“Do you think it will ever hurt less?” 

 

The snow kept falling outside of the window; it matched the frozen tears that now fell from his cold heart. His hand had gone numb from being pressed against the cold window, but he welcomed the numbness. Wasn't it just yesterday that he felt like they could conquer the world? He had gotten his first internship at a well-known company; and Woohyun was beyond ecstatic. Hoya had been there to help him celebrate among his other friends; but it meant more because Hoya had been there from the beginning. That was only 24 hours ago...it felt like another lifetime.

 

“Will there comes a day when it doesn't hurt to look at him?”

 

Can love be forgotten? Someday when he thought of Hoya it wouldn’t hurt anymore, that was that he wanted to believe. But the pain in his heart whispered a ghostly crackle, a haunting sneer that told him his love would never fade.

 

“Do you think we are only meant to love one person?”

 

I know I am only meant to love you, he wanted to say. Instead he held the younger boy in his arms and comforted as Hoya's tears fell for another man. Each tear was like a dagger plunged at his heart. Even when he wanted to cry out, he knew that his feelings could never be returned. He knew that his heart could not love another, and like him, Hoya would never love another. 

 

Hoya's head lifted from his shoulder, a shadow of his former smile returned, “thank you, Woohyun. I don’t know what I would do without you.” 

 

He continued to gaze out the window as he nodded. He had come to accept these friendly words Hoya offered him just as he had come to accept his role in his younger friend's life – to never be anything more than a close friend. 

 

“You know, sometimes I wish you'd let people see this side of you,” Hoya laughed. “It's like you're only nice to me.”

 

Woohyun laughed, too, a hollow sound that burned his throat. In these times he didn’t trust his voice enough to speak. He feared that if he opened his mouth, words would stumble out before he could stop them. So instead he comforted in silence while his heart bled on the inside the kindness of Hoya's words.

 

“Thank you so much, really." These words were said again and again.

 

He moved away from Hoya then because he could feel his body shook from anger. The words were like those silly games where someone would raise up your hope only to take it away before you could get too close. He knew he was stumbling, like he no longer stood on solid ground.

 

“Hyung…are you…crying?” Hoya asked, his voice both alarmed and confused.

 

Warm wetness rolled down his cheeks, Woohyun used his cold hand to brush them away. At any moment his leaking heart was going to burst. He moved then, grabbed his coat and headed for the door. But a small hand grasped the back of his shirt and wouldn’t let go. 

 

"What's going on?"

 

“Nothing,” he mumbled.

 

“Woohyun! We’ve been friends for years, the least you can do is be honest with me,” Hoya said, formality forgotten. 

 

“And the least you can do is stop pretending like you haven’t noticed!”

 

At his explosive statement, Hoya let go of his shirt. Tears filled the younger boy's eyes again and it gave him a sick sense of satisfaction that those tears were for him. His heart shattered to know Hoya was hurt, but love had a funny way of being right on the border of selflessness and selfishness. Right now he only wanted Hoya's attention to focus on him.

 

“Hyung…”

 

He smirked, “you want me to be honest? You really want to hear what I have to say?”

 

Hoya looked up at him, such hatred in those eyes, such defiance. “Yes. I thought our friendship was an open one and that we could share everything with each other. Apparently I was alone in that thought.” 

 

Woohyun moved closer, his grin grew wider as Hoya backed away from him. One more step and he would forever ruin what they had spent years to build up. It’s funny how the most precious things could be broken so easily. Words were such powerful tools. 

 

“All right,” he took a deep breath, spaced out his words. “I’ve been watching you and moan over the same who is either too stupid to noticed how you feel about him, or he doesn't really give a crap. I’ve been watching you get your heart broken and I’ve watched you cry. I’ve been damn considerate of your feelings, but you didn't return that courtesy, did you? You knew all along how I felt about you, but you…you…did you really think I would want to hear to complain about another person? Especially when I feel this way about you?”

 

Hoya didn’t move, didn’t answer. Speechless.

 

“So no, I don’t think our friendship is an open one. If you were an honest friend, you’d have done something to consider my feelings,” Woohyun continued. 

 

“I…” Hoya's whole body shook from the effort to speak, to face the cold truths. “I knew…but I couldn’t…I couldn’t do anything for you. I knew that “I am sorry” wouldn’t even be enough…”

Woohyun knew he shouldn't have said anything but he was tired of being the support – just tired. “So you ignored my feelings and pretended they didn’t exist.”

 

“Please...”

 

“What do you want from me?”

 

Hoya looked at him, bewildered, “I don’t want anything from you.”

 

“Then let me go. I don’t think I can deal with this anymore.”

 

“What?”

 

Woohyun tried to smile, “Thank you for your friendship. I think five years of unrequited love is all I can handle. Being with you right now is too hard for me. I am sorry.”

 

He picked up his jacket from the floor, which fell out of his hand without his notice, and made his way to the door. This time Hoya didn’t stop him. They both accepted that their friendship was no longer possible and he accepted that sometimes love didn’t have a happy ending. Sometimes love ended in broken fragments; at the end of the day, they just have to cut their losses and move on.

 

 

-----------------------------------------

 

 

 

“Do you think it will ever hurt less?”

 

I hope so.

 

“Will there comes a day when it doesn’t hurt to remember?”

 

I truly hope so.

 

“Do you think we are only meant to love one person?”

 

I hope not. I hope I can love again.