“Lil.”

“Hmm.”

“Lila.”

“Yes, Joonie.”

Joonie? Am I mishearing it?

She looks up, her face unreadable. “What is it?”

“Uh, well,” I clear my throat, “you look stressed.”

“I kind of am,”–she taps her pen to her notebook–“I’m just really stuck right now.”

We’ve been sitting here for quite some time. She’s decided to do her work paper, thanks to
the sparse amount of non-awkward topics we could think of. For real, though–what is there to
talk about between ex-lovers sitting across each other at the cafeteria of our university? Well,
it's now my university, since she doesn't go here anymore.

It got really weird after she left. She used to be the reason I go here every day. We would go
to classes knowing that we will be meeting each other during the break. Every time she was
skipping a class, I would make up a reason so that I can skip mine, too. When the classes ends,
I would always look around for her. Well, I still do sometimes, unconsciously. Wondering if
she’ll ever, out of the blue, be sitting here, with her friends, like the old times; like she never left.

The idea of her being here is still perplexing – she is here, sitting across me, talking to me.
Telling me how she’s on her summer break. Which is annoying, since I really thought I’m not
gonna see her until after four years, like how she had told me. Trying to see how far I’ll go?

“What are you working on?”

“Well, a friend’s friend is getting married, and she asked me to list the some love songs to be
played at her wedding.”

“Then what’s the problem? You’re a er for love songs.”

“I used to be,” She chuckles. What a blatant lie, I think to myself. There’s no way she had
stopped listening to cheesy, mellow songs; the ones she would sing all day long, forcing people
around her to give in and sing along with her. The ones she would sing to herself at dawn,
when she thought I was still asleep.

“Then just, um, remember the old days. The songs you used to listen to everyday..”

“Like what?” she asks, looking straight at me.

“You know, like,” I divert my gaze, my hand waving in dismissal, “that old Sade song.. Your
Love is King?–or something like that.”

“Yeah? I used to like that song?”

Okay, stupid move, Joon.

Does she not remember?

 

      ~

 

“Lil.”

“Hmm.”

“Lila.”

“Yes, Joonie.”

He sat up and shifted his body in her direction. He took one of her hand and cradled it in his.

“I love you.”

She turned her head to him, her face feigning disbelief. “Really?”

“My little princess, I love you so much with all my heart..” Joon’s face turned dreamy, her
hand clutched tightly to his chest.

“Mm-hmm.” She looked back to her magazine and turned a page with her other hand.

“I don’t think you know how much I love you, really, because–your love is king,” he brought
his other hand nearing his mouth, pretending as if it was a microphone, “crown you in my
heart.”

She pursed her lips, trying to concentrate on the article she was reading.

“Your love is king,” he carressed her cheek dramatically, causing her to snort, “you’re the
ruler of my heart.”

He brought two fingers to his lips. “Your kisses ring,” he then pressed them against hers,
completely caught her off guard, “round and round around my head.” She stared at him in
amusement.

“Touching the very part of me, it’s making my soul sing...” He stared hard at her while clearly
mouthing, ‘please make me food’.

She sighed and stood up. He stood up too, pushing her body towards the kitchen. “Tearing the
very heart of me,”

“Sade will cry if she knew how you use her song to get a woman to cook for you.”

“I’m crying out for moreeeee....” She unwillingly walked out of the living room, leaving the
chirping bird belting the last line out in joy.

 

     ~

 

“I’m sorry, you know I have a bad memory,” she says. I shot her a I'm-not-buying-it look.

“Anyhoo,”–she hurriedly moves on–“I don’t know what to choose because it’s a wedding. 
Romantic songs have their own stories, and I don’t even know this couple’s story.”

“Just use your favourite song.”

“Well, I'd use John Legend’s Ordinary People, but they might end up calling off the wedding
because they think they need to ‘take it slow’.”

“Then choose a happy love song.”

“But if I were to choose too happy of a song, it’s not as touching. Then again, if I choose a
sad song, everyone will cry and I’ll ruin the bride’s make up.”

Same old Lila, perfectionist when it comes to work. “The bride should be allowed to cry. It’s
going to be her wedding day, after all.”

“Pff, coming from someone who flips table over people crying,” she muttered to herself.

“...What?”

“You never let me cry in front of you. You hated it.”

 

      ~

 

“What the hell, Joon?!”

“Whoa you need to chill the out.”

“You chill the out–what the were you thinking!?”

Lila got into the car and slammed the door shut. Joon groaned to himself before pounding his
fist hard against the car. She stiffened. Joon opened the door on his side and climbed into the
driver's seat.

“Don’t ing talk to me like that.”

Joon started the engine of the car and began to drive away.

Lila kept still for a while, knowing that Joon could explode just at any time. Even though it 
was dark, she could see the grim look on his face. She doesn't like angry Joon at the slightest,
but he was being way immature she couldn’t help but to feel frustrated.

“Why did you do that?” she finally spoke up.

“...Why? Isn’t it clear why?”

“You were overreacting.”

Joon gritted his teeth.“Lil, just drop it.”

“No, I'm not ‘dropping’ this. Why did you do that, Joon?”

He didn't reply.

“If you have something to say, you do realise you could just say it with your mouth, right?
And not with your–”

“I don’t know, okay!?” he snapped, slamming his hand on the steering wheel. “His dirty
hands were all over you, of course I needed to teach the bastard a lesson–”

“But it doesn’t mean that you should punch him in the face, you moron–especially when he’s
my friend for God’s–”

Before Lila can finish her sentence, a blinding flash of light appeared before them, forcing
Joon to make a sharp turn to the right before screeching to a halt. She was sure to crash into
the front window if not for Joon’s arm that was holding her upper body back.

For a moment, they could only hear each other’s rapid breathing.

Joon blinked a few times, not believing what had just happened. He turned to his right. His
arm was still across Lila, who he had just realised was shivering.

“Are you okay?” he said as he lowered his hand to her forearm.

She flinched at the touch, but did not answer – instead, she bit her lip and held her breath,
trying to hold back crying. Seeing the terrified look on Lila's face, his anger evaporated.

“Baby.” He moved his body closer and wrapped his arms around her tightly. “It’s okay.”

His sentence made her broke down and cry. She hugged him back, her body trembling under
his embrace. He held her head close to him and her head.

“I’m sorry,” She suddenly pulled away and wiped her tears. “This is stupid, my tears won't
stop.”

It had became a habit of hers, knowing that her crying is what Joon hates the most. She
smashed her lips against the back of her hand to stop her from sobbing, causing her whole
body to tremble.

At the sight, Joon felt as if he was choking on something. Have I been hurting her without
me realising?

He then held her hand, stopping her from trying to wipe her tears away, before whispering
softly,

“You can cry, I don't mind.”

Upon hearing his words, just like a broken faucet, she cried harder than she ever did. He
held her, also harder and tighter than he ever did.

 

      ~

 

 “...Could never cry, in front of me?” he repeats my sentence before suddenly standing up.

I sit up in reflex, looking at him in confusion. “Where are you going?”

“I don’t know. You’re gonna be okay by yourself, right? You’re busy anyway,” he says,
slinging his bag over his shoulder, “probably too busy to remember anything.”

The latter is supposed to be a mutterance, but Lila catches it. She watches as he walks away
and waits until he’s completely out of sight before letting out a laugh as jaunty as a graveyard.
Joonie, the guy that serenades me my favourite songs. The guy who sulks whenever I am not
as affectionate as a girlfriend should be. The one who never lets me cry, simply because he
hates even the littlest hint of sadness to ever appear on my face..

Of course I remember everything. How could I forget?

 

 

 

     The freckles on your body, the food you can’t eat,

           when we kiss and made up after fighting.

          When we held hands tightly while driving,

                 I remember all of those things. ♪