Credit to missAdaa for her banner!! woot2!! i love it dear!

White. I have always loved it. It means purity. It means innocence and . Just like how you said to me back then and I blush because of your crudeness. Well, I didn’t stay a for too long after I met you.

 You say that you hated it, but I know it isn’t true. I always wear white. Be it my shirt or my car. You shake your head when I buy that white range rover. You said I was too obsessed with white that I will dye my hair white and have my skin be pale as MJ’s. (God bless his soul) I laughed at that. You are so silly sometimes and it is so adorable.

***

                “Dara-ah, don’t you think this is quite over the top?” you gave me that cute pout I love so much and gesturing at your white shirt I bought from my trip to Philippine.  

                “Yah, you’re the one who dyed your hair pink but have the decency to say that my gift to you is over the top.” I cross my hand over my chest and give a loud ‘hmph’. I heard your chuckle. That boyish chuckle when you’re amused. ‘I knew it!’ I was about to rant you on the value of appreciating others gift when you suddenly kissed me.

                It was lovely.

                It was perfect.

 When I put white roses in my living room, you gave me that look. You said that it shouldn’t exist for it reminds you of death and kept asking me to change it. I refuse of course. That is my favorite flower. I didn’t understand then how you could say that something as beautiful as that could give such sad meaning.

***

                “I miss you” I said through the empty space. A tear slip down my cheek as I relive another memories of us.

                Your ranting when I didn’t get any rest for I was too busy with my schedule.

                Your silent company when I said I have to practice my dance routine.

                Your jealousy when I said I have to be on a CF with any other male.

                Your……attentiveness when I said I was hungry.

                You make it easy to love you.

When you finally ask for my hand in marriage, I was so happy and all I could think was how blessed can a woman be and I imagine how my life will be to wake up at your side and have our own kids. I said I wanted two but you beat me and said that you want as many as you can. I remember how you laugh at my fear-stricken face after you said that.

I let out another sigh. This will be a long night and shift my eyes to the window. There is no moon tonight.

How did it turn out this way Jiyong?

***

I don’t remember when but suddenly you became so distant. It was unbearable to see you waking up so early, leaving me all alone on our bed and got home so late. It’s like you didn’t want to see me at all. I was waiting all night for your return but you didn’t as much look my way.

                “Did I did something wrong Ji?” I asked you when you enter our front door.

You regard me with a nod and that was the time when I notice how disheveled you look. How lost you are. How you reek with the smell of alcohol and…women. I cringed at that. You just gave me a look that says ‘ off’ but I didn’t budge. I press my question over and over and you suddenly snap. I was waiting for that. For months you had been treating with silence and I miss those chuckles, those taunting voice as you tease me. You love to tease me. Don’t you remember any of that Jiyong?

                “I want a divorce”

Such simple words but it brings me a lot of pain. Like someone had rip your heart out and stomp on it countless times.  I was bracing myself for it. Who am I to think that I could live in a fairy tale and have a ‘happy ever after’ ending. I’m not the same girl who lived out her dream just like when 2ne1 is still a group. (forgive me, I didn’t mean any harm for them. I love 2ne1! T-T) Even though I had been prepared, I still chocked out a broken ‘why?’

                “We’re not we anymore Dara-ah” I hastily put my palm to block out any of your words.

 “Stop calling me that! You start calling me ‘jagiya’ after we got married!” I risk a glance at you. You wore that same tired face and your eyes…they were dead. There is no trace of sparkle in it. I remember telling you how much I love your eyes. It is always firing with such intensity that I was afraid I could get burn by staring at it. You said I was silly.

 You didn’t seem that affected by what we are having right now. This separation. Have I been the only one who tries saving what had left of us Jiyong?

“What…what about me?” I sat on the floor, not caring if I look pathetic and broken because that was exactly how I felt. I knew you were angry with my possessiveness, but how can I not be? You are Kwon Jiyong. The G-Dragon everyone look up to and admired. I was just a mere Sandara Park. You said that it does not matter countless times but how can I trust you when I was shoved by it every time I open my me2day and twitter’s mention?  It hurts Jiyong. More than I could ever tell you.

Do you remember how we lost our baby? We were fighting about your scandal with that slimy named Yoon A. You told me not to trust what other people have to say for they are jealous of what we have. But I couldn’t tell you that I had confirmed this with Youngbae. Yes. Dong Young Bae. Your best friend. You should never lie to me Jiyong. Your efforts in covering your lies make me sick. I was so stress out that I didn’t realized I had killed our baby.

Our baby.

He was supposed to have your name. “Ji Yong”

That little bump I had...was gone. And from then on, you had drifted away.

And I had turn into a paranoid housewife and spent my time wondering whether you’re working or just playing behind my back.

                “You’re gonna leave me for her Ji?” I stand up slowly.

                “Who?”

                “Yoon A!!!” her name rolled across my tongue like acid and I spit it out begrudgingly. I whip my head to see his reaction.

His pupil enlarged and he shakes his head slightly. Silence enveloped us and I could hear my rapid breathing and his slow and steady breathing in our living room.

                “If you already know, why bother asking?” he smirks and turns the other way around, heading to our room.

I wonder if we had ever been in love. All my life I had spent to imagine living in this very future, with him and our children.  What goes wrong? Have I been bad during my past lives that I deserve such cruel fate? I wonder if Jiyong had ever loved me.

 Then something snaps within me.

***

I sigh with content and stare at the white wall in front of me. White. I hate that colour so much.

                “Mrs Kw-Miss Park, its time.”

I give a small smile and nod at the man in uniform. This is my ending. If I was asked what my future will be, I will say that I am happily living a life with you Jiyong. Never this.

As the poison creep inside of me, I slowly close my eyes and the image of my hand wrapping tightly around Jiyong’s neck came flashing by. His white lifeless face. I give a feral grin and envelop myself with the blinding white.

We’ll be together again my love.

*************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

              That is all. Whew. It is my first attempt so i hope it was good. yeah, i kinda hoping that i could make it longer but hey, the longer it is the more mistakes i am about to make. Do tell me your thought! 

 i am so nervous. *wiping my sweat*

Sincerely,

lilacLover