“Hyuuuuuuuuuuung~” Donghae’s tear-stained face appeared right under Leeteuk’s nose, making him almost bathe in his morning coffee. He was more than ready to give the younger a smack in the head if not for the look the boy was giving him.

“Don’t go.” Donghae whined as he wrapped his arms around the leader’s neck. He’d been with Leeteuk for as long as he could remember. Leeteuk wasn’t just a leader to him, Park Jungsu was his brother and he still couldn’t accept the fact that his hyung was leaving that day. “Please hyung?” He looked up at the older, with a pout plastered on his lips.

Leeteuk patted his dongsaeng’s head. He just escaped a bawling Eunhyuk the night before and he didn’t really expect that another bawling five year old would be up that early in the morning. He couldn’t really blame the two though. He’d miss those tears.

“Donghae-ah.” He whispered, trying his hardest to push his tears back. “You know I cant.”

A sob was heard. And another. And another. He felt something wet on the sleeve of his plain white shirt.

“You better not be wiping your snot on Teukie-hyung.” A walking zombie, aka Ryeowook, magically appeared in the kitchen. The eternal maknae had been very matured with the matter. He’d been mostly silent when they were talking about it. Ryeowook had always been like that. Very sweet, yet very uptight.

As if on cue, Ryeowook looked at him with sad eyes before switching back to making his cup of tea.

Suddenly, the room became very silent. Only heavy sighs coming from the boy that was still holding on to Leeteuk could be heard. Ryeowook was just, abnormally, silently sitting on the kitchen counter with his cup. And Leeteuk … Leeteuk’s mind was someplace else .. thinking of a certain memory that happened just a few hours from then.

“Hyung! Hyung! Jungsu hyung!” A very hysterical Yesung almost kicked the door of the twelfth floor dorm open. He would’ve smacked the younger too if he just didn’t see the terror in the guy’s face.

“What?” It was Ryeowook, still very composed. Leeteuk though, his heart almost flew out of his chest.

“Hyukjae!”

As soon as they heard the name, everybody ran to the floor below.

Everything was dark, Jungsu didn’t like it. Especially when the very clingy fish, the unusually composed Ryeowook, and a hysterical Yesung just suddenly disappeared. He already knew what was happening but with ever step that he took, his heart was thumping, his tears almost falling.

But he would not cry. He promised he wouldn’t.

And then, one candle was lit.

“Yah! It’s not your turn yet!” Somebody whispered angrily, followed by an inaudible whine which he was pretty sure came from that very clingy fish he was just consoling a few minutes ago.

“You two! Stop it!” It was a voice he didn’t expect to get the command from, it made him smile.

Everything went silent once more. Still very dark, but the illumination of that single candle that was lit made him see the faces of s, his kids … his brothers. A tear, again, almost fell.

“Teukie-hyung.” Sob. It was Donghae, of course. “Do you remember when we first met? It was a very long time ago but I could never forget that. Hyung, do you still remember that time when were supposed to be debut but then the company changed their mind? I was lost back then. I was in the verge of giving up on dreams, my father’s dream but then there was this one certain hyung that told me that I should not give up just because I fell once. That I should keep on dreaming no matter what. And that I should try my very best to fulfill my dreams and be who I want to be. That hyung was right and if not for him I wouldn’t be where I am right now. I wouldn’t have fulfilled my father’s dream. I wouldn’t be as happy as I am. Thank you Teukie-hyung. I wanted to tell more stories but they won’t let me so ..”

Donghae didn’t even finish his sentence and just started sobbing again. “I love you hyung.”

“Yah! That’s enough!”

Jungsu was very thankful for that voice. He would’ve already cried if not just that remark that made him chuckle.

He did remember all those moments he spent with Donghae. He remembered dropping the boy to school and picking him up, passing by every single food stall they saw and making the younger do some agyeo to get some free tastes from the ahjummas just to fill their hungry stomachs. It was one of the most tiring parts of his life yet he enjoyed it. It was the start of his life as an idol, a trainee actually, and he was very happy he spent some of those with that boy named Lee Donghae.

Another candle was lit.

“Yah Park Jungsu!” Leeteuk chuckled once more when he heard someone got smacked, he was pretty sure it was the person who owns the voice he just heard a few minutes ago.

“Aish!” The boy exclaimed, but still smirked. It reminded him of someone. “ Leeteuk-hyung, I know we didn’t have a very great start but past is past right? I’ve beaten you in so many games, popularity contests and many more contests out there so I think we’re even. I’ve already forgotten how you scolded me for cooking ramyun incorrectly-“

“Liar!” someone yelled from across the room. The dimly lit room was, for a while, filled with laughter.

“Go away!” The boy yelled back before smiling back at the leader. “But seriously hyung, without you, I wouldn’t have survived. I may look strong, smart, and snarky, but I am still a boy inside that needs an older brother to guide him and I am more than glad that the older brother that guided me was you. You were one of the very few people that didn’t leave me during the lowest part of my life, when the fans hated me, when I almost left you guys..” The boy paused, before another sob was heard. It didn’t come from Donghae. “You have always been there for me yet I took advantage of that .. and now that you’re leaving .. I’m still silently wishing that would just stay with me, with us .. forever.”

“Kyuhyun-ah ..” Leeteuk’s voice trailed off.

“Hyung, thank  you.”

Silence.

Another candle was lit.

“Jung hyung .. I don’t really know what to say ..” An accented Korean filled the room as a tall, very slender figure walked towards him. “Words will never be enough to express how thankful I am to have you as my hyung and to be protected by you. If not for you, I wouldn’t have lasted this longer. If not for you, I would’ve already given up. Jungsu hyung, thank you. Thank you for everything. I will wait for you okay? Then we will go shopping.”

Leeteuk nodded at the younger, it was little awkward since the slender man was almost double his height.

Another candle was lit, from the other side of the room. He was greeted by a very bright, blonde hair.

“Miri apahal pillyoneun eobseo geunyang jigeum idaero neoreul saranghae la la la la la
There’s no need for a headache, now I love you this way La la la la la
Jogeumman deo jinamyeon neol dasi boge dwae seolleineun nal
With the passing of a period of time, I’ll be able to see you being touched once again one day
Nae maeumi apado ipsureun jeojeollo utge doeneun nal la la la la la
Though my heart may hurt, my lips will still smile on that day la la la la la
Amuri apado joha jigeum i sunganmaneun haengbokhae
No matter how painful it is, I will still like it. This is a blessed moment”

A sigh.

“Hyung, I really have no idea what to say so I just did the one thing I’m really good at to tell you what I’m feeling right now. I sang my heart to you and I hope it reached you. I promise I will wait for you, but I cannot promise I can stay very long after you came back but one thing’s for sure, I will always be here for you like how you were for me.”

Jungsu’s tears were too close to falling when somebody grabbed the poor Jongwoon’s collar from the back, making the singer almost trip. It made him chuckle.

“Yah! Time’s up!”

“Kids.” He mumbled.

Another candle was lit.

A slightly big figure was seen. It was his bestfriend, Youngwoon.

“Teukie-hyung.”

The almost name made him cringe. It had been a while since the younger actually used honorifics when talking to him. He didn’t really care much.

“I’ve been where you are right now, and trust me, it’s not so bad. Though I do know that the one thing you were most concerned about was your hair. It’ll grow back soon.” The younger grinned. It reached his eyes but it didn’t really cover the sadness that was very visible through those brown orbs. “Don’t be a baby! And stop crying over everything. If you missed us, you can just create a mini Super Junior in there and teach them how to dance Sorry Sorry.”

“Send us a video!” Donghae’s voice was heard from the background.

“Yah!” Kangin yelled, making the younger retreat behind Sungmin, who just patted the boy’s head.

“Anyway,” Youngwoon continued. “Just do what I said and it’ll be just like home.”

Home.

A tear finally fell.

Home.

It’ll never be anything like home.

But he would survive.

He knew he would.

The tear was gone. A new candle was lit.

“Every time I think of you, I thank my God.” A sigh. “Philippians chapter one, verse three.”

A chuckle, followed by quite violent sounding hush.

“Hyung, there is nothing to say but may God be always with you and do not forget to talk to him.” The younger pointed at the ceiling, he assumed that the man was pointing somewhere beyond that. He was never really the religious type. “And this is for you to read on your free time.”

A brown, slightly thick, hardbound book landed on his hands. The title said, The Holy Bible.

“Of course.” He said to himself.

“Thank you Siwon-ah.”

Siwon smiled at him. He was pretty sure he saw something derpy in the guy’s face before the younger stepped back to his place.

Jungsu just smiled, encouraging the members to go on.

“Hyung.” A small voice was heard before another candle illuminated the room. “You know that I like Heechul-hyung better than you right?” Leeteuk just hummed, knowing that the eternal maknae didn’t actually need an answer. “But you’re the first one I run to every time I need someone to talk to. For all this time, you’re always there and I’m really thankful for that. I really love you hyung and I’m going to miss you so much.”

Ryeowook smiled, trying his hardest not to shed any tears. Jungsoo understood, the young man had always been stronger than most of them.

“I’ll send you some food every once in a while, hyung. I promise. And while you’re not around I will try my best to be a better and stronger person. See you later hyung.”

Jungsu just smiled once more.

“Psst! You’re turn!” Ryeowook rushed back to his previous place and slightly nudged the person beside him.

Sungmin, with his cheeks puffed, and eyes almost swollen.

“Teukie-hyung.” His voice cracked. It broke Jungsu’s heart. He’d always known that the younger hated crying in front of anybody. “I know it’s been hard on you to lead us. Thirteen people ..” Sungmin paused. “No, fifteen. Fifteen different people, fifteen different opinions but you always manage to find that neutral zone in everything that we do, keeping us together, giving us strength on carry on. I still don’t know how we will be without you, and I also cannot promise that we won’t do anything to disappoint you but there’s one thing I can assure you .. We will always be Super Junior! Please do take care of yourself and keep smiling. Thank you for everything hyung .. I love you.”

The leader’s smile widened as he nodded at the younger. He must admit, Sungmin still looked cute with puffy eyes. He just wished that he wouldn’t see their danhobak in tears again. It was almost heartbreaking.

Another candle was lit. He almost missed it if not for the beautiful sound of a violin that came from the farthest corner of the room.

The melody was very familiar. Too familiar that he just found himself unconsciously singing along with it.

“Geudae ye giuok dolgo dora bwado
No matter how much I turn back your memory
Pihae galsu eobtneun geumal
Those words I cannot avoid
he eojim ye kkeute dara, dashi dora, dashi dora
At the end of separation, I turn back, I turn back
neurit neurit ssaha onsu manheun gamjeong do
Slowly, slowly, the stacked up emotions
neurit neurit dama on sumanheun chueok do
Slowly, slowly, the gathered memories
jogeum mandeo neurit neurit ijeul ge andante
I will slowly, slowly forget them Andante”

“Hyung.” Henry chirped.

A sudden gush of memory flowed in Jungsu’s mind. A shy young boy, almost too young for his liking, was introduced to the group, to him in particular. The president’s words still perfectly etched to his brain, “One day Jungsu, one day. This boy would be a member the group.”

And then Don’t don was released, the fans hated the young boy. The boy’s debut was delayed.

“Henry-ah, I’m sorry.” He whispered. He could’ve done something to help the boy back then. He could’ve protected the boy.

“No Hyung, you don’t have anything to be sorry about.” The boy replied, as if he knew what the leader was thinking. “If I debuted back then, I would be who I am right now. I wouldn’t be as happy as I am right now. I wouldn’t be as strong as I am right now. Thank you hyung. If not for you, I wouldn’t be the Henry Lau that everybody knows and love. Thank you hyung. And that song, Andante, that’s our song. I will forever treasure it, like how you treasured me, and like how I will treasure you until eternity.”

Henry once again, played that familiar melody .. their song .. Andante ..

The melody was replaced by a very energetic music, too energetic that it felt wrong listening to it with the mellow feeling the candlelights was giving him.

Another candle was lit.

Donghee suddenly jumped out and started dancing.

The dance was composed of all the funniest and dorkiest steps he’d seen in his life.

And all of them .. were part of his memories with his boys .. s ..  his brothers.

From all those stupid dances they did in every single variety show they did to those dorky dances they just randomly made to entertain the fans in the previous Super Shows, even those crazy dances they did when they were bored in the dorms or when they’re too stressed with their schedules and badly needed a laugh or two.

He had no idea how did Shindong remember all those but one thing’s for sure, Jungsu wanted to cry.

But he couldn’t.

He promised he wouldn’t cry.

“Don’t cry Hyung.” Shindong grinned. It made him chuckle.

“I won’t.”

“Don’t ask me how I remembered all those dances, I also have no idea. But there’s one thing I am very sure of, I drilled my brain so I could dance for you and so that every time you think of me, you will smile. And Hyung, I want you to think of me all the time .. so you will keep smiling.”

Shindong was already tearing up.

Leeteuk closed his eyes.

He didn’t want to see that.

A few minutes had passed. The smell of candles filled the room, along with silence.

“Hyung.”

Leeteuk smiled. It was a voice that he’d been hearing. That one voice that’s been trying to hush and keep the members organized. He knew he made the right choice.

“Hyukjae-ah.” He opened his eyes and smiled as the younger lit the last candle.

“All the members thanked, promised and showed their love for you. I wanted to be different. I will not promise you anything. I will not thank you, not right now. I will not tell you I love you, not right now. Instead, I will show what I can do. I will prove to you that you made the right choice. I will show you the love that I have for the group that you treasure the most .. I will show you how much I love our brothers .. It  might not be as great as the love you have for us, but it’ll be enough .. until the day you come back. You are the light of this group hyung. We, Super Junior, used to be in the dark and just like how these candlelights lit this room, you illuminated our lives and lead our way to where we are right now. You are our candlelight.”

Hyukjae started blowing out the candles, making the room’s illumination disappear.

Jungsu felt lost, until two, strong, pair of arms wrapped around him.

Hugs.

They were familiar, yet almost too close to be being forgotten.

“Sorry Hyung.” The owners of the arms muttered, almost in chorus.

As if on cue, the candles were lit once more, helping him see the faces of the owners of the arms that were still wrapped around him.

“Kibum-ah … Hankyung-ah ..”

He promised he wouldn’t cry .. but his tears suddenly became stronger than he was.

With his eyes full of tears, he looked back at the new leader of the group he had always loved.

“Hyukjae-ah .. thank you ..”

And then, another song filled the room.

Twins.

Their first song.

The song that brought them to where they were.

The first song they sang together.

And then it stopped.

Don’t don played.

Kyuhyun’s first song.

Henry’s first song.

Kibum’s last album.

It pinched his heart.

And then, Sorry Sorry.

The song that raised their popularity.

Hangeng’s last album.

Heechul almost left.

Heechul. Jungsu stopped.

“Heechul.” He mumbled.

And then, Bonamana.

Kangin’s last album before enlistment.

Heechul came back.

Heechul came back to him.

“Heechul.” He mumbled once more.

And then, Mr. Simple.

Heechul’s last album before enlistment.

Suddenly, everything was all about Heechul.

And then, y, Free and Single.

First album without Heechul.

His last album before enlistment.

Jungsu was lost, too lost that he almost missed the part when all s – including Henry, Zhou Mi, Kibum and Hangeng, his brothers, started singing and dancing along with each song.

He’s definitely going to miss those guys. He definitely would.

“Hyung, I hope you liked my surprise for you. I tried to fulfill your wish – to see all the members together before your enlistment .. but I failed .. I couldn’t find him .. I’m sorry.” Eunhyuk was close to tearing up.

Leeteuk perfectly knew who was the him Hyukjae was talking about. He approached the younger and gave him a tight hug and a pat on the head.

“It’s okay Hyukjae-ah. I understand. And this is perfect .. Thank you.”

The hug lasted for a few minutes, before he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Hyung.” It was a very accented Korean that he missed so much. He tried to keep the communication with the younger after the issue but everything just became too hectic that it just suddenly stopped. Jungsu regretted it. “You should go to him you know.”

“I know.” He smiled at the younger and nodded at everyone.

As if all of them knew what the leader meant, everybody smiled, waved and nodded back at him.

“Thank you.” He mouthed before running towards door, as if he knew where exactly he was going.

******

CHAPTER 1 IS DONE! YEY!

there'll only be two chapters .. I'll try and post the next one before the next week but I will not promise anthing 
I wrote this fic for Leeteuk's enlistment but things just didnt go very well with my plans but I do hope that you would all like it

special thanks to:
hottestIam for helping me with Sungmin's message
_Cieca_ for wookie's
verility for siwon, shindong, and kangin and everthing else c:
also hanyeol for siwon as well .. but I couldnt add yours since I was already done with siwon's but still, thank you!!