"Just one last time."

Those words rang in my head as I awoke. Beside me, he was still sleeping. He looked so peaceful, so innocent, so beautiful, it made me regret. Regret all the things we had done. Things would never be back to normal. We would never be normal again. I had ruined years of friendship. I blamed myself, it was my fault.

He was beautiful, so beautiful. I couldn't help but think at the things we had done. He clearly told me we couldn't live that way. He clearly said it was too dangerous, too risky. It was our secret shared with Teukie hyung. Only he knew it. We had managed to keep this going for months. For months, we managed to hide this, from out closest friends.

Yesterday, I approached him. We were both far too sober for this to be acceptable. I seduced him, we were both fully aware that he couldn't resist me. I kissed him until he couldn't think straight. I laid him in bed. I removed his clothes one by one. And now, I dealt with the guilt. Soon, he would wake up. Soon I would be gone.

"Just one last time."     I had told him, before I had kissed him. I had kept on apologizing. "I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry I ruined everything. I'm sorry nothing will go back to normal. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

I had cried. I had seen my tear fall on his cheek, and I had seen him look confused. I had felt his small hands wipe my tear streaked cheeks as we laid side by side, and had heard his small "I'm sorry too."
Then he had kissed me an said, "just one last time, let me be loved by you."

And I did.

It was pleasant of course. He was beautiful, even like this. Everything about him was perfect, his voice, his smell, his taste, his smell, the way he teased me in his very own way, his smile, his eyes. He was perfect. Why was it so unfair, why couldn't I have him? Why couldn't we stay like this?

Of course I knew all the answer. Perhaps it was painful to let go, but I would be even more if we were discovered. Everything we had would go down the drain if...

But we allowed ourselves, just one last time, to do this.

"Just one last time."

These words rang in my head as I searched for my clothes carelessly thrown across the floor.

Just one last time I would get to stand over him, admiring him. Just one last time I would feel this familiar swelling of my heart, feeling all the guilt crashing down on me. Just one last time I would get to see him like this, so vulnerable, so beautiful.

"Just one last time."

He would wake up, fully aware of what we had done-I had done. He would feel it too, the bitter taste of guilt and regret. But it would be the last time. The last time I caused it.

My phone rang. I grabbed it before it could wake him up.

"Kyuhyun-ah, I have a bad feeling. What's going on?"

"Teukie hyung..."

Could I bring myself to tell him? To tell him that I had slept with him just one last time? He probably already knew. He heard all the confusion and insecurities in my voice; I made no effort to conceal it. He knew what I had done.

"Kyuhyun-ah, you...you did it again?"

He was received with silence. This was the moment all came down crashing on me, when reality slapped me across the face. I had slept with Yesung hyung.

"Teukie hyung..."

"Don't need to tell me, I already have a pretty good idea of what happened. You got drunk and ed."

No. We were both in our perfect state of mind. We had taken refuge in , in the mist of our promotions, to run away from society. Or was it? Why was I so sad? It was just a fling, comfort , right? Was it only a way to hide from society, a moment of weakness, plain old ? Why did I feel so reluctant to leave him.

"Kyuhyun-ah, you don't have to be ashamed, I wont judge you, and you know as your leader and your friend I will always accept you and love you."

It couldn't be. It couldn't be that? We were both guys, it was impossible. It couldn't be...
The idea flooded my mind. It came rushing like a overflowing river, destroying all other thoughts in the process. I heard myself gasp.

"Kyuhyun-ah? Are you okay?"

And perhaps the "just one last time" were "just once". Perhaps, just once, I had given him something other than just and just once, my heart had swelled with something other than guilt and regret, just once I had willingly bedded the person I didn't see as just a friend. And perhaps, just once, I was sorry to not have seen it earlier, and channelled these feelings just once.
But we had agreed. It was just one last time. Just one last time I had been allowed to take this simply breathtaking man, and just once had I seen it differently.

"Teukie hyung..."

"What happened Kyuhyun-ah?"
 

"I fell in love with Yesung hyung..."

I'm sorry!! I didn't mean to write that! I was listening to depressing music and...this happened.

So my younger sister has recently been converted to Kpop (mwahahaha), and a couple weeks ago she asked me what Eunhae was. I told her, but I left out the fanfiction part, hoping she wouldn't find out. But today, I don't know what she watched on Youtube, but she asked me "what's fanfiction?" to which I promptly answered "It's something erted fangirls do that you should never check out" (I consider myself a erted fangirl too since, well, here I am posting this)

Anyway, thanks to everyone who subscribed and if you haven't, feel free to do so!

Also, I've had a bit of a problem with spacing and stuff, since I write fics on my iPod and the format is different, so is it okay?

Hope you enjoyed~

I won't be posting anything soon, my big project is due in a week and I'm not close to being to at all. Sorry!