Jonghyun knows Kibum, Minho, and Taemin. He knows the look of utter horror on Kibum's face as he appraises Jinki's outdated hair cut and worn out sweater. He knows what it means when Taemin pulls his head slightly into his shoulders, his eyes widening with the effort of trying, and failing, to keep his face expressionless. He knows that the slight twitch in Minho's cheek means that he's clenching his teeth, and that he probably won't say anything voluntarily for the rest of the night. He feels the confusion, anger, shock, and even dissapointment radiating at him form the eyes that he knows. Jinki stiffens under his arm, his smile becoming frozen in place. He's hurt and confused, quickly realising that Jonghyun's friends were not in the least prepared for his appearance. He steps discreetly away from Jonghyun, letting the muscular arm around his shoulder slip off naturaly.

"Please, make yourselves at home. I'm almost done with dinner. Jonghyun, will you please come help me for a moment?"

Jonghyun winces at the look in Jinki's eyes as he passes him. He glances at the hard line of Kibum's mouth before he turns to follow his lover, and knows it means a harsh round of questions and rebuke.

"You didn't tell them." It's not a question. Jinki won't look at the younger male and his arms are crossed in front of him in a protective gesture. Jonghyun steps forward, arms held out helplessly.

"I did. I told them we've been dating for a year, we're in love, and we're moving in together."

"Don't bull me, Jjong. You didn't tell them I... That i'm not..."

He looks down, his eyes getting watery. Jonghyun knows Jinki. Knows that the boy is jumping to the worst conclusions possible.

"Baby, baby, I'm sorry. I was just-"

"Are you ashamed of being with me?"

"No Jinki, how could you even think that? I love you. I'm not ashamed of that."

"Then are you ashamed of being in love with a boy?"

Jonghyun hesitates for a moment because the truth is, he's thought of it. Thought of Jinki with a smaller face and thinner hands. Thought of Jinki with a tiny waist and long hair falling down his back. Thought of Jinki's eyes, Jinki's lips, smiling back at him from a woman's face. Thought of Jinki's muscular thighs being just a little bit softer, just a little bit easier to squeeze. Jinki's arms reaching out from a woman's body, caressing Jonghyun's back with delicate fingers. He's thought of it countless times, wondered what it'd be like, not having to hide the person he loves, being able to proudly show them off to the world. He's thought of it, but never wished for it, because he is proud. Proud of Jinki's clumsiness and wide smile. Proud of Jinki's stubby fingers and giant heart. And he really does love Jinki, adore him and his round face and thick thighs and wide back. So, yes, he's thought of it. But he'd never wish to change anything about his perfect angel.

"No. I don't care that you're a boy. That's not why I didn't tell them."

"Then why?"

And Jonghyun doesn't answer, because it's hard to admit that he was scared. Not scared of rejection or disgust or anything like that. Kibum is gay, after all. No, he was scared of not knowing. Not knowing how they would react, not knowing how they would feel about this sudden and rather unexpected development. And he was terrified that they wouldn't know either, that the moment the words left his mouth, they would look at him like a stranger, like someone they don't know, don't understand. And he would die if he had to face that look alone. If he has to face it, has to acknowledge the uncomprehending looks, void of recognition, he'd rather do it with Jinki at his side. He tries to convey all of this to the older boy without speaking, watery brown eyes staring up at gentle black ones. Jinki gives a tiny smile and cups his boyfriend's face in his hands, eliciting a sigh of relief from the younger boy. He keeps forgetting that there's more than just three people in the world who know him now.

"You better go back," says Jinki, glancing over Jonghyun's shoulder. "You have some explaining to do."

***

Surprisingly, it's Kibum who takes it the hardest. As soon as Jonghyun is out of the room, he collapses into a chair and covers his mouth, a shuddering breath making it's way past his lips. He sits completely still, hands firmly placed over his face. Taemin throws him a concerned look but Minho stands perfectly still, eyes void of emotion as he looks into nothing. Another shuddering breath comes from Kibum's side of the room, this one slightly more worry inducing in its sob-like quality. Taemin takes a step towards his hyung then hesitates, glancing back at the still imobile Minho for guidance. They can hear voices coming from the kitchen, not any words, but they can decipher from the distressed tones that they aren't the only ones who have been kept in the dark. Decieved. The word is unspoken and heavy in the silence between them. When the youngest speaks, his voice sounds small and jarring.

"He never said it was a girl."

"He never said it wasn't!" 

The venom in Kibum's voice is enough to make Minho turn his face slightly in their direction. Taemin can practically hear the joints in his neck creaking as he turns. Kibum glances at the kitchen again before bouncing of the chair and striding towards the other two. Taemin wonders vaguely if the flowers will wilt as the older boy passes them, like in the movies.

"When we were asking about his relationship, which we had no previous knowledge of, despite it's duration of a whole ing year-"

He takes a breath, pulling his thoughts back together.

"When we were asking about his relationship, we made it very clear that we assumed his significant other was a woman. Jonghyun gave absolutely no hints to suggest otherwise. He didn't even ing studder. He stared us straight in the face and talked about his love, as if he had every ing right-"

"Well, doesn't he?" Says Taemin, feeling it his duty to protect the eldest as the youngest of the group. It's not that he's not just as hurt and confused as the others, it's just that he thinks anger is the wrong course of action to take before listening to explinations. Jonghyun has always been a good and loyal friend, he must have an explination. And besides,

"It's not like he lied about it either, he just didn't correct us. Hyung can love anyone he likes, and we don't even know Jinki hyung, so-"

"'We don't even know him'. That;s it exactly it Taemin. Here comes Jonghyun, our supposed best friend, my ing family, popping out of the blue with some bull about being in love with a total stranger that none of us have ever heard of. But, hey? He's happy so why the hell not. We love Jonghyun enough to trust him, right? Right? But apparently he doesn't feel the same way about us because he doesn't even tell us that the person who he has been with for one whole freaking year is a man!!"

Taemin glances nervously at the kitchen, hoping that the two eldest boys in the kitchen can't hear Kibum's rising voice. Minho is still completely quite, but the corner of his lip twitches down a tiny bit as he listens to Kibum. Taemin talks quietly, soothingly.

"Hyung, we should listen to what Jjong hyung has to say. And man or woman shouldn't matter, right? After all, aren't you gay, too?"

"JONGHYUN IS NOT GAY!!"

Taemin throws another panicked glance over his shoulder, waving his arms desperatly for Kibum to quite down. The older boy doesn't pay attention.

"Jonghyun has never been gay, hasn't shown even the tiniest signs of having any kind of attraction towards guys. Ever. As a matter of fact, I distinctly remember Minho having to accompany Jonghyun into the bathroom and then home the night I came out to you guys. He's always gone out with girls and only girls. Big , wide hips, always!! So what the hell happened? One day he just woke up and said, what? 'I'm a little bored today, why don't I take a little swim in uncharted waters?' Without mentioning anything about his sudden change in his ula orientation to any of us? What the-"

"To you, you mean."

Taemin and Kibum both freeze at the sound of the low voice, dripping out of Minho's mouth with slow deliberation, as if his voice is testing the air in the room before coming out. His frozen features are melting now, stiff brow furrowing and stiff line of his lips pulling down.

"You're mad because Jonghyun didn't tell you anything. Because you think you know Jonghyun better than-"

"Guys?"

Jonghyun's soft brown eyes only need a second to pick up the feelings on each of their faces. Expressions he knows so well, but never thought he'd be the cause of. He sighs heavily, running his hand through his hair before pulling roughly at the back of his neck in a gesture the other three recognize; know to mean frustration. The eldest gestures vaguely for them to sit down and feels his distress grow when he notices they all take different seats, Minho sitting as far away from Kibum as possible. He sits down on the leather couch, facing the entire three. Resting his chin on interlaced fingers, he addresses them

"Well?"

"You didn't tell me." Kibum glances at Minho. "Didn't tell us. Didn't tell us anything."

Jonghyun rubs his thumb and forefinger into his eyes, another mannersim they all know so well. It almost fools them into thinking that everything's alright, that this is the same Jonghyun they've always known. Predictable, understandable, Jonghyun. But then there's a crash from the kitchen and they remember they have no idea what's running behind those familiar brown eyes. 

"I wasn't sure you guys would approve if I said anything. Thought it'd be best to have you meet him before making any assumptions about him."

"Like that he's a woman."

Kibum's voice is flat and Jonghyun twitches. Minho's face is back to being completely stoic and he observes the scene before him as if he's uninvolved. It's like high school all over again. Taemin gets up tentatively and sits on the couch next to Jonghyun, putting a hand on his friends tense back.

"Hyung, why didn't you ever mention anything about dating guys? Are you... Do you, um, like guys too? Or.."

The maknae's face is twisted into an odd mix between curiosity and embarassment that would have Jonghyun and Minho laughing any other time. Jonghyun thinks about the question and shakes his head slowly. 

"No, I like girls. It's just that the person i'm in love with happens to be a man."

Kibum's snort draws the attention in the room to him again.

"'Just happens to be a man.' Well fancy that. What crazy circumstances life presents us with. Oh well, take it and run with it, I guess. Have a wonderful rest of your life with him, Jonghyun. I'm sure that eventually you'll stop thinking about women, that it's only a matter of time before you stop noticing that he's got something a little extra. But you love him, so no probelm."

"Kibum."

"What the hell are you thinking, Jonghyun? You can't just up and change your uality like that. I know you, this won't last. You're just confused by how different this relationship is to all your others-"

"Kibum."

"-You feel comfortable and happy because for once you're not the only one who has to pull all the weight, because he can take care of you too. You think this is what you want, but it won't last. I know you, Jonghyun, I know you."

"Kim Kibum. That's enough. This is what I want."

And the younger boy freezes because Jonghyun is giving him a confident and determined look that he recognizes, but doesn't know. Taemin looks like he wants to say something but just then Jinki walks in, all sunny smiles and worried hands.

"Um, sorry if i'm uh... Dinner is ready."

And he gives such a sheepish grin that if Kibum didn't hate the older boy with every fiber of his existance, his motherly nature would have wanted nothing more than to save him from his own awkwardness. But as things are, he only gives Jinki a scathing look before brushing past him into the dining room, figuring it would do more harm than help to simply march out of the apartment. Taemin gives the eldest a sympathetic, if somewhat hesitant, smile and Minho doesn't look at him at all. Jinki looks desperately at his boyfriend who just shrugs and rests a soothing hand on his hip.

"Just give them time," He whispers pressing a consoling kiss to his temple.

Dinner starts tense and awkward, with Kibum's loaded words being thrown like rocks at Jinki and Jonghyun from across the table. Minho doesn't say anything at all, observing Jinki in a way that has the older boy twitching and squirming in his seat. Taemin is the only one who attempts conversation, offering reassuring smiles every now and then. It's not until somehwere in the middle of yet another awkward silence where they're all shoveling food into otherwise unoccupied mouths that Jinki drops his chopsticks on the ground and in his rush to pick them up, bangs his head against the table. He sits up, a hand pressed to his forehead, looking around so confusedly that Jonghyun breaks into loud, barking,  and incredibally familiar laughter. Taemin starts giggling uncontrollably and Kibum's inner mother momentarily forgets not to be concerned about the rapidly swelling skin as the firm line of Minho's mouth arcs just slightly upward. Jonghyun proceeds to give Jinki a quick and unsympathetic slap on the back, provoking a dissaproving shake of the head from Kibum. After that, the mood lightens significantly. Kibum is still throwing out more glares than usual, and Minho doesn't speak unless spoken to, and Taemin is quieter than usual, but the tension is gone, leaving only the awkwardness of new encounters. That feeling lasts them the duration of the dinner and even through desert, after which Taemin offers shyly to help Jinki clean up. The elder kindly rejects the offer, smacking Jonghyun on the back of the head instead. The shorter grunts irritatedly but gets up to help anyway, eliciting an amused sound from Kibum and another barely there grin form Minho. When the two eldest are gone, Kibum gives his 'son' a meaningful look and the youngest grabs two plates with a roll of his eyes, heading to the kitchen.

And that's where he sees it. 

He's shocked, even moreso than when Jinki walked into the living room to stand next to Jonghyun, more shocked than when his older friend admitted his hidden feelings to them. Shocked because he was having fun, because he quite liked watching the two eldest interact in a way that reminded him of a bad gag show that's funny because it's so stupid. It might've been better if it had been like in the movies, where the man's back is to the camera, the only thing visible being manicured hands gripping fabric. But it's not like that, not at all, because Jinki's hands are wet and soapy and suspended in the air around Jonghyun's waist, as the shorter boy leans forward, hands firmly pressed to the backs of thick thighs. And Taemin can see it perfectly, the way their noses smush together and the way Jinki's plump bottom lip had just dissapeared between Jonghyun's lips, both thier eyes closed to better concentrate on the feeling of the kiss. He shouldn't be so surprised, really, because these are the kinds of thing you do with the person you love, and Jonghyun had said he was in love with Jinki. But for some reason Taemin didn't think of this, didn't process fully that this was the kind of love the elder meant. He staggers out of the kitchen, still clutching the two plates and suddenly the images are rushing him, driving him to his knees. Muscular arms wrapped around a broad back, flat chests sliding against each other in the dark, the absence of high pitched whines to balance out the low grunts and moans. Jonghyun on his back looking up at-

No. No.

Taemin forces his thoughts to grind to a halt, because there is no way, no ing way that masculine, egotistical, strong-willed Jonghyun would ever let anyone-

"Tae? You okay? I thought you went to help with the dishes."

He looks up at Kibum's worried face in confusion, because it's not like he's never seen two guys kissing before. Hell, there was even that one time he walked in on Kibum having with muscle head ex, Dongwoon (a memeory he'd rather forget). So why was he so shaken by a little kiss? Actually, he knows the answer. Because Jonghyun's isn't Kibum, in his pink shoes and flamboyant hair. No, Jonghyun is Taemin's hyung, the one who pretected him from bullies and taught him how to fend for himself. The one who showed him how to talk to girls, how to woo them and make them feel good when the time came. Jonghyun who was there throughout all of his relationships, guiding and instructing him because Taemin never had a father to teach him these things. Jonghyun is-

"Is everything okay? Taemin ah, do you want me to take those plates?"

Taemin can't even look in the direction of the soft voice. For the first time that night, Minho speaks without being provoked.

"Thank you for your hospitality. Dinner was delicious, but tomorrows an early start for me so..."

"Of course, thank you so much for coming."

Taemin feels more than sees the sunshine in Jinki's smile. Kibum and Minho give quick goodbyes to Jonghyun on their way to the door. The last thing Taemin sees before the door closes is Jonghyun and Jinki standing side by side. For the rest of the night, he thinks about their matching broad shoulders and thick arms.

***

They reach Kibum's house first and the blonde makes to get out of the car without saying anything, but Minho suddenly leans forward catching him by the elbow.

"It's not about how well we know him, Kibum, it's about how much we love him."

The blonde pauses for a moment before pulling his arm away and getting out of the car. Minho stays in the beack instead of taking Key's place in the passenger seat and Taemin is silent as he pulls back onto the road, thinking about the elders words.

"What do you mean?"

He finally asks when they reach a red light, unable to handle the silence any longer. Minho meets his gaze for a moment in the rearview mirror then looks back out the window.

"Just that, the only reason Key is so pissed is because Jonghyun never told him anything. I mean, the four of us are like a little family and everything, but Kibum and Jonghyun are legitimately related. He must be feeling really betrayed right now. But at the same time, imagine how hyung must be feeling? Why would he hide something so important from us for so long? He must have felt that he couldn't trust us to accept him. We were all so focused on what we know about Jonghyun hyung, that he must have felt like he couldn't break out of that idea we had of him."

By now, they've pulled into Minho's driveway. They sit in silence for a moment before Sulli's face peeks curiously out from behind a curtain.

"I've got to go. Good night, Taemin."

The youngest doesn't say that he doesn't think there'll be anything good about it.

***

It isn't until the fourth grunt that Key decides to find out who the hell thinks it's a good idea to e in the flower shop where he is. He rounds the corner, tounge at the ready, and stops short at the sight that greets him. Lee Jinki is struggling with two potted plants held in his arms as he tries to push a third and much bigger pot across the floor with his feet. Key conciders just turning around and walking away from the person who he believes responsible for everything going wrong in his life at the moment, but then Jinki grunts again and sticks his tongue out in concentration and Kibum feels that sad kind of pity you feel when watching that one fluffy animal on animal planet that you just know isn't going to make it past day one. He steps forward and hauls the pot on the ground up before he can think, causing Jinki to jump in surprise, almost dropping his own pots. 

"Kibum-ah!"

"Quit gaping and pay attention before you break something. Where do you want this?"

Jinki decides not to tell the younger boy that maybe he should address him with a little more respect and instead jerks his head in the direction of his car. As soon as the three pots are safely arranged in the trunk, the blonde turns to face the elder.

"What do you want these for anyway? Jonghyun hates flowers."

He says this in a tone that indicates how stupid he thinks Jinki is for not knowing this already, but the older just smiles sheepishly.

"I know, but I wanted something to brighten the apartment while he's gone."

The tour. Kibum had completely forgotten. Jinki smiles sweetly at him and closes the trunk.

"Thank you for your help, Kibum ah. I-"

"Doesn't it make you angry?"

"Excuse me?"

"Jonghyun makes you guys move in together a month before his tour, randomly introduces you to his friends without telling them about your gender, makes your life super complicated, and then up and leaves to travel around the world for a whole year without you. Leaving you all by yourself in a two person apartment with nothing but some potted plants to keep you company. Doesn't it make you angry?"

"... Well, when you say it like that, it sounds pretty pitiful. But I don't think Jonghyun has the brain power to see all of that out. He's the kind of person that makes a decision and acts on it, only thinking about the consequences later."

Key immediately remembers why he hates this person, who thinks that he has a right to tell him what kind of person his cousin is. He's about to turn away when Jinki's smile twitches a little and the blonde is again reminded of that helpless animal.

"But yeah, I guess it'd be lying to say i'm not bothered at all."

"Have you told him that?"

Why is he entertaining a conversation with this person? This stranger who stole his cousin, his best friend. Just walk away, Kibum, let him feel lonely, let him suffer. Maybe while Jonghyun is away he'll meet some gorgeous french blonde with ginormous and an accent, forget about this loser with big teeth and no fashion sense. But Jinki is looking down, picking at the fabric of his offensive green sweater, looking for all the world like a lost child. Kibum hates him.

"Like you said, Jonghyun is stupid. If you don't tell him you'll feel lonely, he won't get it. That pabo needs everything spelled out for him. Make him take you with him." So he can see what a whiny you are and drop you like those tacky sneakers you're wearing. Jinki smiles brightly from under thick eyelashes and Key feels a little bit like a monster.

"Jonghyun loves what he does. Singing is the most important thing in the world to him. I know that he loves me too," He gives Kibum a quick apologetic look here, "but I don't want his love for me to conflict his love for music. Buying an apartment for the both of us to live together was more of a... significant move for him than anything else. To show me that i'm the one he wants to return to, that i'm his 'home'. That's already enough to make me happy, desiring more would just be selfish."

"Relationships are all about being selfish!"

Kibum feels just as surprised as Jinki looks by his outburst, because for a moment there all he wanted to do was beat the stupid that was this poor childs unfit lover, completely forgetting Jonghyun's involvment with it. Jinki blinks at him then smiles gratefully.

"You know, Kibum, Jonghyun was right about you."

"About what about me?"

"That you're one of the nicest people in the world."

Key blinks once, twice, three times before he feels the heat rising into his face. Jinki's smile grows even wider at the sight of the blush and Kibum shakes his head remembering Minho's words. He does love Jonghyun. Loves him a lot. And Jonghyun loves this person; the last person on earth Key would ever have put his cousin with. There has to be some reason behind it.

"Hey, Jinki hyung."

"Yes?"

"What's your faveorite animal?"

"Umm... I guess a bunny?"

Kibum takes in the small eyes, disheveled brown hair, and toothy smile. Yeah, that seems about right.

***

"He's no terrible."

Minho and Taemin stare at the blonde in shock as he stirs his chai tea, not looking up at either of them.

"Yeah. Stupid, clumsy, has absolutely no fashion sense, like, at all. But he's... nice, I guess."

Minho raises an eyebrow.

"I'm glad you had some.... bonding time. "

"We went to lunch after and when I pulled out my wallet, he turned all red and spluttering, insisting that he pay for himself. It was so-"

Key freezes and galnces up at the other two, spoon suspended in the air above his tea. Minho grins and raises an eyebrow.

"'So....' what? Cute?  Is that the word you were looking for?"

The blonde boy shrugs and Minho gives a low chuckle. 

"I'm jealous."

"I'm glad you feel that way, because I invited him to have lunch with us and he's on his way now."

Taemin chokes on his muffin and starts coughing erratically, a soggy chunk of muffing sailing out of his mouth before landing just shy of a horrified Key.

"What the hell, Taemin?!"

"You invited him here? Like, now? How close is he? I've got a lecture, a class, Kai needs me. Omo Kibum I can't believe you-"

"Kibum, Minho, Taemin. It's nice to see you guys again."

Taemin doesn't need to turn around to recognize the feeling of a sunshine smile spreading across his back. He feels his stomach churn and meaningfully avoids Key and Minho's curious gazes as they greet Jinki.

"Taemin ah, are you going somewhere?"

"Well, I um... No. No i'm staying right here."

He sinks defeatedly back into his seat and tries not to flinch when Jinki slides into the booth next to him. As the three older men sink into conversation, Taemin finds himself practicing the deep breathing he saw that one pregnant lady doing on those dramas Key likes.

"Taemin are you okay? Your breathing sounds pretty heavy?"

The concern in that velvety voice makes Taemin feel like a monster. Minho gives Jinki a reassuring smile from the across the table as Kibum mouths 'what the hell is wrong with you?' Taemin just shakes his head. How is he supposed to explain that the proximity of the eldest man is making him sick to his stomach? He can't figure out what's wrong with him. It's not that he dislikes Jinki. Quite the opposite, he thinks the older is funny and sweet. What really makes him hate himself is the fact that he knows that were it Key and not Jonghyun dating the man next to him, he would have absolutely no problem. But it's Jonghyun, manly man Jonghyun, who shares a bed with this person. Jinki isn't even as feminine as Kibum or even Taemin himself, he's of a similar stocky build as Jonghyun. So why him? Why-

"Jjong? Yeah. Yeah, I'm with them now.... Where?... Hmm, Okay."

"Whose he talking to? Is that hyung? Hyung?"

The entire table turns to the maknae, surprised by his panicked tone. Jinki opens his mouth to say something, but his attention turns back to the person on the other line.

"What? Yeah, that was Taemin. Do you want to talk to him?"

Taemin holds his hand out eagerly for the device and takes it quickly to the bathroom, ignoring the inquisitive gazes on his back.

"Hyung? Hyung, where are you?"

"I just left the recording studio. Tae, what's wrong? Did something happen?"

"Yes, Jinki."

"..... I thought you didn't-"

"I don't, hyung. I'm just... I just don't understand. Why him? Why a 'him'?"

"Hang tight for ten minutes, ok? I'll be there soon. Go give Jinki his phone back."

Taemin returns to the table and smiles in response to the questions thrown at him by his two friends. Jinki doesn't say anything, only smiles sweetly when Taemin returns the phone to him. The younger boy has trouble smiling back. He fidgets uncomfortably for the next ten minutes before his phone vibrates and he bolts out of the booth with a quick goodbye. Jonghyun is waiting outside, the engine of his grey BMW still running and he pulls away from the curve the before Taemin even closes the door. Their quiet, driving in silence until the coffee shop is far behind them. It's not until Jonghyun pulls into a half empty parking lot and kills the engine that he disturbs the silence.

"So, what's up?"

"How did you fall in love with a boy?"

It's not how he was planning to ask his first question, but it's already out and he can't think of a better way to phrase it, so Taemin lets it sit in the quiet atmosphere, waiting for Jonghyun to make something of it. The elder boy takes a moment to collect his thoughts, running a hand through his hair and scrunching his face. Taemin watches him, desperately clinging to the familiar habits in an attempt to make sense of what's happening.

"Like I told you guys, we met at my first concert. He was working as a writer for a local magazine and was doing an article on foreaign music making its way into Paris. I thought he was funny, and we got along well. He told me he was gay from the start, but I had absolutely no romantic feelings for him. I mean, at all. And he already had a boyfriend at the time. We became really good friends, though, and I stayed in touch with him when I left for Spain. We met up in Los Angeles about eight months after we met and by then he had already broken up with his boyfriend. We went out together and, you know, party hard. We got really drunk and..." 

Jonghyun cuts Taemin a nervous glance. The younger boy has both his hands clenched in his lap and looks a sickly green.

"We didn't sleep together that night, Tae. We just made out and... a little more. Anyway, it freaked me out big time. I left before he woke up, didn't answer his calls for months, split town. I was so scared Tae. I'de never felt anything for a gay. I've been way more wasted than I was that night, and slept with some ing ugly girls, but i'd never  made a pass at a guy. Never even thought about it. I mean, Jinki's not even girly like Key or you- no offense- he's even bigger than me, in more ways than one, if you know-"

"HYUNG!!"

Jonghyun smiles apologetically but can't help but laugh at Taemin's aggravated expression.

"Well anyway, my feelings were a mess, I had no ing idea what I was doing and I couldn't concentrate on anything. Not even my music. I thought that running away was just making everything worse so I called Jinki up and went to meet him. Talk things out. He..."

Jonghyun leans back, looking up at the cieling of the car, his eyes misting over and a complicated smile taking over his face at the memory.

"He said he was in love with me. Said he wanted me to know that he was willing to give up his feelings, that he didn't want our friendship to end. But he wanted me to know that he'd been in love with me for a while and... I didn't know how I felt so... That's when we started going out."

"So you didn't love him at first."

Jonghyun shakes his head thoughtfully.

"No. No, I didn't love him. To be honest, I regret it a lot for the first few weeks, told him I was confused. He never pressured me, always told me I could leave whenever I wanted and he wouldn't hold it against me. I don't actually remember when I fell in love with Jinki. One day I just woke up and realized he was all I ever thought about, that all the songs I was writing were about him. This only happened after my world tour was announced."

"But, That was only five months ago."

"Yup. I guess knowing i'd be so far from him for all that time really made methink about it. About us."

Taemin nods slowly, taking all of this in. So Jonghyun really had sweat over it. Falling in love with a man... It wasn't something even he expected or wanted for himself. But there was stil...

"Hyung. Earlier you said... You two hadn't slept together that night. But you two... You've..."

"I've had with Jinki, Taemin."

Taemin in a shuddering breath. He wants to laugh, push Jonghyun, anything to steer away from this topic, make it seem stupid. But he can't, because it matters. This is important to him. He turns and looks the older man straight in the eye.

"Who'se the man?"

Jonghyun sighs.

"We're both men, Taemin."

"You know that's not wh-"

"I understand the question, Tae. And that's the answer. Jinki and I are both men. There aren't any fixed roles."

Taemin suddenly can't breath. He understands how Jonghyun felt when he threw up at Key's confession and feels guilty for critizising the olders reaction at the time. Jonghyun lets him breathe through it for a moment before taking pity on the younger and patting him on the back reasurringly.

"It was only at the beginning when we were still figuring things out. Jinki's a pretty submissive person by nature, so it didn't take that many times to figure out, uh... positions...."

"... How many times did you... were you, um..."

Taemin doesn't need to finish the sentence. Jonghyun scratches his neck awkwardly. 

"Umm, just four times."

"Oh god."

The next thing Taemin knows, he's bent over the pavement, Jonghyun rubbing his back as he empties his stomach of everything he'd eaten that day. Jonghyun is characteristically chatting away.

"Come on, man, the last time I bottomed was, like, the second month of our relationship. That was ages ago, and when you compare it to all the times we've had and Jinki's bent over for me, four is- dude, what is that?!"

Taemin manages a garbled "Hyung, shut the up" before continueing to bid his pineapple and guacamole omolet goodbye.

**

Jonghyun closes his eyes, concentrating on the feeling of Jinki's fingers running through his hair.

"Kibum is really funny, maybe a little disrespectful, but he's really great. Minho's a bit quiet though."

"Yeah, once you get to know him better, that'll end. He's pretty crazy."

"Hmm, I can't see it... You're leaving in two days, huh?"

"Hmm. Don't worry, I'll make sure Key takes good care of you. He's a mom at heart, he won't let you die here alone with only plants as witness."

"I have friends too, you know."

"Yeah, Lee Joon is real responsible."

Jinki smiles, tugging playfully at his boyfriends hair. It's quiet for a while and Jonghyun almost falls asleep, entranced by the Jinki's warmth and smell. When the older speaks, his voice is so quiet and thoughtful, Jonghyun isn't sure if he's talking to him.

"Your friends really love you a lot, you know."

"Yeah, they do." He thinks of Taemin's happy smile and warm hug before he dropped the youngest at his house. "Even if they don't always understand what I do, they'll never leave me. They'll love you too, you know. If not because you're amazing, then because I love you."

The older just smiles and Jonghyun sits up, holding his face in his hands and forcing their eyes to meet.

"I do, you know. I love you. More than anything, Jinki. More than my music, more than my life. You're my home. I don't think I tell you enough, but I love you."

Jinki looks at Jonghyun, his brown eyes begging for the older boy to understand everything he can't put into words.

"I know," He says with a smile, because he does. Because he feels the same way. Because no matter what, Lee Jinki knows Kim Jonghyun.

And Kim Jonghyun loves him for it.