One of the highlights of college are the parties. 

So when Kyungsoo gets invited for his very first college frat party, he's thrilled. Heck, he's over the moon, even. Kyungsoo's always been a part of the in-between crowd in college, so getting invited to any frat party is something he should go on his hands and knees and be thankful for. He's majoring in Theatre Studies, and he's the class' timid, awkward bumbling guy, with round black eyes and short brown hair. Kyungsoo's easy-going and soft personality has gotten him a decent group of friends, and he's happy where he is. Kyungsoo respects the social hierarchy of the school, knows his place and mixes with the people at his spot on the social ladder. 

But like everyone else, Kyungsoo still wants what he can't have. 

Kyungsoo wants Kim Jongin, the school's smart, charming and handsome star dancer and outreach head of the student council. Kyungsoo's been watching Jongin ever since the latter had welcomed him and the other transfer students to the college at a small orientation a year ago, and Kyungsoo's never been able to stop thinking about Jongin's twinkling brown eyes, deep, lulling voice and sly, mischievous smile. Kyungsoo's had a stupid puppy crush on the younger (the younger) ever since the outreach head had helped him find his dorm room and carried some of his bags up to the room for him, smile warm and eyes shaped like crescents. 

Kyungsoo knows he's fallen in too deep when he swears a part of his heart breaks after finding out that Jongin has a boyfriend. 

He sees it for himself almost all the time (because he's always looking at Jongin, always), and he screams at himself to stop looking, there's no way you're ever going to stand a chance, because the guy Jongin is dating is Wufan: star athlete and college heartthrob, with messy golden hair, dark brown eyes, the perfect build and a face sculpted by God. Combine all that with his rumbling baritone, endearing gummy smile and gaze that only seeks out Jongin, it's no wonder that Jongin looks at Wufan like he's the only thing that matters in the world. 

But no matter how many times Kyungsoo tries to tear his gaze away he just can't, and he swears another part of his heart shatters into unfixable pieces everytime he sees the pair, watching with wide, hurt eyes when on the other end of the cafeteria (the popular end), Wufan wraps an arm around Jongin's waist and kisses him sweetly on the cheek, when Jongin emerges from his last lecture of Economics for the day and Wufan greets him with a peck to the lips and a cup of coffee. 

(Kyungsoo also tries to ignore the times he sees Jongin yank Wufan behind the Engineering building to kiss him senseless, tries to forget the times he sees Jongin curl himself around Wufan after student council rallies. But it's not easy. Far from it.) 

But Kyungsoo gets ready for the frat party, anyway, and as he shrugs on his black jacket he can't help but hope that Jongin will be there as well.

-

Jongin's at the party as well. 

He's the first thing Kyungsoo sees when he pushes open the door to the room the party is in. Already, a throng of students are huddled in groups in the room, some dancing in the open space to the catchy pop song blaring from the iPod dock, others chattering loudly over red plastic cups and a few more already far-gone and getting all touchy-feely around the edges of the room. But Kyungsoo does a double-take when he sees Jongin's long fingers gripping on tightly to one of the red plastic cups, usually bright brown eyes dimmed in sadness and hold on, is he cryi-

Kyungsoo loses sight of Jongin when his friends from Theatre Studies swarm around him and slap him on the back, welcoming him to the party and offering him cups of beer. Kyungsoo forces a smile and some bouts of awkward laughter before excusing himself from the rowdy group and slinking off to find the boy he's always looking for. A blur of dark brown hair streaks past him and Kyungsoo turns. He knows it's him. 

Cup of beer in one hand, Kyungsoo weaves his way through the mess of bodies and hurries after Jongin until he stops in front of a just-shut door. Without a knock, he twists the knob open. He knows he's inside. 

Kyungsoo's heart breaks at the sight of Jongin, face hurt and confused and lost and heartbroken, tears slowly slipping down his cheeks and body bent hopelessly (so much unlike how the dancer usually holds himself in front of a sea of hundreds on a polished auditorium stage) as he sits on the edge of the bed in the room. Kyungsoo takes a quick look around and realises it's Jongin's room he's standing in (how many times has he wished and hoped that Jongin would take him here, he remembers now), located just a quick walk and flight of stairs away from the room the frat party is in. Jongin downs the cup in his hands in one-shot, and his body starts to shake and his fingers start to tremble and Kyungsoo's crouched before him in a flash.

Jongin looks up. Kyungsoo hates the pain he sees in those beautiful dark orbs.

"What's wrong, Jongin-ssi?"

Jongin searches Kyungsoo's eyes. "You're..."

Kyungsoo masks the hurt behind a fake smile. "Do Kyungsoo. Do you remember me? You helped me a lot when I first transferred here, and- "

"You're in the drama society."

A flicker of hope ignites in the pit of Kyungsoo's stomach. 

"I've been to some of your productions. I see your name in the booklet. You're pretty good." 

The hope in Kyungsoo's stomach grows stronger. He knows me. Even though I'm never cast in lead roles, he knows me.

Kyungsoo shifts forward on his one bent knee and pries the empty cup from Jongin's vice-like grip, but the younger just snags the full cup Kyungsoo has set on the floor and gulps it all down, eyes squeezed shut. 

Kyungsoo sighs. "Jongin- "

"He broke up with me."

Kyungsoo's world stops spinning. "What?"

Jongin chokes out a ragged laugh. "Wufan hyung broke up with me today. After my last lecture. He brought me behind the dorm and ended it. Said something about an early acceptance to Yale, about not wanting me to have to wait after him because I deserved to have someone who'd always be around me. He said he loved me and I was everything he ever wanted and wished he could keep what we had but he- " Jongin chokes. "He left me. He left me, anyway. Left me alone against the brick walls of this dorm. The same brick walls where we first- " Jongin's face twists in pain as he in a ragged breath, not bothering to complete his sentence. (And that's okay, Kyungsoo's not sure he wants to hear where that sentence was going, anyway.)

Kyungsoo knows he's being unbelievably selfish when the first thought that comes to his mind is Kim Jongin is single. The guy that I've wanted for a year now is single. But he forces himself to focus on Jongin's heartbroken sobs and his own heart wrenches. Kyungsoo's arms (recklessly, automatically, he's not entirely sure) go around the younger boy in comfort.

Kyungsoo doesn't know how long he spends holding Jongin in his arms like this, vulnerable and hurt and a blubbering mess, but he knows he never once stopped rubbing rhythmic, soothing circles on Jongin's back, never once stopped humming it's going to be okay, don't cry anymore, you'll find someone better into Jongin's ear. But eventually, Jongin's cries and sobs soften into occasional sniffles and his breathing deepens, all the alcohol probably starting to take effect. 

Then Kyungsoo feels soft lips pressing against his neck and a hand skittering up his chest. He freezes. 

Jongin's hesitant kisses to his neck grow more insistent (more needy) in a matter of seconds, and the hand at his chest tugs hard at the front of his shirt till Kyungsoo is forced to turn and face Jongin. 

Kyungsoo's fingers curl into the bedsheets as he hears Jongin's heavy breathing and feels his lips trailing up his throat and he tells himself to push him away, this is not how it was supposed to happen, but Jongin's scent is all around him and his hands and lips are everywhere and Jongin wants him, the boy Kyungsoo's been dreaming of having for so long actually wants him, and Kyungsoo can't push him away even if he tried. 

So he lets Jongin kiss him, lets Jongin touch him, lets Jongin do whatever he wants. 

(Because all Kyungsoo ever wanted was Jongin.)

-

The morning after the party, Kyungsoo wakes up unclothed and alone, pale skin covered with bright red bite marks, body tangled hopelessly in the sheets.

But he feels no hurt or pain. 

He had expected this from the start.

-