IT . Today is that kind of day that makes Kyungsoo growl in frustration, that I’m-supposedly-happily-going-home-so-why-am-I-here-doing-this- type that has him gritting his teeth in annoyance. He’s out in the field watching a game – a football game (which isn’t really an official play because it’s just practice seriously), among all those squealing, squeaking fan girls and he hates it, feeling his ear drums burst s out of his very tender ears.

He eyes the reason for his suffering – the star player Kim Jongin (known to people as Kai) – and glares with a killing intent, while the boy in question merely smirks and winks as he points a hand to his direction. Why? Now Kyungsoo finds himself hating this boy even more as all the sodding screaming engulfing him intensifies. He’s almost sure he’ll be a ing deaf by the time he goes home.

Okay, fine. So here are some to-know things about Kyungsoo:

(1) His birth name is Do Kyungsoo but people call him D.O. like all the time because his idiot of a best friend thinks calling Kyungsoo by his name is for his pleasure only. Kyungsoo does the same too, he's the only one allowed to call him (the best friend) his name.

(2) He has big eyes and white skin and soft features, probably all the traits most girls are ready to die for, but he ing hates those because one, he is NOT a girl and two, he hates how his idiot of a best friend points that he looks like one every damn time.

(3) He is known in school as the ice prince (or princess whatever) because he is cold just about to everyone and he loves that about himself, except that his idiot of a best friend always finds a way to melt the ice and poke himself in almost all the time.

The ironic thing is Kyungsoo still lets his best friend do all the aforelisted despite his strong insistence of hating each with every fiber of his being. Kyungsoo still sticks to him no matter what, just like how he has stuck around for the useless football game, watching le best friend score two goals for his team. It’s weird, really; Kyungsoo swears he isn’t even paying attention but he has never failed to count how many shots and assists his best friend has delivered all in all.

When he sees Kim Jongin trek his way towards him, one of Kyungsoo's brows lifts up.

“You owe me patbingsu,” he says, his expression stern yet expectant. Jongin smiles sheepishly.

“I know. Say, can you wait for me just a bit? I’ll just go change clothes at the locker room and then we can go satisfy that abnormality of yours.”

Kyungsoo slaps his arm but immediately recoils after. “Eww, you’re so sweaty!”

“Sweat is y, baby,” Jongin winks and tries to hug the other boy who is busy shouting profanities.

It will always be like this in school. People are all used to this type of scene. Kim The Popular Football Player Jongin getting all mushy and tease-y to Do The Cold Kid Kyungsoo who never fails to shout (squeal really) and hit the other with just about any object that graces his way. People are all used to it really, and they are kind of getting impatient waiting for the bomb to drop.

When are they admitting they are more than best friends?

It’s become a common fact by now, the widely-accepted and highly-anticipated news. The idea of them not being together doesn't exist; it is blasphemous all on its own, so no one dares to intervene or come in between. But it turns out the two oblivious heads live in a cave (or their own little love bubble) that they don’t notice anything at all. They don’t even notice people making bets on the magic date that will turn the world upside down.

Seriously.

---(1/11)---

'Lovers' is always changed into 'best friends' whenever people address the couple. After all, even though they are so ready to congratulate them anytime, it won't do anyone good if they jinx it or something. They are very much aware that the two are still oblivious to each other. In that context that is, so yes, they keep it subtle and hush-hush as much as possible.

Then again, if they'll be asked who among those two will likely get the balls to confess first, Jongin will probably win by landslide. For one, he looks like he's the more-attached one doing all the clinging and teasing. Although now that they contemplate it, they actually can't tell, seeing how the very cold Ice Prince turns into the scorching Fiery Princess whenever the charismatic tanned boy is concerned. Maybe they'll both go there at the same time?

If we delve deep down into the two boys' minds in question however, we'll find completely different mindsets. Well, not completely different per se, just varied approach on things.

Jongin is, well, Jongin. He is playful and clingy, which leads to the OPEN head-on approach. Minus the actual words. You see, Jongin is a firm believer of the old adage "Actions speak louder than words." so you can say he is the sappy-through-actions type. Kyungsoo on the other hand, is more like the subtle type. Definitely not involving words. He is quick to react but not too quick to gain suspicions; he is cautious and, well, cold but he is really soft at heart, which leads to the PARTIALLY OPEN not-really-head-on approach (to think he is a frank person).

Point is, people are very much aware that BOTH Kyungsoo and Jongin are into each other. Now if only the two boys realize that, all is well.

---(2/11)---

One day, the exact thing has finally crept its way to Kyungsoo's oblivious mind. A mob of fan girls are doing all the wonders crazy people do just so they can go touch their idol. Kyungsoo looks at the commotion and finds himself pursing his lips as he watches his best friend go chummy-chummy with the girls.

To be honest, it isn't the very first time he has seen this. Hell, it is part of their everyday life; Jongin is good-looking and just so popular like that. But at that time, as Kyungsoo gazes on he realizes he doesn't like looking at the sight. Like the I'm-not-kidding-I-seriously-don't-like-it type where he's sure if he isn't holding a large box on both his hands, he will march towards the crowd and tell them to off and leave his Jongin alone. If the girls ever bother looking at him, they'll sure get Kyungsoo's infamous don't-touch-him-you-dirtbags glare.

And out of all the things to say when they finally notice him, it has to be: "Hey, there's your best friend."

It is crazy; Kyungsoo doesn't even know why it irritates him hearing that, why it irks him to no end. Of course, they mean no harm, but Kyungsoo doesn't know that.

He goes home alone that day. Because (1) he's mad at Jongin for the chummy stunt with those girls, (2) he's fuming looking at Jongin smiling very sweetly at them (it's just his imagination really), and (3) he's frustrated that he is actuallyNOT okay being known only as Kim Jongin's best friend.

So just like that, Kyungsoo has started to think of the possibility. Of course there are ineffable preludes of no-no-no-this-can't-be and a lot of swearing first, but eventually he admits to himself he is actually jealous. More than jealous.

What does that mean? Beats the hell out of him but Kyungsoo sure knows this is certainly BIG concerning him and Kim Jongin.

---(3/11)---

Vanity isn't Kyungsoo's thing, so is mud and dirt. But he likes patbingsu, Pororo, and cats. That's why when he sees a furball on his way home, he immediately and no-second-guess pets the cat, its fury tail tickling his arm as he watches it purr in his hand.

"Hello, kitty kitty," Kyungsoo says sweetly and anyone can't possibly tell he's that cold person by the tone of his voice, "are you lost?" He looks at the tag on the cat's collar and reads B-O-O; he furrows his brows. Who the hell calls a cat (as cute as this) such a freaking useless and nonsense name?

"Aw, poor cutie," Kyungsoo sympathizes. "You have such an awful name."

Someone clears throat that makes Kyungsoo look up. Like up up because the guy is damn tall. "I gave him that name," the stranger says, his deep voice resonating around the space they are currently in. The stranger smiles what Kyungsoo can only describe as abnormal all-teeth-what's-wrong-with-his-mouth smile. "It's cute really," the stranger continues talking; Kyungsoo continues petting.

"I kind of have this thought of shouting MY BOO when calling for him. Isn't that cute?"

Kyungsoo is supposed to shrug; that's what he does. But as the absurd level of absurdity reaches his ears, he can't help it. He laughs... hard, that has his eyes b with tears. 

"That's good, you laughed," the stranger then says, eyes twinkling and lips curved into a full-blown-impossibly-huge grin. Kyungsoo blinks. There is something about his smile that makes Kyungsoo's lips twitch on their own; suddenly it doesn't look as abnormal as it has been.

"My name is Park Chanyeol," the stranger (who isn't a stranger anymore) then introduces. "And I like you, Do Kyungsoo. I have liked you for a long time, please go out with me."

And Kyungsoo is left there gawking like a fish.

---(4/11)---

Everything is off. Kyungsoo is seriously weirded out, his eyes not really looking ahead on his way to school as his mind contemplates on his VERY SURREAL day yesterday. Two things dominate his thoughts:

Kyungsoo has spent the night tossing on his comfy bed, his thoughts bouncing from one tall guy to another taller guy; and he doesn't even know why he's stressing himself about it.

Oh wait, Kyungsoo thinks he knows. The creep Chanyeol guy thinks he has agreed to spend a date with him this Saturday. Like you-still-haven't-tried-so-you-can't-say-no insistence that has our poor doe-eyed boy silent and our really tall guy assuming "Silence means yes."

So now what?

Fine. Given his supremely quirky character (Kyungsoo is still overwhelmed), Chanyeol can actually pass up as not-your-average guy. He's good-looking, he's, god, so tall and he likes cats, which is cute. And to be honest, he's totally Kyungsoo's type.

BUT. Yes, there's a but somewhere; although right now, Kyungsoo is still sweeping his brain searching for it.

He arrives at school still in the same absent-minded state. 

"What's up, gorgeous," someone blows on his ear.

Kyungsoo tries hard not to shiver, but goosebumps still break out of his milky skin – his typical reaction to Kim Jongin whispering on his ear.

"Here, I got you something," Jongin says, handing Kyungsoo a little Pororo keychain – the very one he has been eyeing for a week now. Kyungsoo looks at his best friend with an obvious beam. Jongin smiles dazzlingly, ruffles Kyungsoo's hair before he scuffles away, probably to report to the coach. "You're welcome! Haha, see you at lunch, penguin boy!"

And just like that, Kyungsoo has it all figured out. It isn't really logical how, he just has. He just feels his lips smile that wide, he just feels his face blush that red, he just feels his heart beat that fast. You know?

The difference between the two incidents is obvious; the difference between the two people involved is obvious; and the difference between Kyungsoo's own feelings is pretty much obvious too.

Now all he needs to do is say no to Chanyeol and... confess to Jongin. What the ?

---(5/11)---

Yesterday or today or tomorrow, it will be the same; he's always decisive and fickleness is not on his vocabulary.

So here's the thing, Kyungsoo has never been one to doubt. When he feels something, he sure in hell follows whatever it is. That's why when he realizes something, you can say he jumps head first every time. Well, that is if he's absolutely sure on what he feels. After all, that he's-cautious-he-acts-subtly description we have established will just be a moot point.

Park Chanyeol is waving at him, probably to catch his attention, though Kyungsoo doesn't really see it necessary; he's that tall, he doesn't need to do erratic waving.

Now that Saturday has come, Kyungsoo has finally determined himself to do the right thing. Go to the date but not have the date and tell Chanyeol the truth, and go to a date that is not really a date with Jongin and tell him the truth.

Kyungsoo has spent his time pondering on the pros and cons, but he figures in the end that his and Jongin's friendship is something that can't be tottered by mere confessions; so he has called Jongin that morning and asked for them to meet up (what did I tell you, head first stage-jump), "after my appointment with a friend", Kyungsoo has said. He's ending the wait, he's confessing. The tanned boy has immediately agreed, "there's something I need to tell you too" ringing through the phone.

"Look Chanyeol," Kyungsoo starts, not really wanting to beat around the bush; simple explanation is all that it takes since frank approach seems to be the best option.

"Oh no, you don't," Chanyeol says and drags Kyungsoo with him, effectively silencing the boy who is wriggling out of the tall guy's grasp in a not-so-subtly way. "You agreed to spend the day, so save those for later, okay?"

Seriously, Kyungsoo is ready to scold him. How dare he drag him? But then he has to see that smile. Kyungsoo still doesn't find it reasonable why he is drawn to that abnormal smile, and shuts his mouth. He figures a few hours won't hurt since it isn't until later that he meets with Jongin. He has the time.

It is safe to say when their hangout is nearing its end that both has enjoyed themselves. Well, Chanyeol has enjoyed himself way, way too much; and Kyungsoo has enjoyed himself alright because he's finding Chanyeol's dorky attitude charismatic in a purely platonic way. In short, he doesn't mind having him as a friend.

"Hey, what's that? It's so cute!" Chanyeol exclaims, pointing to something on Kyungsoo's bag.

"Pororo," Kyungsoo murmurs with a small shy smile on his lips, his gentle features harboring an embarrassed stance. We can't blame him of course, he has finally come across his feelings for Kim Jongin because of that thing.

Chanyeol sees it but doesn't comment as he eyes Kyungsoo with palpable sadness. Chanyeol doesn't really need to hear it; he knows by the way Kyungsoo's eyes light up and by the way that lovely blush creeps on his cheeks that the keychain is from someone very special.

And to be honest, although he kind of knows the rumor (he's from another school) and he very much expects it, Chanyeol still can't help himself from being disappointed. How he wishes it is him that is best friends with Kyungsoo, how he wishes it is him who gave the keychain, how he wishes it is him who makes Kyungsoo blush like that, how he wishes it is him whom Kyungsoo thinks about all day.

Chanyeol didn't miss the signs, he knows Kyungsoo is in love with that person; and although it pains him, and scars him deeply, he still wishes for the smaller guy the happiness he deserves. He's been lucky enough to get to spend a day with Kyungsoo. At least  he can say he has tried, and has finally talked to him instead of just staring from a distance. Chanyeol is a sappy bastard like that, just knowing Kyungsoo is happy makes him happy too.

So when the keychain falls (why did it suddenly fall) while they are crossing and Kyungsoo panics upon seeing it in the middle of the road, Chanyeol without thinking rushes forward to save it, if only so he can do something memorable for Kyungsoo this one time.

As he picks up the thing, he doesn't see a speeding vehicle approach.

---(6/11)---

On a regular basis, Park Chanyeol is equivalent to ten bouncing guys. Ten overwhelming-cool-and-always-smiling guys. He is funny. He is creepy but still funny. He is dorky but still funny. You know, that type of guy everybody just can't resist.

"Hey, you don't have to cry you know?" Chanyeol soothes, his eyes zeroing on a pale boy who is eyeing him with the same intensity. "I'm still alive," he states, stretching his arms wide, wincing painfully while at it and then beaming like it’s nothing. "You can't get rid of me that easily."

"I'm not crying, you derp," Kyungsoo glares, his fingers itching to slap the lame attempt  of lightening up the tnesion but manages a small smile nonetheless. Give it to Park Chanyeol to still have the guts to joke even though he's lying limbless on the hospital bed with a bruised body.

"You're a ing idiot, you know. Why did you do it?" Kyungsoo asks, his tone bordering from mad to infuriated to gentle to concerned.

He hears a sigh. "It's important to you," Chanyeol says shortly, simply, as if that answer is the most obvious, and most logical thing on Earth. "It's something really important to you."

Training his eyes on the boy, Kyungsoo stays silent. And he can't explain why he thinks so, but for a moment, for one brief moment, he sees something different on how Chanyeol is looking at him; he sees something that is so foreign on his face; he sees his eyes not doing what his lips do; he sees no twinkling, he sees no smile even though he is smiling.

Kyungsoo blinks and it’s gone.

"T-thank you," Kyungsoo finds himself saying after. And with his voice comes tenderness, a deep vibration of something Chanyeol can only assume as genuine gratitude and... apology.

Chanyeol wants to accept it but doesn't too, at the same time. It's almost as if it's meant to make him simultaneously happy and sad, and the feeling .

"Hey, don't you have something to do?" Chanyeol changes topic after. "I'm okay now, you know?" he convinces and smiles although he doesn't look okay to Kyungsoo at all, not with all those bruises and bandages and white patches around his body. Then again, better those than... Kyungsoo cringes. No, that is NOT a way to think.

"Go, I know there's somewhere else more important you have to be," Chanyeol urges, because hell, he doesn't really want to appear as that loser guy ready to cry, clinging to Kyungsoo and telling him to take care of him because he just had an accident.

He likes to think he is more than that kind of pitiful, pathetic wimp. He likes Kyungsoo yes he adores him, he wants him to stay yes absolutely, but he doesn't really need him to linger just so he can hear his rejection. He knows it. Chanyeol knows it so ing well.

"Thank you for today, Kyungsoo," he murmurs in a soft voice, his final token of something, whatever that is, as he smiles that smile again.

Kyungsoo feels it; he feels something squeezing his heart. Something so intense. Something foreign, something that isn't there before: Doubt.

And then his gaze falls on the innocent Pororo keychain hanging lifelessly on his bag. .

Kyungsoo looks back at a smiling Chanyeol, listens to his deep voice urging him to go, and all his energy walks out of his body and the only thing he manages to do is to share a toothless grin - a very weak smile.

And then we see Jongin sitting on a bench. We see him brushing his hands together while waiting patiently; we see him blowing on his cold fingers while smiling to himself, thinking about the things he'll say to Kyungsoo, thinking about the things he'll do to Kyungsoo after. He waits. Jongin waits.

But no Kyungsoo has come.

---(7/11)---

Ubiquitous may be a rather powerful word, but that is exactly and only what can explain why people know something is wrong. They are universal, they are ever-present, they are all-knowing when it comes to Kyungsoo and Jongin; so when the following week comes and they see Kyungsoo acting all weird and aloof, they know something is terribly wrong.

"Kyungsoo," Jongin says one day when finally gets, corners, Kyungsoo alone after the series of pathetic I'm-busy-right-now excuses of the boy. "Why do I get the feeling that you're avoiding me?" he inquires, curiosity and sadness unmistakable features of his strained voice.

Kyungsoo blanches and denies a little too quick really, as if delaying in answer scares him, as if not prolonging ensures his true sentiments staying safe and intact and…unknown. "Why would you think that?" he asks, a soft tremor in his words that obviously doesn’t escape Jongin’s notice. Expected, because Kyungsoo is the only thing Jongin sees at the moment.

Jongin lets out an exasperated sigh, his long exhale conveying the same thing he is sporting in his eyes. "You are," he declares.

It’s in that moment that Kyungsoo realizes how absurd his situation is, and how close his face is from touching the ground because of shame. There really is no need for him to pull off that dumb party like he doesn't know what he's talking about.  Jongin knows. Why does he always know?

"Tell me," Jongin says, whispers, both hands bracing the wall, effectively trapping Kyungsoo in between. "Have I done something wrong?"

Kyungsoo curses under his breath, bitterness making its way through all those stupid s silently leaving his mouth. This is absurd, has he done something wrong? Kyungsoo makes a pathetic effort to stay calm, though he is almost ready to...cry. He is so overwhelmed right now, so frustrated and so confused his heart is almost beating out of his chest.

"I waited for you, you know? Don't I at least get an apology for waiting for nothing?" Jongin utters with faux grace and humor, the bitter laugh at the end giving him out. Kyungsoo hates that mocking voice.

He hates the bitter taste of sorrow.

If he can help it, he won’t. Really. Straying far from Jongin is something he doesn’t want to do; it’s something he absolutely dislikes because he’s not used to it. But his mind has reached its borders and there’s nothing else that makes more sense to him than this, he can't think of anything else to do. When he thinks of Saturday, only one thing automatically flickers on his memory: doubt intermingled with something else; and it’s enough to gnaw his insides, wreck havoc in his system and do crazy things in his head whenever he looks at his best friend.

He’s aware of it, yes he is. He knows he is being a ing dramatic, being unfair to everyone; but what is he supposed to do?

"Tell me, Kyungsoo!" Jongin says, louder this time, blatant frustration and annoyance now painted on his tone. Kyungsoo notes how the tanned boy grit his teeth and clench his jaw and he knows Jongin is resisting the urge to shout at him.

"Nothing," Kyungsoo answers, "you did nothing, Jongin. I've just been busy is all."

Silence.

"I like you," Jongin murmurs softly, his head dropping and bowing slightly, almost as if he’s ashamed, pained, to say his next words. "Is it because you know that already that you're avoiding me?"

Kyungsoo is stunned. He is stunned and speechless. He is stunned and speechless and... wrecked. Irony is never his thing, it. He wants to laugh a ing ironic laugh right now. He wants to laugh a ing sarcastic hold at how he loves this twist. He wants to curse the universe and condemn fate. He wants to. But he settles on pursing his lips instead.

Because as much as he wants to say it back to him, say it back a million times to Kim Jongin, he can't. Not when there is a smiling tall guy waving erratically at him, not when there is a smiling derp looking at him with sad eyes, not when there is a smiling Chanyeol thinking of his sake more than himself, not when there is that ing Pororo keychain that constantly reminds him of it, of the terrible things that might have happened to someone because of him.

How can he go to Jongin without looking back at Chanyeol? How can he confess to Jongin without remembering Chanyeol? How can he be with Jongin without thinking of Chanyeol?

He can't. Because… because the guilt is too much of a pain in the already, he doesn’t need anything more to pummel him further down his grave. He’s practically lying on it and he’s afraid that if he gives way to selfishness, dirt and soil and decay will choke him to death.

Then again, we underestimate Do Kyungsoo and his twisted brain.

"No, because I just had a boyfriend," Kyungsoo answers, whispers, with as much power as he can gather, far from admitting his words are actually what define his degree of selfishness. Out of all the excuses to think he chooses this, hoping that perhaps he can drive Jongin's feelings away. We see how Kyungsoo is being an idiot right now, and a big ing selfish idiot at that.

If anyone cares to bother, they will notice how Kyungsoo appears defeated, his body completely leaning on the wall now, his knees struggling to keep his weight (somehow Jongin misses this, blinded by his emotions) as he looks at the tanned boy’s face morph from shocked to disbelieving to…hurt, as he looks at Jongin’s equally dejected, forlorn eyes screaming devastation and pain and questions and doubts.

"It's true. I just got myself a boyfriend,” Kyungsoo assures weakly, verbally answering the nonverbal inquiry.

Jongin's arms lay limply on his sides as he eyes Kyungsoo with an expression that shrieks something disbelief, a look of pure begging embodied.

“W-Who?”

“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo replies, hoping that his emotionless face and straight answer arre enough to make Jongin believe as he gulps and vomits the lie. “His name is Park Chanyeol."

---(8/11)---

Kyungsoo has a boyfriend and it is NOT Jongin. There is silence and disorder concurrently permeating the air, the whole school populace pretty much shaken by the news.

Jongin on the other hand, is in woe and grief and desolation and every hopeless noun found in the goddamn dictionary related to those words, Kyungsoo’s voice playing like a broken record in his head.

A wry laugh, a feeble smile, and a ing "I'm happy for you". Those are the only wretched things Jongin has managed to do, to give to Kyungsoo after that lame confession, after that ing bomb-drop. He has thought of the logic behind it, the possibility that it may all be a lie. But as he gets himself deeper, he knows he is only convincing himself that it is. He is not one to deny, he has never denied to himself even when he has found out that he likes Kyungsoo. He likes his best friend and not once did Jongin try to deny that fact. 

Kyungsoo’s own small smile makes all those screws in Jongin’s head loose, their rusty ends threatening to twist his heart to accuse and hurt and go wild and cry. He is practically screaming inside.

He’s happy for him, just what the does that mean? How is he supposed to be happy that someone has taken his Kyungsoo away? How is he supposed to be happy that Kyungsoo has another man beside him?

Simple: He can't.

So why the ing empty lie? Why is his sadness trying to lie and deny?

The thing that the most is he isn't even allowed to show that to Kyungsoo. He isn't even allowed to be selfish and say "I'm sad". All he can ever do is bite his lip hard, try not to cry, smile and say those what-the- words because that's what best friends do. They support, even though in his case, his heart is breaking as he watches Kyungsoo walk away.

Jongin blames time for not giving him the chance, blames the corridor for being deserted that day, blames his damp forehead touching Kyungsoo’s shoulders, he blames everything, everything he sees, everything he can think. He blames everything with minute significance. Yet at the end of the day, nothing can ever amount to the degree by which he blames himself, for being slow, for not noticing, for being oblivious, for being complacent, for not realizing, for assuming he has Kyungsoo all this time. ing assumptions.

He wants to kick and punch walls. He wants to wail in frustration and melancholy and helplessness and tears.

Jongin feels like the useless version of Superman with Kryptonite etched on his heart, he feels like Batman without his Kevlar suit protecting his chest, he feels like a ing hopeless being cliff-diving without harness on.

He has just confessed to Kyungsoo, and even though he likes to plague his mind that their friendship is better than that, Jongin still can't shake off the feeling that he has just ashamedly tainted what they have.

To say he is sad is an understatement. He is ing miserable.

People know Jongin doesn't want pity, Jongin doesn't want anything close to any emotion being thrown at him so no one ever dares to sympathize. No one ever dares to do... anything. They just watch from a distance as the two best friends fall apart; either unconsciously or deliberately, the two teenage boys are drifting apart.

People just watch from a distance how Jongin is hurting and how hard he is trying not to show it, how Kyungsoo is pretending he doesn't know and how hard he is struggling to show he doesn’t care; people just watch from a distance, observing with great pity how pointless all Jongin and Kyungsoo' efforts are from a point of view outside their twisted heads and shattered hearts.

---(9/11)---

"All is well" is what Kyungsoo tries to convince himself. Tries to. Because nothing is ever close to being well right now. Everyday is as bleak as a misty fog after the rain; yesterday, yesterday's yesterday, the day before, he has almost lost count to that day. He’s been like a walking skeleton begging for rest and the numbness is destroying him. Not slowly. COMPLETELY. And he hates it.

He still comes to the hospital to visit Chanyeol, his friend NOT boyfriend, who looks way better now thank God. Kyungsoo is sure to roll his eyes to all of his jokes, give appropriate reactions, and do the normal things he does whenever he’s there. Because that's what he's supposed to do: act tough, act strong, act happy, be happy. Even though he's practically crying and tearing inside, feeling the needles in his heart twisting in sick mirth, knowing everyday he has to see Jongin look at him with those accusing eyes.

"You're doing it wrong," Chanyeol says one day. "Whatever you're doing, you're doing it wrong."

Kyungsoo’s eyes squint at first, looking for a catch or something that may signal this is a joke. A piece of seriousness in Chanyeol is like seeing an unidentified flying object in the sky, that’s how bizarre it is. Kyungsoo sees none. "What?"

Chanyeol sighs.

"What happened, Kyungsoo?" the tall guy asks. Kyungsoo blinks, he has thought he manages with his everyday mask well. "Why are you sad?"

Kyungsoo bites his lip, Chanyeol didn’t even say are you sad, it has to be a freaking decisive question where he is sure Chanyeol is really asking and not just confirming.

"I'm not sad," Kyungsoo denies too quickly for his own taste and tries to smile. "Do I look sad?”

Chanyeol eyes him critically, his gaze a clear indication that he isn’t the least bit convinced. Kyungsoo sighs, “I want to be happy, isn’t that enough?"

“Wanting to and being happy are not the same and you know that,” Chanyeol sees it, the crack in Kyungsoo's mask is growing. He repeats, “Why are you sad, Kyungsoo?”

"I–" Kyungsoo starts, yet only manages a split voice as he feels his eyes tear up, as he feels his resolve crumble down under Chanyeol's piercing stare. Somehow, Chanyeol knows he’s lying; Kyungsoo wonders if it has got something to do with him trying hard not to be devoured by the numbness inside.

Kyungsoo fights the urge to cry, blinking like an idiot just so he can will those stupid tears away. He feels his lips quiver with the difficulty to smile, to hide, to pretend. But he just can't anymore. He has been bottling this up, and everyday, worse things are piling, worse emotions are adding and this is the first time anyone has ever bothered probing and asking him this much.

He tastes saltiness when he his dry lips, and that’s when he realizes he has been crying without even noticing. He has been crying fat tears like he hasn't cried them before.

“It’s…I’m–” and it’s after that that Kyungsoo finally concedes and gives in to the downpour of salty tears. Because that's all he can ever do at the moment. That's all he can ever do to let all his emotions out. He cries, and with every tear that runs down, he thinks of how awful of a person he is; with every swipe of his hand on his damp face, he thinks of how useless of a person he is.

Chanyeol can only pat his back in return, while his own heart is crying for the sobbing boy. He knows Kyungsoo is hurting and he doesn't want it, doesn't want it a bit.

For some reason, Chanyeol knows it is related to them... and him. He has figured by now how Kyungsoo can be so kind and considerate despite the usual coldness that he emits. Kyungsoo cares, maybe too much that he thinks what he's doing is the right thing. Chanyeol appreciates the act; yet as he looks at the pain emanating from every tear, he knows he needs to do something. It is breaking Kyungsoo; it needs to stop.

"You know why I ran for the keychain that day?" Chanyeol softly raises, his voice gentle, clearing and explaining. Kyungsoo looks up. "It's because I know you'll be lonely if it's broken. I don't want to see you sad, Kyungsoo."

Kyungsoo cries harder upon hearing that, the irony somehow fueling the nasty tears. He knows he shouldn't be doing it in front of Chanyeol of all people but he's doing it anyway, and at that point he can’t bring himself to care.

"Whatever you're doing, stop it," Chanyeol says, eyes wide with care and gentleness and comprehension and…acceptance, "don't run away.”

“I don't regret ever getting in an accident because of the keychain, because of you. I don't regret ever meeting you that day, because I wanted to. Can't you see Kyungsoo? I chose to because I was chasing after my happiness and I was ready, I am ready to accept whatever the universe gives me."

"You should too," he continues, thumb touching Kyungsoo’s cheek to brush off the tears, "you should go and get your happiness too."

"But you–"

"No," Chanyeol cuts in, a little too early, a little too desperate. He doesn’t want to hear it; somehow he thinks listening to it will only make it look worse for him. “Stop. Don’t” feel guilty, "Kyungsoo, I know."

You like him. "I know,” Chanyeol admits, a bleak static feeling engulfing his chest. There’s a small smile that he manages to wring out and he wishes his struggles of hiding his emotions are succeeding.

Kyungsoo’s eyes speak volumes, and it’s really weird how Chanyeol knows all those questions lining up underneath. Maybe it’s because he has been memorizing those eyes in his dreams every night; maybe because he has been spending every waking hour thinking about them; maybe because he’s just insanely taken, or all of it really. Whatever.

“I understand.” I really do. “So do us all a favor, will you? Go chase after your happiness,” don’t think of me. “Be happy, Kyungsoo, please," he asks, "and I'll be happy for you too."

At that last statement his voice breaks a little, just a teensy bit yet it’s all that is needed for anyone to say Chanyeol is trying his hardest to give a reassuring smile, trying his hardest on wanting his sad not to be sad. And it's crazy because even though there is pain swimming in his smiling eyes, he still manages to look genuinely concerned. And Kyungsoo sees, he doesn’t know how, but he sees it and he doesn't want that to go. He doesn't want all of that to be for naught.

“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo calls, his soft tone softer, his lips trembling with emotions, his eyes recapping all those things he wants to say, his voice finding only two words as he cups Chanyeol’s hand to give it a squeeze. “Thank you.”

As Chanyeol listens to Kyungsoo’s fading footsteps, he feels his own tears wet his cheeks. , why am I crying? He mentally asks, silently wiping the tears that really won’t stop. You expected this anyway so why are you still crying? Just why are you so hopeless, derp?

He berates his pathetic self for being a crybaby, at the same time Chanyeol is also convincing himself that what he did is the right thing. It's not that he doesn't want to fight, it's that he knows if he ever does he will only bring pain and hurt not just to himself but also, ultimately, to Kyungsoo.

Chanyeol may willingly let Kyungsoo go, but at least he knows he has let him go to his happiness; and to him, that's all that matters in the end.

---(10/11)---

It is that same day when Jongin finds himself running, running hard like he's running for a goddamn marathon. He's running like he's being chased by a freaking dog, one destination in mind.

"You're…" Jongin pants, a tiny glimpse of hope creeping through a crack upon seeing Kyungsoo in front of him.

"I– " Kyungsoo sighs, giving in to his own short huffs because apparently, he has been running too, each breath creating mists of condensed air disturbing the stillness of the cold night.

Jongin is in disorder. There are just so many emotions in his chest right now, a whirlwind, a vortex of so many  emotions that is spiraling down and he knows that if he doesn’t voice them out now, he’ll seriously ing choke on them.

There are so many jumbled words in his head, so many things he wants to say to Kyungsoo, so many things he wants him to hear but he doesn’t know which one to express first. So he settles with the lamest way, the only way he knows how.

"I love you," Jongin whispers softly, too softly but Kyungsoo hears all clearly. At that point, he doesn’t care where the universe decides to put them together: in the middle of the road, in the middle of somewhere, in the middle of nowhere. He just has to do this, do it right and now.

He takes a step towards Kyungsoo, followed by another and another.

"I can't do it. I can't be happy for you," the taller guy carries on, knowing it isn't because of me, pain mirrored in his expression. He wants to do something, fight for it. Because hell, Jongin's sanity will probably burst into pieces if he continues doing nothing.

I want you for myself "Kyungsoo," can I keep you? "please" choose me. He wants to think he’s fighting; he desperately wants to think he is at least doing something other than wallow in his misery, that he’s starting to make it work, voice out his thoughts, follow his heart. Jongin wants to believe he is doing it right. He wants to make himself believe he is finally seeing Kyungsoo with his smile.

There is a poignant silence that engulfs them as both become lost in their own thoughts.

"I was avoiding you," Kyungsoo then says. "But it was not because of the reason you said.” Jongin tilts his head, thinking, remembering his words. “It was not because of the reason I said either."

“Kyungsoo,” Jongin speaks, just for the sake of it, because he has missed calling his name, he has missed the feel of his name rolling from his lips, and oh God, he has missed him so damn much.

“I lied.”

Kyungsoo gulps, Jongin waits.

"I like you, Jongin, I like you. I love you too," Kyungsoo confesses, basking on the feeling of finally, finally, being able to say it back. "And I'm sorry," he croaks out, letting a tear or two fall from his watery eyes, his last words coming out as broken sobs.

"I'm so ing sorry."

"Don’t," Jongin interjects, “don’t be. Love isn't having to say sorry, Kyungsoo," Jongin reaches for the other's cheeks, brushing off those tears so gently, so sweetly. "It's always thank you, okay? Don’t say sorry for what happened, smile because it happened. Remember that," Jongin smiles through his misty eyes and gathers a crying Kyungsoo, his best friend in his arms.

“Jongin?”

“Hmm?”

"Thank you."

“No. Thank you, love.”

And just like that, we see how an assumption becomes reality (and we're sure to watch out for the commotion that will take place tomorrow when people see the two walk hand in hand to school); we see what happens when Kyungsoo finally lets go and accepts the twist.

And then we see Chanyeol limping and bumping onto someone in the hospital corridor. We see that someone bowing, saying sorry, and Chanyeol looking amused. We see him wait, wait for that dazzling smile that belongs to the other boy, The (some)One (whose initials are, surprise surprise, a double B).

We see Chanyeol wish, we see him dare to hope for a time when he can finally bring his sinking ship back to the shore. We see him smile at the idea, his eyes having a glow of that tiny spark, signaling a new beginning, a new love.

Maybe he really is a phoenix after all, because now he thinks he is ready to rise from the ashes, rise from the fall and have a new start.

---(11/11)---

The thing about twists in life is that they are random, they are unexpected. They are complete trolls who make us roll like buffalos in air; they are complete sinister professors who teach us things the sadistic way; they are complete pain in the that exist to test something in us: faith, determination, love.

For Chanyeol, it is to find a reason for smiles and rainbows again.

For Jongin, it is to start and continue fighting for what he loves.

For Kyungsoo, it is to stay true to himself and chase after his happiness. And by chasing he means living by the four words a little bird says can be found just messily (or orderly? whatever) scattered around in bold letters.

Uh, wait, I will have to scroll up and check first…

Okay, so who can tell me, anyone? Wink.

---(End)---

Word Count: ~7000

A/N: And that’s it, folks, the end of my super long one-shot. I actually have nothing much to say except for THANK YOU FOR STICKING WITH ME AND THIS STORY UNTIL THE END. You don’t know how much I (and my weak, soft heart) appreciate it. (And yeah, I hope you aren’t disappointed with how it ended. I had to post this update the soonest I can because I'll be out the next days.)

I actually enjoyed writing this one (I think I’ve grown a weird attachment to it ugh really) and I guess even though I don’t win or something I will still get something from it. It’s the joy in sharing and knowing people actually take time to read what I write (no matter how crappy they are) that is more important to me in the end, everything else (subscribers, votes, etc) will all just be major plus. So again, thank you and I hope everyone live their lives with happiness and contentment! :D

Many hugs and love,

threecheers