"I hate mornings," I groaned pathetically as I stumbled around in my apartment. Clothes had to be put on, but first they needed to be found. Colorful words slipped through my lips as I realized that I forgot to wash my clothes again. I needed a cup coffee.

Walking into the small kitchen, my eyes fell onto my set of glasses and coffee cups. They were all lined up on the counter, each one of them filled to the brim with water from the tap. In my recent years, I had developed a few obsessive tendencies. Sadly, I knew what was causing my behavioral problems, but I didn't stop it. I was afraid of forgetting. After fourteen years, I was finding it hard to come up with new ways of remembering her. It wasn't that I had forgotten about her, but I was scared that I would. Each empty glass had mocked me, reminding me of what I would be like if I forgot my Youngjae. I didn't want to forget!

The headache was building up again, so I turned my attention to my newest coffee maker. Once the pot was set, I took my clothes hamper and made my way down to the washer and dryer. It was six in the morning, the laundry room was empty. Sitting down on a chair, I closed my eyes and just listened to the junky machine rattling.

"Morning, Jae," I yawned. "Today's the first day of class again. Do you remember what it was like for us? Our first day of high school, I mean. You were nervous. Of course, you were trying to be all macho and tough, but I could tell you were nervous and afraid. I really should have comforted you."

Time passed slowly as I waited for a pair of clean clothes. My days would always start like this, with me talking to her. And then they would end the same way, with me drinking myself into a dreamless sleep. If I drank too much, the nightmares would haunt me, sending me into hysteric states, but if I didn't drink enough, these memories would fly back to me. They would tease and taunt me, reminding me of what a horrible person I was. Even now, I couldn't decide which was worse. So, being the coward I had always been, I ran. If I couldn't be strong enough to handle my dreams, then I was going to run the hell away.

By seven o'clock, I was dressed and working my way through a second cup of coffee. The high school I worked at wasn't too far, so I opted to walk. For all the abuse my body was taking, the least I could do was ti take a damn walk to be "healthy". It didn't matter that my smoking while walking was counteracting all possible benefits.

Like a specter rising from the horizon, the school made its way into my line of vision. Tall gates threatened against trespassers while offering sanctuary to those held within. Perfectly manicured lawns would soon be trampled by hundreds of feet, and everything that was fresh and beautiful would look tired and used by the end of the school year. Even the teachers were like that. I was like that.

"You look a mess," a familiar voice teased.

"Hyosung, go to hell."

"Tch, you smell like the dryer. Did you forget to wash your clothes until morning again?"

"So what if I did?"

Her boisterous laugh rang out through the mostly empty halls. "What about all that bull- you tell your students? About making schedules and completing tasks…"

"Those who can, do," I recited as my eyes wandered aimlessly, "and those who can't, council."

"You're such a role model, you know that?"

"And I'd rather die of an infection than let you touch any of my wounds." Yes, Jeon Hyosung who was better known as the stuck up , daughter of the local Baptist preacher, in my old high school and class, was the school nurse at the high school I was working now. Coincidence. On account of the fact that most of my students would come in bruised and abused, we had developed quite a close relationship, and much to my surprise, the '' part had kind of faded. It seemed like the past few years were good to her.

"Good, because I wouldn't want to waste any of my supplies on a bum like you."

Before I had a chance to attack back, a flash of gold streaked around the corner of the hall. Strands of blond hair vanished around the corner before disappearing completely. For some reason, I felt sick to my stomach and my heart began to race. No, it wasn't her, it was just a student that happened to have blond hair fooling around. Still, the feeling wasn't leaving, it only got worse.

"E-excuse me," I mumbled to Hyosung before making a beeline for the bathroom. Splashing some cold water on my face made me feel somewhat better, but it still hurt. I was such a ing idiot. All these years and I still felt that stupid hope that somehow I would see her again. "Get a grip," I whispered to my reflection. My brown eyes looked dull and expressionless and my face looked sickly. If I didn't get myself together, I would be in no condition to help the unfortunate students who needed comfort and a listening ear. Nodding, I decided that I would go and run a lap around the building.

Hearing all the heart-breaking stories of each student and all their struggles had become overwhelming. I knew that it was my duty to hear them out and to help them, so I found a way to clear my mind of everything. I had been so full of pent frustrations that I decided to run it out. Not being particularly athletic, I never really managed a full lap of running, but the experience was successful. In between trying to catch my breath and not passing out, I had no time to worry or stress or even think. It was the alone time I needed so bad, and once I found out that it worked for me, I suggested it to all of my students who felt the same way. By now, it was almost a ritual. I began the school year with a run and I ended the year with a run. Of course, there was a whole lot of running in between, but the first and last were the most important.

With a deep inhale of nicotine, I began the jog. The cool morning air felt good against my skin and I knew the route well that I was able to run with my eyes closed for some of the way. My legs were burning and my lungs were working hard, but it still felt good - in a masochistic kind of way. The sound of breathing besides mine shook me out of my trance, but when I opened my eyes, I was pleased to see a few of my students from last school year. Arim smiled widely as she ran beside her girlfriend Nicole, and my transgender student Sunghwan nodded his head. We were in this together. Running with them, the ground seemed to fly under my feet.

"Whew!!" I gasped as we stood at the front entrance of the school nearly 15 minutes later with our hands on our knees and our heads hanging low. My kids just giggled as best as they could. "G-good to see you guys. Bleh."

"You… almost made… a full lap!" Arim exclaimed. "Who knows… maybe you'll do… do it this year."

"Too much faith. You guys have too much faith."

"If you quit smoking, y-ou'd be fine," Sunghwan chided.

"W-water!" Nicole squealed. Looking up, we saw Hyosung heading over to us with a few bottles of water. She had a knowing grin on her face and handed out the treat.

"Welcome back, kiddos. Welcome back."

 

"So, Daniel is still getting from his mom?" I questioned as I looked across the desk at Jongjin. Only a sophomore, he was the baby of my group for now. It would be a few more days before any freshmen would trickle in.

"Yeah! She's such a !"

"Tch, language. You don't like it when people call you a , so you shouldn't call people names, regardless if they deserve it."

With a sigh, he nodded. "You're right. Sorry."

"It's okay. I understand you being upset, and that's normal. You want to protect him, but you feel that you can't?"

"That's exactly it. I'm worthless! I can't do anything for him! All summer long, I had fun going on dates with him and stuff, but I didn't even realize that his mom was giving him about it all the time. He got so stressed out, but he still went out with me."

"Doesn't that count for something?" I pressed.

"Yeah! I know that I love him and that he loves me, but I want to help him."

Questions like this one were common in my line of work. Each student wanted to help their significant other, but since they were nothing but children, they felt helpless. It was as if they didn't have a say or even truly existed until they became "adults" when they turned twenty-one. A group of girls flocked past my office, giggling and squealing about all kinds of nonsense that girls usually talked about. Jongjin rolled his eyes and we both shared a good laugh.

By the time lunch came around, I was feeling better. I was falling back into a routine, into my designated role. While at work, I didn't have time to think or depress myself. There were children that needed guidance or even just a shoulder to cry on, and I focused all of my energy providing that for them. Sitting at my usual table with Hyosung, we watched the teenagers carrying on like the children they were. Cliques were established and tables were claimed on the hectic first day. The nerds bowed to the power of the jocks, but they stood firm against the artists. Cheerleaders tried to get in a position to best flirt with the jocks and the Goths tried to be dark and mysterious in a group furthest from the rest of the student body. Things like that didn't often change between each class.

"Same old, same old," Hyosung mumbled around her egg salad sandwich.

"Uh, your breath is going to smell bad after eating that,"

"Thank you, Daehyun. I'd be lost without you."

Almost suddenly, the atmosphere shifted in the room. It was as if someone had just tipped the scales of balance within the school. Whispers began to flit through the room at an alarming rate and I found myself getting agitated again. "What's going on?" I whispered, not being able to see anything.

Hyosung stared at a group of students that had seemed to gather and shrugged. The other faculty seemed to be on edge as well, but none of them made a move. If the students weren't doing anything wrong, then they didn't want to interfere. "I guess the freshmen arrived."

"That can't be it," I pressed. "Oh for goodness sake, you hear all the gossip! What's going on?"

She raised her eyebrow at my reaction. "Is something wrong, Daehyun?"

"No!" I snapped. "I just want to know what's going on. It's my job."

Not looking like she believed a word I said, she turned her attention back to the group that seemed to be moving closer to the front of the cafeteria. "Well, there's been some talk about a certain new student. She just moved here from another high school, and her family's pretty rich from what I hear."

"Why'd she move here?" Who on earth would want to move to a place like this, especially if they were rich? Besides, weren't rich girls supposed to be in prep schools or something like that?

"I don't know. It's just what I've been hearing."

"Weird." And how odd that one person was responsible for disrupting the natural flow of things. People from every clique were drawn to her, forgetting that they were supposed to clash. She had just managed to mix water and oil by her presence alone. Unfortunately, the crowd of students didn't disperse and I never got a chance to catch a glimpse of this mysterious rich girl.

I was going crazy. I mean, literally insane.

Ever since school started a few weeks ago, my sanity had begun to chip away. First it were the strange moments of longing and sadness. I would be anxious over nothing and then it would pass a few hours later. Then, the hallucinations came. I started to see her. Every blond haired kid was setting me off, and I could just imagine her turning around to tease me about something. Or kiss me. Hyosung had given me a check-up, but nothing seemed to be wrong with me. I even ing quit smoking, but nothing was working. I was getting worse, and I had no idea how to stop it.

"Young!" a girl screamed down the hall while I was in the middle of counseling. I had shoved my chair back and raced to the door to look down the hall before I even realized what I was doing. "Youngshin!!!" She was calling her friend. She was just calling her friend and I felt like screaming, but I prevented myself from doing so.

"Mr. Jung? Are you okay?"

I realized that I was clutching the doorframes as if they were my life line. "I-I'm okay." , this had gone far enough. Even Sunghwan could tell something was wrong. Looking at the picture of me and Youngjae, I felt like bursting into tears. I needed her right now to tell me that everything was okay and that I wasn't crazy. But she was gone and I was going crazy. "Can I talk to you later?" I asked, rubbing my temples. "I'm really sorry, I just…" What, was I going to tell him the truth? No, I was the adult and I had to be stronger. "I just need to get my bearings."

Sunghwan nodded and gave me a concerned look before walking out. If things didn't get any better, I was going to have to see a professional.

"Daehyun, you've been doing a great job," The principal, Mr Kwon, started as we took a walk around the building. She was the one who had hired me all those years ago and had become a kind of mentor to me in the years that followed. "All of us appreciate all the work you put into making life better for the kids. You're persistent and completely undaunted by any challenge. We all see that."

I stared at my coffee mug. It was half-empty, and the guilt was squeezing my heart. "Am I doing something wrong?"

"No, nothing of the sort. It's just that… well, we've all noticed that you've been looking stressed out. You look sickly and your work has been suffering lately. We're worried about you, and would really hate it if you had to quit. All these children look up to you and you're been such a great support to them. If you need some time off for yourself, we'd understand it and the students would understand it, too."

Those weren't the words I wanted or needed to hear. If I were to leave my work, it would just mean more time alone, more time to think about my failures and to think about all those painful memories. Closing my eyes, I realized what I was thinking. I was trying to forget her. I was trying to drown myself in work so that I wouldn't have time to think about her. After all my promises to never forget, I was desperately trying to. What kind of horrible person was I? Why couldn't I just be strong?!

Opening my eyes, I glanced at the pack of girls standing around their lockers. They were chatting away happily, free from all worries and stresses. Boys and manicures, that's all that they had to worry about. None of them ever suffered the nightmares of stumbling across the cold body of their murdered lover. None of them ever had to live life suffering from guilt and shame. I did, but I still hadn't become better. No, I was the same as that stupid teenager who had let his beloved Youngjae run into the arms of a murderer who was never caught.

Deer brown eyes.

My blood froze as those orbs caught mine. Blond hair, pale skin, slender body, full lips. Everything went silent when my coffee mug slipped out of my numb fingers and crashed to the floor, spilling its contents at my feet. I was walking towards her and she was walking towards me, both of us ignoring everything else. It was like walking through water, as if each step was being weighed down and heavy. Slowly, one step at a time. She looked confused, but unafraid as her fashionable shoes clicked against the tile. As if there was a temporal rip in the time and space continuum, I was suddenly standing in front of her. I wondered if I had finally lost it. My shaking hand reached out and touched her shoulder. Warmth. She was real.

Her head tilted to the side delicately and her wide eyes gazed at me. My heart stopped momentarily. "I… was looking for you."

It was as if everything that had been building up just erupted. I was crying like I did fourteen years ago, crying like when I found Youngjae's body, crying like I did in Mr Choi's arms after graduation. My arms were wrapped around her waist, refusing to let go, and my face was buried in her neck as I, the full grown adult, cried.

"Shhh," she soothed, the back of my neck. "Shhhhh."

___

The first chapter of the sequel. I hope you enjoy it so far.
Feedback and comments are always appreciated. <3