First Love

How many months has it been since he last saw her? He wasn’t sure and all he can remember that it has been a long time since he had last seen her and spoke with her. Probably, the last time he ever spoke with her was during the time she got some of her things back from the apartment and the last time he saw her was the time when she dropped by to his best friend’s place to say goodbye. 

Jiyong has accidentally overheard their conversation and he almost stepped out from his hiding place when he heard her goodbye. He can’t forget the way she said her goodbye and looked sadly at where their unit was. The sadness in her eyes broke his heart and he was at lost. Even his best friend seems at lost for words; Seunghyun just smiled and hugged her. The contact between the two made him want to rip them away from each other but he knew that he already lost the right to do that. 

He already lost it when he let her go. 

She didn’t even say where she’s going and a part of him was thankful. Why? It’s because he knew for himself that if he ever knew where she was, he would have followed her even with the lack of his better judgment. He would have because he wanted to be in the same vicinity as her even if she’s not his anymore. And even if he didn’t have the right to even look at her anymore, he just wanted to be near her. 

Months have passed since that day and his friendship with Seunghyun has been getting better. On the first few tries, they were awkward with each other since all they have talked about reminds them of her, of Dara. But after several more talks, they have an unspoken agreement of avoiding anything related to Dara. Maybe they knew that if it concerns her, they would never get to agree with each other. Although their friendship was not as good as what it has been, at least, they managed to be friends again. 

At least that’s what he thought of.

At that moment when he was reminiscing, he saw a woman passed by that looks a lot like her. Her hair was cut shorter and styled into a foxy bob that emphasized her small face. He wasn’t able to get a good look at her face but he knew that it was her. He can feel it. He wanted it to be her. He wanted to see her. 

Rather than revealing himself, he watched her every movement and from what he can deduced, she was waiting for someone. Maybe she’s waiting for her sister? Maybe Bom was supposed to pick her up or something like that? Or maybe she’s waiting for girl friends? Anyone but a man! He’s not sure what to feel if it was a man.

But then karma is always a BEYOTCH as what he feared the most has happened and he has no say into it. Jiyong watched as a taller and a little matured looking man waved at the woman who seems to be her. He saw the woman waved back and walk-run towards the man. 

“Wonbin! You’re late!” Jiyong heard the woman’s voice that made his heart stopped. He knew that voice very well. Of course, he heard that voice for a long time. Then he tried to make himself feel better telling himself that maybe someone has the same timber of her voice and it can’t be her. No, it can’t be her. She wouldn’t just find someone that easily, right? But his suspicious have been shut down immediately as the man named Wonbin apologized, “I got caught up with my work, Dee. Forgive me?” 

“Work, work, work! You are always too busy nowadays.” Jiyong heard ‘Dee’ say. A part of him wishes that it was just a coincident that the woman has the same voice as his Dara with the same nickname, even if a small part of him knew that he was lying to himself. 

“But not too busy for you, sweetheart.” That man named Wonbin whispered and planted a light kiss on the woman’s forehead. Then Jiyong heard the man whisper, “Why don’t I treat you to your favorite ramen house woman? I think you were just hungry from all the waiting.” 

The woman laughed, making Jiyong’s heart ache. Every second passed made Jiyong’s belief stronger than he wanted to. Just like how it happened in the movies, the woman slowly turned around and her eyes widened when she met his eyes as he met hers.

It was her.

It was really her. 

And he wanted to run to her and wrapped his arms around her. 

But he can’t. 

“Dara…” Jiyong whispered. 

“Ah…” Dara said and looked at him before glancing at the man beside her. Then she looked down.

“You know him?” The man named Wonbin asked her and she nodded. “Your friend?” It took a few seconds before she mumbled a soft, “Yes…” 

Then Wonbin smiled and offered his hand to Jiyong. He introduced himself, “Hi, I’m Do-jin Kim but everyone calls me Wonbin.” Then Wonbin looked at Dara with a loving look on his face and added, “I’m the lucky guy who finally snatched this woman.” 

Jiyong’s jaw almost dropped when he said it and looked intensely at her but she shyly hid behind him. Then he saw that man kissing the top of her head lightly as if she was the most fragile thing in the world and that’s when Wonbin asked, “And you are?” 

“Jiyong… Jiyong Kwon…” He barely muttered his name and accepted the other guy’s hand. “I’m a friend…” 

“Oh. Nice to meet you, Jiyong. I can call you that, right?” Wonbin asked into which Jiyong nodded. 

Jiyong just continued to watch her every movement and saw sadness flickered in her eyes but before he can ask her about it, it has quickly disappeared. 

“Uhm, Jiyong…” Dara finally managed to find her voice. “We have to go now… Nice to see you again.” 

“But…” Wonbin asked in confusion and looked at her. When he saw something in her eyes, the guy just nodded in agreement and turned his attention back to Jiyong. “Sorry, man. I guess my woman is just hungry at the moment and I need to feed her.” He chuckled. “We’ll see you next time and you can tell me some stories about her.” He looked at her and he whispered endearingly, “She’s a little too mum about her past and I wanted to know her more.” 

“Sure, next time.” Jiyong said unsurely and felt like he wanted to throw something to relieve whatever he’s feeling now. 

Then the couple waved him goodbye and he watched them leave. And he can hear his heart breaking into pieces. Is this what she felt when she saw me with another woman before?

It freaking hurts. 

Damn, it hurts. And it’s just seeing her in another man’s arms when it was supposed to be him in that man’s position. 

Damn it. 

Dara was in a daze for a while now. She let Wonbin guide her to wherever they went. She just went along as her mind is still blank from what happened. She can’t believe it. She still can’t believe it that she saw him. It has been so long and he looked so thin now. As if he hadn’t been eating properly, didn’t that brunette take care of him properly? Did no one ever make sure that he’s okay? Did no one check if he was eating his meals on time? Or dropped by to see if he was alive? Goodness, he looks a lot thinner than before and she wants to smack herself from worrying about him.

She’s incorrigible at times! And all these times that she was hopeless were always about him. How can she think of Jiyong when she’s with Wonbin? Wonbin has been nothing but a gentleman and an amazing boyfriend. He’s patient with her and she can really feel his care for her. But here she is worrying about another man. She should stop this hopeless habit of hers. When will she remember that she and Jiyong is no longer an item? When will she able to forget that he is not hers anymore and that she belongs to someone else? 

“Dara…?” Wonbin called her name that snapped her back to reality. She looked at him and she can see the worry in his eyes. He caressed her back soothing her tensed body and he whispered, “Are you okay? Do you like to go home?” 

She smiled weakly and shook her head. Although she would rather want to hide herself inside her room, she thought how unfair it would be for Wonbin who made time for her. 

“I can manage.” Dara managed to answer back. “I just got a headache.” 

Wonbin looked at her and studied her expression. Then he held her hand and squeezed it tightly, as if he was afraid to lose her, he whispered, “He’s not just a friend, is he?”

“Huh?” Dara looked at him with a bewildered look.

“Jiyong.” Wonbin said and smiled weakly at her. “You don’t need to tell me anything. I won’t force you at all.” Then he pulled her closer until she found herself caged in his arms and looking at his chest as he whispered, “But I’m not him. I won’t hurt you.” 

“Wonbin…” Dara whispered as she tried to look up but the tight embrace of Wonbin made it hard to do so. So she just whispered back, “I know that you’re not him. I know.” 

Ever since he had seen her at the mall accidentally, he tried his best to find her in his own means but it’s quite hard to do so. He just can’t ask her older sister to give out the information since he knew that Bom will not give it to him anyway. After all, he was the one who hurt her precious younger sister. He tried to stay at the mall from the opening time to closing time and trying his luck to see her again. But fate isn’t with him. 
All he got was some several numbers given to him by random girls. Girls that would have interest him in the past but not now. Not when his mind was full of her and only her. Why did it take him too long to realize how blessed he was before? How he was so fortunate to have her in his life? 

Damn it! 

Who should he asked for help? Then he remembered his best friend. Seunghyun would have known something about her. Or maybe his best friend can ask Bom about her. He knew that he was using his friend but he needed the information. Information about what happened to her in the last year and information about that man called Wonbin.

So he found himself knocking on his best friend’s door and revealed a harassed looking Seunghyun.

“You know that it’s one in the morning, right?” Seunghyun asked, his tone coated with irritation. “You should have a very good reason disrupting my sleep, Jiyong.” 

Jiyong twitched his mouth and decided to just ask him away, “Did you know that she’s back in town?”

Seunghyun’s eyes widened as if all his senses has suddenly woken up.

“What?” Seunghyun asked. “How did you know that?” 

Jiyong studied Seunghyun’s expression carefully and realized that his best friend did not know anything at all. He was just as surprised as he was. Seunghyun, lowering his pride, asked, “How is she?” 

“She’s fine.” Jiyong answered and motioned to Seunghyun if he can come in. Seunghyun nodded and he stepped inside his best friend’s unit. His eyes scanned the room and saw the photo frame that was on the side table. It has the photo of the three of them smiling at the camera. This was the photo taken at the studio where Seunghyun was working at. His gaze must have stayed there for a while as he heard Seunghyun say, “It’s the last picture that we have together…” 

“It’s just like yesterday…” Jiyong whispered and realized how his heart feels like being crushed as he sees the smile on her face in the photo and remembered how she was smiling at the man named Wonbin.

“How did you know she’s back?” Seunghyun asked as he occupied the couch opposite of where he was sitting.

“I saw her at the mall…” Jiyong started and he felt like his heart would explode when he remembered the way another man looked at her. But he decided to continue, “…she’s with someone.” 

“Oh…” Seunghyun whispered and as if reflecting Jiyong’s emotion, he was also crestfallen at the news.

“So you don’t know about the new guy.” Jiyong said. “And I thought you’ll know better.” 

Seunghyun looked down and sighed as he whispered, “No, she never tried to contact me and Bom noona is not telling me anything at all.” Jiyong frowned and made Seunghyun continue, “Noona told me that it would be better if I don’t know anything since she’s afraid that I’ll pass or slip some information to you.” 

Jiyong nodded in agreement. Bom knew him that well and looked at what he’s doing now. He was bothering his best friend at the middle of the night because of her. 

“For a while there, I thought you would have made a move on her.” Jiyong said in a teasing manner, his lips curved into a weak smile. “Since you love her.” 

“She didn’t love me the way I love her.” Seunghyun mumbled. “She told me that I deserve someone better and something better than being a rebound boyfriend in a rebound relationship.” 

Jiyong looked at his best friend and he scoffed, “Though I’m sure you wouldn’t have minded it at all?” 

Seunghyun weakly smiled and nodded.

“You told her that?” Jiyong asked curiously and saw Seunghyun nodded again. “And still she…” 

“Yes…” Seunghyun weakly answered. “She really loves you and that’s why I hated you at that time.” 

“At that time?” Jiyong arched his eyebrow.

“Until now. I hated that part of you that hurt her.” Seunghyun admitted. “You are a lucky man to have a woman like her beside you but you wasted it. You wasted it all so I hated you. Because you didn’t appreciate what you have.” 

Jiyong remained silent as he let his best friend let it out.

“I hated you because you have the woman I love… and yet you continued hurting her.” Seunghyun continued. “And all I want was to kill you at that time because of it.” Then he bitterly laughed, “But the irony is in me as I also know that she would be the first one to get hurt if you were dead so I let you live just to hurt her.” 

“But where is she now?” Jiyong asked back. “She’s not in my arms anymore.” 

“Because of your own selfish deeds.” 

“Do you think I didn’t know that? Of course I knew that.” Jiyong defended. “That’s why I wanted to kill myself for hurting her. That’s why I let her go because I knew I cannot take care of her. So even if it killed me inside, I decided to let her go completely. I let her walk away from me!” 

And the situation was reversed, Seunghyun remained silent.

“I let her see what I am so she could walk away.” Jiyong continued and tears started to fall from his eyes. “Just to see her again in another man’s arms… and I hate to admit it but it killed me and continued on killing me that she has found another man.” 

“Jiyong…” 

“And the thing is, I should not feel this way.” 

“Jiyong….” 

Then his tears turned into cries as he added, “But it hurts, Seunghyun. It freaking hurts and there’s no one to blame but myself.”

Fate seems to be cruel for the both of them as they run into each other again and this time Dara was alone. Wonbin was out of the country as he needed to settle some business ventures in Japan and Jiyong seemed a little please that she was alone.
“Dara…” Jiyong called her out that made her stop in her tracks. 

Calming herself by counting from one to three, Dara finally turned and smiled nervously at Jiyong to greet him. Then she tried to excuse herself and got out of his way but she failed, quite miserably at that. 

“Do you have some time for a cup of coffee?” Jiyong asked, his eyes were begging her to agree. 

Dara wanted to decline his invitation and made up some ‘reasonable’ excuses to walk away from him. But the moment she looked into his eyes and saw the desperation in it, she nodded and let him lead the way the nearest café. Jiyong chose the table on the right end corner where they can get some privacy and he even helped her get seated too.

“Thank you.” Dara muttered as soon as she got seated.

“No, thank you.” Jiyong said and smiled, his meaning wasn’t lost to her. She knew what he meant when he said his gratitude. It was because she agreed to talk with him. She smiled weakly into which he returned the smile kindly and he broke the tensed air, “Should we order the coffee first? Or would you rather have your usual vanilla peppermint tea?” 

She was surprised that Jiyong still knew her favorite and when she recovered from it, she nodded and let Jiyong ordered the accompanying pastry with it. She watched as he swiftly and gracefully moves toward the counter to order. Just like before, his presence alone commanded almost every woman to look at him, sometimes even men. That’s how Jiyong is. He looked so sure of himself and that’s one of his charms. It’s nice to know that it hasn’t change at all. She can see curious and interested glances of women and laughed at the oblivious man.

“How can he not feel those stares?” Dara asked herself and looked up to see that Jiyong was looking at her. His face reddened as if she caught him staring at her for a while or is he? She offered a small smile that turned Jiyong’s face a little redder than earlier, if that’s even possible. 

This Jiyong seems shy and like the Jiyong during their teen years. This is the Jiyong that she fell for but was lost along the way when they were together. It was nice to know that he was back to his old self or maybe he found a way to merge the two Jiyongs in him. Her train of thoughts must have distracted her and made her completely unaware that the subject of her thoughts were already back. 

“Here’s your tea.” Jiyong said softly as he carefully placed the hot tea on the table followed by a slice of a Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake, another favorite of hers. “I remember you like this so I ordered one.” 

“Thanks.” Dara murmured and took a sip from her tea to calm herself. 

An awkward silence enveloped the two of them and she can feel Jiyong’s stares. It was too intense that she was getting uncomfortable with it. She tried to stare back but she was too weak to do it. If it was him, she can never look into his eyes without giving out what she feels. 

“Uhm…” Dara cleared and finally broke the silence. She looked at him uneasily and asked, “So… what do you want to talk about?” 

“What do you mean talk about?” Jiyong asked in pretense innocence. He shrugged his shoulders and added, “I just want to spend some time with you. Catching up like good old friends.” 

She studied his expression and shook her head. Knowing Jiyong, she knew that he was lying and she would tell him that he can’t mess with her. Not anymore.

“I knew you better than that.” Dara said after carefully thinking of the appropriate words to say. 

He smiled and repeated her words, “Yes, you knew me better than anyone else.” 

“Jiyong.” Dara said and her tone is all business.

“I’m not lying to you. I…” Jiyong started and caressed the back of his neck. “I really did want to spend time with you.” He looked straight in her eyes and held her hand that was on the table. “I miss you.” 

She gulped and her stomach turned inside out with his stares. She never thought hearing him say that he misses me would affect her. But he did. He always did. 

“I... I’m sorry.” Jiyong said and squeezed her hand. “If only I can turn back the time, I wouldn’t have done what I did.” He bit his lower lip as he brought her hand to his face and sniffed it then planted a light kiss on her knuckles. “I shouldn’t have hurt you. I should have cared for you and loved you the way you should have been loved. I’m so stupid…” He continued rubbing his face with her hands like he was trying to memorize her scent. He whispered, “I miss you. Miss you so much.” 

“Jiyong, stop.” Dara said and tried to get her hand back but the look on his face made her stop. It’s not like she was cheating on Wonbin, right? She sighed and whispered, “You’re not stupid Jiyong. Don’t even think that you’re one.” She tried to make a lame joke to lighten up the mood, “Heck, you got higher scores back in college.” 

But Jiyong didn’t laugh and he just stared at her as he kissed her knuckles again, whispering, “I’m stupid for driving you away from me.” He continued planting light kisses all over her hand that was sending butterflies to her stomach as he whispered in between, “I already had you. If only I can bring back the time. I am so sorry…” He held her hand with both of his hands and kissed the tip of her fingers as he murmured, “I… I want to…” 

Before Jiyong could even finish his statement, Dara cuts him off sharply, “You can’t. I have Wonbin.” 

“Leave him!” Jiyong said in a louder voice that made everyone look to their table. 

“Jiyong! Calm down!” Dara exclaimed and looked at the other customers apologetically. “You can’t just tell me to leave him. He loves me.” 

“But you love me.” Jiyong said uncertainly. 

“What makes you think that I still feel the same way?” Dara challenged and crossed her fingers that she never gave out anything. She can’t believe this guy. He never changed at all. Who does he think is to tell her to leave Wonbin? Goodness, she closed her eyes to calm herself. “What made you think I will leave him for you?” 

“Because I’m the one you love.” Jiyong refuted.

“And you’re the one who hurt me the most by using that love.” Dara retorted. 

“That’s why I’m here to apologize.” 

“Sorry will not just fix it, not at all. Sorry isn’t enough.” Dara whispered.

“But it’s a start. I will do better. We can do it together. Come back to me, Dara, please.” Jiyong begged and walked around to be in front of her. To her surprise, and the other patrons’ surprise, he knelt down and begged her, “Please come back to me…” 

“How can you beg me to come back when you practically threw me away?” Dara asked and her voice cracked. She knew her tears are threatening to fall but she’s holding them off. She can’t cry in front of him now. She’s stronger. Then she whispered softly, “Wonbin saved me from myself and he loved me even if I’m broken.”

“But you don’t love him… You can’t be happy with him.” Jiyong said as he grabbed both her hands and held it tightly. “You can’t be…” 

“Not everything is about love. I like him and… in time, I’ll be able to love him too.” Dara admitted. “Love is not the only thing that can make a relationship work.” 

“You would always think of me when you are with him because you love me. I know you still love me.” Jiyong continued and his eyes were already wet with his tears. “Because I love you. I still love you, Dara.” 

She shook her head and stood up. He stood up right away and their eyes were looking at each other. She got her hands back and gave herself a chance to touch him again. She wiped the tears in his eyes and whispered, “I will not forget Jiyong because you were my first love. Because of that you would always hold a special place in my heart. Always.” 

“So…” Jiyong said and his eyes showed a little hopeful but she shut it down completely with her next words.

“But you know Jiyong… the magic of first love is our ignorance that it can never end…” Dara said and sadly smiled. “And it ended with us.” 

Then she walked away and left the bad boy watching her walked away.

And when she’s a little safe from him, she cried. She finally cried for the loss of her first love.



Writer's Note: hahah! I love you all.  Don't kill me okay. Just think about it, if you are in Dara's place.. what do you think you'll do? lol I can already see people trying to kill me.  Kkk Enjoy! 

Love, 
Berrie