Author's Note: Can I just warn you that this is awful? I had no idea what I wrote and ugh I don't expect you guys to like it. But if you do still scroll down after reading this warning, then enjoy ;_;

Jongin had always been possessive of Kyungsoo ever since he first laid his eyes on him.

He was around six at that time.

Jongin didn’t have any friends for someone his age. It was probably because of the scary vibes he gave out to people. Instead of playing with kids his age, Jongin preferred to practice dancing whenever he had spare time. But that Sunday he was half dragged by his mother to come along to a garden tea party. His parents met and greeted their friends while Jongin was grimly walking behind them. They told him to make new friends, but as Jongin looked around, the other kids were laughing and running after each other and one of them shouted, “Let’s go play hide and seek!”

He mentally facefaulted.

So Jongin kept on trailing behind his parents, hoping for the occasion to be done soon. After chitchatting with several people, his mother then warmly greeted one of her friends who had just arrived. From her tone and expressions, Jongin could tell that they were close and it seemed like they hadn’t seen each other in a while. His father also greeted the husband before finally introducing Jongin to the other party.

It was then that Jongin noticed they also had their son trailing behind them. The boy shyly peeked behind his father’s feet at Jongin before his parents shoved him forward and to ‘kindly introduce himself and make friends’. Soon their parents were engrossed in their own conversation, ignoring the fact that their sons were drowned in an awkward silence.

The boy looked down at his hands, twiddling his fingers.

Jongin only stared blankly. The boy had milky white skin and for a moment, he swore the other boy had sparkled beneath the sunlight. He also seemed shy, judging from the way he avoided Jongin’s stare and looked at his shoes instead. Jongin was curious about the boy’s eyes and was about to reach for his face—

“Hi.”

One of the running kids came up to them and he looked more interested in the other boy than Jongin. “Wanna join us? We’re gonna play hide and seek.” He put a hand on the boy’s shoulder. The boy turned to him and he looked slightly surprised and Jongin grabbed his wrist protectively by instinct.

“No,” Jongin said pointedly. “We’re busy.”

He frowned at Jongin and shrugged nonchalantly, saying something like ‘it’s your loss’ (What six years old would want to play hide and seek anyway? Jongin rolled his eyes inwardly. Kids, he thought) and ran back to his friends.

“Um...”

Jongin’s line of sight went back to the boy in front of him. The latter bit his bottom lip and looked down at their hands. Jongin had his fingers wrapped around the boy’s wrist protectively and it didn’t seem like the former would let go any moment. He tightened the grip and the boy winced.

“I’m Kim Jongin.”

The boy slowly looked up to him and stared at Jongin with his round eyes.

It startled him because Jongin had never seen something so beautiful like that before. It was like he had drowned in the depthless black orbs and the obvious crimson shades in the boy’s milky cheeks made him looked even prettier.

“Do Kyungsoo,” Kyungsoo introduced himself shyly with a smile.

Something churned inside Jongin as he saw the smile. It was a spark that a six years old didn’t understand yet but it was enough to know that he didn’t feel like letting go.

***

Kyungsoo was a year older.

It didn’t take a long time for the boy to find out that Jongin was clingy and that he was also very jealous toward Kyungsoo’s friends.

Jongin was devastated when he found out that Kyungsoo played a lot with his friends (unlike him, unfortunately, Kyungsoo was pretty popular). Kyungsoo reasoned that they were only kids and kids were supposed to have fun but Jongin didn’t seem to like the idea. After a week, Kyungsoo finally gave in to Jongin’s (selfish) request. He could only spend his time with his friends at school because after school it would be for Jongin. But Kyungsoo didn’t mind that one bit, it was not like they didn’t do anything fun. Kyungsoo would accompany the younger boy to his dancing classes and then he would stare in awe. Seeing the other dancing was like seeing a professional dancer and to think that Jongin was only six going seven. He was definitely talented.

Time passed by quickly and Kyungsoo got a lot of new friends in junior high school. Jongin immediately noticed that Kyungsoo was a heart throb and within a glance, people would like him (and the fact that his hyung was really pretty made Jongin cringed). They were definitely different. Kyungsoo didn’t mind making new friends while Jongin limited himself to be friends with a select few.

Kyungsoo innocently thought that with him being in the first year of junior high and Jongin still in his last year of elementary school would make the latter understand that they (probably) couldn’t spend more time together.

But he was wrong.

Kyungsoo was so wrong.

It made Jongin more jealous and protective toward him. He even made Kyungsoo to list down all of his friends’ names so he wouldn’t explode in anger whenever the older boy mentioned an unfamiliar name (and then Jongin would take a look at the list to make sure). Kyungsoo sighed helplessly and decided to try to reduce the talk about his friends.

If Jongin couldn’t come to Kyungsoo’s school to pick him up, Kyungsoo would wait for him at the station just for them to be able to go home together. There were always times when they couldn’t meet due to exams and extra classes but then the younger male would come to Kyungsoo’s house later on to make up for the lost times. Just because.

Sometimes the jealousy Jongin showed him was too much. During those times, Kyungsoo would space out and gave it a deep thought because they were not in a relationship (well, they were best friends...probably?) or something, but Jongin had always acted like they were in one. It was not that he hated it, instead he felt very loved and Kyungsoo had never protested. Jongin was the closest person he ever had and of course, he just wanted to protect Kyungsoo because he cared.

They grew older and Kyungsoo was accepted into a famous high school.

Jongin wasn’t exactly bright but he was determined to follow his hyung’s footsteps into the same high school. He neglected most of his dancing practices for studying and Kyungsoo was a bit surprised to see such determination from the younger male. One day, when they were done studying and reviewing, Jongin had fallen asleep on the bed with his hands wrapped around the older male’s waist.

Kyungsoo smiled and patted Jongin’s head caringly.

If Jongin got accepted in his school, it would be the first time they ever attend school together. For a moment, Kyungsoo thought that everything would sail smoothly from then on and that Jongin would be able to relax more, knowing that he was in his line of sight. The thought of having Jongin as his freshman brought a wide grin to his face.

But Kyungsoo was wrong.

He was so wrong.

The first day Jongin had stepped his feet in his new school, he accidentally found Kyungsoo laughing with a stranger. Jongin had gotten so angry that Kyungsoo had to calm him down by shrieking hysterically that it was only Chanyeol and that he was in the list, not to mention that Chanyeol was dating Baekhyun and that he didn’t need to worry. The situation ended awkwardly with Chanyeol reluctantly walking away and profuse apologies on Kyungsoo’s part to the curly haired male for the misunderstanding.

Kyungsoo thought Jongin really shouldn’t worry about that kind of thing but the younger couldn’t help himself (“I was jealous, what can I say?”) especially since even if they were in the same school. Jongin spent all of his break to stick to Kyungsoo like no one else existed and the older male was honestly worried that he wouldn’t be able to get new friends if he kept on doing it. After a few days, Kyungsoo gave in to Jongin’s stubbornness and let him did whatever he wanted (though thankfully, in the end, Jongin befriended with all of Kyungsoo’s friends).

Jongin threw away the list of names and started to memorize their names and putting them to their faces.

There was Baekhyun, Chanyeol’s pretty boyfriend. There was Junmyeon, who had the most angelic smile Jongin had ever seen. There was also Zitao who had puffy eyes like a panda and came in a pair with Kris, his boyfriend who just happened to be the hottest person in their school. And dammit, Kyungsoo was really popular that he gained a lot of friends (and followers) that it almost burned down all of Jongin’s sanity. Sometimes Kyungsoo made up some nonexisted names in amusement just to see Jongin’s panic expression. But, he also found out that he was comfortable with the way Jongin treated him.

He felt truly loved.

If only Jongin knew that Kyungsoo would be alright as long as he was by his side. But the words were never said. Kyungsoo kept them all to himself.

Jongin was going crazy for Kyungsoo. He didn’t want the older male to care for anyone else but him. He didn’t want the older male to have more friends because he was scared. He didn’t want Kyungsoo to laugh because of anyone else. It was getting out of hand and he felt helpless. The list was getting longer and longer and one day, Jongin just couldn’t take it anymore.

He begged for Kyungsoo to be his boyfriend. He needed him to be his boyfriend.

They were in Kyungsoo’s room that day and the latter looked shocked as Jongin buried his face on his lap.

“Please, hyung, I can’t take it anymore...”

“Can’t take what...anymore?”

Jongin looked up desperately. “I can’t stand it. I can’t stand to see you with anyone else even if they’re just friends. I can’t stand to see you with them knowing that you’re not mine.”

Kyungsoo blinked as he slowly digested the word vomit because Jongin had spoken too fast. “Oh.”

“Oh? Just oh?”, Jongin looked frustrated.

It got the older male to chuckle. “Jongin-ah,” Kyungsoo palmed his hands on the younger’s cheeks and his gaze softened. “I’ve always been yours.”

“...seriously?”

“Of course.”

“Wait, does that mean we’ve been dating since we were kids?”

Kyungsoo smiled shyly and Jongin noticed it was the same smile that got him fallen. Hard. “Of course not, silly. We’re not official but...”

The tanned skin male pushed Kyungsoo on the bed all of a sudden eliciting a surprise shriek from the latter. The bed creaked and Kyungsoo almost didn’t catch what happened next. All he knew that Jongin was hovering above him with his hands on the empty spots beside his head and his heart almost leapt out of his ribcage.

“Then let’s make it official,” Jongin whispered possessively.

Kyungsoo let Jongin closed the space between them as he gulped and nervously closed his eyes for what was coming.

“You’re mine, hyung,” Jongin’s breath was ghosting over his lips.

“I know,” he whispered back before feeling a pair of lips pressed against his. “I know...”

***

Jongin was very protective of Kyungsoo.

But the latter wasn’t sure if it was even the right word anymore.

Jongin had become more and more...possessive.

There were times when Kyungsoo would want to go after school with his friends but Jongin didn’t let him. He would beg in the sweetest way to convince him that he would be alright, that there would only be Baekhyun and Chanyeol, that he could pick him up later at the mall and they would go home together afterward. But Jongin would still stubbornly say ‘no’. No, he had to wait for him if he wanted to go or he couldn’t go at all.

Sometimes Kyungsoo wondered if Jongin even had the time to take care of himself because all he did was nag.

Baekhyun noticed the chagrined expressions chiseled on Kyungsoo’s face and sighed.

“Kyungsoo-yah,” he said worriedly. “Come on, you’re not a kid anymore. You can go. I know that he’s your boyfriend but...but this doesn’t seem right.”

Kyungsoo looked thoughtful. “...no, it’s okay. You guys go. I’m gonna wait for him.”

Baekhyun pressed his lips into a thin line. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo smiled and hit his friend’s shoulder lightly. “Just go.”

Baekhyun then looked at Chanyeol for support but his boyfriend just shrugged in response. “Alright... We’ll wait for you there.”

“Oh, please don’t. I mean... Sometimes Jongin takes forever to arrive. You guys have fun. We can always go next time.”

Baekhyun wasn’t really convinced by Kyungsoo’s smile but then he felt his boyfriend tugging his arm. He then bade his friend goodbye before walking away with Chanyeol hand in hand. When they were far enough, Baekhyun found himself whispering, “What are we doing? He needs us, Chanyeol.”

“No,” Chanyeol replied. “He needs Jongin.”

Baekhyun fell silent after hearing Chanyeol’s reply and decided not to say anything.

***

Years of high school were gone in a blink of an eye.

When Jongin found out that Kyungsoo had been asked out a lot by his senior at the campus, he became panicked.

Kyungsoo telling him the names of his new friends didn’t help much anymore. He had made Kyungsoo to promise to report and tell him everything that had transpired in his day, including all the date proposals that he received. And when he did, Jongin was left shaken to his core. He facepalmed in exasperation because he realized that Kyungsoo had gotten prettier over the past few years. He was even prettier than the girls his age. Although it made Jongin very proud, he was also very frightened. What if someone better than him came along and there was nothing he could do?

Sometimes Kyungsoo wondered what made the younger male so insecure.

He did everything Jongin had asked and there were no secrets between them. Kyungsoo had never let anyone touched him except Jongin. And everytime he got a confession, he would politely turn it down because he was seeing someone. It was honest and it was the truth. Kyungsoo’s heart was only for Jongin and he didn’t know how to convey it thoroughly because he had ran out of ideas. Jongin didn’t seemed convinced by words and even though Kyungsoo held on to him tightly for protection whenever they were in crowd, it didn’t look like Jongin believed him.

So when Jongin’s parents came to his house to talk about their wedding, Kyungsoo was stunned.

He stayed in his room with his door slightly ajar, listening to the quiet conversation in the living room. Kyungsoo heard Jongin’s voice faintly, it was thick with determination and confidence. He felt like crying when Jongin told his parents that it was his only wish and no one forced him into marrying Kyungsoo.

To think that they were still so young...

Kyungsoo was twenty one and Jongin was twenty.

Kyungsoo’s parents seemed to reject the idea at first because both of them hadn’t finished their education. But then, after they talked about it some more, both Kyungsoo and Jongin had been together since they were kids and if there was anyone who understood their son the most, it was Jongin and vice versa. In the end, the conversation came to an end as both parents gave them their blessings.

The ceremony was held at Kyungsoo’s house and only close family members and friends were invited.

Kyungsoo thought this time, he was finally able to breathe. Jongin’s anxiety should have decreased the moment they exchanged the sacred vows. Kyungsoo said ‘I do’ whole heartedly as he realized that the male in front of him was going to be the only person he’d grow old with. And when they kissed to seal the lifetime agreement, Jongin looked so relieved as he hugged Kyungsoo a little too tightly, but it was alright, because it was their happiest day.

“You’re mine, hyung. You’re really mine this time,” Jongin whispered against his lips. “Forever...”

Kyungsoo found himself smiling into the kiss. “I know. I’ve always been yours, Jongin-ah...”

Maybe this time, Jongin would let up his obsession and let him relax.

But unfortunately, Kyungsoo was wrong for the third time.

He was so wrong.

***

When Kyungsoo was twenty four and Jongin was twenty three years old, Jongin would still drop Kyungsoo by his workplace in the morning and pick him up later when he was done.

Most of the times, Kyungsoo’s friends would give him a judging look at why he wouldn’t join them for drinks and he could only stay quiet. He felt terrible for disappointing his friends, but everytime he saw Jongin, Kyungsoo thought it was worth it. It was all worth it to see his husband’s fond smile on him and the meeting of their lips after a few hours of separation. Jongin had sacrificed his dancing to work in a well known company to make more money for the both of them and Kyungsoo thought his friends didn’t matter compared to what he had done. To think that because dancing was Jongin’s life and he had willingly gave it up to be with him. Kyungsoo could do nothing less than that.

Jongin’s possessiveness didn’t reduce at all.

It was safe to say that after all these years, Kyungsoo had gotten used to it.

And then, the fear came. He became afraid of Jongin’s temper. Kyungsoo thought it was weird for someone to be afraid of his other half, but Kyungsoo was afraid of his husband. Jongin really couldn’t stand it whenever Kyungsoo accidentally slipped out a friend’s name. They would argue over nothing and usually Kyungsoo would be the one who would admit defeat and apologize. He hated to hear Jongin’s tone rising in anger. He hated to see him angry. He also had no friends and no one to hang out with. Kyungsoo’s life only revolved around work, their apartment, and Jongin.

The only friendship Jongin had approved was with Baekhyun and a few of his high school friends.

Kyungsoo called Baekhyun from his office most of the times just to avoid fighting with Jongin (the latter had a random habit of raiding Kyungsoo’s inbox and sent items). That day, he called Baekhyun just because he needed someone to talk to and the other male had picked up on the third ring. Kyungsoo’s lips curved into a smile as he heard the cheery voice from the end of the line.

They chatted quite a lot and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but miss Baekhyun. They used to spend so much time together in their first year but then their quality times were reduced when Jongin came into the picture. Even Chanyeol wasn’t that possessive over his boyfriend like Jongin.

“Kyungsoo-yah?”, Baekhyun called out before they hung up.

“Yes?”

“Is everything alright?”, Baekhyun’s tone was serene and calm.

Kyungsoo held his breath automatically at the question and felt a pang. He fluttered his eyes closed and felt tired all of a sudden. There was this huge, invisible pain on his chest that he couldn’t yank off. Kyungsoo almost lost it but then he managed to compose himself and Baekhyun could practically hear the forced smile. “...yeah...”

I just wish...

“Really...?”

Kyungsoo placed a hand on his mouth to prevent a sob. “...really...”

I just wish, Baekhyun-ah...

Baekhyun sighed softly. “Okay. I believe you. We’ll see each other real soon, alright?”

Kyungsoo wondered how soon would ‘soon’ be, because Jongin would surely forbid him from meeting Baekhyun.

“Yeah...”

I just wish Jongin believes in me...

***

It took Kyungsoo several minutes to realize that his husband had taken several turns from the mainstreet and that they were not heading for home.

“Where are we going?”, he asked in confusion. Kyungsoo was lost on the second turn and now, he had no idea where they were.

“Someplace crowded. I have an appointment,” Jongin replied calmly.

Kyungsoo stared at Jongin with a frown but said nothing more. When they finally arrived at the ‘someplace crowded’, his jaw slowly dropped.

Jongin had brought Kyungsoo to a pub. Judging from the crowds, the place was pretty popular. Kyungsoo felt his back glued to the seat as Jongin turned off the engine and looked at him.

“Do you wanna stay in the car?”

Who are you going to meet, was what Kyungsoo wanted to ask but his whole body went numb. What kind of question was that? Did Jongin not want him to meet whoever it was that he planned to meet? The thought of being squished in such crowded place bothered him, but the thought of Jongin going alone inside to meet a stranger (or a friend) disturbed him more.

He finally nodded and followed Jongin closely into the pub.

Kyungsoo deadpanned at the crowd and looked around warily. He had never come to such place before but judging from the way Jongin greeted and nodded at several people, it seemed like the younger male had went there a few times. Kyungsoo felt strange at the thought. It was bugging him to no end and he didn’t know why.

Something clenched in Kyungsoo’s heart as Jongin dragged him to a reserved table on the second floor.

“Yo Kai, you’re late.”

Kai? Who the hell is Kai?, Kyungsoo frowned.

“Sorry,” Jongin replied casually.

Kyungsoo only blinked at the group of three who sat by the reserved table. The one who had just spoken to Jongin was a really cute, skinny male that he had never seen before. Kyungsoo took a glance at the other two and blinked in confusion.

Who were these people?

He nudged Jongin subtly on the back. “Baby...?”

“Ah,” Jongin replied as if on cue and pointed at his friends. “Jongdae, Sehun and Minseok-hyung.”

Sehun gave him a warm smile. Jongdae only gave him a stare and a slight nod while Minseok waved his hand at him.

Kyungsoo smiled reluctantly as he moved closer to his husband. He didn’t feel comfortable at all. “Baby...”, he tried to tug Jongin’s sleeve for attention. There were too many people and the smell of cigarette and booze were everywhere and he wanted to leave.

“Ah, there he is,” Jongin suddenly said and ushered Kyungsoo into one of the empty seats beside Jongdae. “I’ll be back soon.”

“But—baby, where are you going?”

“To meet a friend,” Jongin squeezed Kyungsoo’s shoulder gently and walked away. “Tao will be here soon. He’ll accompany you.”

Kyungsoo’s jaw slightly dropped at the nonchalant gesture his husband had just gave him and sagged in his seat. How could he leave him alone—well, not exactly, there were Jongdae and the others—in an unfamiliar place like this? The place was not okay. He had never been to a pub before so why did Jongin even bring him here? Who was Tao anyway? The name did ring a bell. And something about meeting a friend... Kyungsoo’s eyes went back to the other three by the table. Were they all Jongin’s friends?

Friends?

Kyungsoo slowly brought a hand to his mouth in disbelief. Jongin had been too possessive over him that it didn’t even occured to Kyungsoo that he had friends. Kyungsoo was always bombarded with questions that it never occured to him that he could ask the same questions to his husband. He casted sideway glances back and forth between Jongdae, Minseok and Sehun. He felt something building in his heart. It hurt.

“Kyungsoo-hyung?”

A voice called out his name and Kyungsoo turned his head to spot a familiar figure.

“Yah, it really is you!”, Zitao squealed in excitement as he leaned forward to hug the older male. “Oh my God, how long has it been? Three, four years? Oh wait. Six, seven years?”

Kyungsoo looked dumbfounded as Zitao pulled away from him. Shock was registered all over his face. “Zi...Zitao?”

Zitao blinked. “Um, yeah, it’s me, hyung. Hi.”

“What...what are you doing here...?”

“What am I doing...? Um, me and Jongin are colleagues?”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widened. “You...what???”

Zitao scratched his head in uncertainty. “Hyung, come on. You’re kidding right. It’s been a year...a year and a half...? I guess...? And didn’t Jongin tell you that I said hi?”

“A year and a half?”, Kyungsoo almost hissed and he pressed his palm against his forehead. Was it a joke? Zitao, his high school friend had been working in the same place as his husband for that long? And Jongin had never said anything about it to him.

“Okay, I’m not taking that seriously,” Zitao rolled his eyes. “Obviously you and Jongin shared everything since you were kids. And oh, I’m still with Kris! Yes, hyung, we’re meant to be together and can you stop staring at me with such wide eyes...? I’m getting goosebumps.”

Kyungsoo opened his mouth to say something but the words were stuck in his throat. He then quickly closed his eyes to get a hold of himself and took a deep breath. “...okay...uh, you and Kris. I’m...I’m glad to hear that. How is he? I hope Kris-hyung is doing well.”

“Yeah, he is well,” Zitao fell silent for a moment when a waitress came to their table with his drink.

“The usual,” she smiled and winked at Zitao.

“Thank you for being so considerate, noona. I haven’t even ordered yet.”

She laughed and ruffled Zitao’s hair affectionately. Judging from the gesture, they knew each other pretty well and ‘the usual’ meant that Zitao really came there a lot.

“He might come later to pick me up. He’s still with Luhan-gege right now. Really, those two, if I don’t know Luhan-gege then I’d say they’re cheating. You know how Luhan-gege is so attractive. Anyway, will you be staying long enough to meet Kris? I can text him that you’re here...”

Kyungsoo failed to hear the question. All he could catch was a name. “...Luhan...?”

“Um...yeah?”

“Who’s...Luhan...?”

Zitao went blank. He searched for a hint of joking on the elder’s face but there was none at all. Kyungsoo looked genuinely confused. “Um...come on, hyung, I’m sure Jongin had told you. Luhan is one of Kris’ Chinese friends. He’s currently single at the moment, but he may not be single anymore soon, because someone’s still in progress and doesn’t want to rush things,” Zitao snickered and his eyes drifted to Sehun who put on a poker face.

“No...”

That was when Zitao noticed something was off in Kyungsoo’s voice and he didn’t know what went wrong but it was probably best to change the subject. “Hyung, have you ordered anything? Are you hungry? I can call Jongin and tell him that you want to eat something. Jongin is probably around with Taemin and it’s funny because people always think of them as twins—“

“Taemin?”

Zitao immediately stopped talking as Kyungsoo looked even more desperate at the unfamiliar name. He dropped his eyes to his lap and held out his forefinger in the air. “...okay I’m gonna stop talking. Just...punch me if I ever say something again.”

Kyungsoo looked troubled. “I want to go home.”

“Shall I call Jongin—oh dear God hyung, punch me.”

Kyungsoo abruptly stood up and the others looked startled. He couldn’t stay there anymore.

Zitao was half closing his eyes, readying himself for a punch but it never came. When he cracked an eye opened, his senior had already walked away to find Jongin and he quickly followed behind him. “Hyung, wait.” Kyungsoo looked like he had a lot on his mind and Zitao chewed his bottom lip worriedly. It was not easy to find Jongin in the throng of people but then Zitao remembered the spot Taemin had always reserved for his group. Zitao dragged Kyungsoo to the place and just as he had expected, Jongin was there.

Jongin looked alarmed with Kyungsoo and Zitao’s appearance and he quickly got up from the seat. “Baby?”

Kyungsoo immediately reached for his husband. “Jongin. Please, I want to go home... I want to go home...”

“Are you alright?”, Jongin asked in concern and Kyungsoo only shook his head breathlessly.

“I just want to go home...please...”

Jongin shot Zitao a glare but the latter quickly waved his hands for self defense as if to say ‘it wasn’t my fault’. It was then that Jongin realized Kyungsoo was in some sort of panic mode and pulled him closer to kiss him.

Jongin’s lips immediately eased everything and it was like everything around Kyungsoo dropped dead. The harm was gone and it was replaced with a calming light. Kyungsoo’s frantic heartbeats gradually decreased and he felt safe. He felt safe and secure. And for a moment he didn’t mind being anywhere as long as there was Jongin. He was all Kyungsoo needed... Kyungsoo bit back a sob and leaned more for Jongin’s warmth.

“I want to go home...”

“Then let’s go home,” Jongin said softly.

***

Kyungsoo decided not to ask anything.

There were a thousand things he wanted to ask Jongin but he didn’t want to be thought as a drama queen. Kyungsoo wanted to know who Luhan was, who his husband’s close friends were and a whole lot more. Why did he never know about any of it? Was it because Jongin had never told him? Or was it Kyungsoo who didn’t bother to ask because he smugly thought Jongin’s world only revolved around him?

Why did Kyungsoo tell Jongin everything and he got nothing in return?

It was unfair...

Lately Kyungsoo had been staring at Jongin while he was sleeping. They made love, but it was more like a vent of frustration for Kyungsoo. He would lace their hands together when the tanned skin male was asleep and kissed the tip of Jongin’s fingers repeatedly. Kyungsoo would then brought his wedding band to his lips, shutting his eyes in pain and clung tightly to Jongin, like he would wither away any moment.

Eventually, Kyungsoo forgot about the incident.

But maybe God didn’t want him to forget that easily. It was a breezy morning like usual when Jongin drove Kyungsoo to his workplace.

His husband narrowed his eyes suspiciously at a handsome male who had just arrived at the same time. “Who is he?”

Kyungsoo turned to look at the male. “Oh. He’s the new intern at the office.”

“He’s not asking you out or anything, right? He knows that you’re married, right?”

Kyungsoo couldn’t hide his grin and was about to say something when Jongin’s phone rang loudly. He kissed his husband’s shoulder as a gesture of ‘see you later’ and was about to get off of the car when he heard the younger male spoke.

“Taeminnie.”

It was just a name, but it brought everything back.

The hurt, his pain, his insecurities...they all came back in a flash.

Kyungsoo’s expression changed and he held his breath. Jongin didn’t seem to realize it as he looked lost in thought, his eyebrows knitted together with his fingers rapping on the steering wheel. For a second, Kyungsoo imagined himself snatching the damn phone bravely from Jongin’s hand and demanding an explanation. His heart beat ten times faster as he himself wasn’t sure what to do.

Jongin felt his personal space was invaded with a glare and glanced at Kyungsoo. He looked nonchalant. “...is there something wrong, hyung?”

Hyung.

Where was the usual ‘baby’? Was it because the mysterious Taemin was calling?

Later at his office, Kyungsoo thought he should’ve slammed the door harder to let Jongin knew that he was... He was... Kyungsoo couldn’t find the right word to describe what he felt.

He had never felt like this before.

The thought bugged him too much that it made him lose his concentration. Kyungsoo accidentally spilled hot water on his thigh during his coffee break. Fortunately he was wearing dark pants so the stain didn’t look obvious, but it left him a burn. He had signed an important file with red ink and the secretary had to reprint the document. Then he deleted the email with the attached meeting schedules with the clients which caused the office to be in riot. Everything went out of hand and it was rare for him to be like that. The new intern at the office pressed the back of his hand on Kyungsoo’s forehead offhandedly just to check if his senior was sick (“Are you drunk?”, he asked in concern).

But the worst thing that happened was that Jongin texted him that he couldn’t pick him up that night.

Kyungsoo felt doomed immediately after reading the text.

He wanted to reply (with a slew of queries with ‘why couldn’t you?’ ‘what is going on?’ and ‘how could you?’ being the foremosts in his list). Jongin couldn’t pick him up meant that he needed to go home by himself—something that he hadn’t done in a quite a long time. Should he hail a cab later or should he just take the train?

When the office hour was done and most of his friends had gone home, Kyungsoo was still sitting by his desk, staring blankly at his phone. He still didn’t know what to do. Kyungsoo was never separated from Jongin that he felt empty when the male wasn’t around to tell him what to do. He was attached to Jongin like a file that was too big on the email.

Kyungsoo felt weak without him. He felt helpless.

Sighing, he slowly took his phone. He didn’t want to go home just yet—what would he do when he got home and Jongin was not there?—and absentmindedly dialed Baekhyun’s number.

Kyungsoo found himself smiling bitterly when the other male picked up.

“Hyung? Are you free at the moment?”

***

Fortunately, Baekhyun was free for the night.

Chanyeol had a late meeting and Baekhyun was planning to do some windowshopping while waiting for his boyfriend. So when Kyungsoo suddenly called him out of nowhere, he was extremely pleased.

The doe eyed male waited patiently in front of a restaurant and he couldn’t do anything but gape when Baekhyun arrived.

The male had obviously gotten more beautiful over the past few years. Of course, Baekhyun had been pretty in the past, but was even more so with the eyeliner spotting around his eyes. Kyungsoo clicked his tongue in awe as they hugged and squealed in excitement like kids. He noticed that a lot of people turned their heads to steal a glance at Baekhyun and Kyungsoo thought maybe it should be Chanyeol instead of Jongin when it came to possessiveness.

Kyungsoo ate a lot that night. He felt somewhat depressed and tried not to think about Jongin’s whereabout by stuffing a lot of food into his mouth. When they were done, they decided to continue their chitchat somewhere else. They were walking when something on the display caught Baekhyun’s interest and he walked into a store. Kyungsoo followed closely behind him.

“Christmas is coming soon...”

Kyungsoo looked over his shoulder at Baekhyun who pursed his lips in thought. A big round mirror and the posters littered with the word Sale! written on them were hanging on the wall.  “Are you buying something for Chanyeol-hyung?”

“I have no idea what to buy,” Baekhyun sighed. “Last month I didn’t give him anything for his birthday.”

“I’m sure he didn’t mind,” Kyungsoo shifted his gaze from the other male to a black fur coat. “He has you. He’s happy.”

Baekhyun snorted in fake annoyance and opened his mouth to retort. Suddenly someone very familiar came into his sight outside the store and his eyes widened. He could see the figure clearly from the reflection on the big mirror and at times like these, Baekhyun wondered why most stores used transparent windows instead of bricks. Kyungsoo was still checking the black fur coat, flipping it to the other side to look for a price tag. Baekhyun instantly held his breath and prayed that Kyungsoo didn’t look up. Jongin was laughing with someone he didn’t know—and Baekhyun wasn’t sure if Kyungsoo knew the person, too.

Don’t look up. Don’t look....

When the younger male did, Baekhyun almost flipped the mannequin nearby as he grabbed Kyungsoo’s hand for attention.

“Hyung?”, Kyungsoo looked flabbergasted.

“Um...why don’t you, uh, try this on?”, Baekhyun randomly picked something and shoved it into his hands.

Kyungsoo looked down blankly. “Hyung. It’s a skirt.”

“Oh,” Baekhyun tried to look casual. “Well, you know, you look good in everything...”

“A skirt, hyung?”

Baekhyun tried to block Kyungsoo’s view as he moved to his front. He noticed that Jongin was still right outside, it seemed like he was waiting for the other male to hail a cab.

Why does it have to be here in front of this very store?, Baekhyun thought frantically. He felt helpless in his bid to block the view. It was not like he was taller, he was basically the same height as Kyungsoo. The doe eyed male looked thoroughly confused with his action as he was about to put the skirt back to the original place. Baekhyun did his best to not let Kyungsoo’s eyes stray to the forbidden zone. He blurted out more nonsense. “I—you know—Ch—Chanyeol might propose me to this month.”

“Really?”, Kyungsoo beamed. “Oh my God, hyung, that is wonderful!”

“I—I said might,” Baekhyun wryly smiled. “I mean...um...if I ever need advice or anything can I just come to you?”

“Don’t be silly, of course, you can. But I’m not sure what kind of advice I can give you...”

Kyungsoo slowly took a step aside and Baekhyun desperately grabbed his shoulder.

“J—Junmyeon-hyung got himself a boyfriend, did you know that?”

“Really? Junmyeon-hyung?”

“Y—yeah. Um, it’s Kris’ friend, so he’s definitely Chinese, but it’s not like it matters, Zitao is also Chinese, and Kris is also...so we Koreans like Chinese, why does it matter? I mean...we’re not racist or something...”

Baekhyun laughed awkwardly and trailed off.

Kyungsoo’s eyes softened as he put a hand on Baekhyun’s arm. “Hyung, what’s wrong?”

That was when Baekhyun realized that he couldn’t do anything to prevent it. He tried to buy more time but Jongin was still there with his friend. Baekhyun glanced warily at the mirror behind Kyungsoo to make sure. Yeah, Jongin was still there. It took them a long time to find a cab at this hour.

“Kyungsoo-yah,” Baekhyun’s voice came out as a whisper. “Please...look at me.”

Kyungsoo did as he was told with a frown. His hyung’s hands were on his shoulders and he didn’t feel too comfortable with it. Baekhyun didn’t look comfortable either, but something in his tone told Kyungsoo that he was pleading instead of asking.

“Don’t look...don’t look anywhere else...”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widened as he shoved Baekhyun abruptly and broke their eye contact. He looked around frantically and stopped at the sight of his husband. As soon as he stepped aside and Baekhyun was out of his line sight, Kyungsoo could see the man he loved with someone—someone unknown to him, and they were standing together pretty close waiting for something. He saw Jongin laughing with the stranger and Kyungsoo winced as if he was struck physically and was in pain.

He saw a cab pulled over and Jongin gently ushered a pretty male into the cab and closed the door. The male rolled the window down and smiled at Jongin. He said something but Kyungsoo couldn’t tell what it was. His husband then waved goodbye before the cab drove off and he turned around to walk to the opposite direction.

Kyungsoo felt his whole world shattered.

That morning, Jongin had received a call from Taemin and acted like nothing was wrong. And then he texted Kyungsoo that he couldn’t pick him up and it turned out he was accompanying someone without even telling him.

Kyungsoo clutched his chest and his breath became ragged.

“I’m sorry,” Baekhyun whispered in regret. “I’m sorry, Kyungsoo-yah... I’m sorry...”

***

Kyungsoo got home to find out that Jongin wasn’t home yet.

He wasn’t surprised, really, but then he thought that he might not care anymore. Jongin could do anything as he pleased. He had rushed home with a clouded mind. Kyungsoo wanted to snap at Jongin but as he made it to their apartment, he didn’t feel like doing anything anymore. He felt betrayed. He felt wasted. He wanted to leave.

Kyungsoo sighed tiredly as he leaned his back against the front door. What would he say when Jongin got home? Would he pretend that he didn’t know anything and acted like everything was normal? Kyungsoo wasn’t even sure if he could fake a smile after knowing what had happened earlier.

The male slowly walked into their bedroom and grabbed his backpack. He stared at it blankly for a minute and felt the tears were threatening to burst out. Kyungsoo sniffed and started packing on the bed. He wanted to go somewhere else, anywhere just as long as it was elsewhere from there. A few minutes later, he heard the sound of the door which indicated that Jongin was home. Kyungsoo stiffened and quickly finished his packing.

“Kyungsoo-yah?”

Kyungsoo closed his eyes at the nickname and chose to ignore it. He kept on folding his clothes and he could feel his tears would fall from the rim of his eyes any minute.

Jongin appeared by the door and paused. “What are you doing?”

“I’m leaving,” Kyungsoo replied quietly.

Jongin squinted his eyes as he stepped closer. “You what?”

“I said I’m leaving!”, Kyungsoo snapped all of a sudden as he turned to face Jongin. He couldn’t hold it anymore, it was too painful to bear. He needed to let it out. “How could you, Jongin-ah? After all that I’ve done for you—for us!”

“Kyungsoo,” Jongin looked slightly surprised. “What is this about?”

“I’ve thrown my life for you! I’ve thrown all of my friends, I’ve obeyed everything that you asked me but why were you being so selfish?? You knew every single person in my life and why didn’t I know yours? Who is Luhan? Who is Taemin? Who is...whoever their name is?Who the hell was that with you earlier? So you couldn’t pick me up but you were able to wait for him to get a cab??”

“Kyungsoo,” Jongin’s tone was deep with warning. He tried to reach for him but the latter shook his head. “He’s just a friend. They’re all just friends.”

“Just friends??”, Kyungsoo cried out in disbelief. “Did you remember what you did to me when I told you that Kyuhyun-hyung was just a friend??”

Jongin had a feeling where this was going. Fear and anger were starting to wave over him as he gritted his teeth. “Kyungsoo, stop this. This and that were different.”

“No!”, Kyungsoo almost screamed when Jongin tried to reach for him again. “I’m leaving, Jongin-ah! I’m leaving now, I’m leaving for good, I’m leaving you and I want a div—“

The sound of a slapped skin was heard loudly as Jongin brought his palm to Kyungsoo’s cheek. It stung like prickling needles as Kyungsoo closed his eyes, his mouth opened with a voiceless scream and his mind became completely blank. Jongin had slapped him hard and it was the first time for the former to be physically rough with him. Kyungsoo’s resolve began to waver. And whatever hold he had had gone with it as his tears broke the dam and they streamed down on his face in torrential downpour.

“You can hate me,” Jongin said coldly. “You can curse me. You can do anything to me but that is never an option, you understand that, Kim Kyungsoo??”

Kyungsoo brought a hand to his stinging cheek and cracked his eyes opened.

Jongin’s eyes were deep with anger. Kyungsoo’s eyes were full of fear. Jongin then looked away, breaking their eye contact and tossed the backpack to the corner of the room violently. “You’re not going anywhere. Don’t even think of trying.”

Kyungsoo weakly dropped to his knees beside the bed. He sobbed quietly to himself and noticed that Jongin had already left the room. He wanted to say that he was sorry. He was sorry. He was sorry for snapping at Jongin and most of all, he was sorry for almost saying the forbidden word out loud... Kyungsoo felt his cheek still burning and bit his bottom lip to hold the pain. The last thing he remembered was that he reached out for a pillow and buried his face on it.

It was probably sometime around midnight when Kyungsoo felt someone shifting his body and tugging on his shirt. He moaned quietly as he felt sore all over his body and slowly opened his eyes. Kyungsoo found Jongin staring at him and he rubbed his eyes sleepily. “Jongin-ah...?”

“You fell asleep in your jeans,” Jongin said quietly.

“Hm...”

Jongin pulled Kyungsoo into a sitting position and the latter let his husband stripped him out of everything. He shivered slightly when his body felt the cold breeze of air and loosely entwined his hand with Jongin’s.

“Sleep,” Jongin whispered when he was done dressing him up and Kyungsoo murmured as the former covered him with a thick blanket. Jongin was about to pull away but then Kyungsoo quickly tightened his grip.

“Stay,” he pleaded weakly. “Please.”

Jongin stared at their threading fingers. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Neither am I,” Kyungsoo whispered as he shut his eyes closed. “I’m sorry, Jongin-ah. I’m sorry...”

Jongin’s free hand trailed to the pretty male’s cheek, to the very same spot he had slapped and caressed it caringly with a thumb. “Sleep, baby. I’ll be here beside you.”

Kyungsoo sniffed as he snuggled closer to the tanned skin male. “I love you. I love you...” Kyungsoo sighed in relief when the other male didn’t move, as a sign that he was not going anywhere. “Have a little faith in me, Jongin-ah...there’s no one but you...”

Jongin mentally berated himself and buried his face in Kyungsoo’s hair. He felt a pang of guilt to hear Kyungsoo’s sincere apology because he knew it was his fault to begin with. Jongin didn’t reply and Kyungsoo fell asleep immediately in his arms, but his grip tightened on the younger male’s waist and it spoke louder than words.

***

Kyungsoo stirred lightly and frowned deeming room was too bright for his taste. Did Jongin forget to turn off the lights? He sleepily woke up and looked at the ceiling. Kyungsoo adjusted his eyes to the situation and blinked his eyes rapidly. The light was off. He lazily casted a glance at the alarm clock and his eyes widened in realization.

“Oh my God!!”

Kyungsoo looked horrified as he shook Jongin’s shoulder not too gently.

“Jongin-ah, wake up, we’re gonna be late for work!”

Jongin groaned in protest at the commotion and covered his eyes with the back of his hands. “Relax... I’ve called your office and told them that you’re not going today.”

“Eh?”, Kyungsoo stopped panicking. “You—you did?”

“Yeah,” Jongin had one eye opened to stare at Kyungsoo. “And apparently that new intern at your office said that you needed to rest. Got distracted a lot while working yesterday, huh? I hope it wasn’t because of his face.”

Kyungsoo turned several shades of red and looked away. His eyes dropped and realized that he was clad in his pajamas. So it was not a dream, Jongin really did helped him change his clothing (or was it more like Kyungsoo just let him did everything?). His thought was interrupted as he felt a warm hand pressed against his cheek.

“Does it still hurt?”

Kyungsoo looked blank for a moment before realizing what Jongin meant. “Oh...no. It doesn’t hurt anymore.”

Jongin’s eyes softened. “Come here.”

The taller male pulled Kyungsoo closer into his arms and kissed his cheek gently. His lips stayed there for quite a while and Kyungsoo fluttered his eyes closed. He placed a hand over Jongin’s chest and felt the beating against his palm. Funny how it seemed to beat in rythm with his. It was like they were synchronized.

“I’m sorry...”

“No, I’m sorry,” Jongin shook his head as he gently placed another kiss on his husband’s cheek.

None of them said a word after that. The situation was awkward and Kyungsoo thought it was a first after all those years together. Jongin chewed his inner cheek and seemed lost in his thought. Both were drowned in the moment, enjoying each other’s warmth with their hands linked together. Kyungsoo glanced at their wedding bands on their fingers and sighed.

Don’t ever let us get separated.

“I thought you didn’t care,” Jongin finally broke the silence and Kyungsoo looked up to him questioningly. “About my friends. You’ve never asked about any of them so I thought...you didn’t want to know. So I’ve never told you about them.” He caressed Kyungsoo’s cheek for the umpteenth time, as if to beg for forgiveness. “I’m so sorry if it hurt you. I didn’t mean to. I never meant to hurt your feelings.”

Kyungsoo smiled soothingly as if to say it was okay.

“Luhan is not single,” Jongin continued. “And for your information, Luhan was the one with me last night. He was looking for a Christmas present for Sehun and asked for my opinion. I thought he would ask Kris because they’re much closer and it’s not like I’m bff with Sehun anyhow. But he asked me instead and I just wanted to help.”

The sound of a clock ticking distracted them for a second.

“And Taemin is just a friend. He’s dating Minho, by the way. Minho was one of my senior in the dancing class and remember the day when I took you downtown to the pub? They were asking me if I would be interested in teaching a class or two in their studio. I mean, why not, right? I still love dancing.”

“Wow. Did you accept the offer?”

“I told them I would discuss it with you first but I didn’t know how to start it...”

Jongin s an arm around the older male’s waist to pull him closer. He held him close to his chest and Kyungsoo’s hair. There was something in his motion that Kyungsoo couldn’t really grasp the meaning, but when his husband spoke with a frightened tone, he knew what it meant.

“And don’t,” Jongin tried to speak normally but his words came out as a whisper. “Don’t ever say such mean words anymore. I’m begging you...”

Kyungsoo palmed Jongin’s face as if to try to calm him down. It hurt Kyungsoo as much as it hurt Jongin. “I won’t. I won’t, Jongin-ah.”

I’m sorry, I’ll never say it again, please don’t think about it anymore.

“You can’t leave me,” Jongin whispered against Kyungsoo’s soft lips. “You can’t leave me because I won’t let you, hyung. I won’t.”

“Then don’t let me.”

Don’t let me go because I’m yours and you’re mine.

“You’re mine, hyung. You’re mine. You’re mine...”

“I know, Jongin-ah. I know. I’ve always been yours...”

***

Jongin was slowly starting to change even though it was hard.

He decided to take the offer from Taemin and started dancing again in his spare time. Jongin had also taken Kyungsoo to several occasions to get to know more of his friends. They were taking one step at a time, but they were progressing. Between Jongin’s new friends, Kyungsoo was most amazed at the HunHan couple. He found out that Sehun was a lot younger than Luhan but the former looked more mature—and possessive too, might he added—and they were inseparable even in public. Luhan didn’t seem to mind, though.

What’s up with these younger guys and their possessiveness?

Kyungsoo’s work was done for the day and he was waiting for Jongin to pick him up as usual. He sat a bit gloomily by his desk and his eyes drifted to his friends. They were laughing and talking with loud voices as they put their coats on. Kyungsoo’s phone vibrated and he brought it to his ear.

“Are you gonna be late?”

Jongin could feel that his husband was pouting at the end of the line and it amused him. “Kind of. Half an hour, an hour maximum?”

“Oh. Okay. Be careful then.”

“Yes, hyung.”

“Oi, Kyungsoo-yah!!”

Jongin heard someone called out Kyungsoo’s name faintly.

“We’re going for a drink, care to join us tonight?”

“Um...”, Kyungsoo trailed off cautiously because Jongin was surely listening. “M—maybe next time...”

“Really? Come on. Join us tonight.”

“You can go,” Jongin said.

Kyungsoo sighed sadly. “I know, I’m sorry, I’ll just...wait, what did you say, baby?”

Jongin chuckled. “You can go with your new drinking buddies. Just text me the place and I’ll pick you up there later, okay?”

Kyungsoo gasped happily into the phone. “Baby, seriously? I can go with them? You’ll pick me up later?”

“And don’t forget to text me the list of the names who are going.”

“Baby...”, Kyungsoo whined in protest and clicked his tongue. “Possessive.”

“Only for you,” Jongin grinned. Who wouldn’t get possessive when they’re married to the beautiful Do Kyungsoo?

“Baby...? Seriously? I can go...?”

“Yes. I believe you won’t do anything stupid. Now you’d better go before I change my mind.”

Kyungsoo let out a squeal of delight and Jongin heard him exclaiming to his friends that he was coming. He waited patiently for Kyungsoo to hang up but then the latter spoke to the phone again.

“Baby?”

“Yes?”

“...don’t hang out with someone I don’t know, alright?”

Jongin raised an eyebrow in amusement. “Now who’s the possessive one now?”

Kyungsoo stuck out his tongue even though his husband couldn’t see it. “Be a good boy. I’ll see you later?”

“Definitely. Have fun, alright? Oh, Kyungsoo-yah?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

Kyungsoo fell silent for a brief moment and his lips slowly curved upward.

“I love you too, Jongin-ah.”

End.

Jongin thought it was the end of the conversation and was about to hang up when he heard Kyungsoo started talking again.

“...baby?”

“Yes, sweetie?”

“Don’t ever cheat, okay?”

Jongin made a face.