This is a boy x boy fic if you are not a fan of this kind of genre then don't bother to read. I hope you will like this fic and also please leave some comments if you appreciate my fiction. I apologized for wrong grammar and errors.

 

PROLOGUE:

Dear Diary,

 

It's the 10th winter of my life when I first realized that I was sent to a wrong body, to a wrong gender. While looking at a small boy who was holding my hands so tightly, giving warmth to my cold veins, for the first time I feel this tickling feeling in my chest. My heart is beating faster and I can feel my bloodstream flowing so fast like a current in the riverside. The feeling is weird but I love it.

 

I am on my way back home, my hands are frozen and itchy, I forgot to wear my gloves. That's the time I saw him, in the park, sitting on the swing and crying his heart out. I was petrified on my position and didn't have a chance to move as I just stare at the crying boy who seems like calling for help unconsciously. My feet step forward, towards him. And when I am a few inches away, our eyes met and his eyes where crying but they are twinkling in the brightness of the cold winter day. That was the most beautiful eyes I ever seen, it was red… crimson in color but it's beautiful and enchanting. "Hi, I am Kei Inoo." the first thing I told him and the look on his face shows that he was surprised with my sudden approached. He wipes his tears away immediately and tried to escaped as if he saw something that scare him but with my automatic reflexes I grab his hand and then dragged him towards me. I hugged him tightly to my arms like what my mother is doing to me. She told me before that if you wanted to comfort someone, hugging is one of the best thing to do because it gives warmth and also safety. He was too small that time, no one knows that we are just in the same age.

 

That's the first time I met him, Kota Yabu, a name which is so unknown to me before but now the only word that my mind can remember. I know it sounds so crazy and for some reason it's disgusting to hear but a guy like me is in love with another guy, an admiration that is not forbidden but is against the norms of the people. But I really don't care, it is me who is running my life and I will not change or furnish it into something others wanted it to be. I like Kota Yabu… no I love him.

 

…

 

Dear Diary,

 

I feel frustrated… I curse my growth hormone. How come? How come Kou-chan was taller than I am now?

 

Today is the start of my junior high and to my surprised I am sitting besides the love of my life. Kota Yabu. He is my classmate and how happy I am when I figured it out. Of course he didn't know that I am so excited by just sitting down besides him, he didn't know that my heart is beating faster every time our eyes met, he didn't know that I am having a hard time breathing whenever he is talking to me. He didn't know anything at all.. But I wanted him to know… sooner or later.

 

It's been 3 years since we first meet but nothing improves to our relationship. I am having a one sided love towards him and while I am so serious chasing over his shadows he grows up to be a lady killer. Yeah I know he was too attractive to be true but I hate it when girls approach him and talk to him as if I was not there but worst is that Kou-chan itself was allowing it.

 

…

 

Dear Diary,

 

This is not a good day for me, I confessed but I was rejected. He didn't like me, he didn't cling the same way as I am. He said it in front of me that he wanted to date girls with big s, large bust and beautiful in any angle. It really breaks my heart, I never thought that it already ended when it doesn't start yet. Gladly my big sister cheered me up by treating me an ice cream. Vanilla flavor with chocolate syrup and almonds on top. He knows I love that and so she give it to me. She knows I was depressed but of course she has no idea what is the reason behind. If only my feelings for Kou-chan is like an ice cream, melting until it was totally gone to my grasp.

…

 

Dear Diary,

 

I was so sad. My twin sister just said goodbye to this world. She was killed, she was murdered by someone unknown. My parents were really mad and they wanted justice but there is no clue that can lead the police to my sister's murderer. It was horrid, it was tragic… if only I can do something then I already did it but…. There is nothing I can do but to cry and be sad but Kou-chan was there to comfort me until I realized I fall asleep in his arms.

 

…

 

Dear Diary,

 

I saw him dating a girl and he looks so happy that it is hurting me. I can't still forget about the fact that he rejected me. I stay away from him so that my heart can't remember the pain but it just keep on coming back and no matter what I do Kou-chan is forever in my heart… only him. I tried to date girls but it goes wrong, I feel nothing about them, definitely nothing at all.

 

…

 

Dear Diary,

 

Why can't I forget about him? Why can't I totally erased him on my mind? He doesn't care about me. He doesn't want to be serious whenever he is with me. I just hate that about him but he is also the reason why I can't totally forget about him. Even I tried to run away from him he just keep on following me. He…I don't know… I guess he is just a natural kind hearted person. I am just his friend… to his eyes I am just a friend.

 

…

 

Dear Diary,

 

I already decided… I will not give up on him. I will do my best to tell him each and everyday that I love him and I will not give up until his heart will surrender to my love. I love him so much…. I love him so much and so… I will not give up.

 

Kota Yabu soon…you will be mine.

 

Yours truly,

Kei Inoo