“Hyesung-ah, come back.  I’ll do anything, just please come back,” I whimpered and fell to my knees.  I clutched the smooth wood and rested my forehead against it.

              “Eric-hyung, we’re holding up the line, we have to move,” Jinnie gently grabbed my arm and helped me to my feet.  I looked to the side and saw the other members wiping their tears and hugging each other.  I looked down one more time at the person inside the coffin.  He was dressed in a black suit with a white chrysanthemum peaking out of his pocket.  More white chrysanthemums surrounded him, like he was sleeping in a bed of flowers.  I gazed upon his face and traced each feature carefully with my eyes.  His expression was peaceful and the beauty he had in life was still evident in death.

              “Hyung,” Jinnie urged me again and I forced myself to turn away from where Hyesung lay and nodded weakly.  Jinnie gently led me to the other members.  Minwoo wrapped his arm around me and we all followed suit, forming a group hug.  Minwoo had tears streaming down his face that he was futilely trying to suppress.  Andy was sobbing into Dongwan’s shoulder and Junjin was in the same state as Minwoo.  I stoically stared at the ground.  My tears had long since dried up; ever since the night he died.

              I grinned down at my dining room table in satisfaction.  An extravagant meal was set up on the table.  In the middle, I had placed a candle and a small bouquet of flowers in a vase.  I glanced to the wine I had on the side to accompany the meal.  I beamed again and then checked the clock.  In a few minutes, my lover would walk through the door and receive the surprise of his life.  Hyesung had no idea that I had invited him over for the purpose of celebrating our anniversary together.  We had been together for six years now as a couple.  It took us the first four years after our debut to figure out that we had the same feelings for each other.  Ever since then, however, has been like a wonderful dream.  My phone buzzed on the counter and I ran over to answer it.

              “Hello?” I flipped open the cell.

              “Oh, Eric.  Sorry, I might be a little late, the rain’s so heavy,” he apologized.  I looked out the window and realized that it was indeed storming.  I had been too excited to notice.

              “Take your time Hyesung, drive safely,” I replied back slightly worried.

              “Yeah, bye,” he responded seemingly distracted.

              “Bye…” I whispered back and he hung up.  I looked out at the rain again and felt a big uneasy.  What was this feeling of foreboding?  Hyesung would surely be fine; this isn't the worst weather he’s driven in.  I quickly shook off any depressing thoughts and turned back to the meal I had prepared.  Oh right, music.  I rushed off to find the perfect CD to play during dinner.

              If only I had listened to the feeling I had back then.  Or even told him not to drive.  I could have asked him to take a taxi or offered to pick him up myself.  There were so many other options, why didn’t I think of any of them back then?  I could have prevented the accident that caused his death.   I had spent many days crying and blaming myself.  Alcohol couldn’t help me forget him, nothing could.  I couldn’t even sleep, every time I closed my eyes, I could see his beautiful face.  The memories that we shared quickly filled my mind.  The very first day I met him, I thought he was very beautiful and cute when he felt shy.  The first time I heard him sing, his voice was indeed that of an angel’s.  Our debut, we were all so nervous and when I gripped his shoulders, I felt him trembling.  When we held our Guerilla Concert, I saw him shed more tears then I ever had seen him shed before.  When we won the Daesang Award, I hugged him tightly as he cried tears of joy.  I stopped on my most treasured memory, the day we realized our feelings for each other.

              Hyesung had finally recovered enough from his knee surgery to dance with us again.  Practice that night had been long and difficult for him and I could sense his growing frustration with himself.  The other members and I went to go shower and change at the bathroom.  I bid the guys farewell at the showers and quickly jogged back to the practice room to retrieve my forgotten water bottle.  I paused as I heard music softly playing.  I glanced through the door’s window and saw Hyesung dancing to Eusha Eusha.  I watched for a while, not really sure if it would be awkward to walk in.

              “Ow!” he exclaimed and crouched down clutching his knee.  I was in the room in an instant and at his side.

              “Are you okay Hyesung?” I asked frantically.

              “Y-Yeah, I’ll be fine,” he stood up and limped his way over to a chair.  I followed and glanced down at him after he sat.  He picked up his water bottle and took a sip out of it.

              “You shouldn’t push yourself so hard, you just recovered,” I crouched down and looked into his eyes.

              “Eric, I have to get back up to speed.  This injury has caused Shinhwa enough problems as it is,” He looked away and took another gulp of water.

              “Hyesung, it’s okay, we’re fi-“ he whipped his head toward me in a rage.

              “Don’t tell me it’s okay, new groups are coming out faster than I can keep track of.  We’ve only been popular for two years, I don’t want to be the reason that things go back to the way they were after the first album,” he snapped and I was taken aback by his anger.  My surprise was quickly replaced by my own anger.

              “Hyesung!  Your duty to this team is first and foremost, your own health!  It doesn’t matter if our activities are affected for years or just a few days because we can resume them!  But if you push yourself too hard and suffer a career ending injury, then we can all kiss Shinhwa goodbye!” My anger exploded before I could stop myself.

              “You have no idea how I felt when I had to watch you get carried off stage that night!  It took every ounce of my willpower to stop myself from running after you!  I would have left the other members, the fans, the concert, to follow you!” I yelled and then realized what I had just said.  I quickly stood up and turned around to hide my embarrassment and the blush that was spreading on my face.

              “You would have done that for me?” I heard him softly ask.  I mustered up the courage.  Ever since the day I met him, I liked him, and as we got closer, I began truly loving him.  I now had the perfect opportunity to express the feelings that I had kept hidden for so long.  I turned around and stared into his eyes.

              “Of course, that and much more,” I answered.  I saw something strange in his eyes, was that hope?

              “What are you trying to say, Eric?” he prodded me further.  I paused and looked at the ground, feeling my blush darken.

              “I-I-I…I love you Hyesung!” I yelled out and squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for his reaction.  Silence.  I heard him get up from the chair and make his way over to me.  His arms wrapped around me and he captured me in a tender embrace.

              “I…I feel the same way too.  I love you Eric,” he whispered.  I froze as my mind processed what he had just said.  I hesitantly placed my arms around him and returned the hug.  He pulled away and looked into my eyes.  I gazed tenderly back into his chocolate brown eyes.  I felt the passion and relief of the moment take over.  I leaned in slowly and he followed.  I felt our lips touch and closed my eyes.  The kiss was light and short, but it signaled the start of our relationship as lovers.

              Ever since then, everyday of my life had been filled with joy.  Even on the days that I felt frustrated and tired, he was at my side supporting me.  Memories of happiness filled my brain and I felt a single tear fall down my face.  I was shocked and so were the other members.  The entire time leading up to the funeral, I had been stoic and showed little to no emotion.  All the memories that I was seeing now, I had desperately tried to block out so that I wouldn’t have to feel the pain of the loss.  Minwoo and Junjin gripped me as I began sobbing; Andy and Dongwan stepped forward and embraced me.  I cried as the wall I had created against my emotions crumbled.  We stayed like that for a few minutes and then a woman began talking behind me.

              “We’re ready to send him off,” she informed us, as we were the pallbearers.  I stood up and wiped my face.  We made our way over to the casket before they closed it.  All the members whispered their last goodbyes to Hyesung.  I stared down for what I knew would the final time at the my lover’s face.  I remembered the last time I saw his smile and heard his laugh.  It was over something foolish, we were watching TV together, Hyesung was snuggled against my chest listening to my heart beat.  A rather entertaining commercial was playing.  Upon closer inspection, I realized it was Andy's "Kiwi Prince" commercial.  I brought Hyesung's attention to the screen and his face broke into a gorgeous smile.  He laughed while watching the TV and then looked at me with the same broad smile.  I paused on the memory of his smiling face, he was truly most beautiful when he smiled.  I brought my hand up to my pocket and took out the rose that was in it.  I placed the rose on Hyesung’s chest, the red sharply contrasting the white of the chrysanthemums.  My gaze reached his face and I stared once again at the man I loved.

              “I will always love you,” I whispered to him as his face finally disappeared from my view as his casket was closed.

That’s right, always and forever you will be in my heart…Hyesung