it's a million grey areas, don't you find?
it's a million grey areas, don't you find?
Jongin likes to see in black and white. He likes the way that Kyungsoo's skin is pale, almost white, beside his own. He likes the contrast of Kyungsoo's white eyes and the dark hair that falls in them when he's sleeping beside Jongin. What he doesn't like is the grey areas, like when Kyungsoo wears his favorite night shirt, the color of it like that of smoke. It hangs perfectly on Kyungsoo's shoulders and shows just enough of his collarbones that it has Jongin trying to see through the smoke and grasping blindly at his sanity.
Jongin likes the way Kyungsoo's skin feels underneath his fingertips, the softness of it opposing greatly with the rough pads of Jongin's calloused hands. Kyungsoo's skin is soft, just like the rest of him, and Jongin thinks he could stay wrapped up in Kyungsoo forever. Jongin likes the way that Kyungsoo shivers and how tiny goose bumps form on his arms and legs and neck and everywhere else when Jongin trails his hands across the plains of Kyungsoo's perfect complexion, touching whenever and wherever he can.
Jongin likes Kyungsoo's eyes. They're dark, but they open up a new window that Jongin likes to think is reserved only for him to look through. It's obvious that Kyungsoo isn't very good at hiding emotions, considering the doe eyes and shocked expression that he constantly wears on his pretty face, but Jongin sees everything else that Kyungsoo does hide. He sees his thoughts, how the gears in his head turn with every question that he's asked (Kyungsoo never speaks without thinking). He sees the way that Kyungsoo's heart beats through his eyes, the way that they water slightly during a sad movie. Kyungsoo thinks no one sees, but Jongin does. Jongin sees Kyungsoo's heart sewn right onto his sleeve and wants to take it for himself so that no one else can.
But what Jongin doesn't understand is that Kyungsoo sees him, too. He sees the way Jongin sees him, in black and white. But there's something special about Jongin that Kyungsoo sees, though he's not quite sure what it is. Jongin seems to glow. And Kyungsoo's pretty sure he isn't completely insane (though when Jongin likes to waltz around without a shirt and sweatpants that hang much too low, Kyungsoo questions that), so he can't just be imagining it. With everything Jongin does, Kyungsoo sees that glow. He spots it around Jongin's body when he watches the latter dance and dance and dance until his limbs are too tired to move anymore. He notices it dripping down Jongin's face when they sit in front of a fan during the summer and try to rid the heat from their apartment. And he swears he sees it in his eyes when they're laying in bed at night, Jongin scrunched into the little space that's left when Kyungsoo presses himself against the wall to make room for the other, and Jongin reaches over to brush a piece of hair from Kyungsoo's vision. Maybe Kyungsoo is crazy.
Kyungsoo sees a lot of things, but what he doesn't see is how Jongin has managed to worm his way into Kyungsoo's life, into his heart and mind and soul. Kyungsoo may wear his heart on his sleeve, but only when he feels like that's a wise wardrobe choice for the day. He figures he must have let his guard down around Jongin, but then can't remember a time when he actually had. Jongin is a master at things like that, Kyungsoo thinks, because Kyungsoo is very careful as to who he lets in and who he doesn't. He's gone beyond locking the door of his heart. There is no door, only one solid wall that someone either has to climb over or break through to get inside. Jongin has managed to do both.
Something that no one understands is how the universe can be so cruel. One moment Jongin has made himself all too comfortable inside Kyungsoo, his ribs a sort of frame that keeps Jongin from falling, and his heart a pillow for Jongin's head. (It's all Jongin hears anyway.) The next, there is a crimson stain on Kyungsoo's white shirt, his skin, that reminds him of that time he went to the doctor when he was little to get stitches taken out from a bad fall he had taken on the playground; it was too early to take them out. He bled, bled so much that he thought he would die. Kyungsoo wore his heart on his sleeve for Jongin, let Jongin sleep in his rib cage with complete control over his heart, his lungs, his whole being, and now that there's no one controlling any of that, Kyungsoo wants to die. His breathing is irregular, though normal to most people; he doesn't have anyone around to make the air catch in this throat anymore, no one to take his breath away. His ribs feel like they've all been broken; it hurts to move anymore, to do anything without that aching in his chest where he knows his heart should be. He doubts he has a pulse. He can't, because there's nothing in his chest that pumps blood and life through his veins any longer, nothing keeping him on the right side of that thin line between alive and dead. Kyungsoo has nothing to live for, to live from, anymore.
Kyungsoo sees in black and white. Though, it's no longer the blacks and whites that he used to see. It's not Jongin's skin against his, Jongin's hair against his neck, Jongin's eyes staring into his. It's not Jongin. It's no longer beautiful to Kyungsoo, just bleak. It's a dark world where there are too many grey areas and not enough red.
~
so this makes absolutely no sense i'm sorry orz
yeah tragic kaisoo comes easy to me
SUPPOSED TO WRITE SULAY AND TAORIS AND OTHER KAISOO OOPS
but really
this is just a bunch of word vomit that i produced in like 30 mins.
idk it doesn't even make sense i'm sorry ;w;
p.s. do you know the answer to the riddle? (hint: it doesn't have anything to do with this story; it's actually quite comical)
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