To Leeteuk a.k.a Park Jung Soo:

Firstly, I would like to thank you for existing. Because of you, I am able to live till now. In 2009, I first heard of the group Super Junior but it's in November 2011 that I became an ELF. I wouldn't say that you are my bias amongst the 13 members of Super Junior but I would say that you have a special spot in my heart. It's true. You were the first member that I recognised. You were the first member that I cried for. You are always the one that touches my heart. Every time you cry, my tears just fall silently. Every time your tears fell, I would wish that I was there to wipe your tears away and to comfort you with a hug. I have once thought of ending my life on 4 November 2010 but then at that time, I didn't have the courage. One year later, on 4 November 2011, the thought of death surfaced again. But then, before I could really bring myself to end my life, your name surfaced in my mind. Then, I thought, "How hard would my life be compared to yours?" Indeed, I was also a leader and because of that title I was suffering. That leader title put me in lots of suffering as I had to deal with a demanding teacher and troublesome yet uncooperative kids but then what was my suffering when compared to yours? It was nothing! I had to handle 5 members and you have to handle 9 other active members. My group members were kids that are either same age as me or younger than me but those that you had to control were full grown adults. You had to handle the public while I only had to handle one demanding teacher. What was my suffering compared to yours? Who was I to end my life when you who were in a tougher position continued to live? Because of you, I found the courage to face life and the determination to continue on. When others labelled me as an outcast and shunned away from me, when my parents treated me unfairly, when I felt unloved, you were the one that told me otherwise. Though your sweet words were targeted to all ELFs in the world, I felt loved because of them. I felt cared for because at least my presence is recognised as part of the ELF family. When I was crying every single day without fail, you brought smiles on my face through the internet. I never fail to laugh just by watching funny videos of you on YouTube. Although I’ve never seen you in real life before, you already had a great impact on my life. When I knew I couldn't go for SS4, I cried like crazy. I didn't cry because I couldn't see Eunhyuk who is my bias but rather I cried because I couldn't see you before you go to the army. Then, news of your enlistment was already known and knowing that I would have to wait 2 years before I would be able to see you again, I cried. I would have to wait for 2 years just to see you on the screen of my laptop again so who knows how long would I have to wait to see you in real life? On 30 October 2012, the day of your enlistment, I felt utterly down in school. Purposely, I didn't check my twitter for photos of your enlistment. I only mustered the courage to see the photos the day after. Even till now, I don't have the courage to see fan taken videos of your enlistment. You were the first Super Junior member I cried over out of those that had went for army. I didn’t cry when Kangin enlist because I wasn't a fan then. I didn't cry when Heechul enlist not because I don't feel anything but rather because he doesn't have as great an impact on me as you. When you enlisted, I cried silent tears. For almost a month, I felt utterly down. You said two years will pass very fast but then you have only just enlisted and I am already counting down to the last day of your enlistment. Leeteuk, I miss you a lot. Now, I have the money to go for SS5 but I no longer feel like going anymore. It's not because I am no longer in love with Super Junior. It's because you won't be there. To me, everything feels different when you are gone. I know that you will only be absent for a short while but it feels different. Without you, it just doesn't feel the same. You are special just like what your name means. I will wait for the day of your return and I know you will be back soon. I am looking forward to that day.