Chapter nineteen:

Yoseob’s POV:

[Monday…]

Over the weekends, I ‘recuperated’ in the hospital. Well, at least I tried to.

SOME people just wouldn’t leave me alone.

During my stay in the hospital, reporters constantly swarmed around me, interviewing me and asking me questions. I swear it was like they were bees and I was honey. In short, they were bugging me 24/7. And it was annoying.

REALLY annoying.

Mr. Hong and I told them all the same thing, whenever I was asked about the incident, that I had eaten something poisonous by accident. Thank goodness they seemed to buy it. I couldn’t bear having them know the truth. Or anyone else, for that matter.

Especially not my family

Or the B2ST members

Or Inyeong, wherever she was

I knew she’d be disappointed in me

But I couldn’t live any longer

I just couldn’t

I was being selfish

I was being irresponsible

I knew that

But I really couldn’t

And now that Mr. Hong knew, I probably wouldn’t be attempting suicide again.

Which means that I was stuck here

In this hellhole

And that meant endless number of sleepless nights, constant feelings of sorrow, anger and regret, for the rest of my freaking life.

If only I had died…I would have been at peace by now

I might even have been reunited with Inyeong…

Yes, we could have met each other, after all these years…

I could finally hug her again, hear that laughter again, see that smile again, caress that beautiful face again...

Anyway, I had insisted going to practice today. I had to get back to work.

That was my only way to get rid of all those torturous thoughts. They wouldn’t leave me alone, especially when I was in the hospital, since I was practically lying around the whole day, doing nothing. I swear those thoughts had nothing better to do. They LIVED to torture me, to see me suffer.

Entering the building, I looked at our schedule which was stuck on the notice board.

First lesson was dance.

And it was starting in 10 minutes.

Great

Three hours of constantly being reminded of Inyeong

Three hours of being bugged by Ms. Park

Three hours of being unbelievably annoyed

Things would probably be pretty awkward between us, after I had shouted at her on Friday

But I didn’t regret it

She deserved it

And I was really, really mad back then. Wait no, scratch that, I was STILL mad.

Well, I had every single right to be.

Why did that girl have to be so annoying and meddlesome, anyway? She barely even knew me, and she thinks she has the right to meddle in my affairs? Tchhh.

It was my life, and I had every right to live it the way I wanted to.

Anyway, I headed towards the practice room wearily, along with the others. Ms. Park was already inside, stretching.

“Good morning!” She smiled her usual annoyingly chirpy smile and clapped her hands. “Let’s get started, shall we! Beautiful Night in five seconds!”

We scrambled to our places and started to dance.

Seems like she isn’t too affected by what happened on Friday…I mused. She’s her usual cheery self. Her usual cheery annoying self.

“Dongwoon, aish! How many times have I told you to place your hands on your chest during the chorus?” Ms. Park lectured Dongwoon with a playful smile. Dongwoon responded by beaming and placing his hands on his chest proudly, obviously pleased to get attention from his favourite dance instructor. I tried my best not to snicker at the maknae’s immaturity. I swear it was like he was in love with Ms. Park. And it was disgusting.

“Kikwang! You’re too fast!”

“Doojoon! Don’t forget that it’s your part now, so pretend to hold up the mic!”

“Hyunseung! Spin faster!”

“Junhyung! Stop giving me that pokerface and smile, for goodness sake!”

Wait.

Did she just ignore me?

She corrected all the members, but she didn’t come to me.

Normally, she would mainly focus all her attention on me. She’d point out my mistakes and offer to help. She’d do that every single freaking lesson.

Well, apparently not EVERY one of them…

But whatever.... As long as she wasn’t busy annoying me, I was thankful.

A few hours later, lessons ended.

“Okay, that’s all for today. Great job, everyone! That was close to perfect! Next lesson, we work on perfecting ‘It’s not me’, okay? See you guys!” She waved and was about to leave the room while the maknae spoke up.

“Ms. Park!” He ran up towards her and pulled her arm back. “We’re about to have lunch! Can you join us? Pleeeeeease?”

She smiled. “Of course! I’d kill to have lunch with you guys!”

Dongwoon’s face immediately lit up. “YAY!” He cheered and grabbed Ms. Park’s hand. “Let’s go, guys!” And then he dragged her out of the practice room, cheering happily, like a little puppy.

“You coming, Yoseob?” Doojoon asked me, right before he left.

I shook my head. He shrugged and left. I was alone in the dance studio.

Today’s dance lesson was DEFINITELY different from all the others ones I had experienced with Ms. Park. She honestly did not say a word, not even a single one, to me. None. Zippo.

And I was serious.

It may not seem like a big deal to YOU, granted, but that’s because you haven’t actually experienced how a TYPICAL dance lesson was like for me. No you have not.

And trust me, today’s one was DEFINITELY unusual. And peculiar.

From what I could see, it looked like she really decided to stop talking to me, probably after my rant at her on Friday.

Which was a good thing

It was so good it deserved to be celebrated, in fact

Finally, I was free from her attention. She was beginning to suffocate me with it anyway

After a long shower, I strolled towards the cafeteria to grab a bite. On my way, I ran into Mr. Hong.

“Yoseob ah!” He motioned me into his office. “Come here! There are some things I need to discuss with you.” So I followed him into his office and took a seat facing him.

I think I knew what this was about…

“Now, Yoseob.” Mr. Hong said gently. “Thankfully, we’ve managed to cover what had happened last Friday from the public, but please, don’t ever do it again, okay? I mean, sure, life is tough, but you can’t just drop everything and escape from it all. It’s irresponsible, selfish and reckless. I mean, have you ever thought about your family? B2ST? B2UTIES all over the world? How would they feel, if you were to leave, just like that? Is it worth hurting everyone like that? Look, if you have any problems, feel free to approach the therapist for anything. Or even me. Yoseob ah, you know I’m like a father to you, after spending so much time with you and the others. If you have any troubles, just tell me. I’ll be there for you. Your members will be there for you. Understand?”

I softened a little. He was right. I would have been letting down all the people who cared for me – My family, my friends, the B2ST members, my fans, and Mr. Hong, who treated me as if I were his own son.

And Inyeong.

Imagine if she ever found out my death

What if she was still alive? How disappointed would she be?

That I gave up on everything? That I gave up on her? That I gave up on us?

And what would B2UTIES all around the world do if they ever found of that I had died?

Or worse, they found out the cause of my death

A stupid bottle of detergent

I would have disappointed so many of them

I would have crushed their fragile hearts

I would have made them…cry

Or worse

Many of them saw me as their role model, and I knew it

If I had attempted suicide, I was basically glorifying it

And the thought of my fans, especially some of the younger ones who couldn’t distinguish wrong from right, attempting suicide as well…

I shuddered. It was a horrifying thought.

Mr. Hong was right. It was reckless and irresponsible of me

Not to mention downright stupid.

What was I thinking? God.

I nodded. “I understand. I’m sorry for what happened.” This time, I truly meant it. “It was irresponsible and selfish of me. I promise I’ll never do something like that again.”

Mr. Hong smiled and patted my head. “Good boy. Now, on to the next topic. Don’t forget, your comeback stage is in a few weeks’ time, and you still have a solo dance to learn in ‘It’s not me’, remember? So I expect you to work hard, okay? The solo dance is not easy, but I’m sure you’ll be able to do it, if you put your heart into it. I believe in you, Yang Yoseob. Why do you think I gave you that part in the first place? It could have gone to Kikwang or Hyunseung!”

“It’s because I believe in you! I know you’ll do a good job. So you better not let me down!”

“Ne, Mr. Hong! I won’t!” I promised him, a renewed motivation to work hard building inside me.

“Now go and work hard! Hwaiting!”

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Annyeong my lovelies (: 

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