There they were, sitting facing each other in the empty practice room. The oldest out of the two had his back pressed to the big wall mirror, tired eyes staring at the other boy in front of him, who had his back pressed to the big window. The sky was dark outside, a reminder of how tired they were. Sure all the dance practices drained their body, but one can’t argue that they were mentally tired too. The rest can wait, because there’s something more important to solve. And they silently agreed that soon, either one of them or even both would explode.

                Heechul though, knew exactly what he was going to face when his hyung told him that they need to talk. He was frustrated to say the least, that’s why he agreed to that. He was been avoiding the other boy for the last few weeks, that also included ignoring some of his calls, and only reply to his message not more than twice a day, which is not that hard to do since they barely met anyway. Sure, he feels like an , but he won’t take all the blame himself, he refuse to.

                And Siwan, he was just simply can’t stand being ignored all the time, feeling like he was the one who made an effort in this relationship. He wanted to know where everything was going. He hates walking aimlessly not knowing whether they actually walking to the same direction or no. So, he was trying to find an answer. But once they were there, he was afraid of the result. He wished he can just turn back the time, or simply escaped from this talk. Because somehow, he wished to stay in this relationship, even if the other boy ignores him all the time, because with that, at least, he has a reason to keep going with his day, he would have a reason to stay, to come home.

                The thick silence was killing them both, so Heechul decided to talk first, it’s not like they can stay at the practice room all night anyway.

                “What?” he asked, trying not sound too annoyed.

                “What what?” the older asked him back, staring him right on the eyes.

                “What do you want to talk to me hyung?” he was trying his best, really.

                “YOU tell me what Hee!” and the older boy too, trying not to make his voice high.

                “You are the one who want to talk to me, what I need to tell you?” he ran his right hand through his dark hair, trying to suppressed his frustration.

                “Yeah, you are the one who need to tell me what’s going on between us, that’s if even still there’s an ‘us’ by the way. Because I’m utterly tired with you ignoring me and how it feels like I’m the only one who making an effort in our relationship. Now YOU tell ME what the hell is going on here!” Siwan biting his lower lip a little bit too hard.

                Heechul lowered his head, trying to find a reason. A minute passed with another silence. To be honest, Siwan nearly lost his patience, he could just end everything there and leave. But he still want to fight, because for him, the boy in front of him now, worth all the fight.

                “I don’t know....” the younger started low.

                “I wish I know but I don’t... Maybe because it’s because I’m always waiting, maybe because I’m tired, maybe because you’re always everywhere but my side, maybe because I don’t want to get hurt, maybe it’s just bound to happen... maybe.... I don’t know..”

                Siwan had his eyes and mouth wide open, which is, actually quite funny if only it was another situation. He can’t believe at what he just heard. Because he was expecting Heechul to understand, out of all people, only Heechul that matters for him. But now... the younger didn’t even want to look him on the eye.

                “You’re acting as if you are the only one in this, like you are the only one who tired and hurt. Can’t you realize that ME too, feel the same exact feeling as you do. Don’t you understand, that I use every single my almost non-existent free time to call you and text you, why? Because I want to try to make an effort to our relationship, but guess what, you ignore most of my calls and texts. And when I finally got the chance to come home, you wouldn’t want talk to me. Now tell me Jung Heechul, how am I supposed to feel?”

                He was on the verge of crying, and he knew, the other boy too.

                The silence surrounding them was so cold and sharp, stabbing them by the heart.

                To be honest, of course, both of them still in love with each other, so much it hurts. But at the time, it’s not only about what they feel towards each other. It’s about something more than that, whether if both of them still want to try or no, whether if they should just give up or give a fight, whether it would hurt less to stay by each other or leave each other.

                Siwan no longer can held his tears, so he let the fresh tears fall freely on his flawed cheeks, the first tears after a long time. He himself was afraid of the younger’s reaction.

                When Heechul finally lifted his head, he was surprised at what he saw. His heart felt like it was stabbed by thousands knifes. And reality hit him hard, just like a slap on the face. He realized that it’s not only him the one who suffering by this. He was crying over all those calls and texts he ignored. He felt miserable for hurting someone he loves that much, being childish was not even a good excuse. Nothing would make a good excuse.

                He crawled across the room, reaching for the smaller boy in front of him, hugging him by the neck and letting him buried his wet face on the crook of his neck. He could feel the shorter boy was so stiff to the hug, so he just stayed like that until he could feel a pair of arms finally encircled his waist.

                “I’m sorry.......” he said.

                “I’m really sorry... I love you.. I really love you... I’m sorry... I’m sorry...” He then could hear the boy in his arms letting out a mixed sound of relieved sob and a laugh.

                No explanation needed, Heechul is like an open book to Siwan, by the time he saw his eyes when he crawled towards him, that moment, he realized that the younger boy was just too afraid of losing him, so he built a shield by ignoring him. He just need that one honest eyes.

                Heechul was being himself, someone with a bad temper, childish at heart and just too afraid of anything. He was afraid of being hurt, about all the possibilities of Siwan stop loving him, he was too comfortable with their relationship, he was so used to be loved by the older one. That’s why, he was ignoring him, he was afraid of what the other would say once they talk, who knows, maybe the older would finally realize that they aren’t fit for each other, that he’s not that interesting, because it’s not him who traveling all the time, and it’s not like he has a lot of thing to tell him.

                In the other hand, Siwan is everything Heechul is not, he’s more mature and put his head before his emotion. So he was trying to find a reason behind his lover strange act, and trying to find a solution.

                No matter how you see it, both of them just completing each other perfectly. Heechul’s playful personality brought a brighter light to rather stiff Siwan, loosened him up when everything got too tight, the mature Siwan behaving his younger lover at times. Heechul was too afraid of anything, so Siwan held his hand along. Siwan thinks too much, Heechul told him how to enjoy life. And the list goes on.

                That night, was just another night of proof how they actually need each other in their lives.

 

(2 days later)

                 “Is there something happen?” Asked Taehun when they were having breakfast, well only 4 of them though, since Kevin, Siwan and the magnaes were on Japan.

                “Why?” Heechul asked back.

                “You look extremely happy, and.... it’s still morning, so it was unlikely....” said Junyoung.

                “Ah, nothing.. it’s just... I like the breakfast!”

                The other three exchanged looks before eyeing their breakfast, cereal.

                Kwanghee and Junyoung exchanged one last glance before something snapped their mind and mouthing ‘Woong Jae’ to each other. They vaguely remembered overhearing Heechul’s phone conversation last night, where Heechul was all giggly.

 

(While in Japan)

                “HAAAAAACHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

                “Are you okay?” Kevin worriedly asked Siwan who rubbed his nose until it became red.

                “I think I’ll catch a cold.”