Of course. He was gone, leaving behind only his lingering scent of vanilla, strawberries, sweat, and my broken heart. How could I have followed him for so long? How could I have expected so much? 

… how could I still love him? 

Certainly, I expected this. After all, it was Joon we were talking about. Lee Freaking Joon. Narcissist to the maximum, playboy to the maximum. The opus of me and Joon twirled, always wavering up and down, jumping and falling. One day he was cold, another he was always near my shoulder, blessing me with his untouchable presence. But those feelings that had originally been hate and respect slowly bloomed into love. Love for his personality. His personality was golden. Hilariously open. I had kept my secrets hidden in the deep ocean of my heart, much too busy with other activities to worry myself about confessing.

But suddenly, I noticed a change of his heart. He was kinder, and the prospect of him even liking me in the slightest would turn my stomach over a million times. It seemed as if he had finally noticed my presence, and saw me as my own individual character instead of the-always-smiling-and-loud boy in the back of his head.

My heart was captured, like a bird in a cage. And his smile. Oh, his smile. I could survive on just that and nothing more. Not even oxygen. 

Nothing could stop my heart from jumping a mile at the sight of him. Nothing. Not even when I saw him smile at another one. One who had a bigger portion of his limited heart than me. But my mind argued with my whimpering heart, saying it was nothing, saying she was just a friend. How I wish that was true. But my optimistic mind made my heart believe. My mind me into a land I did not want to live in. A land without Joon. 

So I confessed. 

So I got rejected harshly. Coldly. Without the spark I loved Lee Joon for. 

The days that continued were sad. I saw that girl more often, and received note that they were dating. Joon was dating. He was dating someone that wasn’t me. The melody of me and Joon sunk like the Titanic, into the deep abyss which it could not be recovered. I returned to my old position of maknae. Of no one special. Of just another boy. Joon didn’t even glance at me afterwards. 
But I glanced at him. He would forever be a part of my heart. Even if I wasn't part of his.