For: Youngielove

Changmins P.O.V

January 28^th 2012

I’ve never been into diaries but I thought I’d at least use it. This was actually a gift from my mum to ‘ease my stress’ she had said I don’t know if it’ll work, what with my busy schedule, concerts and everything but here goes nothing.

So there’s this girl at our company… and from the first day I laid my eyes on her, I can’t seem to get her off my mind. Call me cheesy but she fits everything and I mean everything I’ve been looking for in my ‘ideal girl’. With long brown locks I could run my fingers through, a perfect body, a bubbly personality and did I mention her long legs? I can only ever dream of tracing the soft skin of her long legs –face palms- what am I saying? Before I get anymore erted I’ll just leave it at that.

I think I’m falling for her hard. Aisshh it seems this is only stressing me more and plus Yunho’s trying to peek over my shoulder.

So bye…for now.

February 27^th 2012

I haven’t written in a while...anyway I saw her again today. She looked as beautiful as she did the first day I saw her. Surprisingly our groups had a photo-shoot together today, so we’d all been dressed up. I didn’t really take notice of the other 8 girls in her group, although I assume they looked lovely, her on the other hand had looked stunning.

She stood out in a black strapless dress that hugged her soft curves in all the right places, and the hem of the dress had only stopped short of her knees to expose her mile long legs. I’m surprised the male staff hadn’t drooled at the sight of those mile long legs.

The shoot had been going extremely well, but then I didn’t know they had a lingerie shoot too? Jaejoong hyung had the luck of having her as his partner. My jaw had literally dropped at the sight of her exposed body in a simple pair of lace underwear, but my heart had squeezed at the sight of a shirtless Jaejoong with his arms resting lightly on her waist as they stared lovingly into each other’s eyes in a pose. I felt like I had died when the photographer had asked them to share a kiss…. –sigh- they had looked so…right together, with his hands knotted in her brown locks as he had pulled her in for a sweet kiss.

I didn’t talk to Jaejoong hyung after the shoot. I think my hyungs are suspecting something since I never ignore any of them… I don’t care… I just want her to notice me, I wish I had been the one to pull her in for a sweet kiss…I don’t know anymore, if anything my feelings for her only grow stronger.

August 5th 2012

It feels like years since I last wrote in here. Lately I’ve been a bit down, although I still get to see her.

I’m starting to feel as if she’s become an unhealthy obsession for me, but I can’t help it. I try to tell myself to stop loving her but every time she still manages to pull on my heart strings.

Did I mention that my hearts discovery of jealousy has also tripled? I can’t remember when it was I started noticing that she and Jaejoong hyung had seemed a lot more closer? At first I had thought I was seeing things… Which is what I had wanted it to be until the day Jaejoong hyung had walked into our dorm exclaiming .

“I finally confessed to her!!! And she said she liked me too!!!”

“Who?” Yunho had asked while I ignored them and continued scoffing my food.

“Sooyoung” I had choked at the mention of her name and Junsu hyung had given me a few good whacks with an “are you alright?” before I nodded my head and left the room in silence.

Things just aren’t going my way… I’ve liked her for sooooo long yet I have never had the guts to confess to her. It seems like she has mutual feelings with Jaejoong though so I would’ve never won. Sadly Jaejoong had already won before the game had even begun.

July 12^th 2013

I seriously don’t see how this diary is relieving my stress, but then again I haven’t written anything in such a long time.I get to see her on a daily basis now. I can say our friendship has grown but so has her love for Jaejoong hyung. It’s pretty evident through the way they both have that glint in their eyes when they see each other. It depresses me, but I can still hope right?

March24th 2014

I haven’t written in almost a whole year?! But someone slap me silly and tell me that what I just heard is a joke. They’re e-engaged? My hyung and Sooyoung… the girl I love- are engaged? I want to die…I want to crawl into a shell and turn into a turtle who can die alone…or maybe Yesung will adopt the turtle me to play with his turtle? To top it off their getting married in 7 months’ time.

I can’t believe it, the girl I have loved for so long can no longer be mine…she was never mine to start with so what the hell am I talking about? Maybe if I had balls back then to confess to her I wouldn’t be sitting here moping in this so-called stress-relieving diary.

I hate myself and my heart is broken. I have no one else to blame for this other than myself.

October 18^th 2014

It was their big day today and imagine the luck I had of being Jaejoong’s best man. She looked as beautiful as ever in her white dress as her father walked her down the aisle and gave her away to Jaejoong hyung. I can only imagine her being given away to me. Its official now, she can never be mine. I’ve decided to move to America for a while after this…maybe it’ll give my heart time to forget her. I wish her and my hyung a happy marriage.

At least for now, I’m surviving.

April 6^th 2019

It’s almost been 5 years now, since I last saw my hyungs. I flew back in to Korea today and it feels good to be home again. I wonder how she is? How my hyung is treating her? Oh and yeah I can’t forget their son Kai? Last year Yunho had sent me a pic of him and the one year old smiling at the camera lens with chocolate all over their faces. Kai had looked adorable but I can’t say the same for my hyung –insert chuckle- Apart from the fact that he looked like the mini version of Jaejoong hyung, he’d at least adopted his mother’s beautiful eyes. The same eyes that I had once grown to love…and still do.

-hours later-

I saw her and my hyungs again today, she had welcomed me with a warm hug, and Kai had run to me yelling “Uncle Minnie” before leaping into my arms. It was a bit unexpected but Jaejoong had explained that they had often shown old pictures of our younger days to Kai and I had always been the one Kai would point to and ask about. I had smiled at the cute boy in my arms before he leant into my ear and whispered “You’re my favourite uncle” before Sooyoung had gently pried the reluctant youngster from my arms and went to stand next to her husband.

My feelings for her were still there… but I do admit that they weren’t as strong as that of the day I first laid eyes on her. Yes I loved her and heck I probably always will but as I looked at my hyung with his arm draped over Sooyoung’s shoulder as he leant in to kiss her and ruffle little Kai’s hair, I finally realised that she had always been ‘out of my reach’.

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A/N:asdfsadg Hey yo its like almost 3am but I really really wanted to update this lol and yet i have school tomorrow :/ I hope you like this Youngielove...sorry if it didnt turn out the way you wanted it to? but its the only idea I came up with from the idea you suggested -bows continuously- thank you for reading do comment if you want and thank you sooo much for your patience and being such awesome subscribers :D sorry if the ending was kinda y o_O love you guys.