Epilogue || Part II
o u r – s o n g

They meet again after a few weeks.
It’s Music Core again.

“Onew-ssi!” he knows that voice.
Still, he is stupefied at the presence of its’ owner.
“Sica-ssi,” he says—he’s a little less timid during this encounter, thus making Jessica regret her confrontation to him a little less.
“Try to remember to smile today, okay?” she smiles; today, her aura exudes warmth.
Onew wonders where in the world that nickname of hers came from.
Even with the little he’s known her, the term Ice Princess never suited the Jessica he was exposed to.
“Onew-ssi?” she asks, snapping him out of his reverie.
“Yes?”
She brings her index fingers to the corners of and tugs them upwards forming a smile, “Remember,” she says.
At the gesture, he returns the smile with an unintentional boyish grin—How unlike her… he thinks—“I’ll try,” he says honestly. No promises.
Those strange feelings are still there.

They’re whisked away to be changed into their performing clothes. He was to wear a grey tux.
He was told the backdrop would be different from last time.
They’d actually be near each other this performance.
Face to face—but only towards the end of the song.
And this meant eye contact.
Smile, Sica’s words rang in his mind.
He would try. That much, he could promise.

He could hear her voice singing the first verse of their song and the chorus of fans in the audience chanting her name… wait… his name? Both their names.
He chuckled—at one point the chanting sounded like Lee Si-Ca, then Je-In-Ki
He couldn’t see Jessica—he wasn’t to come out on stage until the second verse (his part).
As he stood backstage and listened to Sica’s singing, he mused that Sica didn’t have a particularly pretty voice, but her voice, he could tell was very well-trained. She had very good control of it.
He remembers Hyoyeon—whom he’d become very close to—saying that out of all the SNSD members, Sica was the one who was most determined during their vocal lessons, always doing breathing exercises, singing with a metronome, staying late with the vocal coach, always trying to improve.
Onew admired that about her—her perseverance. Her work paid off and she sings well, he muses, and she’s always so flawless on stage. He likes that about her, he decides. The fact that she’s so perfect on stage makes him want to be so perfect on stage—he wants to make a good impression. That’s what he’s always wanted to do: impress her.
But he’d thought into it so much he ended up messing himself up.
He’s jumpy around her because he’s intimidated by her performance.
He’s intimidated because he wants to do well and match her standards.
He wants to match her standards because he wants to perform as well as her.
He wants to perform as well as her because… he admires her.
He admires her.
This feeling, he concludes, that he feels for Jessica
is admiration.
 

It’s his turn to sing.
He calmly walks onto stage and begins the first lines of the second verse.
The audience chants his name after every pause.
He maintains composure and has his free hand close to his stomach.
He doesn’t dare look at Sica, fearing he will lose composure at the sight of her.
He continues to calmly walk along the stage.
It’s not until the chorus that he has to look at her.

She’s on the other side of the short stage road.
Towards the bridge of the song, they were to cross it, meet face to face and sing to each other.
The moment Onew decides to look at Sica, he regrets it immediately and at the same time wishes he could continue to stare at her. She was wearing a white, strapless dress and her hair was styled simply and one side of hair fell neatly in front of her shoulders and the other behind, there was a white, feathery-clip in her hair. She looked angelical. And she was standing there, smiling at him.
Onew averted his gaze and looks to the crowd to distract himself as he sings.

The bridge starts, it’s Sica’s turn to sing.
She’s still looking at him and smiles all the way through her part.
“Hokshi neodo nae mam gateulgga…”
He’s looking at her—he can’t take his eyes off her now and his voice accidentally cracks mid-line.
“Dashi han beonman gihweoreul jugeni…”
He still cannot bring himself to smile.
He’s absolutely mesmerized by her.
He becomes self conscious of himself.
He holds the mic stiffly, his expressions are the same—but he’s still looking at her.
“Ijen ara jeoldaero urineun heeojil su oebseo…”
Her voice and her eyes are full of emotion—she’s still looking at him.
“Saranghago ddo saranghaneun han saram…”
 

The bridge nears its end.
They start walking towards each other, not taking their eyes off one another.
Both for different reasons.
Sica, because she was told.
Onew, because he’s completely entranced by her and can’t bring himself to look away.
“gaseum apeun yaegideul heotdwoen datumdeul”

Her performance is full of emotion, she even momentarily places her hand over her heart.
“ijen modu damudeo dugo,”
He stares at her, and she looks away to face the audience.
“dashin ggeonaeji malgiro hae,”
She notices him staring, flattered by his full-attention, she turns to look at him again and walks closer towards him. The next line she sings to him, she sings with a broad smile:
“Kyejeori ddo heullo…”
He continues to stare, he sings his part shakily.
“…myeotnyeoni jinado…”
He fails to smile again, much to Sica’s hidden disappointment.
But what she doesn’t know is, Onew neglected to smile as he was too awestruck by her performance that all he could do was stare stupidly.
“oneul gadeun mamman…” she began the last lines of the song,
He joined her in the last few words, but still drowning in her bright eyes and gentle smile, “…dashiin obge…”
he made yet another mistake and sang it two octaves higher than the original song.

The song ended, the audience roars with applause and he’s still staring at her.
At this point, she finds it awkward and she breaks away from eye contact and stares at the ground.
 

The camera is no longer on them and the crowd quiets down.
“Onew-ssi…you’ve been staring at me this whole time…” she says through gritted teeth after the lights dimmed.
He braces himself to be berated by her for his poor performance.
She looks at him, wide-eyed: “Is there something on my face?” she asks shrilly, very un-Sica of her.
Onew stares, and blinks—then bursts into a fit of laughter.
Sica frowns and hits him playfully on the arm, “Onew, seriously! What’s on my face?” her tone is worried.
He tries to stifle his laughter, “N-nothing, Sica-ssi,” he’s smiling.
She notices this, he’s smiling a genuine smile and she can’t help but smile back.
“Look… I’m sorry I didn’t smile again,” he says coyly, he rubs the back of his head and gives her a half smile.
She shakes her head, her smile remains, “Well you seemed kind of nervous today—“
That’s because of you, he wants to say.
“But it’s alright,” she finishes.
At least you’re smiling now, she wants to say.
“But next time, you have to smile,” she holds out her hand, and extends her pinky.
He smiles and hooks his pinky with hers, “Mhm.”
“Would you join me for lunch?” she asks with hopeful eyes when they let go of each other.
She half expects him to refuse, but he gladly agrees to accompany her to the sushi bar at the staff’s cafeteria in the next building.
As they take their leave, quietly he says to her: “You performed well, Sica-ssi,”
and to herself, she smiles.