I wanted to call her but there was bunch of reasons why I couldn’t do that. It had been a few weeks since our breakups and she had really gone from my sight, no contact at all and it made me wondering if our relationship would remain cold until the unknown time. I rubbed my eyes tiredly, not wanting to think further about that yet.

I looked at my phone’s screen but there was still no message from her. Even after our breakup, she had gone into a bubblier girl in front of the camera. I wondered if she wanted to show me that she was alright or that she wanted to cover her own feeling by playing the role. I took a tiny glance on my environment and didn’t get impressed by what I saw at the time. People were busy going back and forth to their position at the time while I was standing there like a stupid person.

I closed my eyes, trying to regain some of my conscious again and suddenly every memory I had with her flooding my mind. What was wrong with loving her from one side? What would happen if I love her without her noticing it? The thoughts made me chuckle in annoyance, why did I have to think about those ridiculous things?

A noise was heard behind me and I decided to let myself eavesdropping on it, which actually made me regret it later. “Aren’t you finished with this schedule?” The man talked first which then being replied with “No, but you maybe want to re-arrange it later, oppa,” by the girl. The girl’s voice was something that I was familiar with and it made me cringe and ask myself if I have to turn myself and greet her.

Her voice was like a signal for me about where she was. Her laugh passed my ears and the sweet voice of hers when she joked around made me shivering in excitement. And when she was right behind me, I didn’t turn. I let her to go like that without able to make her realize that I was there and very close to her. I didn’t dare to greet her, there was an intense guilty whenever I saw her becoming happy like that.

I knew I was guilty because I took away her happiness and free life when she became mine, I messed around with her life the day I stepped into her life. I sighed and rubbed my temple, I didn’t want to think anything further about her again. I thought that loving her without her knowing was enough for me. I would survive with that kind of love, I would do my best without her even realizing it.

I was too arrogant and didn’t really think about anything when I once again bumped with her. It was the very first time after we broke up that I came face to face with her. She was equally shocked with my presence and it made her to stop walking. Her eyes were diving into the depth of my heart the moment she stared my eyes. I let her to know my emotions before turning away to avoid her stare and faking a cough. She didn’t move, she kept staying on her position without turning her eyes away from me. 

A faint smile formed on her pretty face before she walked passing me without saying anything. The thin smile she gave me makes me broken. I hated it with all of my heart. There was something different with the way she gave me that smile. I turned around to watch her going but this time, I knew she had lost all of her bubbly personality as her head hung low.

“Why did you go away?” I murmured as I watched her back distancing away from my sight. “Isn’t this the first time ever you will work with Hyosung after your break up with her?” My silly manager appeared suddenly beside me, holding my schedule in his grip. “Looks like you will love to see her performing with some male idols later.” He said, teasing me once again before dragging me to the waiting room. I was too absorbed into my activities later and when my manager told me that I had looked awesome, I twisted my eyebrows suspiciously.

“You have a guest here.” He cocked his head backwards with a smirk. I eyed him curiously but then someone’s figure stopped me from whatever I was doing. I froze, not expecting to see her in front of my waiting room and looked like she was exhausted and ready to knock down. “Hyosung.” I said, loud enough for everyone to hear. I excused her to come into the room but she didn’t lift her head as she stepped in and talked a little. I wanted to hug her, asking her what was wrong but whenever I got closer to her, she would further from my grip. I sighed in frustrate as I watched our progress.

“What do you want?” I asked, almost like I was interviewing someone who did something bad. This time around, she lifted her head and searched for something that I didn’t know what from me. I kept my face straight as she slowly smiled.  A forced and painful smile, “Nothing. I only want to see you.” She didn’t want to fight and I could read it, there was something hidden she wanted to tell me but she kept pushing it aside and it made me even anxious.

“Joong Ki-ah, are you happy with Bo Young unnie? Do you like her?” Her voice that was shaking made me want to answer her with curses, why would you be this stupid to ask me that kind of things? “I don’t know. It’s none of your business anymore, isn’t it?” I asked, still using my firm voice. Deep inside, I was scared I would shatter into pieces if I became soft to her. I wasn’t ready for that.

She smiled, a very sweet smile that made me anxious about everything. “I know this would happen, I’m glad we’re over.” She said that before rose up and left me behind. I was dumfounded, I was falling into a visible hole that I dug by myself. I stayed silent, too shock to let the reality woke me. “Isn’t she great?” My manager mumbled beside me as he sat and had a dreamy face beside me. I gave him a questioning look, not understanding where he was drifting to. “What are you talking about?” He looked at me with a disbelief look before commenting, “She would be engaged to someone soon. It was said that her company wants to settle her up with someone potential. But I also heard that she tried her best to refuse the offer.” I gasped for air when I heard the news, the heck they were thinking until they want to settle Hyosung with some random guy?! Didn’t they ever think about her feeling? And what about me? I still loved her!

I ruffled my hair in frustration, feeling even guiltier than before.

“Would you marry me?” I sent the text right away while I was standing in the middle of crowd. A moment later, a text arrived.

 “Are you crazy? I think you send it to a wrong number.” I smiled, knowing her answer would be like this.

“Actually yes, I am crazy. I was just joking. What’s your schedule tomorrow?”

“Going to Singapore for our first concert in there.” The reply made my heart stopped beating and my brain started working faster. I calculated everything until I felt that my body was frozen. Singapore? I had a bad feeling for it.

“How long?” I waited anxiously for the reply, hoping for something good would be the answer.

“For 2 weeks, why do you keep asking?” I stared on the screen, a plan accidentally popped up in my head and I smiled, feeling a little bit naughty while typed for the reply.

“Nothing. Can we meet when you’re already back?” I texted her, hoping for a ‘yes’ from her. I waited and waited as time tickled painfully slow in my thought.

“Sure.” I immediately had a wide smile on my face as I read the text.

I started doing the plan that suddenly popped up that day, I used every strength to do them and even had to go to places where I thought I would never visit. I was nervous, thinking that she wouldn’t like it though I kept forcing the thought that she would absolutely love every detail of the surprise.

I was waiting for the D-day, hoping nervously that I wouldn’t mess around while doing things in the same time. The details of my surprise for her kept disturbing me and made me excited out of nowhere. I would love it if she gave up on me right away after she received the surprise. It was only my imagination but let me to wish for that.

That day was the day she came back and I had contacted her manager, asking him to borrow Hyosung from him and told him about my plan. It was not as easy as I expected. “Come on, Hyung! Can’t you just let me to borrow her for our date?!” I was already pissed off by him and not caring anymore if what I said was wrong or right. “SINCE WHEN THE TWO OF YOU DATE AGAIN?!” I had to pull the phone away from my ear due to his loud scream, I couldn’t believe how much of loud screamer he was. “I have asked permission from her parents and even went to TSE’s CEO, what else do you want to ask now huh?!”  I replied him harshly, feeling mad because he didn’t want to let me take Hyosung for the sake of my surprise for her.

I heard him stutters on the other line as I waited for his answer. “Alright, just bring her back safely and not too late, okay?” I smiled to myself when I heard him giving up to me. “Sure, hyung. Thanks.” I was so happy that I finally would make Hyosung happy with what I was preparing for her. I couldn’t wait to pick her up and told her everything. In this point, I was aching to meet her because I had been missing her for the past few weeks. I wanted to watch her talking to me, I wanted to see her smile that directed only to me, I want her warm hug around my body to tell me that she was loving me like I did to her, I wanted to comb her silk hair and let the scent to go into my lungs. I wanted her and I missed her so much that my heart started to jump up excitedly whenever I thought of her.

I drove my car as fast as I could to her place, trying to not driving way too fast for the police. I knew she was still in the airport because her plane just landed a few minutes ago, I knew her schedule because I had asked her CEO, remember? I was able to get access to her schedule at the time and I knew that their manager, the hyung who had screamed to me, was going with the junior group of the company so Hyosung and her group were totally alone.

I parked my car a little bit further than I should do, only for my own security actually. I rushed to go out from my car, searching through the doors where Hyosung should go out from. I found a small crowd near one of the doors and some of reporters I knew were gathering there so I assumed that they would come from there. I smiled, knowing that I wasn’t late yet to pick up her. After waiting for minutes that seemed like infinity, I saw them coming and soon being crowded by the people. I watched that one girl with her short hair leading first with her bodyguards around. I curved a smile, knowing that she would look gorgeous whenever she had to and would look totally casual when she wanted to.

I wanted to approach her but after thinking for the effects I might cause, I waited. For my surprise, the van in front of my car was her van. I knew it because the driver wore the special jacket which marked with ‘TS’ written on the right corner of the jacket. I coughed to attract his attention and I was quite successful. “Hey,” I greeted him and he stared on me like I was an alien. “I’m Song Joong Ki, Hyosung’s boyfriend. Nice to meet you.” He was still staring me like I really was an alien. “Hyosung’s boyfriend?” He muttered softly with a suspicious frown. I nodded, still smiling like an idiot while looking at him in my most sincere look. He eyed me, full alarmed as if I had done something wrong to him. “You gotta be kidding me, the girls have no boyfriend!” He said to me as he laughed hard until he bowed because couldn’t hold it anymore. I pouted, feeling extremely annoyed with the reaction. His reaction was just the same reaction I got from her CEO and her parents when I told them the exact same things.

“I’m serious.” I said, in almost a whiny voice. I didn’t realize that the small group was going to my direction and I had to lift my head up when I heard chatters around. My eyes met with hers and we both frozen, too shocked to react. Damn that driver, he really made me unprepared like this!

I smiled awkwardly to her as I waved my hand to her, some of those people in the group started eyeing me in a suspicious manner as they looked back between me and Hyosung. Hyosung looked at me like I was crazy and then I started sensing the joyful feeling ran through my mind and body, I had been waiting to see her and I now looked at her with all of my want. Cameras’ sound didn’t make me want to go away nor feel nervous. I enjoyed it as I slowly approached her and smiled even widely to her. “What are you doing here?” She hissed as she stared to my eyes in anger dangerously. I didn’t answer her question as I pulled her in a sudden move and made her to almost lose her balance but succeed to follow me who was running to my car. People were screaming behind us as the voice of the cameras flashes getting louder. I opened the door for her and let her to come inside but she didn’t obey me like she actually should, she eyed me and hissed in anger that made me nervous, “Are you ing serious?”

“Just get in!” I said, almost shouted actually due to the panic I felt because the group was getting closer to my car. I waved my hand as I smirked to the girls’ driver who was stared on me in disbelief and confusion. I ran to the driver seat, wore the seatbelt and soon we were going in a too fast ride. I was smiling like crazy while she was pouting beside me, clearly disliked what I was doing to her. “What the heck do you think you’re doing?” She asked in annoyance clearly visible in her voice while my car ran lazily on the road now, heading to the place I had planned for her. Her cheeks were flushing in a light red as her lips puffed in a cute way. Who could resist to not doing a physical contact when she was angry and looked cute like this? It was definitely not me. My left hand rubbed her cheeks, feeling the heat and the softness of her face. I was touching her face in a way that I told her how much I was missing her and loving her. She didn’t say anything beside me, I sensed that she was enjoying it and actually missing my touch too. It was quite true though when she finally rubbed her own face to my hand, letting me to touch her.

I smiled and thankful deep inside with her quick recovering mood. “Did you miss me back?” I asked to her while my eyes were still looking on the street. “I did.” She mumbled, I glanced to her and she was still letting my hand to rest on her face, feeling her heat. I pulled my hand from her and saw a slight of hatred on it. I giggled as I took a risk movement by kissing her cheek. She squealed when our car lost balance for a while but I regained control and the car went smoothly again. She blushed beside me after the controlled situation and refused to look at me. I was wondering if she would like my surprise to her after all.

“Where are actually we going to?” Her voice was trembling, not in fear nor excitement but curiosity. I noticed that she was saying this shyly too. “To a place that would make your heart melt.” I whispered, holding back my laugh when she turned around to look at me with a curiosity filled her eyes. “Be patient.” I whispered and she turned away again from me.

When we arrived to the place, her eyes looked at me questioningly. “Come inside,” I whispered to her as I opened the door and then jogged to her place and opened the door for her. I held her hand firmly as we walked into my villa, the villa that had been my secret for a long time. She looked at me before muttering softly, “is this yours?” I nodded my head as a yes and soon when we arrived in front of the glass door, one of my villa keepers opened it for me.  He smiled to me and Hyosung which we replied with a wider smile as well. I led her to the kitchen and we presented with delicious foods. They were still steaming too which made it all perfect and all of them were Hyosung’s favorite foods. She looked at me with a sparkle eyes, asking for my permission. I laughed as I nodded to let her eat the foods. “Are you that hungry?” I asked her as she took a big portion for herself. “I am. I was starving for half of the day.” She said almost carelessly but it made me shocked. “How could you do that?! You would be sick.” I said in a worried voice, she looked up to me and laughed, “Since when do you feel worry on me?”

I stayed silent, her words stabbed me not in the way I wanted it. Why she said that kind of words? Didn’t she know that I did care for her for all of the time? “I always care on you.” I whispered to her while looking at her who was chewing deliciously on her foods. She choked upon hearing my whisper and quickly tried to heal from her shock. She looked at me, trying to find any lies but I didn’t have any as I was really honest with her about my feelings. “Why do you get surprised?” I asked softly with my eyes were still on her. She shifted uncomfortably on her seat and tried to eat some more while my eyes were still burning her on her place. “Joong Ki, stop looking at me that way.” She whispered, putting her spoon away and I knew she had lost her appetite.

“Why? I think that I deserve some answers…?” I asked with my eyes didn’t want to let go her figure. “Don’t ing play ‘I’m innocent’ with me, Joong Ki! Don’t you remember who has forgotten the other partner when he meets with a girl that once he loved?!” Tears were running on her face while she tried hard to not screaming, yelling or anything that technically would make it worse. I didn’t want to do it but at the end, I exploded. “Why you had never asked me about that?! Why you always think that you’re the right one and I am the wrong one?! WHY?!” I barked the word ‘why’ to her which made her flinched at the time.

“Do you know… how insecure I felt whenever I’m around you?” She asked blankly as if she had lost all of her hopes. “Do you know…. How I was always afraid of losing you? You probably don’t know.” She smiled bitterly before stood up and grabbed her bag then rushed out of the building. I stunned, not knowing how things suddenly turned into unromantic thing like this. I ignored the pain in my heart as I ran to grip her wrist and pulled her to my embrace. “I’m sorry.” I whispered to her as I rested my chin on the top of her head. I felt the front of my shirt became wet because of her tears but I ignored it as I brought her close to my embrace.

“I’m sorry.. I really am, Hyosung. But I only love you for now and maybe… forever.” I whispered as I slowly reached for her right hand and held on it. She refused to look up to me so I had to struggle to pull out the ring I had bought for her two weeks ago for this moment. While I slowly slipping the ring to her finger, I asked her in my low voice, “Hyosung-ah, would you marry me?” She stiffened in my embrace and I knew she was paying attention for all of the time.

“Isn’t this too fast?” She asked in her hoarse voice after some moments of silence. I chuckled upon hearing her question. “There’s nothing too fast when I want you to be mine and not someone else’s.” I said as I hugged her tighter. She hit me a little with an uncertain chuckle and I didn’t like it. I told her to look up and she obeyed without any further words, I kissed her. She struggled to free herself but I deepened the kiss and I didn’t deny that even she tasted good like this. When we had pulled apart, she hit my chest playfully, “It was gross you know. I haven’t brushed my mouths and I just ate a plateful of foods.” Her whine made me chuckled even more as I ruffled her hair and shut her up with another deep kiss which made her tries to break free again but I didn’t give a damn as I wrapped my arms tightly to her, not wanting to let her go. The ring I gave her earlier was shining brightly on her finger and I was glad that I had a chance to do this to her.

“Hey you, I’m still loving you, you know. Hey you, I want you to be mine and permanently mine. Would you accept my proposal?”