rated PG-13 for language
3751 words

But as I looked back,

After three years of high school, they finally graduated, with Hyunseung giving his valedictorian speech to hundreds of fellow students in the school hall.

They spent the whole summer hanging out together at the beach, the arcade, the mall, and mugging together for college entrance exam. They spent several frenzy nights at Dongwoon’s, with booze and rants, heavy make out sessions between Dongwoon and Kikwang, and Doojoon and Yoseob, while the remaining pair found peace at the maknae’s penthouse rooftop watching the stars while reminiscing their school days.

“Cheers for Jang Hyunseung’s ing arduous effort in making all of us pass the mothering entrance exams!” Junhyung honored by raising his beer bottle in the air. It sent shivers down his poor spin just thinking about the excruciating process, because having both Hyunseung and Yoseob as their tutors could be rather mind blowing.

Hyunseung chuckled lightly and nudged his friend with his elbow, “Shut up you retarded bibber.”

Junhyung responded with a lazy smile and hazy eyes and Hyunseung knew he was probably right.

“Jun-ah…”

“Hmmm…?”

“What’s your plan for the future?” Hyunseung asked while staring at the endless navy sky.

The younger cocked an eyebrow at the random question but answered anyway.

“Hmm… I wanna be a useful person.” Junhyung said plainly, which brought immediate laughter from his friend.

“Yah-, what the hell do you mean?” Hyunseung choked mildly, “That’s such a failed Moral Ed answer.”

“Don’t laugh. I’m serious.” Junhyung glared with his not-so-sober eyes. “I wanna be someone… someone who can influence people, someone who can motivate people in a way.” He looked at Hyunseung thoughtfully, “In a good way.”

Hyunseung nodded knowingly, sneaking in a hint of amusement, “That’s… pretty impressive huh. But like how?”

“Well,” Junhyung paused. “Somehow. We’ll get there when it happens,” he shrugged and looked away.

Hyunseung mused, “That’s so determined of you. But it’s still inspiring, especially coming from you.”

Junhyung eyed his friend again with slaphappy gaze, “You know, it’s kinda ridiculous to hear this coming from you.”

“What?” Hyunseung giggled as he watched his friend’s wasted face. The booze was probably taking effect over his own mind too.

Cos you’ve always been my inspiration. “Stupid…”

“That’s you.” Hyunseung replied matter-of-factly.

“Shut up.”

Hyunseung grinned, but it didn’t really reach his eyes.

“Jun-ah…”

“What now?”

“I’m leaving.”

You were the pieces of puzzles that made up the world

Junhyung regretted it. He regretted so much that he wished he could rewind the time and travel back to the day when he first met Hyunseung. He was speeding, stewing over his bike to go faster; tormenting his lower limbs to carry him further as he ran helplessly to the departure hall. He was late, he was awfully late because he chose to ing drink the night before Hyunseung’s departure day and overslept. Overslept at Hara’s place.

Junhyung thought that maybe it would have been better if he didn’t befriend Jang Hyunseung in the first place, because the consequence was too much to bear. He thought that maybe, he should have told the pretty boy that his beauty was so intense that it had made the female population around him take a hit on their self-esteem just by looking at him. Junhyung thought that maybe he should have just kissed Hyunseung back then in the classroom on that rainy night, or if he had confessed to the older that he had always been his inspiration, would Hyunseung had chosen to stay. Just maybe. If only those maybes weren’t just maybes.

He regretted, regretted so much that in consequence of his pride and ego, he supported Hyunseung to pursue his studies abroad with so much forced eagerness that it hurt. He even lived up his reputation of being a total jerk by boosting that Hara would be attending the same local university as he would so it was only going to be exciting. Junhyung regretted, regretted to not have told Hyunseung that he would actually be over the moon if the latter would just opt for a local university (since he would definitely be accepted) so that they could still meet for meals and movies and hang out as and when they’re free; and that he would very much prefer the older boy to attend the same university as him than Hara. But all Junhyung could do now was to regret. He was ing screwed up.

And Junhyung knew that he really did ing screwed up when Doojoon texted him a long essay of profanity and that Hyunseung had already left and why the hell wasn’t he there to see him off.

Junhyung opened up a new message box and began typing in trembling hands.

From: Junnie         4 Nov, 2008 09:34AM
Seung-ah, I think I’m hopelessly in love with you... What should I do?

He didn’t receive any reply.

I didn’t forget

“Why are you wearing a pink beanie and contacts?” Junhyung asked while they were strolling towards the school canteen.

“Cos someone thinks I look hot in these.”

Junhyung gaped, “God. Aren’t you shameless?”

“You didn’t disagree.” Hyunseung smirked.

“Yea whatever.”

The promises that we made under the parallel universe

“Hello?”

“Hey.”

Silence.

“Jun?”

“Yea…it’s me… You ok there? I saw the news about the earthquake.”

“Oh… I’m fine. My area wasn’t really affected.” Hyunseung could hear the sigh of relief on the other side of the line.

“That’s good.”

“Yea...”

“It’s been awhile… It’s nice to hear your voice after so long.”

“Yah, you were the heartless one who didn’t contact me for the past two years.” Hyunseung protested playfully.

“I thought you were like… well, busy or something. I didn’t wanna make you feel uncomfortable.” Junhyung felt his voice breaking.

There was a short pause before someone spoke, “Jun-ah, you do know it’s night time in London right?”

“Yea. I’m sorry if I woke you up. I’m just kinda… worried.” And god I really missed hearing your voice.

“The sky is so pretty here in London.” Hyunseung went on, “Too bad that you can’t see the stars since it’s morning in Seoul right?” Hyunseung lingered. Junhyung didn’t speak. “You know, it’s just too bad that we’re at different ends of the world now Jun.”

“Yea… but Seung,” Junhyung’s voice was suddenly filled with certainty, but it faded off just as quickly. “Technically, didn’t you know that stars still exist during the day? I mean, even though I can’t see them right now, they’re always there. Right?” Even though you can’t see me right now, I’m always here.

There was silence for a couple of seconds. Junhyung thanked to all gods that they were not conversing face to face because he swore he couldn’t hide how nervous he was looking right now. And that was totally uncool.

“Wow, that’s deep coming from you.” Hyunseung teased.

“Well, you get what I mean.” Junhyung cleared his throat before he continued, “Say… do you believe in parallel universe?”

“Wh—“ Hyunseung broke into a series of gags and chortles, “Seriously, are you Yong Junhyung? You know, that Yong Pea Brain? I don’t remember that swagger being cheesy.”

“Do you?” Junhyung pressed on, cutting off the pretty boy’s amusement.

“Hmmmmm…” Hyunseung thought aloud playfully. “I guess I do... Come on Jun! What the heck? You’re creeping me out with your chessi-ness oh god.”

“You know, in the parallel universe, there are also a Jang Hyunseung, and a Yong Junhyung.”

“Huh?” Hyunseung was momentarily confused all over again.

“And in that universe,” Junhyung continued, “Yong Junhyung tells Jang Hyunseung that his beauty is so intense that it has made the female population around him take a hit on their self-esteem just by looking at him.”

Silence.

“Yong Junhyung tells Jang Hyunseung on a rainy night, that eventhough he looks beautiful when he cries, it breaks his heart, and he wants so much to kiss those tears away.”

“Junhyung-ah, I—“

“Yong Junhyung tells Jang Hyunseung that he has always been his inspiration. He tells him that he likes him so ing much,” Junhyung tried to suppress his already stifled voice, “so ing much that if he confessed, he’s afraid that Jang Hyunseung will run away from him.”

There was a long silence over the phone, as neither of them spoke a word after that. The vivid recollection of high school years came rustling like a sudden swirl of wind that stringed their hearts together and spun them right into the memory tunnel with the nerdy boy reprimanding the delinquent, the challenge turned speed writing competition, the misunderstanding, the falling in love, the turning points and decisions, the goodbye, and the regrets.

“Junhyung-ah. Thank you… for calling.”

“That’s what best friend does right.” Junhyung smiled bitterly.

“Yea. And thanks… for liking me.”

If we meet again

Three years wasn’t long, and it wasn’t short either. Three years was enough for Junhyung to attain his desired job as a lyricist. Three years was enough for Hyunseung to graduate with flying colours and returned to his country soil. Three years was enough for Junhyung to face his true feeling. Three years was enough for Hyunseung to fall in love and fell out of love and fell in love again. But honestly, Hyunseung wasn’t even sure if he was ever in love after falling out of it years ago.

“It’s been three years, of course he would have found someone. I’m just stupid to think that he’ll return single.” Junhyung lamented in his drunken state.

“Junhyung-ah, Seungie has always loved you.” Yoseob reminded, or was trying to comfort his friend.

But he already knew. To hell Junhyung knew Hyunseung loved him. But love had many forms. The diversity of uses and meanings, together with the complexity of the feelings involved, made love savagely hard to consistently define. And Junhyung was sure Hyunseung’s love for him must just be platonic. And that wasn’t enough, that wasn’t what he wanted.

“He loves you too Yoseob, he loves all of you…” Junhyung said darkly.

And before Junhyung dwelled further into his full resenting mode, he felt hard knuckles colliding with his jaw and bruised pain stapling his now reddened cheek as he crashed onto the sofa. Yoseob jumped up and rushed to stop his boyfriend before Doojoon could send a second blow.

“Yah Yoon Doojoon, what the hell?! Give him a break, he’s ing drunk.” Yoseob defended while Junhyung recovered slowly to a sitting position and stared blankly at the floor.

A sedate Junhyung agitated Doojoon more than anything. “Yong Junhyung, get a grip of yourself!” Doojoon chastised. “Stop acting like the victim of a melodrama, it’s making me sick. If you ing love him then do something about it.”

Junhyung, however seemed unaffected by both the physical and verbal abuses, “He’s happy now… I shouldn’t ruin it… I can’t.”

“tard, you’re hopeless and useless.” Doojoon kicked the corner of the cocktail table and stomped off. Yoseob cast Kikwang and Dongwoon a quick knowing look before hurrying off to smack his hot-tempered boyfriend upside down. At least that was what Yoseob planned to do.

From: Kiki    4 Dec, 2011 10:46PM
Seungie, SOS!

From: Hyunseungie    4 Dec, 2011 10:47PM
Hey Ki, what happened?

From: Kiki    4 Dec, 2011 10:47PM
Meet me outside Memories Bar now? Please Seungie, I think I’m going nuts.

Hyunseung arrived shortly to see a frantic Kikwang, a drunk and hyper Dongwoon, and a sleeping Junhyung.

“The ? What’s wrong with them?” Hyunseung asked.

“Doojoonie and Yoseobie left awhile ago. Junhyungie is a goner and Woonie just can’t stop drinking and he’s now –.”

“Lee. Ki. Kwang. You impudent jerk! How dare you flirt with other man in front of your own boyf— Hyunseung-hyuuunngg!” Dongwoon beamed when he saw a familiar figure through his hazy eyes and stumbled forward to hug the pretty boy a little too tightly.

“What brings you here? I thought you were with your boy-urb-friend at some party?” Dongwoon hiccupped.

“Yea I was,” Hyunseung replied stiffly, trying to pry the maknae off him in case the latter might accidently throw up on him (actually he was certain the younger would if he didn’t act fast enough). “Kikwang-ah, please get your darling off me.”

Kikwang laughed nervously and rushed forward to pull his unwilling boyfriend back to him, “Sorry to trouble you but you’re the only person I can think of.”

“Not that I mind, but maybe you should’ve called for his brother, or girlfriend instead?” Hyunseung said while frowning at the unconscious man lying on the couch.

“Actually, Hara and Junhyung broke off like months ago.” Kikwang replied quickly.

Hyunseung felt nothing but surprise, but before he could ask further, an ominous sound came from Dongwoon’s esophagus and before anyone could react, the maknae had thrown up on Kikwang.

“AISH ing ! Son Dongwoon you son of a gun!” Kikwang cried in horror. “You’re so gonna get it from me tomorrow morning!” He exclaimed before turning to his friend, “I’m so sorry Seungie, I’ll leave Junhyung to you while I take this rascal home. I’ll see you soon ok!”

Hyunseung gave Kikwang a comforting smile as he waved goodbye to his friends. He sighed and turned around to face the sleeping Junhyung, “What an idiot…”

I’ll hold on to you this time

It was Hyunseung’s first time stepping into Junhyung’s house after three years. He used to stay over a lot for exam revision and what not. It didn’t change much, but the house was now littered with crumpled and crushed papers that held those scribbles that were most likely abandoned; empty red cans scattering on coffee table and kitchen counter. Junhyung’s room still smelled the same, which brought back nostalgia as Hyunseung couldn’t help but reminisced the time he had spent here during his high school days.

He dragged the drunken man to the bed, took off his shoes and pulled the cover over the paralyzed body. He turned to leave but the state of the house really bugged him. The pretty boy then had this sudden urge to do some housekeeping. He got most of the things neat and tidy by 3am (including throwing away some expired stuffs in the fridge and smoothed out all the crumpled papers and filed them in a folder), conveniently leaving out Doojoon’s bedroom since he figured that he could be buried alive by those used condoms upon opening the door. He shivered upon the unholy conversation his once innocent and sunshine best friend (aka Yoseobie) had shared with him and quickly dismissed the nightmarish thought in a blink of eyes. Feeling accomplished, Hyunseung decided to take a shower by borrowing some of Junhyung’s t-shirts and sweatpants. He was amused by how comfortable he felt in the house despite three years of absence. He laughed at his own audacity before scurrying off to the bathroom.

Junhyung felt a splitting headache as his eyes fluttered opened. It was dark other than the desk lamp that was casting orange glow at a corner of his room.

“Jang Hyunseung, how many times must I tell you not to sleep at the desk?” Junhyung caught himself saying in his hoarse voice.

This must be a dream right? If not Hyunseung wouldn’t be here wearing my t-shirt and pants.

Hyunseung stirred and groan slightly before settling back to his slumber.

It’s a dream, so it doesn’t matter right? …Right?

“Seung-ah, come here,” Junhyung patted the empty side of his bed lightly with closed eyes. The headache was making him groggy. “Yah, I promise I won’t kick you off the bed, come here and sleep.” Junhyung grumbled when he didn’t get any response from the initial call. Then again, why was he even trying?

This is just a dream… Arghh.. why is the room spinning.

But then he heard the slight squeaky sound caused by the friction between chair legs and floor, and the next moment, he felt pressure on his side and a gentle tug of his own blanket.

Damn this dream… feels ing real.

Junhyung let it slide, but the constant tugging of his blanket was pissing him off and his headache and the chilly weather were just adding on to his frustration and agony.

It’s a dream, a ing realistic one… and he isn’t supposed to be annoying.

“Bastard, move closer,” Junhyung groaned. “I’m freezing my off because of you.”

But he really didn’t expect a soft grunt and then something warm and concrete came in contact with his right limbs, followed by warm breath felt against the crook of his neck. He could even smell a faint scent of honeydew shampoo that he hadn’t been using at all; the one that Hyunseung left in his bathroom because the former disliked minty shampoo (please, those are for middle aged man with hair problem like residing hairline, Hyunseung once said.)

Hyunseung…

Junhyung forced his eyes to opened, he needed to verify; needed to get back to reality. It was too painful to bear, too painful to wish, to hope. He turned to the source of hope, and was taken aback by flawless skin, long lashes, perfect nose and slightly parted pink lips. And he wondered if this was real, if Hyunseung was real.

The perfect delusion…

Hold on to you tightly

Junhyung reached forward hesitantly to caress the side of Hyunseung’s face. He heart swelled up upon the ethereal touch and his breath hitched helplessly.

“Yah…” Junhyung tried but his voice broke. “Seung-ah…”

Hyunseung squirmed slightly to cloak himself further into the warmth as he drew in a deep breath and sighed in his sleep. He hummed lightly and Junhyung took that as a respond.

“Jang Hyunseung,” it came out as a whisper. Junhyung’s heartbeat began to accelerate as he gingerly cupped the perfect face in front of his as if it was the most delicate thing he had ever held on to. He ran his thumb gently over those feathery eyelashes, stalling for the perfect moment for his heart and mind to sync. It’s now or never.

“I love you.” Junhyung confessed, his voice hoarse and scratchy. “I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you…” Junhyung whispered over and over again. He relaxed his hand that was caressing Hyunseung’s peaceful features, feeling warm liquid invading his eyes.

“Are you saying this because you’re drunk?”

Junhyung’s eyes widened, warm liquid escaped and forgotten at the corners of his eyes with Hyunseung’s glistening ones gazing angelically at his very own. There was a small, uncertain smile adorning the pretty man’s face.

“Yes. And no.”

Hyunseung looked at Junhyung with furrowed eyebrows, and he pouted. Oh that’s damn cute.

Junhyung tried to explain. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it without a word. He tried again, and nothing came out this time too.

Hyunseung looked like he was anticipating, and he was slightly impatient. “What?”

The younger man mentally slapped himself and forced to regain his composure. It’s now or never.

“I think I’m drunk. But I know how I’m feeling right now ok.” Junhyung tried. “If you’re real… . Tell me you’re real?” Junhyung padded Hyunseung’s cheek slightly and frowned. “I just… I just missed you a lot… a lot… more than you can ever imagine.” Junhyung voice hitched before he continued, “And I want you to stay. I—“ Junhyung thought he was beginning to sound incoherent, desperate. And that was uncool. And he hated how uncool he was right now, because he should be cool and confident and jovial and annoying, because those were what Hyunseung liked about him.

Hyunseung remained quiet, and it unnerved Junhyung even more. He found himself the need to go on, to convince, to cling onto Hyunseung in case the latter got tired of waiting and ran away.

And then he felt Hyunseung’s hand on his that was already cupping the former’s face. The pretty boy pulled his hand down his feature slightly, smiling blissfully and leaned closer towards Junhyung until their faces were just atom apart.

“Cheesy moron.” Hyunseung voice was light and slightly playful.

It took Junhyung by surprise, when the pretty boy zeroed in and sealed their lips together. The sparks of intimacy made Junhyung rolled on top of Hyunseung instantly. He pressed forward into a deeper kiss, with Hyunseung’s fingers lost and tangled in his tousled hair. The kiss was slow and sensual, brimmed with passion and desire. They broke apart for air and were desperately seeking for each other’s embrace right away. They were just kissing, for a long time, as if to make up for the years of affections that they’d let to slip by, the unspoken yearning to be loved by each other was finally reciprocated.

“I love you.” Junhyung said as he hovered on top, marveling at how perfect this moment was.

“Took you years,” Hyunseung mocked, but smiled. “I love you too, moron. So much.”

The grin across the younger’s face was so child-like that after finding it endearing, Hyunseung really wanted to gag and make fun of.

“So what happens to your… erm.. boyfriend now?” The sudden thought made Junhyung unsettled.

Hyunseung gave a sly smile before pushing Junhyung off, rolling them over as he straddled on his waist, and leaning down to face the lyricist seductively.

“How about a little match-making? I’ll introduce him to Goo Hara, he’s bi anyway. They can mend each other’s broken hearts.”

“Brilliant,” Junhyung laughed, “That’s if he’s as drop dead gorgeous as me.”

“Not forgetting shameless.” Hyunseung snickered. “So… What now?”

Junhyung grinned triumphantly, which caught the older by surprise when he was suddenly pushed back, his head landing at the other end of the bed with a soft thud. Junhyung was hovering right on top of him again, locking the older boy’s wrists at the sides of his head with his hands.

“Advanced Biology,” Junhyung said under his breath. “Chapter 31.6… Neurobiology of ual Behaviour.”

He watched as Hyunseung tilted his head and blinked his eyes in confusion, and felt his ual drive died a little when the latter asked in genuine curiosity.

“Which textbook is that?”

Junhyung stared for awhile before clearly his throat out of the sudden awkwardness, “You’re unbelievable…”

“Huh—“

The pretty boy let out a small yelp when the lyricist dove onto his exposed neck, chuckling seductively (with lots of swag at the same time) as he and marked a trail along Hyunseung’s defined jawline.

“Just shut up and kiss me.”

Whoever’s that gonna sit with whom, he still loves her.

~END~

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A/N: IT'S FINISHED!! OMG!! *hide in a corner to cry for 5 minutes.
There goes my first ever completed fanfic LOL! to all dear readers, thanks for reading till the end, congrats that you've survived the supposed-to-be oneshot.
Thanks for subscribing and reading!!
I'm plotting for another junseung oneshot, till then, I'll see you~~
LOVES~