Perfectly Flawed Relationship
Always By Your SideOnew’s eyelids flung open with a jolt once he felt a heavy weight that was numbing his arm.
He was still feeling groggy and his vision was quite blurry (since he just woke up) but as soon as he drew his eyes to his left, he could make out the figure of a younger boy next to him who was fast asleep. The very sight was enough to erase all the tiredness he felt earlier and make his heart palpitate excessively in shock. But after much squinting and blinking in order to adjust his sight, Onew gave a sigh of relief. It wasn’t a stranger at all, who just so happened to be softly snoring in his bed.
It was just Taemin. His Taemin.
The nineteen-year old’s hair was slightly rumpled and half of his face was pressed against Onew’s forearm, which he had decided to use as a pillow. His gentle breathing made Onew’s arm tickle a little. Taemin was wearing nothing but his Mickey Mouse boxers because of the sticky, hot weather outside. His chest was rising and falling steadily and he smelled like the ivory soap he always used.
Well, that explains the pain, Onew thought to himself as he stifled a yawn.
Rather then getting up and starting his day, Onew didn't leave the comforts of his bed or move an inch. Instead, he simply stared at his sleeping partner beside him. Someone would find this as an odd or uncanny thing to do but just looking at Taemin made Onew think. It made him think a lot more than he thought he could.
Just by seeing that Taemin was by his side also never failed to leave Onew astounded. He always felt that belonging to him felt like a dream and couldn’t possibly be true. Whenever Lee Taemin was in public, passersby wouldn’t be able to help but stop and stare. And whenever his mouth would curl into a smile or that tinkling laugh of his escaped his throat, women would be sure enough to swoon and men would loathe him for being ever so perfect. Despite the fact that he wasn’t an idol, he had an image that made professionals rave and hand him their cards for modeling, singing or whatnot, in the middle of the street.
When Onew first met Taemin, he didn’t see what others saw in him. The only thing that Taemin looked like to him at the time was just another prey that was easy to take advantage of. He sold his body to the young boy in return for money, just like he had for several other people. Onew had been maintaining this business for quite a long time. Employment was difficult to come across and his parents didn’t have enough to afford a good education for him when he was younger. The money that he received from giving people intimacy and pleasure, helped pay for his mother’s medical bills and treatment in order to keep her alive.
Never had Onew thought that the day one of his customers would develop a strong attachment to him would ever come. But that was until Lee Taemin. Onew liked to keep a low profile for his business and not stick to the same customer for too long. But Taemin would try to see Onew every chance he got and would stick to him like a leech. Onew soon came to discover that Taemin hadn’t increased his visits for passion in return but because Onew had taken a special place in his heart. Taemin would put all his effort into learning more about Onew and the more time he spent with him, the deeper in love he fell for him.
Onew had found his persistence laughable. He had always found love to be laughable in general. He found utter stupidity in the subject and the fact that two lovers would care for each other enough to give up everything they had or as much as die for each other.
Although, Taemin had everything Onew needed and that got the gears in his head to shift and have him thinking. He had wealth and power so, Onew allowed that boy to believe that they were in a relationship so that he could get his hands on his riches.
Being with Onew had always made Taemin beyond joyous. He would often be grinning ear-to-ear whenever he was around his boyfriend, barely able to contain his excitement. At one point, Taemin even introduced Onew to his parents. They had shunned Onew immediately, and titled him as, “nothing but a low-life thug”. They forbid their son to see such a being again. His parent’s personal preference had indeed left Taemin hurt and angered. And so, he threw away everything he had just to be with Onew. His family, high status and his dignity.
Taemin’s blunt actions left Onew frustrated as well as confused. He didn’t understand what the boy saw in him to be able to put everything past him and go to him in the end. If Taemin no longer had the money that Onew needed, then he had no use to him. But little did Onew know he didn’t have to carry on with earning money the unsuitable way he did anymore. The only family and person he loved and was working for had perished.
As soon as the news had entered his ears through a late-night phone call, he had lost all his strength and fell to his knees. It felt as if all the air was knocked out of his lungs and he forgot how to breathe. Hearing that someone you knew had no longer existed in this world always felt far from believable. But it was true. The only living soul who Onew had cared for was gone. His mind was racing and he didn’t know what to, let alone how to think. His hands had gone clammy and the phone slipped out of his hand with the nurse numerously echoing his name through the other line, asking if he was still there and waiting for a reply.
It was the loss of his mother that led Onew to completely isolate himself in darkness. He soon found living pathetic. He tried his best to take away his life with as many ways possible. He slit his wrists and even drank bleach but his body rejected the pain and he didn’t make his way to the afterlife as he pleased. It was if God was telling him to not take away the pain by killing himself with his own hands. Onew was drowned in complete misery until Taemin appeared and brought him into the light.
Onew had rejected his help multiple times. He even told Taemin that he only used his heart in order to get his money. He spit atrocious words in his face and left him battered and bruised. Nonetheless, Taemin stayed by his side. He always did.
Taemin eventually got Onew to relieve all the depression he was experiencing. He told him that the death of his mother wasn’t his fault and that he shouldn’t feel the least bit remorseful. Taemin taught him how precious a human life was and that he should embrace it. As time passed, Taemin was able to show Onew how beautiful the world was. Onew's surroundings had always felt like a washed-out black and white picture to him, but the way Taemin showed it, everything was full of colour.
Onew had grown up with a lack of love and care because his parents were very ill since he was young. But having Taemin around had given him faith that there was someone in this universe who actually cared for him, despite his selfish and heartless ways. Since the beginning, all Taemin had done was give to Onew but Onew had never given anything to him in return. It made him wish to become a better person for him but at the same time, he wanted Taemin to move on to someone else.
There wasn’t a second in the day where Onew didn't think about that. He didn’t want Taemin to waste his time on a person like him. He clearly deserved better. Taemin should be with someone who was closer to his age and could give in return as much as he deserved, perhaps even more. Onew didn’t want Taemin to continuing being with a person who shouldn’t be loved. Onew had lived most of his life pushing people away so that they wouldn’t grow to care for him because every person who gave them their heart had left. First his father then, it was his mother and Onew didn’t want Taemin to be next.
Although, the more time he spent with Taemin the more he started to feel. Whenever Taemin would call his name, he could feel his heart jump in his throat. And every time his lips stretched into a smile, he could feel his heart grow warm and his knees become weak. If Taemin was to slip his hand into his, wrap his arms around his back or make the briefest contact, it felt as if he lost all his ability to think.
Onew soon found himself wishing to learn more about the boy who was named Lee Taemin (like Taemin had wished for Onew when he first met him). He was curious as to why Taemin would always pick all the carrots off his plate, why he liked the colour white so much, how he could always forget to separate whites from coloured clothes when doing the laundry or what kinds of books he read which left him so immersed that he wouldn’t reply no matter how many times Onew called for him.
Was this what love was? The very topic that people would talk and share their experiences about so dreamily? The emotion that most storylines in books or films depicted?
Onew had never imagined that he would ever learn to love someone. He never knew that he would be able to give someone his heart rather than his body. It was after meeting Taemin that Onew realized that he was capable of a lot more things than he thought he was.
Onew then looked down at Taemin to see that he was still fast asleep on his arm. He brushed back some stray strands of his artificial blonde hair that fell over his eyes with a smile. It wasn’t too long ago that Onew had told the boy that he had started to take a liking to blonde hair. The very next day, Onew saw him again but not with his regular dark sandy brown hair but the exact shade that Onew preferred. Taemin’s sense of persistence would often anger Onew in the beginning but he soon began to admire that trait of his just like everything else of Taemin’s that he started to take a liking to.
When people saw Taemin, they saw a boy who might as well have been an angel. Onew only noticed this later and he found himself agreeing. But to him, Taemin didn’t resemble an angel for just his outrageously gorgeous appearance but how pure he was and the fact that he was always willing to guide anyone who was in the need for help.
However, Taemin was indeed beautiful with his fair complexion and thick, long lashes that would frame his dark, velvety brown eyes. He also had perfectly arched eyebrows that would scrunch up whenever he had a nightmare and a nose that wasn’t too long or too slender. His eyes would smile whenever he would grin and his high cheekbones would deepen as well. Then there were that pair of full, cupid’s bow that Taemin would use for his professional pouting. Those were the same lips that whispered secrets into Onew’s ears and showed his mouth warmth and love.
Before Onew had learned to love, he had played with Taemin’s feelings and done many inhuman things to him. He promised a lifetime with him and more. But Onew had been saying more promises than he could keep just to win him over so that he could get what he wanted. Back then, he didn’t care at all since he didn’t intend on having feelings for Taemin. Not one bit.
He had treated Taemin like scum even though the child had given everything to him. His devotion, his time and especially his love. There were times where Onew was so impatient with him that he would take him by the shoulders and shake him hard enough to make his teeth rattle, hoping that it would knock some sense into him. He told him nothing but lies during that period of time and even when he admitted the truth, Taemin was still there. He never left him. Ever. Taemin had always seen the good in Onew and no matter what faults he committed he would never stay angry with him. He would never stop loving him. He would never leave his side.
Onew then pressed his forehead against sleeping Taemin’s and laced his short, stubby fingers through his long, slender ones. He had found life worthless so long ago and would’ve ended his own without even thinking twice. But now, he found himself looking forward to waking up and starting a new day. He no longer felt as if guilt was eating away his insides. Whatever mistakes he had made that hurt Taemin, he was trying his best to fix them by the day. He hoped to make amends by loving and spending time with Taemin more and more.
Onew squeezed Taemin’s hand tighter and could feel a single tear roll down his cheek. He had never been the type who was very religious but when God had saw him hurting from above, he had sent down Taemin, his angel, who had helped mend his heart and taught him how to use it. Onew couldn't even bring himself to imagine where he would be standing if he hadn't met Taemin. To Onew, Taemin was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Their relationship was flawed and unstable. There were several areas that still needed mending but even if the whole world was against them, he knew that one or the other wouldn’t back out from being together.
He looked forward to seeing him sleep next to him rather than always waking up to see the other side of his bed empty. Onew wished to teach Taemin how to cook a decent meal without making it look like a tornado hit the kitchen. He wanted Taemin to share with him the things he likes and doesn’t. In his heart, Onew strongly wished to settle down and start a family with Taemin and to grow old with him and have his grave next to his. There was still so many things left to do, so many things he wanted to show Taemin like Taemin had done for him. Even though that future was far from now, he decided to enjoy the moment now, with Taemin by his side.
Onew shut his eyes, slowly drifting back to sleep. If there was one thing he knew, it was that he couldn’t end his life now or ever because for once in his life, he had finally found happiness. He had finally found a reason to live.
- END -
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