CHAPTER I

Today I'm telling Choi Siwon that I'm in love with him.
Sometimes I think that if he knew about my feelings towards him, he would admit that he feels the same way. On the other hand, I have thoughts that he might laugh in my face so hard after knowing about the big joke I made. or let's say, Hilarious. 

but. 

It could be really easy. I can simply go up to him and see what happens. wait for something to happen. Or maybe, improvise on the spot. and yes, he would definetely know about me. But it would have been definetely easier, if he ever knew I existed on this earth. 

For years, I've been yearning and fantisizing over him. I mean come on, he's tall. His smile is charming, like seriously. He's friendly with everyone. and I've got the admit that he has a goddamn freakin y body that makes me drool and tense up whenever he's around. I can't put my eyes of his finely chiseled and toned abdominal muscles, trailling my eyes lower and lower.........
Oh my freaking lord.  Damn it, He's my fantasy. shh, don't tell anyone about my dirty little secrets. yes,I'm a ert and I've got to admit that. 

The thing is, He never noticed my existence. Bumping into me along the hallway, doesn't really count. So probably, confessing and telling him that we belong together, out of the blue is probably the joke of the day. 

" You can't do that! You must be out of your mind!" 

Telling Siwon about my feelings wasn't a big plan or anything much. I thought about it every single day, because I've been longing for him for years. To tell him about my true feelings, so he could realise how much I enjoy his company. He's my addiction, just like a simple cup of coffee. Caffeine, boy. you're like a coffee, you're bad to me. so bad to me.

So I'm pretty much stucked up here, preparing the decorations for the freshman's party with Taeyeon. I'm still contemplating if I should tell him during the freshman's party this year. It would probably be our last day to see each other before the next senior year resumes. and wouldn't it be perfect to go out for dates with him during the vacation? Great, I'm such a genius. This would totally be an awesome combination of freedom and Choi Siwon. 

and Taeyeon didn't agree with my plans.  "Why not? "

"Oh come on, think about it sooyoung." Taeyeon puffed her cheeks as she played with the balloons. Slowly taking her own sweet time, drawing wierd little ponies on the surface of the balloon with the permanent marker. Tsk, Such a dork. 

"What do you think would be his reaction if you confessed to him? " 

I lightly scratched my head with my fingers, " mm... I don't really know. and that's the reason why I haven't told him yet. and how many times have we gone over this? " 

Taeyeon actually had a valid point though. She had been by my side whenever I spazz and get obsessive over Choi Siwon for two years. I'm sure she demands a subject change. 

"But you've assumed that he doesn't like me because he never actually talked to me, but you don't know that for sure." 

"You really sure you're gonna like, do this?" 

"Possitive."

"After everything we actually talked and debated about? 
Don't you care - " 

"So what? I'm being honest that I really like him. Is it really a crime to like him?"  I'll even tell Tiffany that I like him, because I can't keep on pretending I don't have an infatuation over him. 

"But how? " 

I don't know. I need to gather my courage to make a change. I'm more than willing to do anything drastic for him, because I have this intense feeling of clarity that forces everything else into the ground. But you see, I can't keep on pretending.
Choi Siwon and me would be together, and I've never been so sure in my entire life. 

 

Oh how I really wished this could end fast. My tummy is already grumbling again after the fourth snack. and Choi Siwon is not even around! I scanned through the scene and yes, there's so many drama's. As I took a quick glance around the benches, 
that was when I found him. 

Choi Siwon is over with his clique's, enjoying his random talks while gathering around with his mates. I'm probably guessing they're busy chatting over the basketball games, girls or even having y talks. Damn, I like naughty guys.........Oh lord, Back to earth Choi Sooyoung. He looks so attractive. His physical looks makes him easy to fit in the groups of physically privileged guys. The way he radiates confidence and the way he smiles...  and I swear he is damn smart and he performs really well. The way he moves his body, following the melodious rhythm. Oh, such a perfect combination. 

Hey, It's not that I don't have any talents. Performing is my kind of thing, but there are times when I feel I lack of confidence and I have low self esteem. I know, such a loser I am. To make situations worst, My mother always reminds me of how smart I am and how I'm not working to my fullest potential. She wasn't always this harsh, but ever since dad left, 

eveything changed. He ruined every single thing. 


Taeyeon poked me and I woke up from my thoughts. 
Did I stare excessively at him again? I probably did that. I have to mentally remind myself ; stop staring at Choi Siwon like a creeper. 

"Are you still gonna do it?" 

"yes." 

"Do what?" Tiffany asked curiously. 

"um.." 


"Oh! look! that's a hot guy! you should totally check him out Tiff!" Taeyeon nervously said to Tiffany before dragging her away. I know what she's thinking, It is more risky to tell Tiffany that I like Choi Siwon, than making a fool of myself infront of him. While she dragged her away, she glanced at me with pleading eyes; telling me "DON'T DO IT" desperately. 


and then I realised. Choi Siwon is at the refreshments corner, looking for drinks. 

Alone. 


Right, this is my chance. 

I might not see him until vacation is over. So I forced myself to walk towards his direction. 

He was rummaging through the cooler looking for a can of drink. "Seen any Sprite? " he asked. 

I looked around cluelessly trying to figure out if he was talking to someone else. Turns out, we're the only ones here. 
So he was talking to me.

I scanned through the cooler box for one, but fail to find one. " umm... apparantly no... sorry. "  He smiled and grab a can of cola instead. 

Whenever I'm around him I sort of get the feeling that I got possesed by him. He doesn't really have to be within the visual range to get me all flushed and blushing. Being this close makes every cell in my body twang with anticipation. Oh, Choi Siwon. 

"Do you want one? " He asked patiently as I responded to him like a lost kid while nodding. "uh.. yes. Sorry." 

"Don't you think this idea of freshman parties are pretty lame?" wait. he's talking to me? he's talking to me? to me? My heart leaped and I swear it could come out of my throat any second. 

"Pretty much, I was just busy being a glutton enjoying the food. " wait. Did I just said I was a freakin... GLUTTON? Ohmygod, could this be anymore embarassing? 

"I can see that you love food, I heard you're good in cooking too? "

wow. wait what? He..How could he possibly know that? I love eating, so do cooking, since forever. Food and me has been fated.  So does me and Choi Siwon. Even our surnames are the same, how fated could we be? We belong together. 

"I don't wanna sound too creepy though, but how could you possibly know that? " I grabbed the can of cola before muttering a soft thankyou. 


"I've noticed you." 

"wait. what? You did?! " 

"Weren't you the one giving out cupcakes that you made during valentines to everyone? " 

"...Yes? " 

"Those were delicious. and awesome." He winked slightly towards me. Ohmygod. Just let me faint. And I can't believe that he actually remembers that. "I've noticed you" , He was checking me out back then?  or because he was in love with me too? 
With all the possible scenes I've pictured in my mind, I can't think of one single thing that would keep him interested with this conversation. will someone help me? 

"Siwon, I li- " 

"YO HYUNG! Pass me a can of cola?" He took a can of it and threw it to donghae, as I just stared quietly and looked back at me. 

"yeah? so what were you saying earlier on? " 

"Oh... no. I was just hahahha. it was nothing. "  I can't tell my true feelings to him right now, I just don't have the courage to. But if I don't someone might come over and confess to him, and I'd lose my oportunity. How I wish everything could be easy just like eating food. 

"Too bad we haven't actually talked before. " 

"Well, we still have next year right? " 

"We don't. I'm moving. and I won't be around the next year." 

Stop. 

Choi Siwon is moving? 

My 

Heart 

Is 

Broken

Into 

Pieces. 


" ... you're moving? "

" To Korea,Seoul. I don't wanna move there. But mum wanted me to study at the Art's Academy." 

"When? " 

"Next week. "