People always ask: what is love?

 

Yes, exactly. What is love? Is it like in movies, where everything doesn’t matter as long as you had love? That nothing could hinder you as long as you loved and that no matter what, love will be triumphant in the end?

 

Or is it like the harsh reality on people’s faces; where the tears, the pain and the suffering are all that one can see? That by being naïve and believing, love was the one that dragged them down to despair in the end?

 

There are so many questions, so many doubts, yet no concrete answer. And maybe, that is why people hesitate to love.

 

Even with bright hopes of fireworks and happy endings, there is always a small taint of fear. Fear that they were not good enough or fear that the magic would fade away in time. In the end it is always the fear of failing, and it is the fear of failing that sometimes people do not dare to even try.

 

So back to the question; what is love? Is it a pain or a gain? It is worth the trouble of conquering all the obstacles in one’s path just to obtain an uncertain period of happiness? Is it worth the time, the effort and the tears?

 

Maybe. Maybe not.

 

So that is why a certain lee Sungmin is currently on his bed, staring into nothingness and questioning himself on what exactly is this feeling called love. He tells himself that he has experienced both the exultant thrill of pulsing hearts and the suffocating pain of despair, so he should know what love is. But with a frown, he realized that he doesn’t.

 

So with a determined breath, he sets out to seek a fitting answer.

 

-

 

“Shindong-ah, what is love to you?” he asks his chubby friend one day. Shindong was his friend since forever and they practically tell each other everything. Furthermore, Shindong was in a relationship with a girl named Nari, so surely, the guy could give him some answers.

 

Shindong placed his phone down on the kitchen table and lifts his head. “It is motivation an inspiration to become better.” Then with a tilt of his head, he asks. “Why?”

 

Sungmin, however, does not answer. Instead, he thanks his buddy and leaves the confines of the kitchen.

 

Motivation and inspiration, huh? That’s not it…

 

-

 

“Hyuk! Hyuk!” Sungmin shouted as he ran after a certain brunet after their daily dance practice.

 

Eunhyuk slowed in his step upon hearing his name and turned around, his face breaking into a wide smile when he saw Sungmin. “Sungmin! What’s up?”

 

“I have to ask you a question.” Sungmin pants out.

 

“Ask away.”

 

“What is love to you?”

 

“…H-Huh?” Of all things to ask, he never expected that. “Why are you asking me that all of a sudden?”

 

Sungmin blew at a stray hair and sighed. “Just answer it, hyuk.”

 

His good friend just stood there silently as he pondered over the question. Then with a snap of his finger, he grinned. “I know, it’s a rainbow!”

 

“What?”

 

“A rainbow! You know, because rainbows appear most the most beautiful after storms. Love has its downs too, you know.” Eunhyuk paused to frown at the thought, but immediately the frown faded and a dreamy smile spread across his face. “But the thing is, Min, if the storm is bigger, then the rainbow gets prettier too!”

 

He sighs at the image and glances down to Sungmin. “Does that answer your question?”

 

With a contemplative look, Sungmin nods uncertainly and thanks his friend. He heads back to the dorm, but not before snickering at Eunhyuk and saying “Donghae's mushiness has rubbed off on you.”

 

-

 

The next member he asks is their beloved leader, Leeteuk.

 

Leeteuk was going through their schedule on the living room couch when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Putting down the materials, he turned to the side and gave a warm smile when he sees Sungmin sitting down beside him.

 

“What is it, Sungmin?” Leeteuk asked like a caring mother would.

 

“Hyung, I have something to ask you.”

 

Leeteuk chuckles and brings the papers to his face once more. “Is it about your schedule? Don’t worry; I made sure they didn’t give you anything too strenuous.”

 

 Sungmin shakes his head and bit his bottom lip, blushing as he blurts out, “Hyung, I want to know what love is to you.” When he finishes, he feels his face turn hot. “It’s okay if you don’t want to answer it.”

 

He hears a soft laugh, and sees Leeteuk with his signature dimple smile. With a relieved sigh, he smiled as well.

 

“Well, that’s easy. Love is just what Super Junior has with E.L.F!” Leeteuk exclaimed happily.

 

It should have been expected, especially from the ever-loving leader who adored their fans so, but it still had him burying his face in his hands. The leader was too busy telling him about the love they shared to notice him scurrying away.

 

“Oh, maybe you should ask Donghae! We all know he’s a pro at this kind of thing!” Leeteuk shouts from behind and Sungmin paused in his escape. With a shout of thanks, he walks away.

 

Donghae?

 

-

 

“Sungmin hyung! What brings you here?” Donghae's voice echoed throughout the entire dance studio as he greeted from the far corner. Dance practice wasn’t ‘til a few hours later but the dancing machines of Super Junior were already warming up.

 

“Are you going to join us?” Donghae asks as he skipped to the entrance where Sungmin stood awkwardly.

 

And make myself look like a fool with you pros around? Hell no. Sungmin does not say that, of course. Instead, he shakes his head at the boy. “No, no. I just want to ask you a question.”

 

He hears Eunhyuk saying something along the lines of “is it the love thing again?” and Shindong humming in agreement but he ignores his two good friends and focuses on Donghae.

 

“H-Hae, what is love to you?”

 

He immediately hears a “ha! I knew it” but he bites his lip and glares at Eunhyuk, choosing to let Donghae think in peace.

 

“Love?” Donghae whispers. And Sungmin nods.

 

“Well…love is everything. You do everything together; you play, you fight, you cry, you laugh and even though you fight, you’ll always end up together. It’s being comfortable enough with each other to fight and being forgiving enough to return to each other. That’s love….I guess.”

 

There was a brief silence in the studio before Donghae was on the floor with Eunhyuk on top of him. “Aww, you’re so cute, Hae.” Eunhyuk coos and pecks him on the lips. He turns to Sungmin with a proud grin. “My boy Hae here gave you the right answer, didn’t he?”

 

Sungmin laughs together with the rest when Donghae shoves Eunhyuk off him with a grunt, complaining that he was a grown up and not a mere boy. The two dancers chased each other around the room and Sungmin decided to leave. Bidding them all goodbye, Sungmin closes the door behind him.

 

Groaning, he runs a hand through his black locks and frowns.

 

Donghae's answer had been perfect. It should have set off a sense of satisfaction within him. But it didn’t. Somehow, it felt off.

 

Because Sungmin did not want perfect; he wanted a fitting.

 

-

 

Over the next few days, Sungmin will rise from slumber with new hope in his quest to find the right answer but each time he asked, disappointment followed. All kinds of answer were given to him but nothing seemed right. Nothing felt right and he was getting really frustrated.

 

What was wrong with him? Why can't any answer satisfy him? Was his perception of love so screwed up that nothing could satisfy him?

 

He guesses so.

 

“Oh my god, what is wrong with me!” The door to his and Kyuhyun’s shared room slammed open and a annoyed Sungmin stormed through it, flinging himself immediately onto his bed and screaming into his fluffy pillow, “Why are all the answers wrong?”

 

“Answers to what?”

 

Sungmin sprung up in his bed, shocked to hear the sudden voice. “Kyuhyun! what are you doing here?” he stutters when he saw the maknae’s face.

 

The youngest member of Super Junior raised a brow at him. “Excuse me? This is my room too.” He chuckles when he sees realization light up Sungmin’s face and laughed when a deep blush adorned those chubby cheeks. “Come here.” He pats his lap, and Sungmin immediately crawled onto his bed and into his embrace.

 

“You were saying something about wrong answers?” he started playing with the strands on Sungmin’s hair and felt the other lean into his touch. “Can I be of help?”

 

Sungmin sighed when he felt Kyuhyun’s warm fingers accidentally brushed against his nape. “It’s no use. I asked everyone and nothing works!” he pouted and continued to sulk.

 

Kyuhyun frowned. He never liked seeing Sungmin down; the other was better being the happy ball of sunshine everyone knew. “Hey,” he calls and when Sungmin turned around, he quickly dove down to capture those pouting lips in a kiss. When they parted, Kyuhyun gave Sungmin a knock on his forehead.

 

“Don’t forget that I’m the brains of this group.” He leans back against the headboard and smirks. “Ask.”

 

Sungmin pouted again, but a small grin appeared when he realizes who Cho Kyuhyun was. Cho Kyuhyun; his lover. It never fails to brighten his mood, so he nods and faces the one who taught him love in more ways than one.

 

“Okay then, tell me. What is love to you?” he asks.

 

A moment of silence and calm breathing passed when Kyuhyun suddenly scoffed. Sungmin furrowed his brows.

 

“Hey! What’s so funny?”

 

“Nothing,” Kyuhyun chuckles. “Why do you want to know such a stupid thing?”

 

“It’s not stupid!”

 

Kyuhyun cringes at the loudness and sighs when he sees the seriousness in Sungmin’s eyes. “Okay, okay.” He turns away and thought the question over.

 

Love…What is love?

 

“It’s nothing.” He offers and turns back to gaze into Sungmin’s eyes. “Love is nothing.”

 

Sungmin’s doe eyes widened. “W-What?”

 

Kyuhyun smiles softly. “Love is nothing. It’s just a word, a manifestation of something we humans feel. Don’t you see, Min? We ourselves define what love is.” With a gentle brush at Sungmin’s cheek, he continues.

 

“Love can be rainbows and unicorns and love can be hurricanes and thunderstorms. It’s different for everyone and nobody has to see love the same way as others. Love cannot be defined by just words because…love is just love.”

 

Kyuhyun finishes with a kiss on Sungmin’s mouth; slow and sensual, making Sungmin melt in his arms. But Sungmin pulls away after a moment and gazes at Kyuhyun with dilated eyes.

 

“You say we ourselves determine what love is,” Sungmin mumbles against Kyuhyun’s chest, snuggling closer to the warmth of his lover. “So what do you determine love to be?”

 

Kyuhyun hums in thought. “A burden.”

 

Sungmin immediately withdrew from his touch. “What?” he glowers at the younger and huffs. “Are you saying I’m a burden?”

 

Kyuhyun rolled his eyes. “You didn’t let me finish.” He brings Sungmin back into his arms and muses. “You know, you’re not the only one I love, right?” Before Sungmin could utter a word, Kyuhyun continued. “I mean, there are the rest of the members, there’s my family and there’s E.L.F.”

 

Sungmin decided to just listen to Kyuhyun. He closes his eyes and rested against the other’s broad chest, humming in contentment when Kyuhyun started to his hair.

 

“There are the bad things about love.”

 

Sungmin frowned at that. Flashbacks of various incidents flooded him, bits and pieces of memories from whenever coming together to form a movie in his head.

 

Waking up after barely a few hours of sleep everyday only to plaster a smile on his face and challenge the world again. Forcing himself to laugh when all he wanted was to break down and cry. Desperately pushing himself over his limits just to prolong the love from the fans and exhausting himself to the point of fainting just to prove the haters wrong.

 

And also…

 

Having to bear with the minimal interactions with each other where they were not allowed to express too much on camera. Having to contain everything in because homouality was seen as an act against nature. Worrying all the time; fearing that the lack of interaction would wear the magic away, that in time, his place in his heart would be no longer.

 

“But,” Yes, but. “There are the good things too.”

 

Opening his eyes every day and not caring about the lack of sleep once he saw the happiness in their fans’ eyes. Having people tell him it’s okay to cry when he’s hurt, to know they care enough. Knowing that no matter what, their fans would stay by their side, and hearing their deafening screams when haters come in their way.

 

And also…

 

Coming home every day to hugs and kisses, to let down his guard because home is where he is not judged. To come home and have his worries washed away whenever their lips met in a tango of their own heartbeat, and know that with every utterance of ‘I love you’, the place in his heart got lodged deeper.

 

Sungmin opened his eyes, and within them shine tears if unknown emotion. He lifts his head and kisses Kyuhyun with a light sigh. “I love you.”

 

Kyuhyun smiles at him and Sungmin knew, he has finally gotten his answer.

 

Love is indeed a burden.

 

But for you, and you…

 

It is a burden I am willing to shoulder.

 

------

Omg It's 2013!!!! happy new year everyone! Erm, yeah this is supposed to be a fic for sungmin's birthday but it turned out crappy and weird. haha sorry. Anyways, happy birthday sungmin!!! my wonderful bias that never grows old. :)

I hope you enjoy reading this, even though this has no real plot and its just random and off track. By the way, the 'you, and you' part is talking about kyuhyun and ELF haha hope its not too confusing. Remember that the nirthday boy loves us all!

Wow this is the longest A/N for me and i shall go now kay thanks bye! XD