Yukwon hummed softly to himself as he wiped down the bar, a small smile playing on his lips. While his body was physically in the bar, his mind had wondered down memory lane. Snapshots from his time with Jiho over the past month kept replaying in his mind like a cd stuck on repeat.

-&-

“Yah, wait for me, Kwonnie!” Jiho called, chasing after the bubbly redhead through the park.

“Aniya,” Yukwon giggled, running faster. “You’re going to have to catch me, slowpoke.”

“Fair enough,” Jiho smirked and ran after his lover. He closed the distance between Yukwon and himself quickly and reached out to grab the younger male but tripped over his feet, causing both of them to stumble forward and tumble in the grass.

“Oomph,” Yukwon huffed out as his back collided into the grass for the final time. “Run much?” he teased, looking up at the wispy clouds in the clear sky.

“Only when I have to,” the elder responded. “Most of the time, I don’t bother; it’s too tiresome.” He shifted his position on the ground so he lay parallel to the other with his head next to Yukwon’s.

The two lay like that for a while, their feathered breathing mingling with the afternoon songs of the birds. Yukwon brought his arm up to shield his eyes from the blaring sun. His other hand closed the distance between his body and the elder man’s next to him, their fingers tangling together.

“Jiho-ah, can I ask you something?” Yukwon spoke up, breaking the comfortable silence that had enclosed around them.

“You just did,” Jiho teased. He peered over at the other and let out a soft snort-like laugh at the pout that had formed on the younger’s lips. ‘Go ahead, Kwonnie. What’s on your mind?’

“Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a cloud?”

“What?” Jiho asked as he turned his head to the side to look at the red-headed boy. He raised an eyebrow as he looked on inquisitively. He allowed his eyes to travel down the boy’s body, his spotless skin that was just dusted by the sun’s rays enough to add a touch of color, before returning back to his face. “What are you talking about?”

“I have,” he said softly. “Sometimes, I wish I was one. You’re up in the air, free to do whatever you see fit. You can just float whichever way the wind blows. You have no worries, no commitments, no fears. You just…exist.”

Jiho was silent for a few moments, digesting what the boy had said. It was one of the deepest things he had heard from someone lately. He had never really given the idea any thought but Yukwon’s words made sense to him. He realized that he knew exactly what the younger was talking about—about wanting to be free like a cloud.

“You want to be a cloud then? You want to just ‘exist,’ so to say?”

Yukwon was quiet as he thought about the elder’s question. “I think… that at least now, at this time in my life, that I’d be happy with just existing. I’d be content with going through life without worries and fears. I think for now, I’d be content with ignoring those things, even for a little while, just to experience happiness for that short time.”

“Hm,” Jiho hummed, thinking to himself. “Then I’m glad you chose to ‘exist’ with me.” He flashed Yukwon a rare, genuine smile when the man turned to look at him.

“Me too.”

-&-

“Yukwon? Yukwon!” A booming voice and a towel to the head pulled Yukwon out of his own mind.

“H-Huh? What?” He blinked and turned toward the direction that the towel came from.

“Are you done fantasizing about your boyfriend?” Tony asked with a laugh. “We’re going to get a bite to eat. You want to come?

“Yah, he’s not my boyfriend! And su—” He was cut off by his ringtone.

Jiho: Hey beautiful. How about lunch on me?

Five seconds later, the tone went off again.

Jiho: Or on you. ;) I’m not picky.

Yukwon’s cheeks turned a bright shade of red. “This man,” he muttered under his breath, feeling his heart pick up a few beats.

“I’ll take that as a no.” Tony sighed and headed towards the door with the other workers.

“A-Ah, w-wait. Hyung!” But it was too late. He was already gone. Yukwon jutted out his lips in a soft pout. “Mianhae, hyung.” He looked back at his phone and texted Jiho back, telling him that lunch sounded great. The elder responded quickly to let him know he was on his way.

Yukwon leaned back against the bar-top. He brought his hand up to his chest and left it there, feeling each beat of his heart resonate against his chest. He had never felt this way before. Was he…falling for Jiho?

Jiho frowned as he paced back and forth in his hotel room. Why was Yukwon not answering his texts? He always answered his texts. He sighed and checked his phone for the fourth time. No new messages. Frustrated, he tossed his phone onto the bed and ran his hands through his hair.

Not knowing what else to do with his free time, Jiho decided it would be best to get himself cleaned up and settle in for a night of room service and awful T.V. He went to the bathroom and the shower. As he stripped off his clothes, he heard a knock on his door. He wrapped a towel around his waist and went to answer the door.

“Hel—”

His jaw dropped. Yukwon was standing in front of him in a girl-scout uniform of sorts.  Jiho gulped as his eyes traveled down the bartender’s small, soft body. His torso tapered off into his tiny waist and came back out to meet his hips in a mock hourglass shape. The pleated skirt the younger wore hung, just barely, below his , leaving his thighs, his perfect, mouth-watering thighs, exposed in full view for Jiho’s enjoyment.

“Would you like to buy some cookies?” Yukwon asked in a soft, almost feminine, seductive voice. He dangled a box out in front of the elder man, swaying it teasingly.

Without a word, Jiho grabbed the boy’s wrist and yanked him into the room. He pressed the younger male against the door, slamming it shut in the process, and ravaged his lips with his own. Slowly, Jiho nibbled and his way to the sweet spot on Yukwon’s neck, turning the young bartender into a mewling mess. He lifted the boy up, his legs wrapped around his waist, and brought him to the bed.

The cookies, much like the uniform and the towel, lay abandoned on the floor.

This charade of a ‘relationship’ without the actual relationship continued for the next three months. Slowly, without any intent, Yukwon found himself falling in love with Jiho. It wasn’t that Jiho was particularly romantic – he wasn’t. And it wasn’t that Jiho had done anything particularly extraordinary for him – he didn’t.

But there was something in the way Jiho’s smile made his heart skip a beat. There was something in the way his chubby cheeks and soft eyes seemed to make everything less intimidating that it should’ve been. Something in the way their breath mingled together during their moments of pure ecstasy and the way Jiho held him close afterwards.

There was nothing particularly special about any of those things, but somehow, in some way, they were special to Yukwon. Jiho hadn’t treated him any different than when he first met him, aside from the occasional slip up where he would reveal a little piece of himself. These moments were the ones that Yukwon cherished the most and he knew, no matter how much it would hurt him, that he couldn’t keep it to himself. He had to follow the rules; he had to tell Jiho.

It was the rules that brought him to Jiho’s door. He had been standing outside the other man’s hotel room door for ten minutes, just staring at the gold numbers that hung just above the peephole. 928. The numbers, which used to feel so inviting, now felt cold and unfamiliar.

He took a deep breath and knocked on the door. There was no response. More unsteady than the first time, he raised his fist up and knocked again. There was a shuffling noise and he heard the click as the door unlocked.

“Hey, I—”

“What are you doing here, Yukwon?” Jiho asked rather abruptly. His eyes, which seemed so soft in Yukwon’s memory, were hard and distant as they scrutinized the man in front of them.

“W-What? I, I just wanted…I-I needed to talk with you,” Yukwon stammered out, unsure as to why the elder man was acting like this.

“Don’t you remember the rules? You’re supposed to call or text before you just show up.”

“Well, yeah but that didn’t seem to matter before…” his voice drifted off as she entered his view. A woman, under the crisp, white sheet, with long blond hair came up behind Jiho. She wrapped her arms around his waist and gave Jiho’s neck a kiss.

“Zico, you left me all by my lonesome in bed.” Her voice hinted at a pout even though Yukwon couldn’t see it. “Who’s your friend?”

“He’s not a friend. I have no idea who he is.” With that, he closed the door. Yukwon heard the lock click and the sounds of the woman’s giggles as she was, presumably, pulled back to bed by Jiho, his Jiho. And right in that instant, Yukwon had never felt more alone.

Yukwon lay in Jiho’s arms after it happened. Jiho had come over and sweet talked his way into Yukwon’s bed. The elder man’s embrace, which at one time made Yukwon feel safe and comforted, now made him feel disgusted in himself. The feelings of ecstasy and bliss were replaced with self-loathing.

“Ugh,” Jiho groaned, waking up from his slumber with a throbbing headache. He had put back several drinks before coming to see Yukwon earlier that night. “Kwonnie, ibuprofen,” he muttered.

Yukwon sighed and crawled out from the bed. He padded his way to the bathroom, grabbed two pills out of the medicine cabinet, and filled a glass up with water. He brought them back to the room and held them out to the hungover male. “Here. Take them.”

Jiho sat up and did as he was told, swallowing the pills dry before gulping down the glass of water. “Thanks.” He flashed a smirk at the younger male.

Yukwon just nodded and took the glass back to the bathroom. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Jiho for more than five seconds without feeling angry at himself, at Jiho, and an overwhelming pit of sadness in his stomach. He knew he had to tell Jiho now. He had chickened out before but it was now or never.

He came back out to the room and sat on the edge of his bed. He sighed, unable to say anything at first. When he finally gathered up the courage, his voice came out meek and distant. “Jiho…we have to stop this.”

“What? Why?”

Yukwon took a deep breath, laying it all out on the line. “I’m in love with you. I don’t know how or when it happened. But somewhere along this crazy ride, I fell in love with you and I don’t want to be your friend with benefits anymore; I want you to be mine and only mine and I want to be yours.”

Jiho was quiet for a while before the rage inside him spilled over. “What the ?! Aish,” he growled in anger, getting up. “Don’t you know how to follow rules?! That was the major one! Never fall in love! This meant nothing, Yukwon. Nothing. Nothing ever comes of nothing. Did you really think I would fall in love with you? You’re just a play thing to me.”

“A-A p-play thing? B-but you said…y-you said…”

“I said what? What did I say, Yukwon?”

Yukwon remembered back a week or so ago. He had confronted Jiho about the girl in his hotel room. Jiho responded that she meant nothing to him, that it was just a one-and-done situation. He told Yukwon that he was the most beautiful boy he had ever seen, let alone been with, and that he was the best he had ever had.

“Y-You said… I-I was beautiful… t-that I was the be—”

“Are you that dense? Seriously? I only said those things to get into your pants! You were nothing, Yukwon. Nothing.” Jiho got up and started pulling on his clothes. He was furious that his fun was being ruined, much like a child throwing a tantrum when his building blocks are taken away from him. Once he was dressed, he stormed out of the bedroom towards the door.

“J-Jiho… w-wait!” But it was too late. Jiho had already left, slamming the door on his way out. Yukwon sunk to the floor, clutching at his heart, and sobbed as he curled his body up into a ball.

It was Yukwon’s day off and he decided to spend it in the club. He hadn’t spoken to Jiho for nearly two weeks. Jiho had tried calling and texting but Yukwon wouldn’t answer any of them. Jiho had tried leaving message upon message but Yukwon just deleted them. He didn’t want to hear Jiho’s voice or anything the elder had to say; he just wanted forget about the months he spent with him.

He ordered a couple shots. He downed one after the other at the bar and then went back to looking around. Part of him hoped Jiho would come in, find him, and apologize. Another part of him wished to never see the man ever again. As he wandered around, he saw them. Jiho and some girl were curled up in a chair and making out. Yukwon felt his heart wrench in pain.

Jiho happened to open his eyes and saw Yukwon staring at him. He smirked and pulled his ‘date’ into his lap and went back to making out with her. He made sure that every move he made, every breath, every touch, was noticed by Yukwon.

Yukwon turned away and quickly downed two shots. His mind was racing with a million different thoughts at one time but it ceased as one voice entered it.

“Having a rough night?” Yukwon looked up to see a man, about his height, with short black hair. “The name is Taeil. You okay?”

Yukwon bit his lip, blushing a bit from how attractive the stranger was. “A-Actually, I’m having a pretty rotten night.”

“Hm, then let’s fix that, shall we?” He held out his hand. “May I have this dance?”

Yukwon nodded shyly and followed the man to the center of the floor. They danced together, bodies bumping and grinding to the beat. Jiho looked over and watched as Yukwon swiveled his hips back against the strange man's. He felt his blood boil. “How dare he?” he thought, pushing the girl off of his lap and storming over to them. He grabbed Yukwon by the collar of his shirt and pulled him away from the male. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Dancing,” Yukwon blinked, trying to maintain his composure with Jiho’s face mere inches from his own.

“Dancing? You call that dancing? You were practically ing him on the floor!”

“What do you care?”

“You’re my property. Only I get to touch you like that.” He turned to look at Taeil and snarled a bit.

“Your property?! Excuse you?” Yukwon pushed Jiho off of him and stared him down. “You pushed me away. You told me that it was over, that you didn’t want to be with me. Yet, I’m your property?” Tears began to run down his cheeks. “What gives you the right?! Y-You don’t get to hurt me anymore!” His open palm collided with Jiho’s face and he quickly left the scene.

Jiho sighed to himself as he walked through security, stopping to allow the TSA agent to pat him down and give him the go-ahead. Flights were always so tiring for him, from the check-in, to security, to the span of time before boarding. He hated flying—no, more than simply hating it, Jiho despised it. Flying always made him nauseous and it would take him several hours, if not a day or two, to get readjusted afterwards.

He had not seen Yukwon for a little over a month following the club incident. He would show up at the club to speak with him, but the bouncer would not let him in. He would wait outside for hours to see the red-headed boy but he would not come out until word had travelled back that Jiho had left. Jiho had even shown up at his apartment on more than one occasion but Yukwon refused to answer.

He did not know when it started to happen, but, slowly, after Yukwon cut off all contact with him, Jiho had started to feel…lonely. At first, he thought it was the loss of , which led him to pursue other men and women to try to fill that incompleteness that he felt. When that didn’t work, he decided that he was just bored, that he just needed something to occupy his time. That was when he started to really explore the city and attempted to get noticed in the underground rap scene—which he did.

However, that wasn’t enough for him. He still felt incomplete. He came to realize that he did not smile the way he used to when Yukwon was around. He did not feel a particular surge of excitement whenever his phone went off, alerting him of a new text message or a missed call. He came to realize that, despite all of his efforts not to grow attached, he had fallen for the plain-Jane bartender.

That’s why he was on this flight—to find Yukwon and to apologize to him for how he treated him. He had heard through the grapevine that the younger male had taken several weeks off in order to visit family in Taipei. He did not know how Yukwon would receive him, but he knew that he was going to try his damnedest to get his “Kwonnie” back.

Through old high-school contacts, he was able to find out which hotel Yukwon was staying at. He checked in and went to his room. He had a few hours until dinner was served. He got in the shower and got dressed in his nicest clothes. After freshening up, he had an hour to kill before he had to go downstairs again. He called around and ordered flowers to be delivered to Yukwon’s room, no note attached.

When the time rolled around, Jiho headed downstairs to the banquet area. Set up were three sets of buffet tables lined with food. He scanned the room and saw Yukwon sitting alone by the window. He walked through the line and got his food. He carried his tray of food over to where Yukwon was sitting and cleared his throat.

“Is this seat taken?”

Yukwon looked up tensed up as soon as he saw who was standing by him. “W-What…W-What are you doing here, Jiho?”

Jiho sat his tray down and grabbed Yukwon’s wrist. “Come with me.” He gave the wrist a little tug.

“What? No! I-I’m not going anywhere with you.” He tried to pull his wrist away but couldn’t. Yukwon could feel his heart picking up pace from just seeing Jiho and he cursed himself for it. He didn’t want to still have feelings for Jiho, but he did.

Jiho tugged on Yukwon’s wrist again, pulling him to his feet. He walked with him out of the banquet hall to the elevator. Together, they road it in silence up to the rooftop. Jiho led him over to the edge of the building where they could sit down.

“Jiho, what are you do—”

Jiho cut him off with his lips, cupping Yukwon’s cheeks in his hands. He had never kissed the younger with so much passion and pure feeling before in his life with anyone. He pulled away after a while for air and stared into Yukwon’s eyes.

“J-Jiho, I-I—”

“Yukwon, I’m sorry.”

“Jiho, sorry isn’t goi—”

“Yukwon, just listen to me, please.” Yukwon bit his lip and nodded, letting Jiho talk. Jiho took a deep breath and began again. “I’m so sorry. I was a complete to you. I knew that I hurt you when I was with that girl, I saw it on your face, but I wanted to pretend that I didn’t because if I acknowledged that I hurt you, I’d have to acknowledge that I…cared about hurting you. I was blind to my feelings, and I know that’s not really an excuse but,” he stopped and cupped Yukwon’s cheeks again, them gently with his thumbs, “I’m not anymore. Being away from you, I realized that…that I’m in love with you, Yukwon. Please, give me a second chance.”

“Jiho,” Yukwon whispered, tears falling. “I-I—”

“Please, Yukwon, give me a second chance.”

Yukwon bit his lip and studied Jiho’s face. He could see the honesty in the elder’s eyes and could tell he was being sincere in his actions. Even when Jiho would lie to him, it was never filled with this much emotion. And, if he was honest with himself, he had longed to see Jiho again, regardless of how the man treated him. It had made him feel weak and pathetic before, but right at this moment, he couldn’t feel any happier.

“Y-Yes,” he said softly. “I-I’ll give you a second chance.”

Jiho smiled happily and hugged Yukwon tightly to him, kissing him passionately. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” He emphasized each “thank you” with a kiss. Yukwon smiled shyly at him and pressed his lips against Jiho’s. Jiho deepened the kiss slowly and Yukwon heard the fireworks go off.

Neither knew what the future would hold. They didn’t know whether they would stay together years or months from now, but they knew that they loved each other and wanted to just “exist” together. And right now, what they had in this moment was all that they needed.

* * * * * * * * * *

Finis