Title: Voulez Vous 

By: EriiAR

Title

I had to Google the title to get a clue as to what I was about to read.

Why is it in French? Is one of the characters living in France? Studying in France? Working in France? Loves French cuisine? Please advice.

That aside, the title does have a pulling effect on potential readers to a certain extend.

Poster

The first one was…bad.

The second one in the following chapter was a tiny bit better, but the fonts really irked me out because it was quite illegible and its placement was awkward. It’s an average looking poster, no excitement and not pretty either.

You have tons of posters…but I’ll just score the second one (in chapter 2).

Intro

Your title is intriguing because its in a foreign language, so people are tempted to click and find out what the story is about but wait- I’m only greeted by a horrid looking poster that gives me no clue as to what this story is about.

Hoping to get any hints on what’s to come, I click on the next few chapters and start to get annoyed.

It feels like you’re actually the mastermind of EXO’s infamous string of teasers. It’s ‘nice’ when readers are journeying with the story from the start, but for readers who come in when the story’s already complete, like right now, it’s quite a turn off and becomes draggy. Perhaps you could delete those teasers and write up a proper intro for this story.

Intro Results

Title: 3/5

Poster: 2.5/5

Description/Foreword: None provided, so this section cannot be assessed.

Content

There are some loopholes in the story in regards to Hyukjae’s abilities as a ‘spirit/cupid’ of Kyuhyun’s. I don’t understand why he has to chase Kyuhyun when he can appear and disappear at will and teleport himself to another location/spot. Also, Hyukjae is able to use kitchen equipments and handle ‘Earth’ food to whip meals up but is unable to wear Kyuhyun’s clothes because it shortens his duration of time in the human realm…I don’t really understand this theory…

I would say the double edge sword of this story is the lack of an intro, because readers do not know what to expect (so in a way, you can say this is very thrilling for potential readers), except that Hyukjae is not human (as inferred from the endless teasers...*sigh) and that Kyuhyun's a human and has a crush on Yesung, so this is really a 50-50 chance as to whether a viewer wants to become your reader or not. 

Overall, despite having a few angst scenes in the later chapters because of the revelation of the 'past', this story is lighthearted and easy to read, unlike most 'supernatural' stories which are heavy on the violence, gore and .

Organisation

At certain scenes, I was unable to understand what was going on initially until reading a couple of lines later. Take for example: Kyuhyun had just bought Yesung some flowers in the previous scene and in the next, Kyuhyun exclaims, followed by a raving mad Heechul who scolds the protagonist for being acting like an idiot. This leaves readers kind of stranded and confused until a few sentences later, the hint ‘I didn’t study at all’ is dropped, making us all realise that: Ahh, Kyuhyun must have forgotten about an exam/test. 

Vocabulary, Language and Structure

Your writing mechanics are generally fine, except for your love for semicolons ‘;’ in which you substitute for the use of commas, therefore, I can hardly spot any commas around. You might want to read up on the appropriate usage of semicolons some time soon.

There are errors in spelling and tenses from time to time, so please do take some time out to proofread. 

Do watch out for things like this: ‘…he blinked confused before raising n eyebrow to Kyuhyun’ (taken from Chapter 9).

I can see that you do your best to use precise words and expressions to enrich story details and make characters appear more realistic, so good job.

Audience engagement/effect on readers + Originality

I wouldn’t say this ‘romance and supernatural mash up’ series is the only one out there, but this ‘genre’ is seldom explored by writers, so it does have a tinge of freshness to it.

I'd guess a proportion of readers would be hooked onto your story simply because they want to see just how a human can end up with a ‘spirit/ghost/guardian angel(?)’, and coupled with the intriguing ‘past life’ sub-plot, this helps sustain the readers’ interest. 

Character Design/Depth

I like the fact that Kyuhyun is shy and all when trying to court Yesung and at the same time, his snarky and spunky character is developed further and shown though his conversations with Hyukjae, and all these factors come together to give his character depth and makes him appear more realistic.

In contrast to Kyuhyun’s very strong character qualities, Hyukjae tones down the intensity by being more levelheaded and easygoing, though at times, he can be quite childish and playful. 

I really appreciate the fact that the main characters do not have any 'roll eye worthy' qualities that make readers cringe. Having their own inner demons and past to face helps paint a skin on them, so kudos to you. 

Part 2 Results

Content: 6.5/10

Organisation: 6.5/10

Vocabulary, Language & Structure: 20/30

Audience engagement and Originality: 14/20

Character Design/Depth: 10/15

PM ME ON ANY MATTER RELATED TO THE ABOVE REVIEW.