Unedited

Jongwoon smiled forcefully as Ryeowook tugged at his sleeve. Ryeowook frowned a little when he realized that Jongwoon wasn’t his usual happy self.

“Hyung, what’s wrong? You seem unhappy…” Ryeowook asked in concern and Kyuhyun peeked over at Jongwoon. Jongwoon was indeed looking very upset and Kyuhyun knew what was bothering him. However, he kept silent and turned back, biting his lips so as to not break down. Jongwoon looked down to the ground and sighed. He shook his head and said nothing but “I’m tired, I am going back to rest.” Kyuhyun’s heart clenched a little as he watched Jongwoon disappear into the elevator, their eyes locking for a moment before both of them looked away.

“Kyu…? Do you know what happened to Jongwoon hyung? He seems so upset about something… He always told me why he was upset in the past! Why is he being like this now? Am I not his good friend now?” Ryeowook asked, his voice slightly trembling. Kyuhyun knew that the older man was going to cry soon, and pulled him into a hug.

“Wook, I’m sure hyung is just tired. He hasn’t been getting enough sleep and rest these days too, since he was always helping out at his café… And of course you are still his best friend…” Kyuhyun trailed off slightly when he realized what he had just said was completely opposite of the truth. Jongwoon had obviously left because he didn’t want to continue seeing the person he loved with another person. And he has always been going to the café, just so he could avoid them. And Kyuhyun knew that he himself was probably the very person who had ruined Ryeowook’s friendship with Jongwoon. However, Ryeowook simply believed his words.

“Really, Kyu? Omo, I have to nag at him for him to take care of himself again!” Ryeowook frowned.

“I’m sure Yesung hyung is old enough to look after himself. We should get going, and erm…have dinner?”

“Of course, Kyu!” All of Ryeowook’s worries were gone in an instant as soon as he heard that he was going for dinner with the person he loved. Kyuhyun forced a smile, one that simply couldn’t match with Ryeowook’s blissful one.

Some people said ignorance was bliss, and apparently for Ryeowook, that was the case.

Jongwoon sat at the edge of his bed in the hotel room, his eyes blankly staring at a past photo that he took with Kyuhyun. A tear trickled down his face and he caressed the photo lightly.

“..Kyuhyun…”

He let the name slip past his lips and that only caused more tears to fall.

“Why…Why does it have to be like this?” Jongwoon smiled bitterly and cried himself to sleep.

flashback

“Kyuhyun, I have something to tell you…” Ryeowook shyly mumbled and Jongwoon’s heart clenched painfully. He knew what was coming and he quickly excused himself from the group. Kyuhyun casted a worried glance in Jongwoon’s direction and was about to go after him, when Ryeowook muttered those shocking words that completely changed his life.

“Kyuhyun…I think I like you…”

“W-What?!” Kyuhyun turned around in disbelief.

“I…like you, Kyu..”

“I…”

“Oh god, Kyu! Just accept Ryeowook’s confession! Don’t you like him?” Heechul scoffed at the exchange, completely oblivious to the fact that the person Kyuhyun loves is Jongwoon.

“I like him?!” Kyuhyun asked, still not quite understanding what Heechul had said.

“Still playing dumb, I see. If you don’t like him, why would you treat him so well?”

“So Kyu…will you accept me?”Ryeowook spoke up timidly, a blush tainting his cheeks. Kyuhyun was caught in the middle of this mess and from a corner of his eye, he noticed Jongwoon standing in the doorway, his gaze focused on Kyuhyun.

“Kyu?”

Best friend or the person who he loves?

“Kyuhyun?”

Jongwoon or-

“Kyu, if you don’t want to accept me-”

“No! I will accept your confession!” Kyuhyun shouted immediately, not wanting his best friend to be hurt.

“Really?! Omo, I love you, Kyu!” Ryeowook exclaimed happily as he enveloped Kyuhyun in a tight hug. As for Kyuhyun, his gaze was solely focused at the disappearing figure of Kim Jongwoon. Kyuhyun didn’t understand why Jongwoon’s expression was so sad and hurt when he left, until that fateful day.

It was a normal day in the dormitory and some of the Super Junior members did not have any schedules. Out of these few members who were free, there were two members who were constantly avoiding each other. Jongwoon and Kyuhyun. At first, Jongwoon was just lying in his bed with his earphones on and writing his diary, when Eunhyuk walked in. Jongwoon quickly stuffed his diary into Ryeowook’s drawer and asked shakily, “Eunhyuk, w-why are you h-here?!”

“Hyung, what’s the matter with you? I just need someone to help me to calm Min down, he is having a sugar rush again!”

“Min with sugar rush?! Omo, trouble! Let’s go quickly before he burns down something again!”

Jongwoon hurriedly pulled Eunhyuk along, his diary forgotten.

-Kitchen-

“Kyunnie, can you get me my cook book in my drawer?” Ryeowook asked sweetly as he watched his boyfriend jab at the PSP’s buttons. Kyuhyun paused his game and looked up for a moment with an unreadable expression before replying ‘sure’. Kyuhyun got up from his seat and made his way to Ryeowook’s room. He peeked in and made sure that Jongwoon was not in there before going in. He pulled out the drawer and frowned a little when he saw a book with...turtle designs? He took the book out and flipped to the first page. Labeled on top was ‘Kim Jongwoon’. Kyuhyun didn’t want to invade Jongwoon’s privacy and was closing the book when he suddenly realized that this book is in Ryeowook’s possession. If so, why? He flipped open the book again and flipped to the latest entry.

Kyuhyun’s always with Ryeowook. And I am tired of trying to avoid them everywhere I go. I am such a bad hyung. How can I get jealous of Ryeowook because Kyuhyun’s his boyfriend? I shouldn’t, but my feelings for Kyu is just…

The writing stopped there and Kyuhyun had a hard time digesting what he just read. Jongwoon...has feelings for him?! The sounds of approaching footsteps startled Kyuhyun and he quickly stuffed the diary back into Ryeowook’s drawer and took out the cook book. At the same moment, Ryeowook appeared at the door.

“Why are you taking so long?” Ryeowook asked and looked at Kyuhyun suspiciously.

“E-Err nothing!! Let’s go!” Kyuhyun chuckled nervously and pulled Ryeowook out of the room. Ryeowook frowned and looked back at the room and noticed something greenish poking out from his drawer. ‘Weird…’, He thought.

Kyuhyun and Ryeowook were eating their lunch in the kitchen and both of them were silent. Kyuhyun was thinking about Jongwoon’s…feelings while Ryeowook was thinking what the greenish thing was. Ryeowook stood up suddenly and cleared his own plates, making Kyuhyun a little startled.

“You are not eating anymore?” Kyuhyun asked concernedly.

“No. I want to go and bathe and change out of these clothes. I feel uncomfortable wearing them after sweating so much when cooking.” Ryeowook lied smoothly.

“Oh, go on then.” Kyuhyun muttered, his thoughts returning back to Jongwoon. Ryeowook merely nodded and went back to his room, his expression disappointed. What exactly was Kyuhyun hiding from him? Ryeowook locked the bedroom and quickly pulled out the greenish thing from his drawer. It was a book, with cute turtle designs, and no doubt Jongwoon’s. If so, what was Kyuhyun doing with Jongwoon’s book?

Ryeowook flipped to the first page. Labeled on the page was ‘Kim Jongwoon’s personal diary’. Ryeowook frowned a little. Was Kyuhyun reading Jongwoon’s personal stuff? He was going to place Jongwoon’s diary on Jongwoon’s table when he suddenly thought of something. ‘Wait…Kyuhyun saw something from this diary and he was hiding something from me… I should probably find out what he’s hiding from me…’, Ryeowook thought.

Carefully, Ryeowook flipped to the latest entry and his jaw dropped and he clenched his fists tightly. It…It can’t be… Jongwoon likes Kyuhyun?! And he was the person who caused Jongwoon to be so heartbroken?! For a moment, Ryeowook felt really guilty, because he had taken away someone so precious to Jongwoon. But then, he thought, ‘Why should I feel upset and guilty? I confessed to Kyuhyun first and Kyu accepted me! So...that means Kyu loves me right? I am not at fault!’

Ryeowook nodded to himself, completely ignoring the fact that Kyuhyun was still hiding this matter. A part of him tells him that there is something wrong with Kyuhyun behaving like this, but another part of him tells him that this was completely normal. He chose to listen to the latter and he tried to forget about Jongwoon liking Kyuhyun. He places the diary into Jongwoon’s drawer and returned to the living room, to find that Kyuhyun was gone. He checked all of the members’ rooms, but all of them were empty. For the first time in his life, Ryeowook felt like the whole world was crashing down on him and he realized something.

Kyuhyun actually loves Jongwoon too. In the past, Kyuhyun always cared a little more for Jongwoon. He was always worried about the older man, but Ryeowook thought it was only concern for a hyung, a friend. Kyuhyun always sneaked glances at the older man. He always tried to cling onto Jongwoon whenever he could. The expression in Kyuhyun’s eyes whenever the older man was around…

Why hadn’t he realized all of this before? Ryeowook suddenly felt so suffocated, because he was actually the one who had made the two of them so heartbroken. He was stuck between them. Two choices. Kyuhyun or friendship with Jongwoon.

Ryeowook couldn’t choose. He did not want to choose between these two. To him, Kyuhyun was his life. Without Kyuhyun, Ryeowook felt that there was no use of him living. As for Jongwoon, Ryeowook treated him as a dear friend, a close brother, and even like family. Jongwoon had done so much for Ryeowook. He was Ryeowook’s first friend when they joined Super Junior. They were roommates for years. They laughed, joked and went through many happy and sad times.

Yet, at this juncture, these memories were only suffocating Ryeowook. He wanted to let go of these memories and go with Kyuhyun. He really wanted to, and that was what he decided to do.

Because to him, love was selfish and there was no right or wrong.

And he lied. He lied, he pretended and continued to love Kyuhyun like nothing had happened. Yet because of him, two hearts were slowly breaking and shattering into small pieces each moment. Kyuhyun knew everything, yet he couldn’t do anything. He wanted to reach out for Jongwoon, but he was scared. He didn’t want to hurt Ryeowook and be seen as a heartless person. So he kept quiet and sometimes, he will go to the rooftop alone and cry. It was as if he was trapped in an imaginary world and couldn’t get out of it.

Jongwoon also tried his best to distance himself from the two of them. Everywhere the two went, he will not be there. He was afraid of getting hurt. Hurt by someone he loved and his best friend. He was still that same old clueless idiot who thought that Kyuhyun loved Ryeowook and no one knows about him liking Kyuhyun. And he did not even think too much when he found his diary in his drawer instead of Ryeowook’s.

And the three of them went on like that. Leeteuk, as the leader of Super Junior, was of course worried. Jongwoon was slowly breaking, Kyuhyun was stuck and Ryeowook was trying hard to escape reality. Even so, Leeteuk felt that he could not do anything to help. He did not know what s were experiencing and thought that it was better to let them settle their own problems.

But it only got worse, because love and fate were cruel.

They formed a sub-unit called KRY. To Jongwoon, it was hell. It was just Jongwoon and Kyuwook. He felt left out and wasted. It was as if fate was playing with him, slowly tormenting him and only making him feel worse and worse each day.

Kyuhyun acted as if nothing happened, and same goes to Ryeowook.

The three of them were slowly falling apart. Ryeowook’s relationship with Kyuhyun only distanced. And Jongwoon…he practically runs away whenever he sees the couple.

And that is apparently what was happening now. Just Jongwoon running away again, Ryeowook still pretending and Kyuhyun stuck in the middle.

Kyuhyun’s thoughts were still on Jongwoon when Ryeowook started talking to him.

“You know, Kyu… Do you have plans for the future?” Ryeowook asked suddenly.

“…Future?”

“Like when we retire and erm…start a family? Haven’t you thought of that before?” This time, Ryeowook made it very clear and Kyuhyun bit his lip. Starting a family? He sure didn’t think that far. He can’t imagine life without Jongwoon and life just with Ryeowook. He…He didn’t even like Ryeowook. Thoughts of telling Ryeowook the truth surfaced, but disappeared soon after when an imaginary image of Ryeowook with his sad eyes and tears streaming down his cheeks appeared in his mind.

“I-I don’t know…” Kyuhyun choked out a reply, not sure where this conversation is going.

“You don’t know? We’ve been together for one and a half year already!” Ryeowook sighed. He knew what Kyuhyun was thinking about. Jongwoon again. But the only reason he had asked Kyuhyun this question was because he wanted Kyuhyun alone. he didn’t want anyone else to have Kyuhyun.

“I…” Kyuhyun simply could not find the right words to say.

“I think we should just leave this conversation here. We…We will think of it in the future. Please excuse me while I get back to the hotel. I am tired.” Kyuhyun finally said and stood up, before Ryeowook could say anything. He stalked off, leaving Ryeowook alone in the restaurant. A single tear slid down Ryeowook’s cheek. He could only ask himself why. Why couldn’t he be as good as Jongwoon?
 

Kyuhyun and Ryeowook did not talk much since the conversation. Jongwoon wondered why, sometimes, but chose not to think too much.

‘It’s not my business anyway…’. he always tells himself.

Kyuhyun’s birthday was also soon approaching and Ryeowook decided to buy him a make-up gift and apologize. Perhaps he was pressurizing Kyuhyun too much. And he approached some of the members for help. One of them is…Jongwoon.

For some reason, Ryeowook just wanted to drag Jongwoon along and watch the other man suffer a little. He didn’t know what he was thinking, but he just felt the need to make Jongwoon know that Kyuhyun is his, and no one else’s. He wanted to claim Kyuhyun for himself. To him, Jongwoon was just an enemy of his, and nothing more.

And Jongwoon was just being his usual kind self and agreed to it, while knowing that it will hurt him even more. He tagged along, listening to Ryeowook talk about the happy times he had spent with Kyuhyun. He plastered on a smile and nodded occasionally, not wanting to break down that easily.

Jongwoon watched from afar as Ryeowook picked out a birthday gift for Kyuhyun. Eunhyuk and Sungmin stood by Ryeowook’s side and gave him different sorts of suggestions. But for him, he already bought a special gift. But that gift will never be given to Kyuhyun, for Kyuhyun already have Ryeowook. Instead, he masks up his bitter feelings and plastered a smile on his face.

“Hyung, I’m done! Shall we go?” Ryeowook skipped to his side with a grin on his face. Jongwoon merely nodded weakly and let Ryeowook pull him.

Inside his mind, he was again asking himself, ‘How many times do I need to get hurt for me to know it's time to let go?’.

Perhaps he should let go already. Maybe he will feel better that way. But he harder Jongwoon tried, the more his heart hurt. There was nothing worse than what he was feeling.

At the same time, Ryeowook wondered if what he was doing was really right.

Then, Jongwoon decided to make a huge announcement. He decided that the only way to really let go of Kyuhyun and forget about all of this is to leave. He resigned and left the group, much to s’ and fans’ dismay. Kyuhyun really broke down after that. He refused to tell anyone what happened and Ryeowook felt really bad. He was the only one in the way of Kyuhyun and Jongwoon. Yet he did not want to let go. Love was selfish, he always said.

Jongwoon started afresh in Canada. He made friends a few guys and he was quite popular in the university he is studying in. One of them was Henry, a cheery and optimistic person who taking food and nutrition as his major. Then there was Zhou Mi, Henry’s boyfriend who has extremely long legs. He is taking fashion designing as his major. Lastly, there was Kibum. A cute and friendly guy who take drama and acting as his major. And Jongwoon, he of course, takes music.

Although Kyuhyun wasn’t there in Canada, he still thinks of him often. He wonders how the younger male was doing, how things were progressing between him and Ryeowook. And his heart clenches every time he thought of them. One day, Zhou Mi asked him, “Why can’t you forget him and move on? Wasn’t that your purpose when you moved here?”

Jongwoon honestly did not know, so he asked Zhou Mi, “How many times do I need to get hurt to know that it is time to let go?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you’ll get hurt forever and still don’t want to let go.”

“Forever...” Jongwoon whispered sadly, a lone tear escaping his eyes.

Word Count: 2993

Author’s Note:

Omg, I have no idea what I was writing… I hope it is still okay, still…. English is my second language after all and I am not really fluent with it yet. And sorry for taking forever to update because I was studying for my exams… Sigh… I still have a few more exams to take, an English debate to prepare for and I have an aerobics dance routine to come up with….

STRESS!! Okay lol, I just hoped you enjoyed this story! This was meant for Kyu’s birthday but as I said, I was busy. So, just take it as a Valentine’s gift?

Happy Valentine’s Day, my dear readers!! XD

Comments and subscribers are welcome!! :D