Life was slow.

Day passed by tediously, the sun rising and falling, the moon appearing and the stars flickering day in and day out. Donghae would go to his lessons, go to his training sessions, go to the bus, go home, eat, sleep. Amidst all this preparation for an abnormal life, there was a normal. Routines repeated endlessly, each week passing as slow as the one before. Comfortable.

Then life sped up.

On the left side of the main building, on the third floor, second hallway, fifth door to the right, was a small window. Donghae could see a studio inside, one he had weekly lessons in. The lights were dimmed, but a clear silhouette was moving through their foggy rays. Spinning and turning, the figure moved faster and faster, his leg crossing and arms swinging with control and power. His left leg moved too far towards the wall, and soon he was falling, his arms looking for something to balance on. The figure fell to the floor, his legs twisted and arms fallen to the side.

Donghae pushed through the door, running to the figure's side. A boy, perhaps a man, covered his face with his hands, reddening in the dimly lit room. Donghae could hear the blood in his ear, keeping the rhythm of the dance he just saw.

"Are you hurt?" He asked shakily, his hand reaching for the figure's leg. Shaking, he kept a distance, waiting for the reply. It wasn't a long wait.

"Not physically, at least." The boy laughed, peeking through his eyes. Donghae moved his hand back, sitting next to him. "I just pushed too fast."

"Happens to the best of us." Donghae smiled, bringing his knees towards his chest. "I'm Donghae."

"I'm Hyukjae." They shook hands. Donghae could hear Hyukjae's breathing, fast and rapid, tired and strained. Exhaustion, a familiar sound.

"I don't think we've met before, have we?" Donghae asked, tilting his head slightly. The boy was familiar, oddly so. These occurrences didn't happen daily, he would have remembered, but somehow he couldn't place his face. Surely he would have remembered.

"Not formally, we've been in a few group classes together. I think I saw your name on the sheet for our new placements though, the new class?" Hyukjae reached to wipe his forehead, where beads of sweat had appeared as though it was a hot summer day. Hard work, a familiar feeling.

"Must have seen you around then. You've got some great technique." Donghae spoke timidly, garnering a red face and gummy smile from the dancer next to him.

The dance moves were quicker afterwards, complex arm co-ordination and the constant reminders to keep their faces composed. Occasionally one would fall, but the music would never stop. You had to pick yourself on and keep going, same speed, same pace. Hearts beat faster and eyes flickered more, more water was drank and less time was spent lying around. There would be runs to the Han River, quick stops at the street food vendors and flashes of another life, but the rhythm kept beating.

The light was a catalyst. The timed screams of the onlookers too, but mainly the light. Flashing down, moving, following, it made everything appear to flash by. Donghae would watch, a new experience, as Hyukjae danced not for fun, but for fans. He'd do the same, the light not allowing him time to make any errors. Even when the lights were off, they followed. Flashes on the street, in their homes, there was a constant light, no matter how fast they moved, it moved quicker. One day, Donghae felt a hand pull him into a side room. Darkness enveloped him, no window, no light - just the click of a lock and the sound of breathing.

"I needed to break away from all that, you looked like you could use some time too." A familiar voice spoke softly, Donghae heard the man fall against the wall and slide to the ground. He followed suit. It was dark, quiet, calm, but time was moving too quickly. He knew this time would end too soon. He heard a sigh.

"Do you think we made the right decisions, doing all this?" Hyukjae asked, his voice faltering. Donghae reached for his knee, and squeezed it lightly.

"I wanted this, and I know you want it too. It's hard, but they love us. For our talent, which is just...it feels great to be recognized." Donghae replied kindly, not letting go of the other's knee. A sound filled the small room, a small sniffle. Donghae tried to see, but he couldn't, it was too dark. He could hear the light coming soon, there was a faint call of his name from the door. There was still time.

There was a calm in the air, a realized sigh of relief between the two. "I get overwhelmed sometimes," Hyukjae uttered, finding Donghae's hand and squeezing it back. "It's hard to ignore the harsher comments-"

"You need to stop reading those silly things, people are stupid, and jealous, and you have nothing to be worried about. You're not changing, because if you did, you wouldn't be half as fantastic as you are now." Donghae knew this was the issue, time sped by quickly but the comments always left a lasting impression. He'd heard a few directed at him, but they clumped together with everything else. Hyukjae got hit, hard, by them. The sped by on a crash collision, some swerving, but most meeting their target. What was worse was that they weren't real bullets, just one's fired in the space between to pass the time. Donghae took it upon himself to be the shield.

The light cracked through. Donghae could see Hyukjae's eyes, looking at him widely, glistening, glowing. They were there for a second, before he was dragged out and thrown back into the routine whirl of life.

Mostly, he practiced. He laughed, danced, sang, hit, opened his eyes wide and listened, cameras glued to him and others yelling towards him. Mostly, he was with the group, preparing, training, pursuing. But sometimes, he was alone. In bed, listening to music, talking to his mother on the phone. Everything moved by so quickly, greif came and left, leaving a scar, then more scars started to collect. He recognized them, acknowleged them and dealt with them in due time. But mostly, he practiced.

It seemed clocks would move faster only on rare occasions, on those he wanted to slow. He would come home, smile at Jungsu and nod at Heechul, go into his room and see Hyukjae sitting there. These moments were brief, exchanges and encouragement, but these quick moments stayed the longest in his memory. Donghae tried to make them longer, more frequent, squeeze them in-between the practices and preparations, but it was difficult. Time had to speed by at the wrong times, and slow at times he wanted it to speed.

Then time froze.

The goodbyes were long and painful, he knew they weren't needed, but time wouldn't let them happen any other way. He felt the tears burn next to his scars, one person's tears leaving particularly raw marks. The plane over was stuffy and cramped, the wide seats making him seem small. The food was foreign, and eating it alone didn't have the same taste. The language hurt, and the teasing hurt too. The phone calls were too quick, managers cutting them short before anything could be said. Time kept moving, but it no longer sped by. Donghae could feel himself growing old, tired, weak and exhausted with every passing day.

The plane ride back felt quicker, the final one. He knew, this time, it would be the last journey home. The movie they showed was funny, he laughed, and the food they served was familiar, like the final meal on a vacation before going home. As soon as the plane landed, the catalyst set in again. Time decided to start the race.

There were hugs at the airport, and at the dorms, but the longest one was in his room. The tears that scared were healed by the new ones, cleansing him of guilt and worry. You were fine without me? Of course. Did they say anything while I was gone? They...were nice, surprisingly so. Did you miss me? I saw you three weeks ago! But did you miss me?

Of course I missed you, every day. I would call, I would e-mail, I would ask for free time to do the same thing over again. Life went by slowly without you, Donghae. I wish you were here with me to enjoy the calm.

There was more practice then, more group work and dancing. It was the same, always the same, until something happened. The light got to bright, and the words were spoken to quickly.

"You think you can hide something like that from your best friend?" Hyukjae slammed the door behind him, balancing an unsteady, teetering laptop on his left hand. Donghae looked up, closing his phone and crossing his legs. Hyukjae was fuming. Just yesterday he had been close, nudging Donghae during the time in-between, speeding along. This was new, and time didn't like it. There was no room to think, there never was.

"What's up?"

"What's up? I've given you weeks to tell me, I've made it clear we're close, as you always said. Yet you say nothing, yet you carry on, smile, laugh, dance, sing, and I'm sitting there, pretending to be this oblivious idiot, and you're just..." Hyukjae shoved the laptop at Donghae, stepping back as quickly as he could. "Go on, tell me you were going to tell me at some point, please. I'd love to hear it."

Donghae could hear the distaste in his voice, and feared to break eye contact. But fear never stuck around for long. He looked down at the screen, and saw a purple blog with little stars. There was a picture of him and Sunye, wearing the same rings, with a caption. He didn't read it.

"Hyukjae, I don't know what you're getting at..." Donghae calmly closed the computer and lay it by his side, his hands jittering and heart beating ever faster. Hyukjae laughed, pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head.

"Why? Why keep this from me? I don't get it, really." Before he could reply, Hyukjae jumped forward and pulled Donghae up, pressing his palm to his chest.

"You're heart's beating pretty fast for an innocent." Donghae could feel Hyukjae's quick breaths on his face, the pent up anger doing everything not to force it's way out. Hyukjae pushed, hard, grabbed his laptop, and left.

The next months days were too slow. The performances dragged on, as if the coldness between the two froze time where it was. When their hands would touch, Donghae would only feel ice, and even that was snapped away from him. Yet when their eyes met, it seemed like an eternity. He knew it hurt, there was an ache and a pang inside, but there was nothing to be done. Nothing reasonable.

"I'm sorry." Hyukjae stammered. It was a night van ride, and the two were in the back. Donghae thought he was the only one awake, and had been watching the towers pass by. Each light seemed crystal clear now, and he could almost make out people's residences from their windows. Hyukjae's voice broke his concentration, and the silence. "I jumped to conclusions." Donghae kept his mouth shut. It was going slow. He wanted to cherish it.

"I spoke to Kibum. He called me, and called me a fool. He said you two spoke recently, and you were upset. He thought you were crying. I told him I didn't care, I asked him if you broke up with her. I think I heard him try to throw his phone at the wall." Hyukjae scoffed at this, apparently remembering. His words quickened, his explanation becoming frantic. Donghae remained silent.

"I don't know why I reacted like I did. I don't like it when you hide things from me. We went through everything together, and I'm still shocked at how quickly it's gone. You've been with me for so long, and it feels like longer. And time is just skidding by and I'm scared, what if you leave me alone, in the dust or...something? Donghae, I just don't want something between us. Donghae...Hae, are you listening?"

Donghae turned around, his eyes glistening this time. He smiled, sliding over the seats and leaning in for a hug. A touch of skin, words unspoken, and the ice melted.

Everything was a breeze, a quick one, hurricane force after that. The practice ended, then begun, then changes were made, then they traveled - together. The food tasted less foreign this time, and the plane journeys were less crowded. The wide seats seemed more cozy. Hyukjae was always there to fill the in-between, and Donghae to fill the in-between in the in-between. There was more travel, more practice. A few bumps, but there was no ice. Donghae felt the space between them growing smaller and smaller, anything between them slowly disappearing. Hyukjae's bed became more comfortable, and his laugh more comforting than any other. His opinions mattered more, and his smile would make his day. Donghae could feel familiar pangs and aches, but they felt right. And were tolerable. Time kept moving, building momentum, rolling onwards and collecting memories along the way.

Everything has to crash.

"Donghae, come back to the dorms immediately." He had answered the phone, and didn't have a second to say hello. The voice was cold, and cut like blades.

"Youngwoon-hyung, is everything okay? I'm in the middle of a shoot and I-"

"Right now. They've already called, they don't expect you to stay. Be quick." The phone disconnected, and the rough electronic tone buzzed through his mind. Donghae looked apologetically at the staff, who merely bowed with wide eyes and jaws that were being forced to remain shut. Something was up.

The car ride was slow. No traffic, no chasers, but it was slow. As soon as the side entrance came into view, he rushed up, running to the elevator and pressing the buttons hastily. The ride up took too long. The pause in the doors took too long. The door was there, but the buzzer code was too long. The voices coming through the door were too loud. What was a little more time anyway, preparation was crucial, that was how they lived.

"...we can't ignore it, and you can't hide it. Everyone must know anyway, don't act like you haven't already checked all the-"

"I did. Of course I did, what do you think I've been doing all day? I've been glued to this stupid device, calling, refreshing, calling, refreshing, all of it. I'm not a fool. I know what this means."

"You are a fool. Of course you are."

Donghae stepped back. Checking...he got his phone out and Googled his name. Nothing. SM Entertainment. Still nothing. Super Junior. Lots of articles about 'Eunhyuk'. He clicked on one. It loaded. He dropped his phone.

It took a while to hit the ground, but what it lacked in speed it made up for in sound. He didn't want to see it. He didn't want to know it. He pushed for the elevator. He pushed again. He kept hitting the button, frantically, the green light blinking and the plastic going foggy.

Hyukjae opened the door, staring right at Donghae. His eyes were red, his lips bitten and jaw shaking.

"You ing hypocrite." Donghae said through gritted teeth, not letting go of the other's eyes. He felt his vision going blurry, and his jaw was still open. He heard the elevator ding, and turned to see it open. Donghae walked in without hesitation, pressing the close door button almost instantly. Hyukjae's face was there until they shut, tears beginning to run, his whole body shivering.

The ride down was too long. The ride to his apartment was too long. He could feel the air turn cold, and the sky darken. After everything that had happened last time, after those days of not speaking, or were they months...this.

He was happy he left his phone on the ground. No one could call, no one could beg. Time passed, slowly, the clock ticking away with every second passing. Donghae monitored it, counting the hours, the days. Practice went on, he participated, but the hours kept adding up. The hours of coldness, the hours apart.

I hear he's going to army. If he goes, Donghae oppa will too! Hwaiting, Eunhyuk oppa! Stay strong Donghae oppa!

It was like a cruel joke. The hours stacked.

Donghae, it's mum. I spoke to Eunhyukkie's mum today. She's very concerned about him. She hopes you're helping him through, he seemed frail from descriptions. I hope you boys are okay. Call me soon, ok?

He stopped checking his e-mails. The hours piled.

It had been a few weeks. They had met, never privately, but they had met. And spoken. It was cold, the air thick and suffocating. He could see Hyukjae's arms getting smaller, his hair thinner and eyes darker. His own body was growing, food, muscle, anger, stress. Separation anxiety? No. Natural separation. They had met. It was fine.

There was a faint knock on his door. It was late. Donghae walked to the door, pacing his steps. It was one of only a few people, and he feared he knew exactly who it was. Maybe it was the wind. The knock was pretty light. It could be a trick of-

"Donghae, please let me in." It was a faint, timid whisper, but it froze the blood in Donghae's body none the less. Donghae opened the door slowly, revealing a broken man.

Hyukjae stood a step back from the door, in a cheap, loose black shirt, his jeans only staying on his hips because of the grey belt. His skins was rough, his eyes wide and dark. He looked into Donghae's eyes, the redness in his eyes evident of how he had spent the past hours. Donghae felt a lump build in his throat. He couldn't speak.

"You're not talking, and it's late so you're probably tired, so I'll go ahead." Donghae watched as Hyukjae took a deep breath, clutching the gloves in his hands, never moving from their eye contact. "I'm a hypocrite. You didn't say much, but what you said is true. I'm a horrible, horrible person, and I deserve the wrath of all of Korea. But I deserve your wrath, your anger, your pain, if you have any. At all. I lied, and I don't know why. She was there and she was always smiling, always trying. It was endearing, and I was excited. It's not everyday someone like that goes for someone like...me. I didn't deserve anyone, but I didn't feel like I couldn't have her. It was selfish. I just wanted to see what love could be like, and I wanted it all myself. I didn't want you to know, and I didn't want you to get hurt. I don't know why I thought it would hurt you, I just know that when I thought you and Sunye were together, I had this anger, and this pain. So I kept it. And I regretted it. It was over before the picture was posted, I made it clear. It wasn't love, I didn't think about her during all the time in-between. Time slowed with her, it was tedious, an extra job, nothing I needed. There was no need to tell anyone. I didn't want to, I was so ashamed I couldn't even make that work. I didn't want you to be made, tease me, fight with me...selfish. I was. Selfish. I know it, god knows it, and you must know it. You must hate me."

There was a silence. Donghae stood, frozen, taking in the words. There was no thaw. It hurt, stung, to know the truth. He had guessed, he could. But it hurt.

"I know I've lost you. I know you feel nothing but anger towards me. If you want to hit me, please, do it. Physical pain can't be as bad as everything else."

Donghae felt his lips start to quiver. He watched as tears flowed from Hyukjae's eyes.

"Donghae, I am sorry. I truly am. I'm sorry for doing this to you, for being a stupid, selfish hypocrite. I don't want you to forgive me. I don't want you to talk to me. I just needed you to know how I feel. Honestly, truly." Hyukjae stepped forward slightly, and Donghae flinched back. His jaw remained open, his hand in the air. Donghae could feel the tears falling now, and he knew that if he opened his mouth everything would resonate.

"Goodbye, Hae." Hyukjae bit his lip and stepped back, retreating down the hallway. Donghae watched, his eyes focusing on the leaving man. There was no point watching. He was gone, he was sorry. Time could move. Some normality could come back. He slowly started to close the door, when a small, almost unheard whisper echoed through the hallway and into his ears.

It was always you.

No. Donghae threw the door open, running right after Hyukjae. He couldn't say that and leave. He couldn't do that, come, cry, apologize, then try and hide that. No. He couldn't.

Donghae grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. Hyukjae's face was redder than before, the tears spilling out. His eyes widened, slowly.

"Are you going to hurt me?" He asked softly, chewing on his bottom lip. Donghae shook his head.

"Say that again. That thing you thought I wouldn't hear. Say it again." He said, his voice cracking and eyes blinking. Hyukjae opened his mouth to speak, then shut it. Donghae squeezed his shoulder tighter. "Say it."

"It...it was always you." Hyukjae said it slowly, barely a whisper. Donghae inhaled franticly, his mind racing, the ice melting and floating far away. "Lee Donghae, it has always been you."

Donghae cracked a slight smile, his eyes squinting, his legs feeling weak.

"That's all you had to say. That...that explains it. Hyukjae-"

Hyukjae pushed Donghae's arm away and pulled him in, kissing him softly, the anger, pain, confusion and...love, all there. Donghae felt his knees collapse, but Hyukjae held him up. His arms supported him, his lips comforted him, his being was part of him. Time restarted, a new pace, a new flow, a new speed.

Donghae knew time felt quicker when Hyukjae was around. He knew his heart would beat faster, his blood pumping quicker, his nerves ever aware and eyes ever open. He knew he could find quick patches of quiet, of slow, when he needed, but he didn't want slow. He wanted speed, thrill, joy. He wanted love.

Hyukjae made life speed by. But he made life good. At least they were speeding together.

_______________

A/N: oh god the ending is so cheeeeeese! i had troubles with the ending, you can probably tell, but i just needed this out of my head. angst, non-au and romance: kind of my thing! okay, i hope you enjoyed, and if you get all the literary techniques and metaphors and symbolism then i will forever respect you. because there is a lot. i tried way too hard. it's probably a big confusion ball. whatever. i hope you liked it, tell me what you think, thank you for reading, i'm tired and delirious and going to bed! yay!