".. I like older women more than younger women. I feel more comfortable and at ease..''

it wasn't a dream.

what i just read is just a glimpse of his pure little hint for all.

and a crystal-clear explanation for me.

another hurtful clench on my left side

for those scenes cast their shadows in my eyes..

"Stop it,'

"Dongseng, what?"

"It's Krystal and please stop fussing around about her near me,"

you managed that beautiful apologetical smile.

"Ah, sorry, Soojung, you're getting tired of.."  you ruffled my hair, my favorite touch.

"I don't,"

the dazzling eyes of you slightly formed their curiosity.

"You don't? Then.."

"I love you," it was final.

my voice managed to let out strong and final.

but there you were, searching for some jokes in my eyes.

silence started devour us when you didn't find any.

"I'm in love with you, Choi Minho,"

it took you too long to find me pouring my heart out through my childish words.

this heavy mute choked me even more..

till you end it there.

"You should've not, dongsengie.."

with that you turned away.

from me.

from our bond.

i used to be your favorite dongseng, right, minho..

but guess i no longer am, aren't i?

when you huskily spelled my name over my surprising presence.

'Krystal-ssi?"

right after you managed  to let her lips go.

* * * * * * * 

so here..

how i hate and love you too much at the same time.

i never knew how assuring it was to have you running beside me..

to see your shadow embraced my fragile little steps..

to know you were there encourage my tiny heart to catch our only star..

i never know i will be this weak without you there watching me work my faith on..

my belief to reach my one northern shining star..

my courage to win what destined to be mine..

without you there watching me over by your beautiful dark solemn eyes..

without you there nagging while coming along my way straight ahead to the end..

without you there leading for then smile the widest to me and pat my head sincerely softly..

without you there cheering in your deep low husky tone just to then change into the real proud one..

i never know i would turn out to be that one lonesome fox wandering around the other noisy creatures in the bare night..

here i hear myself laughing.

yeah, you always know i am this kind of silver fox..

for you know i was cold..

i was real ignorant..

they call me arrogant..

they labeled me selfish to the dead end..

the untamed me..

the nothing lame me..

i was have my own little world and tend to care nothing about surrounding when i get my chance to..

but you always know that i will be nothing like that anytime you come around..

i just simply won't waste any nanosecond to content this heart by looking at my beloved one..

no, i don't look.

i praise.

"Krystal-ah, you're not gaining any fear upon the bar, are you?"

I can feel my lips smiling and slowly shook my head to console my coach.

but, ah.

look.

my feet having this trembling without you..

my hands losing their faith by this empty feeling..

my heart aches everytime i turn my head around and see you are not there..

neither when i look the empty path beside me which its always been yours..

it was a big fat lie when i say 'a little empty' for the earlier interview..

i won't define 'empty'.

cause you just simply can't define any amount of infinity, right?

i was really at a real loss.

but now here i am..

i have to flash this run till my lungs can probably lost all of their oxygen..

i will jump the highest till i witness the beauty of this city..

i'll go soar to not touch the bar which can get my dreams tripped over and stumble..

or else it'll be nothing different from what my left chest bears.

flying instead of jumping..

seeing the crowd of lamps forming every city line..

rivers of light.

my run will be about you..

my jump will be for you..

i just need to reach that high to know you are not that far away..

just to remember you..

just to know you'll be standing here beside me and give me out your best smile once again..

just to find you'll hold my shoulders, ruffling my hair in my favorite warm of you..

just to feel your blood rushing through your vessels against my skin at times your hands hold mine..

just to let it linger forever by this probably one last time the soft soft faint sound of your heartbeat i cherish in your every embrace..

although it will be all just the feeling of memories, let me remember.

once more.

only this once short more..

to get this done.

to have what i want to finish for you..

presenting this victory to you..

for we both know you gotta walk away where turning backs never exist in this kind of way..

you have her for that means you need nothing else in this simple little world..

but let me give out my best in victory..

and my heart you already had with you wont ever be lonely..

so let this run be my last run for you..

lend me the feeling of our memories

reminds me

and let me win to let go..

-end-

so here is my first fanfic.. far from good, i know..

then please, feel free to comment or subscribe if you guys think it is worth enough to be reread..

it'll help me improve.. :)

~love170590~