Two days have passed when Myungsoo told me how he feels. I wish to turn back the time and spend it with him endlessly; I just don’t know how. My omma seems enthusiastic and would sing me songs. She wants me to find my guy; the one who will do anything for me.

“I don’t need a man. You need a man,” she sings in the tune of Miss A’s ‘I Don’t Need a Man’.

“Stop it, omma! You’re teasing me way too much today,” I tell her, pouting.

Omma moves closer to me and embraces me, “You see, dear, I’m not getting younger. I want you to find someone who really loves you. Sungjong can do that, well, if he’s manlier. He’s too feminine, isn’t he?” she tells.

“I told him that. He’s cute and I love him that way. It’s just that that love is a brotherly love. I love him as my best friend and as my brother. That would be enough for him and me.”

“Nae-rin, I also heard this . . . this Myungsoo in your school. I heard that he likes you and I foolishly just realized that he was the Myungsoo you were talking about,” she tells me.

“What? I talk about? I never talked about him. It’s a secret.”

“Oh, you talk in your sleep, dear. I listen to you every night and two nights ago, you were saying something that goes like please remember that I have loved you. Yeah, something like that. It’s not your language, so I was thinking; did he say that to you?” she asks, pushing.

I pout and hug my omma. I’m going crazy; I’m so confused.

“I know how that feels, aegi. That’s how I felt about your father. My dad doesn’t like him and wants me to forget all about him. Seemingly, I just can’t. I remember running to my omma looking like this, same as you today.”

And so, my mother knows. She pats my back that I seem to get courage from them.

“Hey, lassie! You still got school and you’re keeping your omma from her house chores. Go now! I think something is up for you,” she tells, startling me. she spanks my behind and tells me to go now.

Good thing she tells me that because I’m so late right now. From afar, the school looks empty, until I reach the gate.

The students are lining up to something. It must be some kind of, I don’t know, tricks that the popular do. I am to skip the line when one of my classmates pushes me to the line. Okay, this is serious. It’s some kind of rule the school wants students to follow, maybe checking the insides of our bags, I don’t know. I wait until it’s my turn. Something’s unusual; really, I can feel it even before I’m next. I’m standing in front of a table with sticky notes on them, mostly pink and yellow. I look behind me and see that I’m last. I get one sticky note that reads, “Nae-rin! Please accept him. He waited so long for this,” and the other one goes, “You won’t regret loving him back. He’s worth it, I know. Not that I ever had a relationship with him but, he’s so fervent in loving you,.” What is this all about? One sticky note stands out because not only is it in the middle, but it’s the only one that’s color blue. I got hold of it, but seemingly, I don’t feel like reading it. It wasn’t a message at all, it’s a command.

                                                  Look behind you.

I’m not sure if I should follow it, but my instincts tell me to do so. Slowly, I turn my head, not seeing what or who is ahead of me. Will I get surprised or disappointed? As I completely turn to my back, I see nothing. I move my head left and right and see no one; even those who lined up for the table which seemingly has letters that are all for me. I walk forward, walking three steps and on my fourth step, I feel something beneath my right foot. I lift my foot to see a slightly squished red rose bud. God, I feel bad for the squished rose that I hurriedly pick it up. Well, I’m neither surprised nor disappointed; I feel confused. What is going on?

“Lee Nae-rin, saranghae! Jeongmal saranghae! Naemameul badajeo! (Please accept my heart)” a voice shouts from behind my back.

I turn, feeling like I’m being played with. I turn to first see students popping their heads in the window, looking at what is happening and then Myungsoo, standing in the middle of the school grounds. I am in raptures for a moment; I’m too overwhelmed.

“Lee Nae-rin!” he shouts to the air, lifting his head and hands then looks at me and mouths me, “Mianhae.”

I want to hold back my tears; slowly, I can feel them roll down my face. I clutch on the rose tightly, not feeling if it’s prickly or not. Myungsoo walks slowly to me and I wait in expectancy. Once he’s in front of me, I can’t look at him, same as I ever did. I’m too shy now, squirming, I guess this is too showy that he giggles when he notices it. I now he notices me more than a younger sister.

“Lee Nae-rin,” he says, then walking nearer to me. Doesn’t he get tired of my name? If he’s not, I am; I hate my name.

I didn’t notice that I’m bowing until he puts his hand under my chin and lifts my head to see my face.

“Babo,” he says to me straightly.

“Ne?” I ask, wanting him to repeat it.

“Babo.” He says, much stronger this time.

“Wae?”

“Because you didn’t notice that I am in love with you,” he says, smiling with his eyes.

“Ah, ara. Babo.” I return the word to him.

“Ne? Wae?”

“Same reason. Gah! You’re so blind not to see it!”

 

“Nae-rin! Myungsoo! The teacher’s coming!” a student shouts, running around me and Myungsoo.

And now we’re in trouble. The teacher walks toward us and I assure myself that for the first time, I’m going to have detention.

“You two! In the building, now!” Mr. Song, the disciplinary teacher, shouts at us.

Myungsoo looks at me that I have to return to it with a scowl. He got me into this. We walk to the school, I on the front. We enter the school and see Mr. Song waiting at the door of one of the rooms. We enter the room and Mr. Song follows behind.

Myungsoo and I line up near the window.

“You two, aren’t you just a sweet couple? I’m just at least six years older than you and I can see how romantic this is. I adore you, and I know your story of thinking that you only have one-sided love and how touching it is that you have a connection to Nae-rin’s past,” he says, in adoration maybe.

“But you see, no matter how adorable you two are; I’m just doing my job. I have to let you two go to detention for distracting classes. I want both of your arms up, above your head for five minutes. I have classes to go, so do it properly,” he says, turning on his back.

“Mr. Song! May I take Nae-rin’s five minutes?” Myungsoo shouts before Mr. Song orders our arms up.

“Well, that’s if Ms. Lee wants to give you her five minutes. Do you, Ms. Lee?” he asks.

Actions speak louder than words; I put my hands up, not answering his question in words. Mr. Song nods and goes out.

“Who are you? Superman?” I ask him somehow in anger.

“No, I’m not. I’m Myungsoo.”

I nod in understanding.

“I just want you to know that you don’t have to sacrifice yourself for me. I can handle things the way I want it. I just want you to do what you can, not push yourself to show how you feel for me,” I tell him, concerned.

“Mianhae. I just want to show that I can give you everything, even if you don’t ask for it. I can carry all the pain, anything, just for you. But you’re right, I can’t push myself around. What will happen if I can’t take it anymore and just collapse and you will be suffering for me? I don’t want that to happen.”

“How ironic!” I tell him, referring to now, where we are in detention thanks to him.

“Okay, this is totally my fault. It’s first time here, because well, honor student here!” he says, boasting, I think. I frown at him, like hell.

“I’m sorry that I’m not smart as you,” I tell him, somehow annoyed.

“That’s not what I meant,” he says and pauses to shake his arm. Yes, it is really tiring and it hurts so much. “I’m just glad that my first is with you. Seemingly, my firsts are with you: first commitment, first confession, first love, first tears, first sweet dreams, first real smiles, first super-effort of saying how I love you and I’m sorry, and first detention,” he says, proud of his ‘firsts.’

I can help but smile. “You, too. You’ve been running on my firsts,” I tell him.

“Oh, and additional; you’re name is the first name that can get me to thinking of marriage!” he says happily.

My mouth drops open. Marriage? What the heck is wrong with you?

“Sorry, I got you startled with that. But really, I wish to marry you, build my home with you and die with you.”

Mr. Song appears and tells us that the time is up and leaves us. I put my arm down when Myungsoo holds my hand, slowly puts it near his lips. While doing so, he’s looking straight to my eyes that I’m mesmerized. He parts his lips from my hand, grabs my head and kisses my forehead. I don’t where he’ll go next but he’ll keep me waiting ‘til then. He parts his lips from my forehead and holds my hands.

He transfers a piece of paper to me. He walks a meter away and tells me, “I’ll see you out here, after you read that,” he says. He goes out and leaves me in the classroom.

I open the paper, only to see Sungjong’s writing on it.

Nae-rin,

Maybe by now, Myungsoo have shown you how he feels. I’m happy for the both of you. Sadly, I have to go now. My flight schedule changed and I won’t be leaving on Saturday, but today. Before I go, I want to tell you how I love you. Nae-rin, even if you’re not mine, I’m setting you free. It hurts me to do it, but I have to, so you and I could be happy. I’ll miss you, but I know you enough. You’re strong; you can go on without me. Goodbye, good luck and I love you. 

                                                                                  Sungjong

Sungjong’s leaving without telling me, only in a letter. I go out, wanting to run to him. Myungsoo is there, waiting for me. I know he can see how I want to go home and stop Sungjong, but he holds my arms tight.

“No! Please let me go, I want to see him,” I tell Myungsoo.

“Don’t make it hard for both of you. He wants to forget now. Just let him be,” he tells me, giving me a scarf of Sungjong. I want my best friend. I want him to see the happiness I’m feeling before he tells me that he’ll go. I have loved him, he must now that. I stare at his scarf; have I ignored him? No, I didn’t. I’ve breathe my first air with him, almost share my bottle of milk with him, almost entered a guy’s school for him. We’ve both sacrificed too much for each other. Myungsoo is right; I shouldn’t make it hard for both of us. Myungsoo embraces me into a hug and this is my undoing. I start to cry, to let this pain subside and fade completely.

 

Myungsoo takes over Sungjong’s duty; taking me home. As we approach home at night, I see a familiar silhouette going away from my house. I know for real that Sungjong tries to look over me before he goes. Sad that I wasn’t there. I want to hug him before he goes. But he knows I can’t break free and neither do he. Thank you, Sungjong. You’ve done plenty of things for me. I, too, am setting you free. Find someone that will make you feel that you’re not the only one loving who’s who. Find someone that will make you feel loved. I’m sorry that it just wasn’t me.

“So, I’ll leave you here?” Myungsoo asks.

“Well, that’s if you want to go in and stay.”

“No, I don’t think so. Your mom might throw pans on my face,” he says jokingly.

“Well, that can happen if she doesn’t know you.  But she does thanks to my night talks.”

“Night talks?”

“Oh, you’ll understand soon enough.” He scratches his head, not getting my point. I’ll let him find out that I talk in my sleep.

“So, good night,” he says.

“Yes, good night,” I say, waving my hand.

I turn to face the gate. I can see my mother peeking from our living room window. Gosh, she can be so observant at times. I walk at least two steps before Myungsoo calls my name.

“Nae-rin!”

I turn while uttering some words, “Don’t you get tired of my name?”

As I turn on my back completely, Myungsoo grabs my hand, pushes me to him swiftly and plants a soft kiss on my lips. I close my eyes, appreciating the moment. Myungsoo breaks free after eight seconds or so, as of what I counted.

“No. I don’t get tired of your name. Because it is with your name that I will tie the ribbon with; the only person that I will say ‘I do.’ Okay, good night, Nae-rin. I love you,” he says, releasing me from his hold. He walks a little away, waves his hand and shouts, “Omma! I’ll marry your daughter!”

What? Omma? Who is he talking to? I turn to my back, only to see my omma in all smiles. She likes him, doesn’t she? My omma walks to me and walks me into the house, “You see, dear, love isn’t for just one person. You’ll find your other half at the darkest time of your life. It’s appearing that when you’re about to give up, Myungsoo came to save whatever you’re about to forget. You should be thankful for him, he’s love you even if he doesn’t tell you until now. He loves you and I know that you do too, I’m not tying you tie to any chains I have, so, be happy with him. I’m giving you freedom to enjoy anything. Love him, like I did to your father and I hope he does the same,” she tells me, as we enter our house; me seeing the wedding picture of my parents and a rose that my aphba gave to my omma, that even withered, she kept it as a memory of him.

 

                                ~END~