I closed my eyes as I inhaled deeply, trying to relax every nerve of my body. The deafening silence filled the dorm and it made me realize that it’s the calm before the storm. Finally, I exhaled loudly as I opened my eyes. The white ceiling welcomed my vision.

“I will miss this place.” I mumbled to myself, not really caring if anyone would hear me talk to myself out loud. A lot of random thinking was done on this very spot in which I lay, on top of my bunk bed, amidst the pillows I stuffed on one side. Everything will change. And there’s nothing I can do but think about it. Think about why it’s going to change. Think about all the changes. And most importantly, think about how it will affect everyone and myself.

My lids became heavy and I permitted them to blind my sight. In the darkness that my skin allowed, I thought… Like usual.

The lawyer hired by Jihoon’s family, that will represent us on court, told us that we have to brace ourselves for what’s coming. As idols, our battle will be analyzed and criticized by the public. There will be a lot of tears in my immediate future. I can feel it.

So what if I’m a guy? I can’t cry? Psh. Please. I’m Taeil. I raise fish and love them. Of course, I would be soft. Especially since we’re talking about Block B here. Block B is my career. And within Block B are my friends. I'm not the only one that will get hurt here.

Are we really ready for this?

I sighed, getting tired of everything. We have no choice but to do this. They’re being unfair to us. We have to fight back and claim what’s rightfully ours.

--

“Hyung… Taeil hyung…” Kyung’s voice resonated in my head as I felt hands touching me, no, shaking me. My lids opened while my throat let out a grunt.

I looked at him through half-opened eyes and asked, “What?” My right hand flung itself to my right eye and rubbed it harsly.

“Zico said we need to talk about our future.” He answered while he started walking out of the room. I sighed and sat up, turning my head to the door.

“Haven’t we already talked about that with the lawyer earlier?” I asked, too softly for anyone to hear, as I followed him to the living room where everyone was gathered. Boxes of pizza and cans of beer found themselves gratuitous spots on our table and floor. I must have fallen asleep cause the clock read that it was already half past midnight when we got home at around 9 from the law firm. “What’s up…” I heard myself muttered as I sat on the floor, helping myself to a slice of pizza.

“Hyung, we’re talking about continuing Block B.” Zico replied after he drank alcohol from a can. He crushed it in his hand and placed it on the floor. They must have been drinking long before I was awaken since five or more crushed cans welcomed the one Zico had just drank from. “We're thinking of continuing Block B on our own.” He continued as he swiped a new can from the table.

I swallowed the pizza in my mouth rather forcefully as I threw him a look of surprise. “On our own? Are you crazy?”

Yukwon snickered as he bent down to get another slice of pizza for himself. “I told you guys it was a crazy idea.”

I nodded in agreement. “Not only is it crazy, it’s also suicide. None of us knows how to produce and we don’t even have money for that.” I reasoned out. I was pretty surprised with myself. I was actually voicing out my thoughts and they sounded pretty heavy in my ears. I rewarded myself with a big bite of my pizza.

“Hyung, I can get my parents to help us.” Jihoon said. His mouth opened to continue but I beat him to it.

“No, you’re not gonna do that. Do you plan on having your parents go bankrupt?” My mouth still had food in it but what the heck. I needed to reason out with these kids. No family will experience starvation just for the sake of our dreams. No, just no. I will not allow it. It’s different from us suffering. We can’t let others get involved.

“We should just join another company. We have an established fanbase here in Korea and abroad, a quite known status, and esteemed members… So I don’t really see why they would not want us?” Jaehyo finally spoke.

“We can join TS.” Minhyuk added. I snickered and nodded. Their artists are good performers and they seem pretty supportive with regard to their artists’ creative freedom.

Zico shook his head furiously. “No, we can’t. I don’t think they’ll let us in.”

“Why not?” Kyung asked with a slice of pizza inside his mouth.

“They have B.A.P. They would have a hard time focusing on two groups that have almost similar styles. One would obviously be overshadowed, or worse, neglected…”

There was an obvious sound of dismay in Zico’s answer. We all admire B.A.P. and would like to collaborate with them in the future. But since Zico has leadership wired into his genetic make-up, he was able to see the downside of joining TS. This was one of the many things I envy him of.

“Then let’s just join another label.” Kyung said.

“Don’t you guys see? If we become an independent artist, we’re free to create our own music. We’re free to think.” Jihoon said in between chewing the pizza.

“Yes, but that also means we’re gonna be doing everything. We’re gonna be the ones communicating with radio shows, music channel, events, and such just so we can promote or perform. We’re also gonna be the one who’ll be editing our music. We’re not really trained for that. And don’t even get me started with the business side of an entertainment company.” I explained to Zico and Jihoon. “We’re not trained for that. We’re not ready for that.”

I sighed as I saw the older ones nodding in agreement with me. Zico drowned himself to the can of beer he just opened while Jihoon sat on the couch silently with the half-eaten slice of pizza in his hand. My body relaxed as reason finally won over the two. I felt bad for crushing their hearts but it’s better this way than having casualties.

I grabbed a can of beer and opened it, slowly gulping its contents after I opened it with a loud fizz. I felt the cold alcohol delicately burning my throat as I drank it with closed eyes. I felt tired. I wanted to sleep. But the comfort pizza and beer bring me will always win me over.

“I think I can get someone to help us.” Jihoon spoke over the silence. Excitement was evident in his voice and it made my eyes roll. Why doesn’t this kid listen to me? I was about to speak when he raised his hand to stop me. “Listen, hyung… I know someone. And I’m pretty darn sure she’ll help us.”

“Is she a rich person who will let us use her money and will help us run a company?” Jaehyo asked with a hint of sarcasm before drinking from his own can of beer.

Jihoon took some time before responding. And with a shrug, he said, “She likes music and she’s really pretty.”

My eyebrows furrowed as I glared at him. “How would a pretty girl help us, Pyo???” I heard Yukwon asked the question my mind raised.