My name is Lee Donghae.

 

 

I, yah, nothing special about me. I’m an ordinary high school student, and now I just turned 17 this year. I live with my mom, and my dad died about when I was 7. I have an older brother, Heechul hyung who’s now studying in China and not coming back because he said he wants to work there too. I really missed him, though. But I trust him he will be okay, and he always protects me and be a good brother for me so, I’m not really worried.

 

My life is, monotonous.

 

 

I’m not as cool as those idols out there or even the prettiest girl in school, or the hottest guy. I’m just an ordinary guy who have no ability at all.

But trust me, I have best friends that all of them don’t have.

 

I have Sungmin, Leeteuk hyung, and Kibum whose their loyaltiness can’t into doubt. They’re my best friend, my everything. They knew everything about me as I know everything about them since we’re together when I’m still in junior high.

 

Even my uttermost secret.

 

“Hae, have you study math for next week test?” I heard Sungmin asked me as I sat to my current seat beside him.

I squint promptly to nowhere, sighing as those sinful math test conjured up to my mind. “Not yet,” I murmur.

Sungmin groaned, “Me too,” but then suddenly he bounce frantically, staring at me. “Ah! I bet you’re fan-boying again,”

 

My face suddenly flushed. “I-I’m not,”

 

But then, he tapped my shoulder and chuckled. “Hae, don’t you know you’re kind of popular guy here?” he asked, makes me blinked. “But your interest is only to...”

 

“No,” I sniffed. “I’m not that addicted,”

 

He rolled his eyes. “Yes, you are THAT addicted,”

Before I can even argue, the teacher has come all of a sudden, making both of us stopped talking, so does the rest of my classmates.

 

 

---===---

 

 

My name is Lee Donghae.

 

Like Sungmin said, yeah, actually I’m a bit popular. I don’t even know why an ordinary guy like me can attract many girls but, I did. And actually, it’s just them that didn’t attract me.

 

And like what Sungmin has said before, actually I—no, I’m not a... ugh, okay. I’m a fan boy. Maybe it’s not a weird thing but me myself found it weird because... uhm, I’m like, a—no, not a stalker, since I haven’t even met him—oh, yes, him.

 

I kind of... fan boying over a guy.

 

Uhm, yeah.

He’s, he’s an idol I’ve been attracted into since 2 years ago. He’s a rapper and a dancer, and yah, I swear—um, I think... he’s the most handsome idol that I’ve ever seen.

 

Wait—did I just say I’m gay?

 

I think no. Because hey—I’m not gay! I have ex girlfriends. And I’m not THAT addicted like Sungmin has said. I just... this is my secret and only my friends who know it.

 

I’m a biual.

And yeah, yeah. I can say he is my crush.

 

Or maybe-he's my love.

 

“Yah, hyung! What are you thinking?” Suddenly a voice snapped at me all of a sudden, making me gasp in over reacting shock.

 

Oh hell, where am I?

“Y-yeah?” I replied right after I realize I am sitting in the canteen. It’s Kibum, my junior and my best friend. Beside him, there’s Sungmin who’s staring cheekily at me, raising his brows up.

 

My eyes narrowed. “What is it, Min?” I asked due to his stare, and because Kibum didn’t even reply me back.

He just smiled and sipped his melon juice. “Nope, I think you’ve been day dreaming about him, just, I think,” he said and instantly, I widened my eyes.

“I’ve told you, Sungmin, I’m not THAT addicted and I actually didn’t like him! Got that?” I flare at him. It’s not that I’m mad, I just... I actually didn’t like him that much. That’s all.

 

But seems knowing me for that long, Kibum even joined Sungmin to tease me.

“All those girls is his fans too~ and actually few of them likes you, Hae,” Sungmin suddenly said as he pointed at a group of girls that likes to gossiping.

I sniffed, “Like I care.”

“Aww~ Hae hyung is mad, isn’t he? Or is he jealous that they are his fans? I mean like, hyper fans,” Kibum added which I don’t know why make me furious and makes my heart hurt. 

 

Yah, Donghae.

 

Hyper fans is sometimes good for his popularity.

 

But I hate it everytime I think about him.

 

I just... I don’t know, I don’t know if I like him or even hate him, I just feel hurt everytime I heard we’re talking about him.

 

“I hate him, I told you,” I murmured, took a glance at anything I could see at the moment.

 

 

He’s my, um, number one idol, and I hate him.

 

Such a weird mind I have.

 

“Uh, hmm... Okay,” Sungmin said, didn’t even sound shocked or what. “So you’re jealous over his other fans. He doesn't even know you,”

I rolled my eyes, sighed. “Can we stop talking about him?”

“Oh, he’s mad,” Kibum sounded, makes me more pissed off.

 

He doesn’t even know me.

 

Right.

 

So what?

 

 

“Okay okay, we stop now,” Sungmin sighed, “Let’s just eat, Hae. You haven’t even touch your lunch.”

 

I just inhaled deeply.

 

 

---===---

 

 

My name is Lee Donghae.

 

I’m now sitting in my desk at my room, surfing through the internet which what I browse is unconsciously... Something related to him.

 

I don’t know why I did that.

He’s having a special stage last week, and here I am, downloading all the fancams through YouTube and admiring his handsome face.

 

He danced perfectly.

 

And he even sang.

 

I know, he’s not singing that much since he always collaborate with any great singer but I just love his voice.

 

Well, I couldn’t lie.

He just wonderfully perfect.

 

His perfect abs, his milky white skin, his perfect jawline, his always perfect hair, his gummy smile—ugh.

 

I can’t help illustrating him, since... He’s too undefinable.

 

And I felt my heart thumps really hard everytime I see him right at this screen. Not to mention, I haven’t meet him in person—well, I mean seeing him in a concert because I always denying to myself that I’m not THAT addicted—which I really am—err, no... and yah, it seems like he’s too far away because of it.

 

Sad.

 

“Lee Donghae, come here and get your dinner!” I heard my mom squealed from outside, making me gasp and groaned unconsciously because my fan-boying session has not finished yet.

 

Yeah, he’s too far away.

 

We’re too different.

 

 

I’m just the ordinary Lee Donghae.

 

 

And he...

 

He’s JUST that super famous Lee Hyukjae.

 

 

 

---===---

 

 

“Hae, is that true that the new album of Hyukjae has sold out?”

 

I heard a voice.

 

“Um yeah Min, but... I don’t know if there’s still any in the music store that’s near ELF park,” I answered without staring at him.

Sungmin exhaled. “He’s really popular,”

 

Uh.

 

“Yeah, he is,”

 

Stop being so jealous.

 

That’s annoying, Donghae.

 

I continue with what am I doing, making a random doodles on my math paper as there’s no teacher coming to the class when suddenly he nudge me.

“Huh?”

“Don’t you want to buy it?” Sungmin asked.

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah I will,”

 

Suddenly, a bunch of girls squealing behind us, making us gasped in shocked.

 

“KYAAA! Hyuk oppa!!”

My heart suddenly stopped. Hyuk? Are they squealing over Hyukjae?

But then Sungmin sighed. “There it is again, those girls have bought the album I bet.” He glance at them and turned back at me, smirking. “I think they’re watching it right now,”

“You should bought it, there’s a dvd on the backstage, behind the scene and music video making inside,” he said, still grinning.

 

Tch.

 

I know that.

And I thought he didn’t know?

 

“Yeah that’s why I’ll buy it,” I said, not wasting my time for looking at him since he’s starting to get annoying.

 

Don’t freaking envy.

You’ll buy it soon.

 

"Omo omo, there~~~ my husbaaaand~!”

My eyes widened as Sungmin do a sudden choke.

What the freaking hell, husband?? You said Hyukjae is your husband? off, es! O-okay. I’m not suppose to be like this but hell.

 

That’s sounds annoying.

 

“Wow, he’s jealous,”

 

I glared at Sungmin. “I’m not Min, I’m freaking not,”

“Yeah whatever,” he said, leaning down to his desk. “So, you’ll buy it after school?” he asked.

 

Why do he care, anyways?

 

“Hmm,” I just hummed since I know he knew.

But then, suddenly, he jolted up. “GREAT! Let me join you,” he said and grinned like an idiot.

I stared at him awkwardly. “I...I think I can go there by myself,” It’s not that I don’t want him to accompany me, but... He’s just creepy. He must be into something.

 

He frowned.

 

“NO! Let me join you, and I don’t take no as an answer!!”

 

 

---===---

 

My name is Lee Donghae,

 

And I’m standing in front of my destination—the music store near ELF park which a bit far from my house with this pink bunny guy—err, yeah, that’s Sungmin.

And he’s still grinning like an idiot.

“What are you grinning at?” I asked him, feeling curious because I’m unable to ask him earlier.

But he says nothing and just grabbed my arm. “Let’s go in!”

 

After I go in, there’s a few customer inside, and I was sure no one looks like currently waiting for him—you know, I was thinking of he’s going to meet someone here—except the sales guy, and... of course that was sales guy do. Right?

 

“Omo!” I heard a gasp from Min’s mouth as he looked into a direction. I followed, and there’s nothing except a sales guy.

“Huh?”

“I-I’ll.. I’ll be back,” He muttered, still locking his gaze to the dumbfounded sales guy.

 

I followed him with my eyes because I’m really curious what he’s up to, but then—WHAT? He... does he just flirting with the sales guy??????

 

What the...?

 

Okay, looking at the sales guy.. He’s not bad. He’s young about our age, and he’s kind of handsome. But... seriously, MIN?

 

Aish, I think I have to leave them alone.

 

 

Okay.

Now why am I here again?

 

Oh, right. Hyukjae’s album.

 

I sighed, then start walking to the ‘new release’ rack. There’s still many of the popular album just coming, so I was sure that there’s still at least one, album of him.

“Erm... Where the hell is it...”

Okay, I think I missed up a little. I try to search again and again, but then I frowned. It’s already sold out too?

 

Aish.

 

My life is so ed up.

 

I still try to search it when suddenly my gaze move to Sungmin and the sales. Oh right, why didn’t I ask the sales guy? Maybe it’s not at this rack.

 

I stepped closer to them, and suddenly, Sungmin squealed. “HAE!”

My brows raised. “Wha—“

“This is Kyu, Kyu, this is Hae, my schoolmate. Oh oh Hae, have you found your album?” He asked all of a sudden while introducing me and him.

 

Oh, so he managed to get closer with him...

 

“Uh, yeah, I think it’s sold out too—“

“OH GREAT!” he squealed again, making me staring shockly at him. WTF? Did he just happy because of my sadness?

“Oh, sorry Hae, that’s not what I mean,” he said, still grinning. Aish, why this bunny guy never stop grinning anyway?  “Kyu, where is it?”

The sales Kyu raised his brows. “Where is wha—oh!” he then stared at me smiling. “I still have one for you, if you lucky.” He said, smirking.

 

Huh? He still has one??

 

“I asked Kyu to save one for you because I know it already been sold out everywhere, Hae,” Sungmin said.

 

 

MWOH, REALLY??

 

“I-is that true??”

He nodded.

 

But when I about to hug him, he stopped me. “Okay,let’s just ask Kyu where the album is. Kyu?”

 

Kyu nodded. “Yep, I put it on the ‘old popular’ rack, at the top and the deepest part of it,” he said.

 

I raised my brows. What!! What if someone found it and took it? NO!!!

 

“Oh, um, okay, thanks,” I said and then rushed to the rack Kyu just said.

 

 

Okay, this is the rack. There’s many old popular album here, even Hyukjae’s 2nd album but of course I already have it.

 

My hand sneaked to the top of the rack, searching for something when finally I--

 

 

FOUND IT!!!

 

Woohoo!!!

 

I grabbed it tightly as I stare at the cover happily. It’s really him!! Finally I got the album! 

And I bet this will be the most precious thing I’ve ever have related to him.

 

This album is glass-made, which is it can broke that easily, and it’s really heavy and thick. Hyukjae’s handsome face is on the front and the back, and it’s really fragile.

 

I have to treasure it—

 

“Ouch!!”

 

CRANKKK!!!

 

 

Ouch...

What the hell is happening...

 

I was... on the floor, half sitting—oh, okay.

 

I fell.

 

 

And the alb—

 

MMWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!

 

 

OUCH!!!!

 

It’s broken!! And... and the glass is shattered everywhere. Including my...hands.

 

OKAY GREAT.

 

MY HANDS IS IN DANGER.

 

IT’S BLEEDING SO MUCH.

 

And it’s hurt like hell.

 

Aish, stupid! Stupid Donghae!! It’s broken yet you still have to pay for it and this is the last one. And who the hell bumped into yo—WAIT.

I bumped into someone.

 

No, no.

 

Someone bumped into me and make me fell.

 

BLOODY HELL!

 

I stood up, carrying the already broken Hyukjae’s precious album as I got high tempered. Who’s the culprit??

WHO’S THE—

Suddenly, someone held my hands—my bloody hands, making me winced because it’s really hurts.

 

“I-I’m sorry, are you okay?”

 

I stared at my bloody hands, trying not to be scared by my own blood then stared to the owner of the voice.

 

 

What.

Who the hell is this guy?

 

He looks familiar...

 

His handsome face, his milky skin, his perfect jawline... err, I can’t see his hair since he’s wearing a hoodie but he is really, handsom—

 

I stared at the album on my hand, then back to him.

 

 

Why he’s so—

 

HYUKJAE!?!?

 

 

OH MY HEAVEN.

 

 

I dumbfounded as I still feel slight pain and seeing his concerned expression make me speechless.

 

His hands were on mine...

 

OH DAMN!

 

But then, I felt my hand become more hurt and I suddenly realize what happened. Even he’s the real Hyukjae, he can’t just destroy his own album and make me suffered like this!!

“W-what are you doing?” I exclaimed as I pulled my hand from him, securing the album in my hand. I bet the album already stained with my own blood right now.

I glared at him. “This is the last one, you know!! My friend saves it for me and you broke it!!” I yelled and unconsciously pouted.

 

But he just dumbfounded, staring at me.

“Yah!” I yelled again but it’s just make him blinked.

I snorted.

“I’m hurt now and it’s because of you, I hate you!” I exclaimed and then go left him, heading to Kyu and Sungmin’s place. They didn’t seems like recognizing us since they already busy with themselves.

“Min, let’s go!” I said, pulling his hand and took out my wallet quickly and pay the price of the album.

“Kyu, sorry but I think you should do something with the scattered glass over there,” I said and drag Sungmin away from the music store.

 

Before I left, Hyukjae still staring at me, about to held me from going but I just sniffed and quickly left.

 

I don’t know why I did that.

 

He’s Hyukjae, Hae!!!

I think I just... can’t show how I like him in front of him.

 

It’s harder than it looks.

 

...

 

AISHH!!!

Now i’m not be able to meet him again.

 

But... he make my album broke!!

 

 

Yah, whatever.

 

 

---===---

 

My name is Lee Donghae.

 

It’s been 2 months after my sudden meeting with Hyukjae.

 

Okay—I admit. I kind of regret why I just leave like that. What if I didn’t on my high tempered mode that time? I will definitely ask for his autograph and even took a photo with him!!! OMO!!!

Aish.

 

Stop thinking about that, Hae.

 

You can’t turn back the time.

 

Suddenly, I felt a tap on my back.

 

“Hey, hyung~!” Ah, it’s Kibum. “Why don’t you eat?”

I nodded. “I’m waiting for you guys,” I said to him and to Sungmin beside him. Sungmin stared at me excitedly.

“What?” I asked.

“Hae, you wouldn’t believe this. But I got photos of your Hyukjae from my friend!!”

 

I rolled my eyes.

 

Hyukjae again.

 

 

“Here, here, look! This one, he looks so hot right?” he said, squealing.

Okay, okay. He is, but I'm not in mood to see him at this moment, and you know, I’m getting tired of thinking about him.

“Yeah,” I just murmured.

 

“And... Omo! This one! He’s biting his lower lip!! So y!”

I sighed. “Can you just stop showing me those pictures?”

 

It’s not that I don’t want to see him, but as I told you before, he’s my idol but I hate him.

 

I don’t know why.

 

 

Maybe I hate him because he stole my heart without even knowing me.

 

Sungmin sighed. “Okay... But... Oh, wait!” he said suddenly like he just remembered about something.

“Do you know about his, um... Scene? New MV?”

 

I swear my heart just stopped.

 

I’ve heard it, but I don’t want to know.

 

Because it’s a freaking kissing scene.

 

 

“Y-yeah,”

He leaned on the table, yawning. “Good thing you didn’t hurt, Hae,” he said as he smiled. “Now let’s order something to eat~!”

 

Damn.

 

 

Why should he mentioned that?

Thinking about that makes me nauseous.

I don’t think I still have those appetite to eat.

 

What if he has a girlfriend?

 

 

Oh please, not now, Hae.

Now my heartbeat is getting unsteady as I felt suffocates feeling on my throat.

 

This is the worst feeling ever.

 

And, yah...

 

I do hurt.

 

 

A lot.

 

---===---

 

My name is Lee Donghae.

 

It’s been a month since that MV thing—which to be honest, I still can’t get rid of it from my head.

 

What should I do?

 

Nothing, Donghae.

 

And thinking about him, that means it’s 3 months since my embarassing meeting with Hyukjae.

I still regret about that.

And... What makes me calm down a bit now is the actress from the MV is not his girlfriend.

 

...

 

 

Maybe.

 

I know nothing but yeah, the rumor is never appears, it’s only appears wildly in my mind, which is that’s why I desperately want to stop thinking about him if it’s only lead to this .

 

“Hi Hae~”

I heard super familiar voice from my back as I just snorted in silence, not bothered to greet the voice back.

“Yah, Hae,”

He calls out again.

 

Haish.

“What, Min?”

 

Seriously, I’m now sitting peacefully on my seat between the free time now and just want to be alone when Sungmin start to disturbs me.

He pulled his seat towards my right and sat nicely. “So, what’re you thinking eh?”

I looked away. “Nothing,”

“Yaa~ him again eh?”

 

Why he always make his conclusion himself, actually?

 

I sighed sharply and glare at him who’s now grinning like an idiot bunny. “Get lost, Min,”

He raised his brows. “Huh? But... I thought you feel lonely in this free time with no teachers,” he said and pouted.

 

Argh... Now he’s trying to be cute and make me pitied him?

 

“Whatever,”

 

“Oh, yes! Leeteuk hyung said he got free time to hang out with us this afternoon,” He cheered again.

 

Oh, Leeteuk hyung?

“Really?”

 

He nodded.

 

Leeteuk hyung is my best friend but he’s on college already, which is that makes it hard for us to hanging out with him.

 

And fyi, he has a boyfriend—yeah, boyfriend, he’s gay—that is Kibum’s older brother.

 

“Are you free after school, Hae?” Sungmin asked, continuing the topic.

Hm... I have nothing to do after school.

 

It’s boring like always. “Yeah, I’m free,”

“Great!! We’ll go to the cafe near my house to meet him, ok?”

 

I just nodded as I letting out a sigh.

 

 

---===---

 

“Hey, Hae!” I heard someone yelled at me on the corner of the cafe. I narrowed my eyes, try to see clearly and there they are, Leeteuk hyung, Sungmin and Kibum.

 

Oh, and there’s Kangin hyung too—Leeteuk hyung’s boyfriend at college.

 

I quickly waved at them while smiling widely, then walked excitedly towards them. “Hi, Hyung!”

Leeteuk hyung smiled.

“How are you, Hae?”

I smiled back at him, “I’m fine of course,”

“Ah! He’s lying,” Suddenly I heard the usual annoying voice which I immediately knows it’s Sungmin which makes me glared at him.

 

What does he mean by I lied?

 

“What do you mean?” Leeteuk hyung asked after I took a seat between them, and Kibum offered me the menu.

Sungmin chuckled. “You know... His forever-love, hyung~” He said with his teasing tone.

 

I widened my eyes.

 

My forever-what??

 

“Oooo~” I heard Leeteuk hyung grinned at me and nodding understandingly as he doesn’t even stop giving me that same teasing stare as Sungmin.

“That rapper Lee Hyukjae, eh?”

 

I bit my lower lip.

 

Ugh, of course Leeteuk hyung knows me too well, even he doesn’t meet me that often.

 

 

But...

Still, this is embarassing.

 

Look, it’s not like I’m addicted to him that much.

 

O-Okay, maybe I am... But not THAT much like I’ve always said.

 

 

Even... That handsome smile is so hard to resist.

 

Awh.

 

“See, hyung? He’s blushing like a crazy fangirl now,”

 

What!

 

“E-eh? No! Sungmin ah! Shut up,” I snapped at him, unconsciously pouting whether because he always tease me or because he interrupt me imagining Hyukjae’s smile.

Aish.

 

“Oh, Hae, his birthday is in 2 weeks, right?” Kangin hyung then said all of a sudden, makes me held my breath. Not because I forgot his birthday—wait, I didn’t forget!—but because Kangin hyung even shows his interest to tease me.

 

Um, okay. Maybe he’s just asking.

 

But... HEY! How did he know?

 

“How do you know that... hyung?”

He leaned on the seat and smiled. “My cousin is his fans. That’s why I know that, she’s crazily spazzing about him a lot,”

 

O-oh.

 

So Kangin hyung’s cousin is his fan?

 

“Uh-oh, someone’s jealous,” Sungmin murmurs beside me.

Seriously, this guy?

 

“I’m not, of course!”

 

Everyone then laughed as Sungmin asked again, “Then why are you pouting?”

 

I blinked.

I did?

 

“Okay, enough with the tease, Min ah,” Leeteuk hyung then said before Sungmin could say anything more. “So Hae, I know you would come for his birthday party with fans—like, those fans meetings right? Or whatever it called,”

 

WHAT!

 

Even Leeteuk hyung knows those things.

“W-wha? I—no, I’m not that hyper to go there!” I said doubtly.

Wait, I’m not.... Doubt. I just—it’s true!

 

I heard a long sigh from my side. “See, hyung, he became a great liar since he likes that Hyukjae,”

 

YAH!

 

“I’m not liar!!” I snapped.

He stared at me intently, “But I know you want to go,”

“Huh? Of course I’m not!” I lied.

 

Eh? No, I’m not lying!

 

Okay—I know it’s half lied, I know. Of course I would love to meet him again but... Everytime I think about that, and if I managed to meet him again, I would get so embarassed because I’ve ever mad at him and stuff.

 

That’s not a really good impression.

If I go there, it would be such a waste if I don’t ask for autograph, right? Then now, he’ll surely see me again.

 

What if he hates me because of those incident?

 

NOOO!!

Argh.

 

I can’t.

Maybe that’s why I refuse to meet him.

 

“Did you stop liking him, hyung?” Kibum asked, snapping me from my thought along with the arrivals of my lemon tea.

I raised my brows. “Eh? I... I still like him... Uhm, I mean—his.. His songs and stuffs, and his dance moves... you know—“

“Of course he still likes him, Bum ah,” Sungmin cut my sentence annoyingly.

 

Oh geez.

 

I think I would never ever hide something from this guy.

 

 

---===---

 

My name is Lee Donghae.

 

 

It’s been a week.

It’s a week left.

And of course I couldn’t calm myself because of this.

 

You know—Hyukjae’s birthday.

 

So many fans I know have already talked about the events which most of them will come. They even talk about things they want to give for Hyukjae’s birthday present.

 

Thinking about that, again, makes me want to puke.

I know if I want to see him, I can just come like that—between those girls, but yah I careless.

And of course that’s not what I concerned about.

 

Ugh.

 

Why did I have to meet him months ago?

Okay, I consider myself as a lucky person.

So... Why did I have to lose my temper that time?

 

Stupid, stupid, stupid Hae!

 

Ring~

 

I glance at my phone beside me on the nightstand.

 

Oh, it’s Leeteuk hyung.

 

“Hey, hyung~” I greeted at him cheerfully. I don’t want anyone knows that I am frustrated because of only this.

“Hi Hae,”

“What happened, hyung?”

 

Yeah, why did he calls me? He most of the time busy studying and stuffs, barely calls me.

 

“Um... Can I ask you for a help?”

I blinked. “Well, of course, hyung,” I answered, “What is it?”

There’s short silence from his line, then followed by a sigh, “Kangin ask me to help, you know, ummm... Can you just... go to Hyukjae’s fan meeting?”

 

What?

 

“Sorry, hyung, what?”

 

“Uh, okay, Kangin’s cousin, Taeyeon, she’s a big fan of.. Your Hyukjae, and she madly wants to go there...” He explained slowly. “But she’s still too young to go alone which is why...”

 

Don’t say that I have to...

 

“Uh, but... hyung, can’t it be K-kangin hyung instead?” I asked, grabbing tightly the fish plushy on my lap.

“Sorry, Hae… We have many exams these days, Kangin can’t accompany her,”

 

Uh oh.

 

This is bad.

 

“U-um… why won’t Sungmin instead?"

Yeah, he won’t be busy right??

 

“I’ve tried to ask him but… He asked me to ask you countless time. Same as Kibum,”

 

AISH!

Those guys!!

 

Now I’m wondering why they always interferes my own problem.

 

I bit my lower lip as I glance nowhere uneasily.

This would lead to nothing but to accept this offer, right?

 

It’s not even an offer.

 

It’s something I should do.

 

“Hae?”

I gulped nervously.

 

Fan meeting…

That means… I’m so close to him.

I can see him standing below the same roof as I am.

 

 

Oh gosh.

 

Oh gosh!

 

No.

 

B-but…

 

 

“Hae, are you still there?”

I gasped, “Y-yeah, hyung. I’m still here,”

“So? You won’t disappoint your hyung, right?” he asked and I swear I could see him smirking a bit by that sentence.

 

Aish!

I guess I had no choice.

 

“Um. O-Okay, I’ll try,”

 

---===---

 

 

I definitely want to ask for an autograph.

 

OMO!!!

 

It’s 1 day left until I met him again in his fan meeting.

I mean, It’s freaking TOMORROW.

 

Okay, I admit.

I am excited.

 

I know I’ve been refusing it countless times because Sungmin and Kibum keep on teasing me but yeah, they said it’s worth it.

They just don’t know I have a bad memory with Hyukjae.

 

Not a bad memory, but it’s an embarrassing memory.

 

GYAH!

 

Thinking about that makes me want to bury myself alive.

 

I don’t wanna go!!

 

B-but…

 

Aish!

 

Just go, stupid.

 

 

Besides, whether you want it or not, you have to accompany Taeyeon to attend it too.

 

And she’s a crazy fangirl.

 

 

Oh man.

This is going to be tough.

 

I mean, look, she must be giving Hyukjae something like the other crazy fan girls do, right?

 

Uh, um, maybe not.

 

But… Gosh, I really want to give something because just like the other fan girls, I want to give something so that Hyukjae would keep it or yah, ty stuffs like that.

I can’t help it.

 

“Hae?”

 

I turned my glance to my room’s door, revealing my mom who’s standing there.

“Ne, Umma?”

“Aren’t you forgot that variety show today invites Hyukjae as the guest star?”

I raised my brows.

 

OMO!

I almost forgot.

 

As fast as light, I ran downstairs towards the couch and turned the TV on, searching for the right channel.

 

Gosh, great thing umma reminded me.

 

Yeah, there’s no need to tell you anymore that my mom knows that I like Hyukjae, right?

I pressed a button, and suddenly the TV screen shows a familiar breath taking figure.

“It’s him!” I squealed unconsciously, not even bother to lean comfortably on the couch because of this too excited feeling.

 

Aish.

 

This hyper side of mine.

 

It’s annoying, you know Hae?

Seeing how handsome and charming he is right now makes my heart hurt.

 

“Oh, it’s starting?” My mom asked as she stepped down through the stairs, following me.

Yeah, it is.

 

“Hello everyone! I’m Lee Hyukjae,”

I bit my lower lip as he shows his gummy smile while introducing himself. The girl host smile at him.

 

Ugh.

“So, Hyukjae ssi, I bet you’re excited for tomorrow right?”

 

Oh, I bet they are now talking about tomorrow’s big event.

 

He nodded after glancing to the woman. “Of course!” he said, cutely raising his brows. “I can’t wait to see my Jewels,”

 

Jewels.

 

His fan’s name.

And yeah, I consider myself as one.

 

 

The woman host giggled, “You even named them Jewels, they are too precious aren’t they?” she asked.

Such a nonsense. Of course fans are precious for every single artist.

 

He nodded again, followed by his gummy smile. “Ne, of course they are really precious to me,”

I stared without even dare to blink from the screen as I felt the couch was shifting because of my mom's sitting next to me.

“Here, umma made you hot chocolate,” I heard she said and without even waiting for my reply, she already gave me a mug of it, make me looked away for seconds.

 

Hm..

That’s not important anyway.

 

I continued staring at the screen.

Aish.

I think I’m being hypnotized by this guy.

 

“And anyway, Hyukjae ssi, have you got the ‘someone special’ yet? Excluding your fans,” That woman host asked.

That stupid woman host freaking asked.

 

ARGH!

Why such a question???

 

He raised his brows, seems surprised by the question, but second later he bit his lower lip while smiling shyly.

My heart seems stopped.

 

The woman host chuckled seeing his expression and murmured, “Ah, he’s shy. There must be someone,”

 

...

 

Can I just kill her?

 

I felt someone tapped my shoulder. “Yah, yah, put that on the table first, I don’t want the mug fell,”

It’s my mom.

 

Seriously, in this condition?

I sighed while putting the mug on the table, heart still beating oh so wildly.

 

Uh, no.

I felt like I want to ran to my room.

 

But...

Curiosity owned me.

 

ARGGHH!

 

This is insane.

 

I keep on staring at his face when suddenly his expression change to sad expression.

 

 

H-huh?

W... Why he showed that expression?

 

 

“Y-yeah, actually... I’ve met ‘this person’...”

 

 

...

 

He stared down and try to smile again as if what he's about to say is really funny, but I know he couldn’t even hid the hurt in his eyes.

 

“But yah... It seems like... ‘This person’ is... Doesn't really like me, so...” he chuckled. “I tried to search for ‘this person’ but...” He stopped his sentence and shook his head as he bit his lower lip.

“Wow, who dares hate the Lee Hyukjae?” the woman host responded with her shocked expression.

 

And somehow I agreed with this woman.

 

W-who, who dare to hate him like this?

 

“Is she a celebrity too, Hyukjae ssi?” The woman asked because she know Hyukjae won’t continue anything.

 

Why they have to talk about this?

I felt pain on my chest.

 

 

Then, he shook his head, lips curving a slight smile. “Unfortunately, no,”

 

O-ordinary girl?

 

I swear my body got stiffened and my throat felt so suffocated because of this obvious thing.

“ah! Why we brought up this topic?” Hyukjae giggled, “Jewels, you better come tomorrow to make me feel better, okay?”

 

I glance beside me and found that mom is staring at me with her usual concerned stare.

 

I just...

 

I know we’re that far away.

But who knows when...

 

I stood up and I don’t know why, my feet moved on its own towards my room.

 

“S-sorry, umma, I suddenly feel sleepy,”

 

I said then leave her on the TV room.

 

 

---==---

 

 

Hyukjae.

Why I have to go and met somebody like you?

 

Why,

Why you have to go and hurt somebody like me?

 

I know we’re that far away.

And I don’t blame anyone, tough.

 

I just blame reality.

 

Ring~!

I gulped and opened my eyes, grabbing the phone beside me that’s revealing the name ‘Sungmin’.

 

“Hey, Min,” I picked up the phone, can’t hide the weirdness of my voice. A bit hoarse and stuff.

“Hae? Where are you?”

I blinked. “My house, of course,”

“What? Are, um, are you...”

He sounds panicked a bit after I answered him that I’m at home. Hey, why is that? What’s wrong from being at hom—

 

Oh.

 

“Hae, are you—“

“Yes, I watched it, Min,”

 

I know what he’s going to ask.

That’s definitely about Hyukjae’s little interview an hour ago.

 

I heard a deep sigh from his line which is actually showing that he’s worried. “Hae, you know, that’s—“

“No, I don’t mind that,” I tried to cut him again. “I’m okay, Min,”

He just silent for a second, then asked again. “Really?”

“Mmm-hm,” I hummed for the reply, as I closed my eyes.

“But tomorrow?"

 

I inhaled sharply, feeling hurt because of remembering that one. “I’ve promised Kangin hyung and Leeteuk hyung,”

“Aish...”

 

Hmph. Sometimes, this guy can be sweetly care about his friends than teasing all the time.

 

“Anyway,” I tried to ask, “Why you’re refusing?”

“Oh!” Suddenly he gasped. “Um... Promise you won’t mad?”

I crossed my brows. “Hm... It depends,”

“Yah!”

“Okay, okay,” I chuckled. Really, getting mad at him won’t satisfy me with anything either.

 

“I have a date,”

 

..Eh?

 

I think the signal is bad, becau—

 

“Hae, I know what you’re thinking. I’m dead serious,”

 

Oh geez!!

 

“YAH!” I yell as I sat up in surprised all over my expression. “And you didn’t even tell me??”

 

Seriously, now I’m doubting that I am his friend.

 

“You sad you won’t mad...”

My brows raised, “This is different!” I snapped, hitting the plushie on my lap unpurposedly with my hand.

 

Aish!

 

Calm down, Hae.

 

I inhaled deeply, pulling some air inside to help me feel calm a bit then spoke after I felt calmer.

 

“So, who is it?”

Instead of getting a name as the answer, I only got a chuckles from the line. A shy chuckle, actually.

 

“Ya—“

“You know who,”

I blinked. I knew?

 

Maybe it is girl from—wait, he’s gay too.

 

OH MY GOD!

 

“Kibum!?” I palmed my mouth, feeling lack of air once again when suddenly I heard loud yells.

 

“Yah! Are you insane? Of course not him!”

 

I sighing in relieve, then lay down. “Okay, then, who?”

 

“Ugh...” He grunted. “I said you’ve known him...”

 

 

I know him...

 

Hm..

 

Don’t say that he’s—

 

“Okay, okay, before you started to expecting me with random names, I’ll tell you instead,” he spoke along with a sigh.

 

 

“Hm, Okay, so who’s that?”

 

“Err...” he didn’t say a word for a few seconds, then start murmuring another words. “Kyu... Obviously,”

 

 

Kyu...?

 

Who the freaking hell is tha—

 

OMG!!

 

 

“Really???” I asked, almost yelling once again after remembering that the owner of that ‘Kyu’ name is the salesman at the CD shop where I met Hyukjae.

 

Omo.

 

Seriously, Min?

 

“Yeah,” He chuckled shyly. “So... I’m sorry I can’t accompany Taeyeon instead,”

 

I blinked. Oh, oh yeah he’s about to apologize for this problem, okay, yeah, I just remembered.

 

Aish...

 

I bit my lower lip. “T-that’s okay,”

 

 

 

‘So I met “this person”...’

 

 

Uh.

 

Stop it!

 

 

“Hae? Are you okay?”

 

I gasped by surprise of being brought to reality.

 

 

“I’m fine, Min,” I answered, “I’m just tired, can I sleep now?”

 

“Oh, okay Hae, take care,”

 

Then by that, I hung up the phone and stare blankly at the ceiling.

 

 

I hate this kind of feeling.

 

I want to meet him,

 

But I don’t want to break myself.

 

 

And he doesn’t even know me.

 

 

If he saw me,

 

Will he remembers that embarassing moment?

 

I shouted at him, for God’s sake.

 

 

Aish.

 

Maybe he won’t remember you, since you’re not important, right?

 

Or maybe you’re hoping that he’ll remember you?

 

 

So you don’t want to come because afraid you’ll get hurt because you know he won’t remember you?

 

 

I bit my lower lip hard, feeling ashamed because I keep hoping something impossible.

 

 

Hope do exist.

 

But there’s nothing we can do to make those hope came true.

 

Except sat there and keep on making those hope alive.

 

 

-----===----

 

 

This is the day.

 

 

“Oppa!”

 

I smiled at the girl in front of me.

 

That’s Taeyeon, Kangin hyung’s cousin, who’s going to go to Hyukjae’s fanmeeting and birthday party which is about to start in an hour.

 

“Hey, Tae,” I greet her warmly, standing still in front of her door because, you know, I am the one who fetch her.

 

 

Right after that, someone coming out from the door. “Oh, finally you came, Hae!” Kangin hyung greeted me and smile brightly after seeing me.

 

I nod, “Hello hyung,”

Then, Taeyeon suddenly jumped and squeals as she glance at her purple watch. “Omo! Oppa! We’re going to be late!!”

 

Yeah, it’s still one hour but we have half an hour to get there.

 

“We’re going then, hyung,” I excused to Kangin hyung who’s nodding at me. “Take care of her for me, okay?” He spoke. “I’ll be going too now in a few minutes,”

 

 

After we excuse ourselves, we took a cab to the fanmeeting place which is a huge hotel and what I know next is, girls already lining up in front of it, readying themselves to come in.

 

“Oppa, do you have anything to be signed by him?” Taeyeon who’s now beside me, asked.

 

 

Eh?

 

That...

 

“Um, actually, I brought an album of him...” I muttered, showing her the album from my bag.

 

 

But... this is the broken album of mine which I broke it the day I met him, and this was like treasure to me.

 

“Omo! That is his latest album, right? But... wait, why is it broken? Did it fell?” she asked as she examining the album that full of tapes on it.

I bit my lower lip. “Yeah, I dropped it... and I got hurt because of that,” I said. “Such a pity, right?”

I glance at her who’s holding tightly a photocard of Hyukjae. Her eyes showing concern now. “What? You got hurt?”

“Yeah,”

 

She stared intently at the album, then turn her gaze to me while lips curved a smile. “This album must means a lot to you right? You better ask for his autograph on it!”

 

I nodded.

 

I will...

If I got enough courage.

 

 

---===---

 

 

“Everyone, thanks alot for coming!” The deep sound of Hyukjae echoing the room as he standing on the stage, smiling so widely.

 

I swear my heart keeps on skipping beat by beat.

 

 

He’s really handsome today.

 

 

I mean,

 

This is the first time I met him in person--beside that incident--and I don’t know he could be way more charming and handsome than at the TV or fancams.

 

 

Maybe the fans that gathered here are about hundreds and I only spot 2 guys so far.

 

Gosh, so many fan girls.

 

 

He sang for us like about 3 songs, and then suddenly almost all of the fans singing for him after he finished the last song.

 

It’s a happy birthday song.

 

Omo...

 

I felt like I’m going to sing with all of them too, but I’m too stunned to even do anything and just watched him shed a tear on stage.

 

After the fans finished the song, he muttered.

 

“Thank you, guys, I’m really happy. I love you!” he said and smiled as he waved repeatedly to our direction.

 

 

10 minutes later, he went out of the stage and the MC who host the event shows up. He said that the fan signing will be held shortly in 15 minutes.

 

 

Oh my.

 

I’m so nervous.

 

 

“Oppa, are you excited?” I heard Taeyeon asked as she smiling cheerfully at me, while we all walked to the room where the fan signing take place at.

 

I raised my brows. “E-eh? Um, yeah,”

 

She chuckled, “You know, I spotted some girls staring at you too, you know, oppa,”

 

 

Huh?

 

“Really?”

 

She nodded. “Yeah, you kind of good looking too,”

 

I just laughed bitterly, “Ah, I’m not,”

 

 

Seriously, that’s not helping at all.

 

I am one of the super few guys here and I felt like I was wrong going to this place. But.. never mind that, though.

 

 

It’s worth it.

 

 

Suddenly, when I’m still deep in thoughts, I heard those fangirls screaming so loud, makes me glance to the front.

 

Omo.

 

That’s Choi Siwon.

 

 

He’s an actor and a singer, and we are all know that he’s Hyukjae’s best friend.

 

“Hello everyone, I’m Choi Siwon and I’m here to accompany Hyukjae,” he said as he smiled, then those annoying girls screaming loudly again.

 

 

Oh, okay.

 

He’s going to take place for the fan signing too, I bet.

 

 

Few minutes later, Hyukjae came out with a new suit and I swear he looks more incredibly handsome even I know I said this so many times already.

 

Who knows that in few times, I’ll be standing just in front of him and he can talk to me.

 

 

Gosh.

 

I don’t even want to imagine that.

 

 

“Oppa! Hey, oppa!”

 

I blinked. “Y-yeah?”

 

“Won’t you lining up? We’re going to wait longer if you just stood there,” she said and pulled me to standing on the line.

 

Uh oh.

 

 

I now standing not that far to Hyukjae, who’s now smiling and signing beside Siwon and seeing him like this makes my heart fluttered.

 

I can’t control this heart for not blooming to much.

 

 

Ugh.

 

It’s getting closer.

 

No, no, no!

 

 

I’m getting too nervous that I’m feeling so nauseous by now.

 

 

I’m gonna puke.

 

 

“Oppa, are you okay?” Taeyeon asked, showing her worried expression. “Your face look so pale.”

 

 

That’s right.

 

I really want Hyukjae to remember me.

 

 

I can’t help feeling hurt so bad because I know he won’t.

 

 

And yet, remembering the person who hurted him.

 

 

I can’t help feeling so envy to that person because she can makes Hyukjae even like that.

 

He even showed his sad expression which I know he can’t hid his sad feeling.

 

 

I can’t...

 

“O-oppa?”

 

I don’t know why, I just handed my album to Taeyeon as I bit my lower lip hard, try to restrain this unknown feeling.

 

“I...I’m not feeling that well. Can you ask him for me?” I asked, practically begged at her.

 

She stared at me shockingly, and before she could say anything, I already walked off. “I’ll be waiting there,” I said as I pointed to a chair not that far from there.

 

 

At least... I can still see him from afar.

 

 

Not that far, though.

 

But this will do.

 

 

I know I’ll regret this.

 

But...

 

Ugh, pabo.

 

 

I just can’t help it.

 

 

 

-----===-----

 

 

 

“Haeee, let’s eat lunch!”

 

Sungmin, called me as he walked towards my seat.

 

 

“I’m not hungry,” Reply I. No, really. I’m not hungry and I don’t think that I am since 2 days ago, the day I attends Hyukjae’s birthday fanmeeting.

 

To be honest, I’m regret.

 

 

But I felt thankful either.

 

Aish.

 

Stop thinking about that.

 

I hate it.

 

 

“Hae, please,” Sungmin said, standing in front of me and kneeled down leaning by my table. “You look pale, you know that?”

 

I just sighed.

 

Why didn’t he just leave me?

 

“I know,”

 

I looked pale, but I know I can’t do anything to help it. I want to be healthy but I don’t want to eat because everytime I thinking about that, I lose my appetite.

 

 

Love is so cruel and torturing.

 

 

I know I should be happy because Taeyeon asked Hyukjae for his sign and he sign it for me on my broken CD case, just below his picture.

 

I should be happy, because he even write down ‘Hello, I’m Hyukjae’ on it when he didn’t do it to the others.

 

But I know maybe Taeyeon requested that.

 

She didn’t told me anything though, and actually maybe she’s refusing to tell me, which is okay.

 

I don’t want to know anything about him either.

 

 

But one thing...

 

I hate knowing something about him late, after almost everyone knows that.

 

 

Gosh!

 

I’m not freaking girl.

 

So why am I behaving like this?

 

 

“Hae, okay I won’t force you to eat, but at least please accompany me, I’m alone, Kibum got assignments he has to finish before lunch time over,” Sungmin said, pouting.

 

Aish!

 

He’s still here.

 

I lazily stood up and walked while he jumped happily because I agreed to accompany him.

 

It’s not that I don’t want to...

 

I just want more time to be alone.

 

 

---At cafeteria

 

“Hae, this is so delicious! Why won’t you try some?” Sungmin asked me as he munched happily his cheeseburger.

 

I’m not interested.

 

 

“I’m here just to accompany you, Min ah,” I said blankly, not even want to taste a bite of it.

 

He frowned, but then keep eating his meal when suddenly his expression become serious, staring at me.

 

“What?”

“Can I ask you for help?”

I crossed my brows. “What is it?”

 

He barely like this. Is there something wron—

 

 

“Accompany me,”

 

Huh?

 

“But I AM accompanying you now,”

 

He shook his head quickly, then sipping his melon juice before he continues his request to me.

 

“No, no, that’s not what I mean,” he said. “I want you to accompany me again after school,”

 

Aish.

 

I want to go straight home after school.

 

“What do you want after school?” I asked, already feels not too interested because of this terrible mood.

He looked up dreamily and smiled. “I want to go to Kyu’s workplace. Pleeease?” he asked while claps his hand together in front me.

 

Huh?

 

To his boyfriend’s place?

 

Is he insane or what, I’ve been in this terrible mood just because of love and now he wants to showed me his lovey dovey moment with his lover.

 

“You’ve dated him. Just go by yourself,” I rolled my eyes.

“What!” He raised his brows. “Nooo! I... I actually not his boyfriend yet, and today I want to ask him! So I need you there, please? Pretty please, Hae?”

 

I sighed.

 

Such a coward.

 

Okay—I am a coward too, but... Never mind.

 

 

“Don’t take too long then,” I murmured, still can’t believe that I freaking agreed with his request.

 

But, I guess, it’s not that bad accompanying my best friend right?

 

Maybe I could browse for new CDs.

 

 

“Kyaaa!!! Thanks a lot, Hae!” he squealed and hugged me tight.

 

 

Aish.

 

 

---===-----

 

 

My name is Lee Donghae.

 

 

Again, I’m now standing in front of the CD store with this pink cute guy—Sungmin, obviously—and now he’s breathing deeply before entering the store.

 

 

“Okay! Now I’m going to tell him my true feelings!” He said, more to himself before he turned at me. “Hae, wish me luck!”

I nodded. “Good luck, Min,”

 

 

He clenched his fist tight and punched it to the air. “Yeah! Now let’s go,” he exclaimed as he dragged me inside the store.

 

I can see not long after we got in, Sungmin already walked towards his crush Kyu who’s now staring and waving at us as he smiled.

 

Hmm..

They will be a couple for sure.

 

I can see how they attracted to each other, even I only met Kyu once before this.

 

I hope he’s a good guy.

 

Seeing Sungmin can handle his problem alone, I decided to take a look around for new CDs, maybe there’s something that I can buy for my bored time when I’m at home.

 

 

Um... there’s nothing good here.

Maybe another stall—

 

Oh.

This.

 

This is the place where I bumped into Hyukjae and I dropped his album until it scattered and scratch my hand.

 

Such a fool of myself.

 

Stop regretting, Donghae.

It’s just... You can’t take back those time, right?

 

You’re just not destined to be with Hyukjae, even your one and only meeting is as messed up as hell.

 

I trailed my hands over Hyukjae’s old albums, staring at those covers.

 

 

This handsome face still remains the same, even got more and more handsome the more we stared at it.

 

I even afraid to see his face.

I’m afraid to fell even deeper because I know I would never turn back.

 

And I just only dare to keep this feeling until it fades away itself.

 

 

 

Gosh.

He’s so far...

 

 

“I wanna love you,”

 

I blinked.

 

“I wanna have you, yeah, listen,”

 

 

Isn’t this...?

 

 

“Baby, to me, baby, in my eyes...

 

There’s only you living, breathing,”

 

 

Isn’t this Hyukjae new song?

 

But...

 

He said that this song is not finished yet, and there’s only a unclear version of it—I heard that song from the internet.

 

 

And...

 

Is this acoustic version?

 

How come I never heard this clear version?

 

 

“But why have you left me so far away, where are you now,”

 

 

I looked up, freezing on my spot to hear more of the song, since I never heard this clearly and I just realize that the lyrics is like this.

 

His voice just so...

 

Seriously, how did this shop has the song??

 

 

It’s even acoustic, because I only heard guitar sound for the music.

 

I glance around to search for Kyu or Min, because I want to ask Kyu where did he get this song of Hyukjae, but then I realized something before even know where they are.

 

 

This shop today has not that much customers.

 

Hmm..

 

That means now I am alone in this shop, maybe with Min in corner of nowhere, or maybe there're another customer but I can’t see them at the moment since I can’t spot anyone.

 

“As long as I have you, I’ll be okay,”

 

My heart getting faster by hearing his voice throughout the store.

 

The song is..

 

Just... beautiful.

 

 

“Now I will protect you,

 

Baby you know because,”

 

 

I bit my lower lip and walked towards Hyukjae’s albums again, just to see his face again since I like to see his face when I heard his voice.

 

 

Oh, gosh...

 

Is Sungmin requested this song to Kyu for me?

 

 

“I wanna love you,

 

I can’t live without you,”

 

 

I close my eyes, as I felt his voice starting to calming me down.

 

Awh...

 

Such a sweet song.

 

 

“Close your eyes and take my hands,”

 

 

Whoever the ‘you’ in the song, she made me damn envy right now.

 

Or don’t say that she’s the one who hurt him...?

 

 

“But I wanna have you,

 

 

I really... Need you,”

 

 

I snapped my eyes opened.

 

Wait.

 

The song has stopped, and the last sentence... It’s just like not studio version.

 

I mean...

 

He doesn’t sang the last part just now.

 

 

He said it.

 

Omo.

 

 

What’s this mean?

 

Why Hyukjae—

 

 

“How unfair,”

 

 

H-huh?

 

I can’t think about anything because what I just heard now is Hyukjae’s voice while the guitar’s sound has stopped few seconds ago.

 

 

W-what happened?

 

Is this a recording of his?

 

Is this the part of the song?

 

There’s a long silence, until I heard something which makes me jumped.

 

 

“It’s a good thing, being a popular person because you can know my name easily,”

 

 

I widened my eyes.

 

It’s impossible if the photo of Hyukjae in front of me spoke to me, right?

 

 

But his voice is so clear and...

 

It’s just really close to me.

 

 

It’s like he’s talking to me—

 

 

“But you know what? It’s unfair. Why?”

 

I gasped, hearing the voice that I love the most once again and realize how close that voice is.

 

Oh my gos—

 

I turned around.

 

 

...

 

 

 

“Because no matter how much I love you at the first sight, I can’t even know your name,”

 

 

H...

 

Hyukjae?

 

 

Don’t tell me I’m about to wake up.

 

 

I used to be in this kind of dream before.

 

Just this one... It’s the super clear version.

 

 

I blinked.

 

His figure still clearly standing close in front of me.

 

 

Hyukjae.

 

 

I see him stared at me and somehow, his stare is like, begging at me.

 

“Please tell me your name at least,” he asked slowly.

 

 

W-what?

 

 

“W-what do you mean?” I asked back, but almost whispered which I doubt that he can hear what I said.

 

He bit his lower lip and stare down, while his expression is showing that sad expression.

 

That expression again.

 

That expression that instantly broke my heart into pieces.

 

Even worse, now.

 

 

“H—“

 

“I saw you at the fanmeeting,” He murmured before I could speak any word. “I know you hate me, I know we don’t know each other, I know we’re both even guys, I just know, but...”

 

He sighed desperately.

 

“I don’t know why your face wandering in my mind so much...”

 

 

I felt my heartbeat is stopped.

 

Oh my

 

Gosh.

 

 

Is that true?

 

 

Is he even talking to me?

 

I glance around.

 

Seriously, there’s definitely no one here, not even Kyu or Min wandering around.

 

 

I gulped as I stare the handsome guy in front of me.

 

 

With a few—I don’t know where I got courageness, I stepped closer to Hyukjae which he looked up at me, still with that expression that looks like never change.

 

He stared at my eyes.

 

 

“I’m sorry I hurted you,”

 

 

Hurt?

 

Oh...

 

He still remember!

 

 

He remembered me.

 

 

And maybe that’s why...

 

“I didn’t mean to broke the album and make you hurt, I just...” he glances around awkwardly.

 

“I’m really sorry,”

 

 

I just standing still a few centimeters from him, still as confused as ever even I know he’s maybe talking to me. You know, he doesn’t break albums most of the time, right?

 

 

Minutes has passed..

 

 

Okay, maybe I should give him any responses but, my tongue is too numb to even talk, my feet, my hands, my body felt too numb to do anything and my mind only bothering me with those countless questions.

 

 

I heard a sigh.

 

 

“Are you hating me that much?”

 

I blinked. Of course not.

 

I’m his fan, doesn’t he remember? I bought his album and went hyper when the album broke.

 

 

“Oh, maybe you feel disgust because of me. I understand that, I’m sorry,” He said, looking down full of sorrows and about to turned back when suddenly I heard a yell.

 

 

“OMO!”

 

I gasped looking immediately at the voice when I realize it’s my friend—Sungmin.

 

 

What is he doing now?

 

He now ran towards me and Hyukjae with smile plastered on his face.

 

 

“Are you Lee Hyukjae?” He asked cheerfully as he grinned like an idiot.

 

 

Hyukjae looks uncomfortable while glancing anywhere. I know his mind is now messed up, since he never like this—as I know, he will always go back to his star side everytime he met a fan.

 

“Yeah,” he murmured and tried to smile.

 

 

“Don’t try to smile in front of me~ are you having a problem with my friend? I’m sorry! He’s such a naughty guy. Is he seducing you? Or touching you anywhere you don’t like? Or maybe he annoys you?” Sungmin asked non stop, make my eyes widened with his stupid questions.

 

 

I glance at Hyukjae. He raised his brows in surprised, and shook his head repeatedly. “N-no,”

 

I swear even if he looks nervous and desperate like this, he still looking super handsome as ever.

 

 

Sungmin nodded understandingly, crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Okay then!” before  I could even blinked, he already grabbed my arm and pulled me away. “Sorry for disturbing your private life, Hyukjae ssi!” he said and keep pulling me to a room.

 

 

W-wait...

 

 

After we arrived, I felt relaxed instantly. But still, I’m feeling mad. “Y-yah, Min! What are you doing?”

 

He rolled his eyes at me. “What are YOU doing? You’re suppose to make those desperate expression stop!”

 

I crossed my brows.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

 

Oh my, don’t say he knew.

 

“I know what happened months ago, you met him here, right Hae? And you mad at him. So that’s why there’s bandage on your hands the following day. Am I right?” He said as if it’s the obvious thing that he knew.

 

I blinked. I know I can’t lie. “Y-yeah,” I muttered. “But how did you—“

 

 

“Shush! He’s an ordinary guy too, you know. He desperately asked Kyu because he knew that Kyu is a friend of me, which is friended with you. See?”

 

He smiled with satisfaction all over his place.

 

 

Wait...

 

What???

 

 

He asked Kyu?

 

“Kyu?” I heard him called out.

 

“Yeah, baby,”

 

That’s definitely Kyu’s voice.

 

 

“Oh, hi Donghae,” he greet me and smirk. “You have to pay for this because I close this store for today,”

 

I widened my eyes. “W-what?”

 

He laughed. “Just joking. Anyway, why you just standing there? I thought you like Hyukjae,”

 

 

I bit my lower lip. “I... Of course I like him.” I spoke, “But it’s just too good to be true...”

 

 

He nodded, “I know. But before he went away from you, you have to make a move. You know, he desperately telling everything to me saying he might be gay only because of you, and so on,” he said as he rolled his eyes.

 

I blinked few times. “Y-you know him?”

 

 

“Yah, Hae! He’s Hyukjae’s friend since before he debuted~” I heard Sungmin’s voice snapped. “And we already planned this all, so... yah,”

 

 

Oh, wow.

 

They planned all of this?

 

“And Hyukjae even doesn’t know until he spotted you, I just inviting him to play here, though,” Kyu said. “And it turns out he borrow the store’s microphone and sing with his guitar, for you,”

 

 

F-for me...

 

 

“I just close the store to make space for both of you,”

 

Oh my gosh.

 

Really?

 

I parted my lips in surprised which I’m sure I looks like a dumb fish right now, that’s when Sungmin snapped at me again.

 

“Hae, aren’t you realize that yet?”

 

 

I glance at him. “Realize what?”

 

 

He inhaled deeply, and spoke again.

 

 

“You’re that ‘This Person’.”

 

 

 

 

-----===-----

 

 

THIRD POV

 

 

Sounds of the strum of guitar echoing the room.

 

 

The tone, is still just same like before. But now, it only brings more of melancholy in it, which that makes everyone who heard, can exactly now how dejected the player feels.

 

 

That famous Lee Hyukjae.

 

 

Desperately called out for his love who he  thinks doesn’t love him back—obviously, even he does not know a thing about his loved one.

 

Love is blind, and insolent.

 

He barely can’t sleep when he spotted that person attending his birthday party, and instantly torn his heart when he knew that person is not going to ask him an autograph.

 

 

Instead, he sign that broken album which make him sad even more.

 

 

“I wanna love you...”

 

 

 

There’s nothing to be compared to what he feels right now, remembering how much butterfly fluttering his stomach and how sharp knife piercing his heart just by miliseconds difference of time on that day.

 

 

He fell in love with a guy.

 

He fell in love with a guy who hates him.

 

 

His life is already messed up by that.

 

 

“I can’t live without you,”

 

 

He’ll fight for his love—he always do, and he definitely know that this is wrong. But he just can’t help it.

 

The rejection of that person’s sister to telling his name make him frowned and broke his heart apart, thinking that that person hates him that much to even give a hint about who he is.

 

 

 

*Flash back*

 

 

“Oppa, can you sign this too?” asked the girl, practically jumping in exciteness seeing her idol in front of her.

 

The idol raised his brows in surprised. “Is this broken?”

 

She nodded. “Um, yeah, the owner broke it. He even hurt his hands!”

 

 

“He?” the guy glance up.

 

The girl nodded again, “Yeah, that’s the guy!”

 

 

She pointed at the cute looking guy, who’s sitting and looked down without even bother to looked at their direction.

 

With much surprise, the idol asked her again. “May I know his name?”

 

 

“Um...” She bit her lower lip. “I guess he wouldn’t want you to know,”

 

 

 

*end of Flashback*

 

 

Sighing, Hyukjae closed his eyes.

 

 

It’s not that he want all of this to happen, but it’s just too illogical.

 

 

“Just come closer to me, It’s okay,”

 

He's desperate for his love, when he knows it won’t happen when that hope appears right when person on his mind stepped closer to him.

 

 

“I wanna have you, I will give you my all,”

 

 

He looked away.

 

 

 

 

“Now I promise you,”

 

 

 

 

The sound’s stopped, those eyes closed tightly in desperateness of love. The song even not finished and published, yet he feels like that song is going to finish with the help of this feeling.

 

 

 

He doesn’t care anymore.

 

 

He doesn’t care about anything in present, he doesn’t care about schedule he had for the next day, he doesn’t care about what if customers come and see him in this state, he just doesn’t care when stepping sound coming closer at him.

 

 

Wait—he thinks.

 

 

Then, with the fastened of a heartbeat, followed by the rest, he gasped in nervousness when he opened his eyes.

 

 

That person.

 

 

“I.. Uh, wha—“ he tried to speak any word he can nervously and messily to the beautiful guy in front of him who’s staring at him with those unknown meaning of stare.

 

That when something held his lips—a finger.

 

 

“Sssh,”

 

He widened his eyes, as he unable to speak any longer when that finger touch his lips.

 

 

 

“My name is Lee Donghae,”

 

 

 

-----===---

 

 

 

“Yah, Tae, are you managed to make Hyukjae curious?”

 

Taeyeon nodded to her lovely cousin, Kangin. “Of course, Oppa!”

Kangin nodded in satisfaction as he glance to his lover. “See? We did most of our part, including make Hyukjae curious more about Donghae,”

 

“All thanks to Sungmin, though,” Leeteuk, his lover, chuckled.

“Now how are they, oppa?” A question came out from the little girl's lips.

Leeteuk tapped his lips with a finger. “Sungmin said they’ll meet again this afternoon,” he said, followed with a smile.

 

Everyone in the room laughed in excitement.

 

 

“Let’s just wait for the born of a new couple, I guess?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

- the end-

 

 

 

 

 

(Hyukjae's song : Super Junior EunHae - I wanna Love You)

 

 

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[a/n]: HELLO!! ^^ this is my first one-shot, so sorry if it's ! But please let me know what's on your mind

and do comments!!

 

thanks for reading!!

 

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