I live in a world in which we hide to survive. This world is harsh and cruel to those who don’t think before they act. I was taught to think early. My father left me when I was seven, leaving me with his last piece of advice to live upon, “Always be careful with those you trust.” Ever since then, I did not make friends, because I did not know whom to trust. My brother was all I had when they took my mother away from me and I trusted him more than anyone else. But apparently, I was not careful. My name is Donghae, and I live in a world where it’s not even safe to trust yourself.

The story started when I was ten. I woke up one morning, earlier than usual, to a sound that broke the silence in my room. It was something close to a bang—I was not sure. The sun was just rising as I gazed through the small crack in my wall that Donghwa was never able to patch up. My brother and I were poor. The whole town was actually. A trip to the market would not always guarantee a trip back home. We were lucky if we had more than one bowl of rice for dinner. I crawled out of the beat-up mattress that I called my bed and walked barefoot to the backyard. Another bang emerged from behind the door and with a pair of shaking hands, I opened the door to the biggest surprise of my life.

Donghwa, sixteen at the time, was holding a gun. But that wasn’t it. Two bluebirds lied dead on the ground, staining the cement of our backyard. Stunned at the sight of another side of my brother, I watched as Donghwa reset the rifle on his shoulder and aimed it towards the sky.

“H-Hyung?” I muttered under my breath. Donghwa nearly jumped at the sound of my voice, hastily placing the gun back down only to stare back at me with a startled expression. He quickly wiped this look off his face and ordered me back inside with a gentle voice, as if the scene I had just witnessed never happened. However, I was always an obedient boy and so I did as I was told.

That was only the beginning though. I didn’t know what the future had waiting for me. But eventually, I learned that this situation was completely intentional, that Donghwa wanted me to see what I had seen.

I did not witness anymore of this kind of horror until I was twelve. My twelfth year was one of the most unique years of my life. It was the year in which I had my first encounter with them, and this encounter certainly wasn’t pretty. But more importantly, this was the year in which I had met Hyukjae, who still holds the biggest impact on my life.

It was Christmas morning, and I had awoken to the sound of our front door opening. It was Donghwa, of course, back from a trip to the market just down the street. Christmas was one of the few days of the year in which they chose to leave the townspeople alone. Our neighbors always took advantage of this day to rush down the streets and purchase things they needed, not even acknowledging that it was a holiday. To our townspeople, today was just a day in which they could enjoy a slight taste of freedom.

Donghwa knew better though. Ever since our parents disappeared, he took care of me like a father and gave me a childhood most kids in our town could only wish for. He entered our house with many bags of groceries that he set down on the battered kitchen floor. It was enough to last months. However, hyung was still holding one bag in his hand and as soon as he caught sight of me peeking from my bedroom door, he smiled sincerely and beckoned me to come over. I did so, not because he told me to, but because I was curious as to what was inside that bag.

I waited as he reached inside and pulled out a mystery item, placing it in my hands as he spoke caringly, “Merry Christmas, Hae. I’m sorry I couldn’t get you something better. You know how the circumstances are around here. But when things lighten up, hyung promises he’ll buy you anything you want… as long as it doesn’t spoil you, of course!”

It was a remote-controlled airplane set perfectly in a box. I couldn’t imagine how much this had cost my brother. We weren’t close to rich and yet he chose to spend part of the little money we had on a Christmas gift for me. I felt a sudden wave of guilt soar through my body and looked up at Donghwa, who was still smiling brightly at me.

“Hyung… The money…” I said, not even able to form a proper sentence at the state of speechlessness I was in. He could’ve spent the money on another bag of rice!

“Don’t worry about the money! It was a bargain, even the batteries are included!” hyung replied and ruffled my hair cheerfully.

“They’re not,” I answered the moment I realized that they weren’t present.

Donghwa frowned at my statement. He took the box from me and checked for himself. After a precise inspection, hyung shrugged. “I guess they’re not. That’s okay though. The shopkeeper is fairly nice and he’ll definitely provide you with batteries. Why don’t you head down the street now and ask for them?”

I nodded and put on the jacket hyung had given me the Christmas before. I was growing fast and the article of clothing was getting harder to fit in every day, but it was all I had. I headed for the door and was just about to step outside when I quickly remembered something that I had forgotten a few minutes earlier. I scrambled back to the kitchen to see Donghwa fixing us some breakfast for when I returned. He didn’t expect for me to run over to him, but I did, and I embraced him gratefully. The fact that he had killed animals two years before never ran through my head; I never accepted that the other side of Donghwa existed. I dug my head deeper into the back of his shirt and smiled.

“Thank you for the gift, hyung.”

And with that, I ran away with the box before he could say anything in return, heading out the door and towards the market. Unfortunately, hyung and I never saw the next events coming.

I whistled a random tune that I made up as I walked. It was a day where I could enjoy a stroll through town without worrying about them shooting me down. Or that was what I was thought. I reached the market in no more than fifteen minutes and I silently pushed the shop’s door open, still cautious and expecting anything. A bell rang to signal the entrance of a customer, and the shopkeeper looked up at me immediately before welcoming me with a warm smile. He was an old man, probably in his late fifties, and he wore a pair of round glasses that complimented the joyful eyes he smiled at me with. I approached him carefully and handed him the box holding the airplane.

“Good morning, sir,” I greeted politely before explaining why I was there. “My brother bought this for me today, but it’s missing the batteries.”

He looked at me with a surprised expression and I assumed he was going to inform me that the toy did not come with batteries, but instead he laughed, “Well let me grab a pair for you!”

The shopkeeper disappeared to the back and I stood there waiting when I heard the bell ring again. I turned around to see a young boy, who looked my age, approach the front counter as well. His hair was brown and his face was a strange pale, but he seemed almost perfectly healthy. The boy greeted me with a friendly grin and I was surprised at the fact that this boy was speaking comfortably with a stranger like me.

“Good morning to you,” he said as he set a box of his own on the countertop. “I brought baked goods that my umma made to thank the employees here for giving us food we couldn’t afford.”

I didn’t answer the boy because I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to. He raised an eyebrow at me and sighed. “Oh, you’re a quiet one. Well that’s okay. I’ll talk and you can listen. Oh, and you can reply when you want to!”

He laughed to himself and I stood there puzzled at the stranger beside me. Was this guy serious? The shopkeeper returned from the back and smiled at the appearance of the boy beside me.

“Hyukjae dear! What brings you here today?” he asked, a slight happiness in his voice. “I haven’t seen you for months!”

“Hi, sir! My umma wanted me to bring these pastries for you and the rest of your staff. We want to thank you for all the help you’ve given us, so please take it!”

“Why, tell your umma thank you and that I’m extremely thankful,” the old man replied before accepting the box. He looked over at me, who was patiently waiting for the two to finish their conversation. “I didn’t forget about you, lad.”

He set a pair of batteries on the countertop and handed me a bag to place them in, along with my box. I turned to leave, but stopped dead in my tracks as the bell rang once more and two men in black suits entered. They both seemed extremely intimidating with their clothes that could blend smoothly into a dark night. I admit I was frightened as they neared the counter, hair slicked back with merciless faces. I froze at the spot and the boy beside me had to nudge my shoulder to pull me out of my trance.

“Mr. Jung, sir,” one of the men spoke coldly. He was younger than the shopkeeper and wore a mysterious silver ring on his left ring finger with words engraved in it that I could not read, for it was not Korean. “You still owe us your payments for last month.”

The shopkeeper was shaking more than I was at the moment. He turned to us children in front of us and told us to hurry home, but we were too shocked to even budge. The old man rubbed the back of his head nervously and by his appearance, he was probably thinking of what to say. I would have too if I were in his spot, because they never visited during this time of year—it was completely unexpected. I watched as the sweat trickled down the poor man’s forehead before he hesitantly replied.

“I deeply apologize, but business has been slow,” Mr. Jung answered uncomfortably. “I’ll have it for you by next week.”

“We’re sincerely sorry as well,” the man with the ring stated, but with that smirk on his face, it was clear that he felt no guilt at all, “but the payment’s already late and we cannot expect another delay.”

“P-Please, my wife and I need part of the money we earn to survive,” the shopkeeper begged desperately and I felt incredible sympathy for him.

A slam broke my thoughts and startled both the brown-haired boy and me. The man with the ring had brought his hand onto the counter forcefully.

“Listen. Ajussi,” he spoke with a frightening sense of authority. “We need the money now before we rip your shop apart.”

While I was too scared to even dash out the door, the boy beside me seemed frustrated to a point where he was approaching anger. I observed as his fingers scrunched into a fist. He bit his bottom lip in rage, taking offense at words not even directed at him. He seemed ready to burst at another dirty remark, but just a few seconds earlier, I was sure he was as afraid as I was.

“So what do you say, old fart?” the other man in black finally asked. His voice was deeper than the other man’s, and just because he hadn’t been speaking, he sounded extra intimidating as his voice boomed throughout the silence of the store. “Have you got the money or not?”

“Who are you to have the right to speak to an elder like that?!” the pale boy shouted angrily, glaring at the two men as if they had just insulted his father. I was amazed at the courage the kid had, but I felt incredibly scared for him the moment after.

“Excuse me, child,” the man who had just insulted the shopkeeper chuckled, “but who are you to have the right to speak to me like that?”

“People like you don’t deserve to live,” the boy snarled, but his expression softened when he heard Mr. Jung say, “hush, Hyukjae.”

The shopkeeper returned his attention to the men in front of him and sighed. “Allow me to get the money in the back.” He disappeared and came back in a few moments with a stuffed envelope that he handed to the two men with black suits before apologizing about Hyukjae’s behavior.

“Make sure that lowlife watches out,” the man with the ring laughed as they made their exit, and I felt a small fire start in me. How could they have the heart to call a child such a name? But I eventually learned that these people did not show mercy to anyone.

“Scurry home, children,” Mr. Jung ordered and Hyukjae and I walked out together.

He was still fuming and once we were outside, I reached forward and tapped his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

Almost instantly, his expression changed and he grinned brightly at me. This left me in an indescribably confused state, and I watched as the stranger before me laughed. “You talk! What’s your name? I’m Hyukjae, and for our safety, I think we should walk home together.”

I frowned upon the sudden mood change, but nonetheless, I introduced myself as Donghae and did not respond to his suggestion. Instead, I headed towards home, and of course, the boy followed me. I didn’t mind it though. Something told me he was different and that it was okay to get closer with him, and I might have ended up being wrong about this for a while, but everything ended the way I wanted.
Hyukjae was hot-headed though, and didn’t like being deprived of his revenge. He picked up a small pebble from the sidewalk and turned around before aiming it at the two men who were headed the opposite way down the street. I wanted to smack him for what he did next, but there was absolutely no time for such an action. Hyukjae had launched the pebble from his fingertips and it had landed perfectly on one of the men’s head. We heard the item drop to the ground and as they both turned to find the responsible party, Hyukjae screamed at me, “Run!”

And I did. I clutched on to my bag, loving my brother too much to drop the extra weight his gift put upon me. Hyukjae and I scrambled down the streets as we heard the heavy footsteps not far behind us. I dared not to look back as Hyukjae led me around a corner and down another. My heart raced at an unbelievable pace as I was dragged down street after street, corner after corner, alley after alley. A gunshot sounded and I was nearly brought to tears until Hyukjae pulled me down one last alley and covered my lips with his hand. He demanded that I shut up and so I did. We held our breaths and tried our best to camouflage with the dark walls on either side of us. The footsteps neared and my heart pounded—I was sure that Hyukjae could hear it. Thankfully, the men sped right by our alley and we were both able to catch our breaths. After a good ten minutes, we were sure they were gone and I finally spoke up.

“Are you mad?!”

Hyukjae laughed breathlessly and that was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. I brought him to my house for breakfast that Christmas morning after realizing the fact that his family was probably poorer than Donghwa and me. We were young then and only thought about the life we currently had, never once worrying about what the future had waiting for us.