Jiyong walked into the specialty grocery store from the cold outside. He looked around while picking up a basket and planned out his shopping trip quickly in his head. It was nice to get out more but he really could get lost in all the details of the store and wouldn’t make it out until close and with more junk food than he was planning on.

Hmm. That’s interesting. How would they make vegan beef rolled tacos? Inh. Worth a shot. Mexican food sounded good.

He started working around the cooler at the edge of the store when he saw someone walk in he wasn’t planning on running into. His heart dropped to his stomach and he hid. He wasn’t scared or anything, but he would rather not be caught by the man who had just walked in.

The man looked really tired and was wearing a thick coat over what Jiyong assumed was work attire. Jiyong and Seunghyun’s ommas were close friends and since they both found out their sons were interested in men, they tried to set them up. It was really uncomfortable.

Seunghyun had been his first date when they were in middle school. He said yes to him to partially appease his mother and also because he would rather not shatter his confidence for life. To escalate the awkwardness, Seunghyun had it be a double date with his noona and her boyfriend to a water park. Hye Yoon and her partner were really happy and flirty. ‘Are we supposed to be like that?’ Jiyong thought. Seunghyun kept grumbling about this not being his idea and covering his pudgy torso. Jiyong just blushed at his own exposed scrawniness.

As soon as the sun started to lower they ran to put their t-shirts on, leaving the park for dinner at a pizza place. Jiyong avoided eye contact with Seunghyun and said very little. He didn’t want to have the risk of another date. It wasn’t that Seunghyun wasn’t a good person. He just didn’t want to be the endless stream of gossip for their ommas. After dessert, Hye Yoon asked if they wanted to go over to her house to play games for a while. Jiyong quickly quipped that he was tired and asked if he could be dropped off at home. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Seunghyun blush deeply and stare as far down as his eyes would let him.

When the car pulled up to his house, Jiyong flew out of the door that Seunghyun opened for him. “I’ll see you at school!” Jiyong shouted as he ran to his door before Seunghyun could walk him there.

After that they didn’t see much of each other. He saw him in the hallways sometimes in middle school, and later in high school, but he purposely ducked his head and covered his face, hoping he didn’t recognize him. After graduation, they went their separate ways and Jiyong forgot about the chubby boy with dark hair and bold eyes. That was until he got an invitation in the mail, it was to the wedding and reception of Seunghyun and some girl. That threw Jiyong off. He had no idea Seunghyun was biual. Then, as he looked at the invitation and saw the thin man beaming back at him, he realized he never really knew him. He never gave him a chance.

He decided to only go to the reception. He didn’t want to be tortured by the fact he was single without the party. As he walked in and gave his envelope to the attendant, he stood in the receiving line to meet and greet the family and couple. He knew this was awkward but it would be more awkward to sit down when everyone seemed to make their way through the line.

Jiyong had his hand shook and said congratulations so many times he lost count. Before he knew it he had made his way to the happy couple and Seunghyun’s half of the family. He gulped. She was really pretty. Her long hair trailing down her back and her face beaming so large it was almost creepy. She hugged everyone who approached. Jiyong gulped as she took him in her arms. He awkwardly patted her back and wondered if she broke into the champagne early. He heard the faint laughter of the groom next to her and he scowled. Jiyong stood in front of him and their eyes met. They stood there looking into each other’s eyes until Seunghyun’s new wife nudged him.

“Oh, right. Thank you for spending our special day with us.” Seunghyun said, extending his hand with a smile.

Jiyong reached forward and shook his hand. It was warm and soft and starting to perspire, or perhaps it was his own hand sweating. He looked at their hands before looking up at Seunghyun who looked a little uncomfortable.

“It…uh…was no problem.” Jiyong said, running his spare hand through his blonde locks.

Another awkward pause later, Jiyong piped up. “I guess I should be moving on.”

“Yeah. Thanks for coming.” Seunghyun said before Jiyong made his way down through his family’s half of the line.

He got out of the ordeal mostly alive, minus the extra long hug from Seunghyun’s omma who whispered something about it being too bad it hadn’t worked out. All Jiyong knew was that he was really grateful for the open bar.

Since that night, he slowly forgot about that man, the one who was already married and happy. He finished school and moved away from home. He took several jobs that didn’t relate to his degree and he wondered if he would ever achieve his dream of professionally working with music.

Then one day he got a call from his omma that he wasn’t expecting. She sounded like she had found a lost son. She went on and on about how Seunghyun had gotten divorced and how he should call him because, get this, he lived close by him. He kept finding excuses but slowly his features came back to his memory and soon I he was thinking about him more than he should. She would call everyday telling him every detail she could about Seunghyun’s new life like where he lived and worked and when his shift was. She kept planning little ideas for them to run into each other. It was so overwhelming that soon he just blocked her out while he did things around his apartment.

He wasn’t expecting to run into him here of all places. Jiyong peeked out from the snack aisle as he watched Seunghyun order from the cafeteria style counter. He ordered a big plate of comfort foods and sat at a table alone with a book. Jiyong wondered what he was reading. Was he lonely? He looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, judging by the bags around his eyes. Would if be awkward if he walked up to him and sat down? Would that disturb him? Jiyong kept asking tons of these questions as his heart raced.

He looked down into his basket and realized only the rolled tacos sat there. He decided to quickly pick up his things and return. If he was still there, he would talk to him. Jiyong sped around the store, throwing things into his hand basket. He was in no way dressed to impress with his dark gray hoodie, track pants, grubby sneakers, and glasses but at this point he really didn't notice. By the time he was back to the cafeteria area he was out of breath. He looked around desperately but just saw him walking out of the store. He quickly dashed to the booths by the window and sat in one as he watched Seunghyun’s retreating back into descending darkness.

Jiyong laid his head on the cool surface in front of him. He looked at the hand basket next to him, everything in it proportioned out into single servings. He really was lonely, wasn’t he? He wondered how much worse Seunghyun felt. He felt hot rivers running down his face as he realized his pathetic life.

Jiyong bolted up. He looked around the room. He was alone. He touched his body and scrambled for his cell phone.

Jiyong>>>>Seunghyun

Hyung, please tell me you love me and you won’t leave me.

He sat there overwhelmed with emotion, waiting for the reply. After a few minutes, that seemed more like hours, his phone buzzed.

Seunghyun>>>>Jiyong

What’s wrong? Are you okay?

Jiyong>>>>Seunghyun

Just say it, hyung. Please.

Seunghyun>>>>Jiyong

I love you, Jiyong-ah. I promise I won’t leave you, now open the door for me. I’m freezing my off out here.

Jiyong smiled, hopping out of his bed, sliding on his slippers and running to the door. It was just a dream but he felt like it was real. Like that alternate reality was his actual reality. As he opened the door, he saw his boyfriend wearing the same coat he was in the dream but here he was beaming at him. Jiyong quickly threw his arms around him as Seunghyun his hair.

“Shh. It’s okay. I’m here.” He said as Jiyong buried his nose in his scent and finally started to relax.