"Hey ______? Are you okay?" Your best female friend asked as she waved her hand in front of you seeing if you were conscious.

 

"Oh. Yeah, I'm fine!" 

 

"Good! Then put your coat on so we can walk home!"

 

"I actually have some things to take care of. You go on ahead!"

 

"Are you sure?"

 

"Yep!" I nodded with a silly smile.

 

"Okaaaaay… see you tomorrow then! Annyeong!"

 

I mouthed the words good-bye to her as well. I stood still on my seat for a couple minutes until every one of my classmates already left. Making sure no one was around, I slammed my head on my desk. I then proceeded to sulk by myself. I really need to do it, but where can I get the courage to?

 

For an hour, I've been pacing back and forth around my desk whether I should do it or not. I've tried pep-talking myself, but it still didn't work. Then, it struck me. Benjamin Mee's brilliant quote we discussed today in English class. 

 

I lunged toward my desk where all my belongings lay and quickly wrapped my neck with my infinity scarf, buttoned up my peacoat, collected my school belongings, made sure my pleated skirt was presentable and fixed my fringes so that it fell right into place where it looked best.

 

I sprinted out of the classroom as soon as I could. I hope they're not finished with their cleaning duty yet.

 

Twenty seconds. 

 

I stopped in front of their homeroom. Before opening the door, I waited a second to make sure the moment was right. Judging from the silhouettes I could see from the windows, I could tell that they were playing. I slid the door open to witness the scene of five boys horsing around … the charismatic athlete Minho was wrestling with the clumsy Onew. The boy who insanely resembles a dinosaur was clapping two chalkboard erasers against each other in front of the annoyed-looking diva Key. The dashing, slim and tall milk-skinned boy with perfect auburn hair, however, was trying to sweep while the others were making a mess. He tried telling them to stop, but he was soon infected with a smile because of his friends' vibrant, playful personalities.

 

A minute later after completely analyzing the scene, I noticed the big-muscled dinosaur standing in front of me. 

 

"Hey, pabo! How long are you going to stand there looking dazed for?" the dinosaur barked.

 

I shook my head in response and gave him my deadly look he was always afraid of. 

 

He opened up a pathway for me to enter the classroom and quickly changed his tone of voice.  "Ahaha… what I meant to say was, what are you doing here out here, _____? Quickly, come inside!"

 

I walked slowly inside the classroom feeling slightly out of place. However, the rambunctious group of boys quickly picked up my feeling of being an outcast just by looking at my awkward, stiff composure and welcomed me in. 

 

"Hey _______! Come in, come in! We're not doing anything important!" the boys shouted.

 

All except one. The flower-like boy was naive and oblivious of the situation, as always.

 

"Hey.." I whispered as I shuffled to find a place to settle without being too awkward.

 

"Hi there, ______!" Taemin said softly.

 

"Hi, Taemin." I said my greeting so quietly it almost seemed like a whisper.

 

He smiled at my hello, but that's all I received back. I eventually planted myself into one of the desks and the whole time I was being… quiet and reserved -- as usual. The whole time, the four loud boys tried to strike a conversation with me so I wouldn't feel lonely, but every time they did, I subconsciously reply with words that cannot be responded back to. 

 

I didn't realize how fatigued I was so I closed my eyes for a second. I swore that it was only a few seconds later that I fluttered my eyes open. The sun was already about to set. I looked at the clock -- 5 minutes until 6 PM. I sometimes forget that the sun sets early during the month of November. I jumped out the seat and looked around to see a clean room and five missing boys. All I could feel was a sort of rejection. Not the type of rejection of confessing to a male counterpart, but the rejection of simply not fitting in after attempting to.

 

I let out a big sigh -- I always believed that sighing would relieve me of me of my troubles. I picked up my bag and forced myself to walk toward the door all while dangling my head down. I opened the door, and suddenly bumped into a wall that magically appeared in front of me. I backtracked a few steps and wiped my face making sure my forehead and nose were okay. By habit, I reached toward my fringes and fixed it as well.

 

"Omo! _____, are you okay?!" Taemin's sweet voice -- almost that of a singer -- echoed in the empty classroom. He raced towards me. The boy, who looked perfect in any lighting, caressed my face with his one open hand not knowing how much of an impact his touch had on me. I'm assuming my face turned red again by the looks of his reaction. "I'm so sorry! Here, let me take you to the nurse!" He grabbed a hold of my wrist and started dragging me out the classroom and toward the direction of the nurse's office.

 

I was a pretty tiny girl for someone who's sixteen. It took a lot of effort to put all the weight I could on my feet just so I could stop him from going any further. 

 

"What's wrong? Why'd you stop? We need to go to the nurse quickly!" Taemin panicked. He pulled me with an even stronger force.

 

"Wait wait wait!" I whined.

 

"What is it?"

 

"… It's already 6. The nurse probably already left. Besides, I'm fine, really!"

 

He stopped and stared at me. His facial expression read, "Are you sure?" I nodded in reassurance. He laughed. Then I laughed. He stopped laughing right afterwards. I, too then, stopped laughing thinking that he stopped because my laugh made him feel uncomfortable..

 

He covered his mouth with the back of his hand and coughed. I noticed that about him. It was a habit of his to hide his mouth with the back of his hand, palm facing the outside. I never really understood that habit of his. 

 

Out of nowhere, he handed me one of the banana milk he was holding that he probably got from the vending machine.

 

"Here, drink this. I knew you were tired, so I went ahead and bought banana milk! I heard it was good for the brain," he said, not looking straight into my eyes.

 

I took the drink from his hand and for a fleeting moment touched his. I blushed again, but I felt like an idiot afterwards. Was it normal to be this flustered just by touching the guy of your dreams' hand? I giggled and retorted, "Where did you hear that from? Are you sure you didn't buy it just because you like banana milk so much?" 

 

He chuckled in response and didn't answer my question afterwards. He just asked me to follow him back into the classroom to get his coat and backpack.  The whole time, Taemin seemed to have been deep in his thoughts. 

 

***

 

The walk towards the exit of the school seemed like a whole journey. It felt as if the school hallway stretched itself on purpose to torture me -- all I could hear were our soles hitting the ground in rhythm. To make the quiet atmosphere worse, he was walking a couple steps in front of me. He wasn't even walking next to me. 

 

I guess Taemin realized something and stopped, turned his head a bit, and proceeded to start walking again when I was beside him. Finally, the silence broke.

 

"How'd you know I like banana milk so much?" Taemin asked suddenly.

 

I choked and responded with words tripping over each other. "Oh, uh, about that -- best friend.. Jongh---." I sighed and restarted. "My best friend is Jonghyun and he likes to talk a lot about random things."

 

"Oh right, I should've known…" sounding disappointed. 

 

"Yeah," I replied with a slightly embarrassed tone.

 

"I heard a lot about you from him too, ahaha."

 

"Really?"

 

"Like you said, he likes to talk a lot." We both exchanged looks and laughed. A second later, the orange-painted sky was finally in our view. We gazed in awe together. I looked to my side and noticed that his eyes were closed as he flashed a smile. I didn't know if I was more in awe of the breathtaking sight of the pastel sky or the sight of a boy that anybody would think only existed in soap operas. 

 

I continued being selfish, stealing sights of his face with only a blank expression. Twenty seconds, I thought. 

 

The moment he opened his eyes, he saw that I was staring at him. "_______…?" 

 

"Taemin, are you free after the exams on Saturday?" 

 

"…Yes, why?" I can tell that he was feeling uncomfortable. His eyes kept shifting and his body turned stiff, but for some reason, my body -- for the first time -- kept calm.

 

"Would you like to watch a movie afterwards then? With me?" I still had a blank expression on my face.

 

His eyes seemed to have lightened up. "I would love to… but please, can I ask you for one thing?"

 

"What is it?"

 

"Please… stop giving me a blank expression. I… I don't know how to react to that."

 

I blinked. It wasn't until I blinked that I realized the severity of the situation. "Oh, I'm sorry!" I gave him an awkward smile and started walking forward. "I'll see you this Saturday then!" I shouted as I waved goodbye without looking back.

 

"See you!" 

 

Maybe it was my imagination, but for some reason, I felt as if there was a boy nearby jumping in excitement failing to whisper to himself, "YES!" I thought about it for a second and brushed it off. I successfully convinced myself that it was just in my head. 

 

***

 

The night before Saturday, I laid down on my bed after taking a nice, warm shower. Facing the ceiling, I began to think. 

 

Tomorrow is November 11 -- Pepero day. Pepero day. The Korean holiday in which a person gives Pepero to the person they like. The Korean holiday … I thought I was never going to experience since I lived in America for most of my life. I threw a pillow over my head and started squealing in excitement. I can't believe it. 

 

I rolled over and saw the box of strawberry flavored Pepero I prepared for tomorrow.

 

Unfortunately, I started thinking too much. What if he doesn't accept it? What if I just misunderstood his kindness? I scrambled my hair in frustration, closed my eyes, and forced myself to sleep.