Kim Jonghyun was a God.  I mean, seriously, the man was gorgeous.  In my cell phone, his caller ID did not read “Kim Jonghyun,” because that name was far too bland for someone of such immense iness.  Instead, every time I received a message or phone call from said man, my pink cell displayed in bright letters, “y Asian God Man.”

            He had a jaw line that appeared to be chiseled by the gods, and eyes that were more reminiscent of a puppy’s than his dog, Byeolroo.  His cheek bones were angular, and his nose was adorable; although, at times it seemed as if I could fit South Korea up one of his nostrils.  Everything about him was a paradox.  It defied the laws of…attractiveness.  How someone could be so incredibly y and so utterly adorable at the same time was far beyond my knowledge. 

My point in this is that Jonghyun was just born to be good looking, but…with that come specific obligations.  He was forced to deal with the creepy members of his fan club that wanted to bear his love children, for one, but that was normal for a famous singer.  The real problem was that he wasn’t even safe within the walls of his home base, his entertainment company.  That’s where I, Kim Kibum, would come into play.

            As Jonghyun’s significant other, I fell into the role of guard boyfriend.  Normally, this job consisted of nothing more than the occasional tripping of an f(x) member as she made her way towards my boy or blatantly turning a SNSD noona in the other direction.  At times, I was obligated to remind Siwon that he had a prayer group to organize or to advise Heechul to attend one of said groups.

            The job usually didn’t get on my nerves.  When I told Jonghyun that he was my boyfriend, I had to accept that his crazy followers were a part of the package.  I couldn’t expect him to just abandon all of them and worship me, after all!  That would take time!  Luckily, I’m a patient person.  However, sometimes I couldn’t hold back my temper.  After all, it was no secret that Jonghyun belonged to me.  So, one day, after a long and intense dance practice, I snapped.

            I was returning from a trip to the women’s bathroom when I spotted a certain blond haired girl by the name of Jessica Jung making her way towards where my Jonghyun was sprawled out on a sofa.  He had discarded his tank top some hours earlier, and his shirtless, sweaty, y body looked positively ravishing.   His head was resting on the back of the couch, and he had his arm draped over the cushions, further flexing his appetizing biceps.  Clutched in Jessica’s hands was a bottle of water, cold enough that beads of moisture were forming on the plastic.  Her wide eyes were aimed right at my boyfriend, and her intentions were quite clear. 

            ‘Sister, back. The. . Up,’ I growled under my breath.  Unfortunately for her, Jessica lacked the ability to read my mind, so she just kept on scurrying towards Jonghyun as if she had a right to.  Mad crazy ice princess went too far.

            I quickly caught up to her and caught her around the shoulders.  Quietly, as not to alert Jonghyun to our presence, I pushed her down a small hallway and pressed her up against a wall.

            “Kibum!” she gasped, eyes going wide and water bottle crinkling in her hands. 

            “The name is Key to you, thanks,” I growled, staring down into her face and wishing that looks could kill.  “Would you like to tell me what you were doing just now?”

            opened and closed a few times, much like a fish, before she spoke.  “Jonghyun…looks….thirsty,” she squeaked.  “And…I thought he might want a water bottle, so I was taking him one.”

            “, if anyone is going to be hydrating that dinosaur in there it is me, got that?”

            She just stared at me.  “But…”

            “No, just…stop speaking.  In fact, I have a better idea.  Die, princess, die and come back as a cow,” I snarled, snatching the water bottle from her hands.  I started to walk away, but stopped and looked her up and down.  Her shirt was low enough that it revealed her non-existent cleavage, and her skirt was high enough that I wanted to gag.  “Oh, wait,” I sneered.  “You already did that.”

            With that, I stepped away and began walking towards my y Asian God man.  Faintly, I heard the sound of Jessica melting to the ground in a puddle of fan girl goo, but I paid no attention to her.  No, my eyes were now fixed on the sinful body of Jonghyun as he stretched his dinosaur chops in a mighty yawn.  I scurried towards him before falling to the couch and placing the water bottle in one of his hands. 

            “Here you go, love,” I said, smiling and scooting over so that I was right against his side.  “I thought you might be thirsty.  You will not BELIEVE what anima-”

            I was cut off by what sounded like a dying cow in heat.  “Jonghyunnnnnnnn,” Jessica wailed, crawling around the corner with a look of dejection on her dismayed face.  “I was just trying to be nice.”

            Immediately, I threw my leg over Jonghyun’s lap and wrapped my arm around his chest in a possessive hold.  My cheek was flush against his face, and my expression clearly read, “MINE.”  After spotting his fangirl, Jonghyn’s reaction was much like mine.  He yelped, and his arms s around my waist.

            Jessica sighed and carefully climbed to her feet.  She told me that this wasn’t over, and I merely rubbed my face against Jonghyun’s, scratching my cheek on the bit of stubble that had begun to grow there.  Once she had disappeared from sight, I relaxed my hold on Jonghyun, and he relaxed his hold on me. 

            “What was that all about?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.  He took the cap off of his water bottle before downing half of it.

            “She was trying o flirt with you again.  I had to tell her to stay away from my boyfriend…more or less,” I answered honestly, smiling sweetly.  I leaned back on the sofa, but my leg remained casually strewn over Jonghyun’s lap. 

            Jonghyun choked.  He capped his water bottle and stared at me.  “I’m your boyfriend?” he asked incredulously. 

            I tilted my head to the side.  “Oh…did I forget to mention that to you?” I shrugged.  “Oh, well. Yeah, our anniversary is coming up, by the way.”

            Jonghyun didn’t reply for a moment, but then he shrugged, too.  “So does this mean we can have more ?”