My eyes stared blankly on the TV. I didn’t bother to change the channel nor shut that thing off. My surroundings were mess. Beer cans, bottles of soju, clothes, and many things scattered on every part of the room.

My tears suddenly fell.

“Why…? Why it happened to me?” I cried.

“They’re left…”

“Why don’t you bring me along with you, mom? Am I that bad, so you leave me alone here?” I sobbed.

The childhood memories of me and with parents played in my mind.

My first celebrated birthday when I was 10. For the first time, both of my parents were home and we celebrated my birthday together. My mother left me a message that day, “Be a good boy, ne? Learn well and make many friends. You’ll never be lonely if you have many.” She smiled.

“Friends. Do I have any friends or ever had one?”

And the portraits of my so-called-best-friends flashed. The guys who always accompany me when my parents away. But now, they’re all gone.

For your information, my parents passed away a year ago. Plane crashed. But there was a rumor said it was a planned murder. My heart hurts to know that.

After their funeral, many people came to me, said that they were relatives. One thing I knew that their intention were money. I didn’t really care about my parents’ wealth or legacy. But seemed like everyone care. Even “my friends” left me when I left home and decided to move to a small apartment downtown, continued my plain life. Actually I didn’t like the crowds but sometimes they made me felt alive. They were my company.

I stood and walked to the kitchen. Opened the refrigerator and picked a milk bottle. Gulped the content without bother to pour it into a glass. I washed my face and saw my shadows in the mirror. “It’s that me?” I saw a man with small eyes, bags under both of them. Thin cheeks caused the cheekbones appeared clearly. Beard and mustache started to grow.

I sighed and ruffled my already-messy hair. I walked back to the living room, scanned the area. Found my jacket and dashed off from my apartment.

I sighed again. I didn’t have any plan today. So I just went out without direction. Let my feet brought me. I crossed the street when I bumped into someone. A girl with school uniform. Books were scattered around her. I squatted to help her. “Sorry.” I said when I put the last book into her hold.

I continued my walk. I stunned to see a kid and his mother. He whined over a toy which displayed in a toy store. His mom smiled and nodded. The kid cheered. He hugged and planted a kiss to his mom. My tears started to well up. Thinking about my own parents. I didn’t have anyone to be hugged or kissed anymore. I didn’t have someone to hold me when I was down. I still couldn’t let them go.

My walk continued until I arrived in front of a small apartment. Similar with my apartment, but I’m sure this is not mine.