Every step I took made me even more nervous. I heard that they were already outside, waiting for me to come out from this military camp. I was nervous, not to that extend where my foot felt like jelly, but my heart beat fast along with many speculations that came up to my mind. Would they be as warm as I remember they were? Would they still accept me as a part of them? Would everything be the same as before?

I walked out from the camp and I could hear fans’ loud scream as they saw me in military uniform. Leeteuk, in the other direction, fasten his steps to reach me. The fans’ scream became louder when Leeteuk hugged me. And then all the members that came hugged me too. I almost cried in that group hug when I heard some fans cried. But I shouldn’t, I have to be strong for them who were waiting for me; members, fans, and reporters.

After bid farewell with fans and reporters, we ―members, managers, and staffs― went to eat together in a restaurant. I couldn’t express how happy I was now. It has been a long time since I joined them to eat together. Seeing their happy face again after a long time was such a big pleasure for me. This was when I realized how much I missed them.

The members talked a lot. They seemed tired but still in a good mood. This was what I liked about them; no matter how tired they were, they still courageous when we were together.

I felt like being left out in some topics that they brought up during our meal. I was kind of lost in some things that they discussed. I didn’t know what they were talking about. During the military service, fans sent letters telling me about the members’ activites. I could browsed their news, videos, or shows anytime I had holiday. But still, there were things I didn’t know when I wasn’t with them. Such as internal issues or each members’ personal life. For some moments I just sat there, listening without understand things.

---

I was in the elevator, waiting for the elevator to reach 12th floor. I was going to visit our dorms. Yesterday, after having meal together, I came back to my home. I was my parents’ son afterall, so I came back home first.

The elevator stopped on 12th floor. I went in the dorm but it was in silence. I walked around the dorm. Some things changed. Well of course, it was already two years anyway. I stood in the living room, trying to recollect the memories I had here before; talking, joking, even quarelling with members. I sighed, I wished I wasn’t alone here now. Where were the members anyway?

I went to our dorm in 11th floor, hoping there was someone there. I walked in and heard some noise. I sighed in relief, at least I wasn’t alone here. Kyuhyun walked out from his room in hurry, seemed like he hadn’t notice my presence yet.

“Kyuhyun?” I called.

“Yes?” he replied, almost shouting because he was surprise that I was there. “Oh, Hyung?” he stopped walking here and there gathering his things. “What are you doing here?”

“Huh? I’m just...uh...”

“Sorry Hyung, but I’m in a rush. I’m late,” Kyuhyun started walking here and there again.

“You’re going out? Where to?”

“Recording. Show. MC.” He really was in a rush.

“Where are the other members? I went to 12th floor but no one’s there.”

He kept walking, looking for something, before replied me. “I just woke up. I don’t know. ... Ah, bathroom!” he said and walked to the bathroom. “Hyung, I’m ready. Let’s go! Is my cellphone there?” he shouted from outside the bathroom.

“Yes, it’s here. Wait, a moment,” that was manager hyung.

“Kangin Hyung, we’re leaving,” Kyuhyun said when he walked out.

“Oh Kangin, you’re here. Umm...Ryeowook will be back in a moment, he just went out to the supermarket. We’re leaving,” manager hyung followed Kyuhyun.

So here I was, being left in the dorm. I sat on the dining table, feeling the silence. Seemed like everyone was going out. I took off my cellphone and tried to call anyone.

Eunhyuk was the first one I called. “Yes, Hyung? What is it?” he asked as soon as he picked up. His voice sounded like he was munching something.

“I’m in the dorm but no one’s here. Where are you?”

“Ah, why didn’t you call at first? I don’t have any schedule today so I come home.”

“Do you know where the others are?”

“Recording or gym, maybe. Yesung Hyung must be in Handel & Gretel now.”

“Oh, I see. I’ll call you later. I’m hanging up.”

I sighed and looked around. Seemed like nothing I could do here. Should I go home then? There was no one here though. But just when I was about to go out, Ryeowook came.

“Kangin Hyung! When did you come?” he put some plastic bags on the dining table.

“A moment ago. I was about to leave, there’s no one here.”

“Uh? Well, I’m here now. Would you like to stay? I can make you something to eat.”

“Really? I missed your cooking, by the way.”

Ryeowook smiled and busied himself in the kitchen. “Will you move here again, Hyung?”

“I still don’t know yet.”

“But you will make a comeback with us, right?”

“I still don’t know about that either. I need to talk to managers and company about that first.”

“Fans will be glad if you comeback, Hyung.”

“Will they?”

“Of course! Even when you’re in the army they kept talking about you, how they missed you a lot.”

Ryeowook and I talked a lot that day. I could still feel Ryeowook’s warmness when he talked to me. He told me some stories about members and I felt they didn’t change a bit. I was glad to know that because I was worried they would change after some years. But it seemed like they didn’t change a bit.

---

It has been decided that I would join the sixth album comeback. I was so happy that I would be able to meet our fans again. And I moved to live in the dorm again. Members said that they were happy for having me in the dorm again, but there was no thing like comeback party for me.

Everyone was so busy going in and out the dorm with some schedule I didn’t really know. Members went to their individual schedule everyday. And I was left with manager hyung. I spent my day recording for the next album and exercise in the gym. I needed to lose some weight anyway.

It was past midnight when I woke up, feeling hungry. But I couldn’t eat, not in my diet period. I heard people talking in the living room. I walked out and found some members sat on the dining table. They were discussing something about our comeback.

“What are you doing?” I asked and all of them turned to see me.

“We’re just talking,” Leeteuk answered.

“Hm, we do this late night tea-time almost everyday, Hyung,” Eunhyuk added.

Okay, I felt like an outsider here. “Why didn’t you wake me up?” there was an upset feeling in my tone. I wasn’t over-sensitive or over-reacting about this. But if you were in a group and left for a long time and then came back again, you would felt strange and different. Really. They were stick together when you weren’t around, it meant they had more time to be with each other than you had. You would feel like being left out, even just a bit.

They seemed to know it and stayed silent in some milisecond until Leeteuk spoke up. “You looked so tired. Besides, we only talked about some random things because we couldn’t sleep yet. But since you’ve woke up, would you like to join us?”

It was useless to leave and keep my upset feeling alone, so I joined them. The midnight talk was different from their daily conversation. It was calm and heartwarming. They talked about group’s problems, their plan for the future, even their personal lives. I was glad that they had this kind of conversation. It really eased their daily tense.

---

I was tired like hell in the middle of our dance practice. It was just about two hours but I felt like dying. Sure I did exercise lately, but exercise and dancing were different. When break time came, I sloppily rested my back on the wall.

It was still the same as before, we had a relaxed break, joking and laughing. After some minutes of catching breath and energy, the practice started again. Leeteuk asked why didn’t I get up. I said that I was still tired and would join the next song.

I sat there, watching the members working hard to match their steps. Their dance was getting better since the last time I joined practicing with them. They sure improved. Even Kyuhyun seemed to be one of the main dancers now. Not that I didn’t know that, because I watched almost all their videos when I was in the army. But seeing them practicing so hard gave me a different feeling. I was finally being a part of that hard work again.

I was so proud watching them now. But I couldn’t lie that a part of me was hurt. I felt like being left behind. Not that they left me but I was the one who couldn’t catched them up. Seemed like I danced the worst and I would only be a shame for them. I knew I shouldn’t have a thought like that now. I just had to do my best. But I couldn’t help it. I wasn’t good in acting too, so I often put a sad expression on my face without I intended to. Sometimes they noticed it but they didn’t ask, maybe they thought that I was just nervous about our upcoming comeback.

---

Finally our sixth album released online. It was past midnight but I hadn’t sleep yet. I was too exicted about our album release and fans’ reaction. After the album released, I checked my Twitter account to see fans’ reaction. Woah, there was many mention to me already. Fans sure were fast.

@aaa1: @Himsenkangin Oppa, I can’t believe I can hear your voice in Super Junior’s song again! >.<

@aaa2: @special1004 @Himsenkangin @shfly3424 @ShinsFriends @imSMl @AllRiseSilver @siwon407 @donghae861015 @ryeong9 @GaemGyu 6jib daebak!

@aaa3: @Himsenkangin the voice i’ve missed for years :’)

@aaa4: finally Korea’s No.1 Handsome Guy @Himsenkangin comeback! \^o^/

@aaa5: Welcome home @Himsenkangin oppa! Can’t wait to see you on stage!

I was very grateful that fans welcomed me nicely. They were anticipating my comeback, so did I. But I couldn’t lie that I felt nervous too. Messing up on stage wasn’t the biggest fear, but what people would judge about me. It has been a long time since the mistakes I’ve made, but I knew people hadn’t forget about that yet. I was afraid that people’s judge would bring me down.

@aaa6: @Himsenkangin I can’t believe you’ll have a comeback after your.............if you know what I mean...

Well, I couldn’t stop haters, right? Like the adaptation to members wasn’t enough, I needed to face haters too.

---

I was in my room alone when Leeteuk knocked my door asking for permission to went in. He stood up beside me while I sat in front of my laptop.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Watching our comeback performance,” I replied, not leaving the screen.

He stood there and watched the video with me. “It’s amazing, right?” he said after some moment.

“What?”

“Having you back with us, it’s amazing,” he walked away and lied on my bed.

“You think so?”

“Of course, don’t you think so?”

“I feel glad that I could be a part of our group again...”

“...But?” he sat up.

“The mistakes I’ve made-“

“The important thing is you know what you’ve done. Let people say that they want. You just have to keep walking with us.”

“But still, it’s not the same.”

“Everything’s change in our life, that’s what living is about. That’s why people are given ability to adapt too. ”

“I know.”

“You just need some time. Let’s just walk slowly.”

I smiled, “Hm. Thanks, Hyung.”

That was right. Many things changed, I couldn’t expect everything to be the same. World turns anyway. I may still needed time to find my courage, but at least there was something that didn’t change, that I was still the strong Kangin and I could slowly walk through this adaptation period.

-end-

Can't ended it nicely, sorry... :'(

Thanks for reading ^^ Comments are welcomed :)