared at him. Nobody’s perfect? Sungmin was perfect. That was what was expected of him, and that was what he was.

“So, the reason I wanted Donghae to introduce me to you was, well…I was wondering if you wanted to go see a movie with me?” Hyukjae asked and Sungmin noted how nervous he was. He didn’t look him in the eye when he asked him. Instead he looked at the ground and scratched the back of his head as if in shame.

“I don’t date.” Sungmin said coldly and then walked away.

How had this boy known? It was his deepest, darkest secret…he was gay. It was something that was unacceptable in his world; not his culture, but his world. His parents would kill him and the school would shun him; or at least his friends would.

 As he thought back to the beautiful boy that had just asked him out he felt guilty that he had to lie to him. It was another lie to cover up another secret. It was just another crack in the mirror.

“You know he really liked you.” Donghae told him two weeks later as he sat in his room studying for an upcoming exam that could make or break him.

“Who?” Sungmin asked without looking up from his notes.

“Hyukjae.”

Sungmin looked up now to see Donghae leaning against the door frame.

“Oh.” Was all Sungmin could say.

“You could have been a little nicer.”

“He’s a guy.”

“So? It’s not like you have ever had a girlfriend hyung! I am starting to suspect something.” Donghae argued but Sungmin just went back to his notes.

“I don’t date.”

“So why not start now? He is a really nice guy, just go to one movie with him.” Donghae pleaded.

“No.”

“Please.”

“No.”

“Please.”

Sungmin looked up only to see Donghae standing there pouting with these big puppy dog eyes. He felt something in his chest twitch.

“Fine.”

“YAY! Here’s his number.” Donghae said and handed him a piece of paper before heading back to his own room.

Sungmin unfolded the paper with the number on it and held it carefully. He examined it for a while before pulling out his cell phone and slowly dialing the number; hesitating before he hit send.

“Lee Hyukjae.” Hyukjae answered.

“Um, hi. This is Lee Sungmin.”

“Oh, hi Sungmin! What can I do for you?” Hyukjae asked; his voice as friendly as ever.

“How about that movie?”

“Look at them down there!” Hyukjae hissed to Sungmin as the movie continued playing on the screen.

Sungmin looked at where he was pointing and noticed the couple face a few rows down.

“Ew!” Sungmin squealed which made Hyukjae laugh.

They were sitting in the back of the theatre so that no one could see them, but they could see the others.

“Look at them; they are all crying like a bunch of teenage girls!” Sungmin said while pointing at a group of girls in the front row.

“Uh, hyung, that is because they ARE a bunch of teenage girls.” Hyukjae reasoned and Sungmin burst out laughing, causing them to receive some angry glares from nearby patrons.

“I never knew that going to the movies could be this much fun.” Sungmin noted quietly as things settled down again.

Hyukjae didn’t answer him for a few minutes but then spoke.

“Hyung, can I hold your hand?”

Sungmin hesitated for a moment and then nodded, allowing Hyukjae to pick up his hand, lacing their fingers together. Sungmin was surprised at how warm his hand was, at how the touch seemed to make his body tingle and at how RIGHT it felt. He chanced a glance at Hyukjae and when he saw his beautiful face he felt something tug in his chest; something he had never felt before. He looked closer and saw the bags under his eyes, but that didn’t matter. He was still perfect in Sungmin’s eyes.

After the movie Hyukjae walked Sungmin home. They didn’t hold hands outside the theatre because Sungmin didn’t want anybody to see. Sungmin stopped before he entered his apartment.

“Thank you; tonight was really…fun.” Sungmin said with a small smile which Hyukjae returned with an eager grin.

“No problem, will I see you again?”

“I think so.”

With that they went their separate ways. Sungmin went inside his apartment and went straight into the bathroom. He washed his face, taking off the make-up he had put on earlier that day and letting the bags under his eyes show. When he looked in the mirror he noticed how thin he had gotten and suddenly his stomach growled at him and he tried to remember the last time he had eaten; he couldn’t.

“Donghae!” Sungmin called out as he entered the other’s bedroom.

Donghae was sitting on his bed watching a movie on his lap top with his headphones in, but Sungmin just pulled them out to get his attention.

“Go have dinner with me, I am starving.” Sungmin told Donghae who looked at him bewildered.

“Sure, but what happened to your eyes?” Donghae asked but Sungmin just shrugged.

“I took my mask off.”

At the diner they went to Sungmin ate his first real meal in years while Donghae stared at him incredulously. He had never seen Sungmin eat like that before.

“Hyung, are you sure you are ok?” Donghae asked worriedly but Sungmin nodded and smiled at him. It was a real smile, not the one of the fake ones he had always given people.

“Never better.”

The next day Sungmin went to class, but he didn’t take notes. Instead he thought about Hyukjae and pulled out his phone under the desk to send him a text.

To: Hyukjae

From: Sungmin

When can I see you again?

The response he got was almost instantaneous.

To: Sungmin

From: Hyukjae

Tonight.

A smile made its way unconsciously across Sungmin’s face but he was snapped from his happiness as a ruler hit his desk.

“Pay attention!” The professor barked and Sungmin refocused. It was the first time he had been scolded in class.

Hyukjae took Sungmin to dinner where the later listened to him talk about annoying teachers and petty friendship dramas. When they reached Sungmin’s apartment, instead of splitting up Sungmin asked him inside to watch a movie. They huddled together on Sungmin’s bed and watched the thing from beginning to end; laughing and crying together.

When it was over neither of them moved, they didn’t want to part.

“Hyukjae, do you think I am perfect?” Sungmin questioned and Hyukjae raised an eyebrow at him.

“I don’t think anybody is perfect.”

“Oh.”

Sungmin’s face fell at this. All he ever wanted was to be perfect and now that the one person to whom it really mattered didn’t think he was he didn’t know what to do.

“I think you try too hard. You try too hard to be something no one can achieve. Perfection is not a state of being that can be gained through hard work. It is taking your flaws, accepting them and looking past them to see what lies beyond.” Hyukjae tried to reason but Sungmin was still confused.

“But then the way you see me, it is tainted?” He asked.

“Sungmin, do you know how when you are driving and when it is raining, it is sometimes hard to see?”

“Yes.”

“Well have you ever tried to see past the raindrops?”

“No, I just wipe them away.” Sungmin reasoned.

“There is your problem. Think of raindrops as your flaws. They spot the windshield through which you see, however if you focus not on each individual drop but what lies beyond you can see just fine.”

Sungmin thought about this for a while and then slowly nodded.

“I guess you are right.”

“I am.”

Sungmin laughed at this.

“It’s because you are perfect.” Sungmin reasoned.

“No I’m not.”

“You are to me.”

“That’s because you can look beyond my flaws to see what lies in here.” Hyukjae said and pointed at his chest.

“I love you.” Sungmin realized aloud.

“I love you too.” Hyukjae answered without hesitation and easily closed the distance between them to kiss Sungmin’s lips.

As they kissed Sungmin thought that this was perfection. Being with Hyukjae was perfect. It didn’t matter if he was gay, or if he didn’t have a perfect family or a perfect job or a perfect life. The cracks didn’t matter anymore because when he looked at himself he didn’t see them. He looked right past them to see himself perfectly broken; if there was even such a thing.