He slapped me hard on the face. He slapped me in a busy sidewalk. In public. I quickly lowered my head. I could hardly think. My face was burning and something huge and heavy started to grow in my chest.

I saw his feet stepped away. But I didn’t chase after him. I felt my heart raced. I felt humiliated. I could feel the stares and curiosity from the passerby. I felt worthless. I felt like every eyes that looked at me were peeling my skin and flesh open layer by layer until my heart bare open for everyone to see. For everyone to see how pathetic I’d become.

Why he slapped me? I was just asking him a question. The next thing I knew, he started to deny things that not even mentioned in the question, followed by defensive statements and ended by insults. No I mean: ended by him humiliated me in public.

I started to question myself. Did I do something wrong? Did I say something wrong? Did he hate me now? Did I screwed it off? My thought just kept running to different places all at once. The shame of being humiliated slowly turned to hurt which quickly changed to self-pity. So I just cried silently, while waiting for the curios eyes got tired of me and left me alone.

Maybe I just had to apologize to him. Yes, I would just apologize and everything gonna be okay. I rubbed my tears away and hurriedly go home. Everything is gonna be alright.

I’m sorry for earlier…
I’ll make up for it okay?
Meet me in front of the coffee shop after work.
Love.

I texted him, but never received an answer. Even so, I waited for him after work.

He didn’t come.

Are you mad at me?
Please forgive me.
Meet me in front of the coffee shop after work.
I will wait for you.
I love you.

He ignored my message again. But I stood here, still waiting for him. I waited for almost 2 hours and my feet started to feel numb when there was commotion from my right. I turned my head to see what it was all about. The noises apparently came from inside the coffee shop. A waiter spilled coffee to one of the customers. The panic waiter tried to control the situation, but couldn’t even control herself. That’s when I spotted you. Involving your self to clean up the mess and offered helps to both of coffee-spilled costumer and the waiter. You smiled gently and took control of the situation. Your smile was gentle and sincere and I couldn’t take my eyes from that smile. It mesmerized me. I didn’t know it then, but might be, that was when I fell for you.

And I was still waiting for him.

He still ignored my message. I cursed myself for my stubbornness, because it’s been over 3 hours I’d been waiting for him, but I didn’t even move an inch from this spot. Feeling a little bit bored, I threw my eyes to the surrounding; passerby on the side walk and pedestrians, cars on the streets, cats and dogs, dumpling booth and ahjumma who sold it, shops.

I dead stop. My gaze fixed on you, who bluntly staring at me from inside the coffee shop. I quickly turned around. Okay, that was creepy. I forgot what I was doing and decided to go home.

What did I do to make you mad at me?
Can you at least explain it to me?
I’ll still wait for you. Please come.

I came earlier. I spotted you again. Caressing a stray dog and talking to it and acted as if it did answers your conversations. You looked like loosing your mind and tried to find it in the dog. But in a way, you looked cute acting like that, because you spread your mesmerizing smile again. I wished that I was the dog that you talked with. I chuckled to my ridiculous thought and proceeded to the coffee shop and stood in front of it to wait for him again. But now, I was aware of you and your gaze. I was almost sure that you’re an idiot. Because you were so obvious, yet your expressions like you didn’t have a single idea that you were busted staring at me. That amused me somehow. Like how your expression changed every time I expressed myself.

It’s the 7th day, but I didn’t wait for him anymore. I came to see you instead, to watch you watching me, to amuse myself. And you really didn’t disappoint my expectations. You’re a kind of dork and that’s cute. Every day, I found something interesting about you. Like you always sat in the same seat every work day—in the end of month, you came every day, to my delight, you always greeted the dumpling booth keeper ahjunma, you always talked to the same dog, you always came at 4.30 in the afternoon, you always smiled to everyone, and it made me come day after day just to find out more.

I started to have feeling for you. You obviously had feeling over me, but you didn’t do anything about that. That came to my nerves. I really wanted to know if you ever would try to make a step. With that hopes everyday, I kept coming and coming. I felt like an idiot myself.

Storm last night, left behind cold and bad weather this morning. It’s crazily freezing just by single blew. But somehow, I felt energetic and optimistic today, contrast to the weather that resembled his attitude more. You came earlier and ready in your spot. I smiled to myself and started to wait. But the weather getting colder by the time and made me sneezed. I rubbed my nose and stared to the gray sky. Thinking of you even you were here, foots away from me.

“Here,” someone said. I turned around and found you stretched out your hand and offered a cup of coffee to me. Finally. I took the coffee and mumbled a shy thank you to you. The coffee was spreading warmness to my bare fingers, but you were spreading warmness inside of me.

“He will never come,” you said after awhile. I nodded, aware of who you were talking about.

“You know it but yet still waiting for him?” You asked again. Unconsciously, you showed me that you did really care for me and I was beyond grateful for that. I had never drunk black coffee, but I had nothing to do, so I sipped it, taking flavor to every sense I had right then. It strangely tasted delicious even if it too sweet for me. I kept sipping it until half of the cup disappeared into my stomach. I couldn’t help but to smile to the coffee, knowing you still waited for my reply to your question.

“No,” I said honestly.

I eyed you to read your reaction. I smiled cheekily and decided to be honest with you, “Since the first week of waiting, my intentions has already changed,” you looked at me with incredulous face and that amused me even more, “I’m waiting for the day when you come to me.”

At my word, your face turned bright red and suddenly you found your feet interesting. I knew, now you’re thinking hard and slightly felt embarrassed because you had never thought that I knew what you’ve been doing and never thought that I did the same thing to you.

We stayed silent for awhile, while I examined you from close. Then something caught my attentions. You were clutching something in your right hand tightly. I stared at it for awhile; try not to think about anything. But my curiosity beaten me and I asked you in the end.

“Um, what is that in your…hand?”

You snapped your head and looked at me, before shift your attention to your hand. I watched your eyes widen at the sight.

“Oh, god! I’m so sorry,” he stretched out his hand and gave me a few small packages that he was holding earlier, “I forgot to put the sugars!”

I took the sugars and stared to it. But the coffee is okay. I sipped the coffee again, suddenly bitter and plain taste invaded my mouth. BLEH. I took out my tongue and flinched at the sensations. It really was no sugar in the coffee. But the thing was, I already finished half of it when I didn’t even realize. I thought it was sweet. But it was really sweet at the beginning, in fact it was too sweet!

Suddenly a sound of laughter could be heard. I looked up and saw you laughed at me with all of your might. I smiled and started to laugh along with you. I took another sip unconsciously and snapped at the taste. It was sweet. No kidding! I watched you laughed and sipped another one. It was still sweet!

“You like a plain coffee?” you asked curiously. Your eyebrows went up in amazement.

I shook my head, “This coffee is sweet,”

“Really?” you asked, doubted. “But you didn’t add the sugar, did you?”

“No need,” I smiled happily, “I already have the sweetest sugar in my life,”

You smiled at my answer, not really knew what I meant. It’s you, I thought, hoped that you could hear it clearly.