Chapter One

 

---

Choi Seunghyun was always there.

 

He was a presence that always lingered around me.  I could feel when he was near and I could feel the coldness when he was absent.  He was a constant reminder of the past for me.  He was a sense of familiarity and comfort for me.  Every time we met it was like years turned into days, and months turned into minutes.  Nothing would change between us. 

 

Time was not real when we were together.  Time was just a boundary that we had grown accustomed to whenever we were apart.  Time was not the issue with us; timing was. 

 

The first day we met one another was typical.  Completely ordinary.  Nothing exceptional came out of that absolutely normal Wednesday afternoon.  Nothing except maybe the blossoming of one of the best friendships and relationships I had ever encountered with someone.

 

After that day, Choi Seunghyun never left my mind.

 

---

 

“The pop quiz was ridiculous.  I didn’t even know half the questions!  How can the teacher just surprise us like that, he’s setting us up for failure!”

 

My mouth suppressed the giggles that were trying to escape my throat.  My finger met with Emi’s forehead and I flicked it casually.  A small groan escaped her lips.  “That’s the point of a pop quiz, Emi.”

 

Wednesday afternoon was typically spent with Emi and I lounging around the school’s soccer field, waiting for our other friends to finish practice.  Our textbooks and school work was scattered in front of us while we sat on the warm tickling grass.  My fingers ran through the green carpet underneath us while Emi continued to braid my hair.

 

Two more years and I will be out of here.

 

“Hey, heads up!”

 

My head was thrown forward and my hands made contact with the ground to support the sudden attack on me.  I heard Emi gasp as she watched me topple over on the ground.  The back of my head was pulsating as I tried to rub the sore spot that was just hit.  Viciously, I turned around and saw the culprit of my injury.  A soccer ball was sitting next to me while someone ran up to where Emi and I were sitting.  Rubbing the sore spot wasn’t helping with my increasing headache.

 

“Sorry about that,” a boy said as he picked up the ball and bowed in a polite 90 degree manner.  “I tried to warn you but I don’t think you heard me in time.”

 

“Yeah no , ,” Emi muttered under her breath.  She dusted some grass off my legs and checked to see if I had any cuts on me.  “Watch what you’re doing next time.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

My eyes glanced up towards the perpetrator but I was blinded from the sunlight that surrounded his head.  My arm blocked the bright rays while I squinted my eyes to get a better look at boy.  His facial features slowly began to appear from the darkness, and I was momentarily silenced as soon as I was met with the darkest and deepest pair of eyes I ever saw.

 

“What’s your name, idiot?” Emi boldly asked while she stood up to get a better look at him.  I was still awkwardly blocking the sun while staring at the boy before me.  His face was instantly recognized by me but was escaping Emi’s memory at the moment.  He was the boy that all the girls fawned over after his dramatic self-makeover this past summer.  He was the one people whispered about down the halls every time he passed by.  There were rumors flying around that he was in an underground band and that he was going to get signed to a big name label soon.  Another rumor was that he was dating a much older woman, and every day after school she would pick him up and they would run off together.  He was mysterious, yet everyone seemed to know so much about his life.  He was introverted, yet he seemed to be one of the most popular boys in school.  He seemed to like the idea of self-solitude, yet he was never seen in the halls alone.  He was—

 

“Choi Seunghyun,” he whispered while looking down at me.  “My name’s Seunghyun.  I’m sorry I hit your head.  Do you want me to take you to the nurse to get you some ice?”

 

“That’s a good idea actually,” Emi spoke while tugging me off the ground.  She wiped a couple shreds of grass off my pants and pushed me towards Seunghyun.  I awkwardly collided with his chest before immediately stepping back a great distance.  We both cleared our throats and looked at the ground.  The thick silence between us was uncomfortable and we both felt it.  Emi grabbed my things before mentioning that she would meet me at the bus stop after I got some ice from the nurse.  Seunghyun nodded his head and led the way towards the far building across the soccer field.

 

Our synchronized steps made small crunching noises in the grass as we trekked in the hot sun towards the far building.  I glanced to the side towards Seunghyun and I immediately looked ahead after our eyes briefly met.  My eyes began to sting from not blinking for so long.  Our brief moment of eye contact made me shiver, his gaze was too intense for me.  This was our first interaction after the many years of attending school together.  Every year since first grade, we would have at least two classes together.  No words were ever exchanged between us, only small glances.  To the both of us, we were just classmates, nothing else.  He was the chubby class clown who never paid attention in class, where as I was the awkward straight A student who always sat in the front row.  Our groups of friends were not the same and we never had any reason to talk to one another.  Years went by with no interaction, and now our first time speaking to one another would be after he kicked a soccer ball at my head.  Of course this would happen to me.  Of course.

 

“Is she your mom or something?”

 

My head snapped to the side and I saw Seunghyun laughing to himself.  I rolled my eyes and dug my hands further into my pockets.  Many people teased me and Emi’s friendship.  She was extremely protective over me and our classmates always found that strange.  They figured we were either A) lesbians or B) lesbians.  I grew irritated every time someone brought up our friendship, but I learned to just ignore it.  I couldn’t control anyone’s opinion on me. 

 

I glanced once more towards Seunghyun and saw he was smiling at the ground.  Since his weight loss, his face was more pronounced and sharp.  He displayed his deep dimples with his wide smile and his new whitened teeth as well.  His chin was now sharp and prominent, making his already dark eyes appear even darker and deeper.  He was always a tall person, but he seemed to tower even more over my small figure.  His presence made me feel extremely nervous for some reason.  He was no longer the boy in class that I gladly ignored year after year.  He was now someone I found intimidating, for some strange reason.  He had an aura about him that exuded confidence, something I completely lacked over the years.  He was charming and entertaining among his friends, while I was often times dismissed by my other classmates for being too timid.  Seunghyun completely transformed this past year and it didn’t go unnoticed by me.

 

“What do you mean is she my mom?”

 

“The way she was acting made her seem like your mom.  She is very protective over you,” Seunghyun said while looking at me.  I felt his eyes look me up and down.  My hands turned into fists while I contained them inside of jacket pockets.  Anger began boiling inside of me while I reminded myself that I shouldn’t let his words affect me. 

 

“Well you did kick a ball at my head,” I shot back.  “I would be worried for anyone if I saw that happen.”  My voice came out quicker and stronger than expected.  Seunghyun noticed the sudden change in my attitude and began nodding his head in agreement; worrying that he was upsetting me.

 

“Yeah, again, sorry about that,” he said softly while rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.  My fists slowly became undone and I felt my heart ease back to its normal pace.  I released the breath I had been holding the entire time while he was talking.  Our first conversation in years and it was about him kicking a ball at my head.  Only I would encounter awkward situations like these. 

 

“Here.”

 

Darkness enveloped my eyes before realizing there was something heavy placed on my head.  I lifted the material with my hands and gave him a puzzled look.  Seunghyun stood next to me in only a white shirt while his jacket was placed on top of my head.  Our eyes met and he let out a small chuckle while we continued to make our way across the field.  His jacket smelt like cigarette smoke and a musky cologne brand.  Normally, I would have given him his jacket back, but the intense sunrays were making me perspire profusely at the moment.  I prayed he didn’t see me sweating thinking I was nervous or something.

 

“You were sweating a lot,” he said laughing at bit.  “Its really hot out today.”

 

So embarrassing.

 

“Thanks, but its fine,” I whispered to him.  My voice was shaking with uneasiness as I replied to him.  I slowly took of his jacket and handed it back to him.  His scent was overpowering and the last thing I wanted was my parent’s questioning me about the smell of cigarettes in my hair.  He gave me a confused looked before taking it back.  Our hands briefly made contact and I felt a small shock run through my fingers and up the length of my arm.  A small shiver made its way down my spine and I felt the goose bumps begin to rise on my arms.  My senses were overwhelmed at the moment.  My body was a nervous wreck and my nose and brain couldn’t get his unique fragrance out of my mind.    

 

“Smoking is real bad you know.”

 

His laugh filled my ears and I felt my stomach fluttering with nerves.  I have heard him laugh many times before in class with his friends.  His voice was a low rumble every time the words left his lips.  At a young age, he always had such a powerful and strong voice.  He could command the attention from anyone because of his mature voice.  His laugh was unique, even though its tone was low and deep his laugh sounded slightly like a child’s.  My lips slightly rose at its corner’s and I instantly pursed my lips together before he noticed my smile.

 

“So I’ve been told.  I’ve been really stressed lately, though.”

 

“Hmm, I’ve heard rumors.”

 

“Rumors?”

 

“Yup.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“That you’re dating an older woman and you guys elope to random places every day after school.”

 

I don’t know what came over me but I started blabbing without even thinking.  I mentally slapped myself after I realized I just put him on the spot over something that was so personal to him.  His love life was none of my business; anything about him was none of my business.  But now I appeared to be a huge snoop while I basically exposed myself as an obsessed girl to him.  I was anticipating an awkward silence.  Maybe an insult or something.  But instead I was greeted with roaring laughter escaping his mouth.  His voice rumbled my insides and I felt my body shaking at the infectious sound.  My eyes looked at him and watched as he threw his head back and clapped his hands like a performing seal.  My eyebrow rose.

 

“That’s classic.  What else have you heard?”

 

“That you lost so much weight because you are going to sign with a big name entertainment company soon.”

 

My mouth wouldn’t stop moving.  My brain was telling my mouth to shut up and be quiet but my body wasn’t listening.  The nerves that were once inside of me vanished and some sort of weird unfamiliar confidence was running through my veins.  I was not familiar with feeling this way and acting out this way to a complete stranger.  I didn’t feel like myself.  Who do I think I am?  Shut up!

 

“Well that one is actually true.  Props to who ever found that one out.”

 

“You’re really going to be a singer?”

 

“A rapper.  I like to rap.”

 

“You mean like Biggie Smalls?”

 

Seunghyun stopped in his tracks.  I saw him halt in my side vision and I turned around to look at him.  His mouth was slightly hanging from its hinges as I looked around the empty field to see what had caused him to stop moving.  Side to side, nothing but emptiness surrounded us.  His vision was aimed right towards me and I suddenly felt like I stepped over some invisible line with him.  Seunghyun stepped forward and completely invaded my personal space.  My feet retreated backwards as I looked up to him with huge eyes.

 

“You know who Biggie Smalls is?”

 

“Yes.  I like his music.”

 

“You listen to American rap music?”

 

“Yeah.  I know it doesn’t look like I would enjoy it but I actually do,” I said while smiling at him.  “I just wanna party and bull.”  My English was lacking but after many hours of replaying that song, I managed to memorize a few verses.  After realizing I had just cursed in front of him, I felt my cheeks instantly heat up from the shame.  I turned my head away from him and began to walk ahead of him.  I heard his jogging steps make his way to the side of me while his laughter filled my ears again.

 

“You’re funny.  Why haven’t we talked before?”

 

“I don’t know.  We were in the same classes since we were younger.”

 

“Hmm yeah, I remember you.  You are the one that always sat in the front row, right?”

 

“Yeah that was probably me.  I remember you were the one that always stuck gum under everyone’s seats.  Gross.”

 

Seunghyun chuckled.  “Oh yeah I remember that!  You have good memory.  You should have talked to me before so we could have hung out during all these years.”

 

“You could have talked to me too.”

 

“No way, I’m too shy.”

 

I scoffed.  “Sure, okay.  You’re one of the most popular guys in school and now you’re even going to be even more popular as a rapper.”

 

“Aww, I’m touched you think so highly of me.”

 

My teeth instantly sank down into my lower lip as I revealed my inner most thoughts about Seunghyun.  I usually wasn’t like this.  Emi was one of the only friends I had in school and even then I felt like I was a burden to her at times.  Seunghyun and I were almost at the nurse’s office when I heard him clear his throat next to me.  My eyes wandered towards his scrunched up face and I patiently waited for him to speak. 

 

“You should hang out with me and my friends sometime,” he said while directing his attention at the ground in front of us.  My head tilted to the side and I tried to get his attention.  Seunghyun caught my gaze and chuckled at my confused expression.  “They’d like you, you’re funny.  And your friend seems cool too.”

 

“Oh—uhh—yeah, I mean, sure,” I mumbled under my breath.  The words barely managed to escape my mouth before I realized I was stuttering.  “Yeah okay, I’d like that.”

 

Seunghyun smiled proudly as he opened the door for me.  I walked ahead of him and was greeted by the nurse.  I told her what had happened and she ran towards the back of the small office to grab me some ice and some medication for my headache.  Though, the few short moments I spent with Seunghyun seemed to have cleared my head of all pain and cloudiness. 

 

“You can go now, thanks for walking me though.”

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

 

“Yeah I’m fine don’t worry.  Just don’t hit me in the head again, okay?”

 

“I promise,” he said before smiling down at me.  He began walking backwards towards the exit but never breaking his gaze with me.  “Well see you around, ________.”

 

He knew my name.  After all these years, he did know who I was. 

 

That was all it took.  After years of ignoring one another and not talking, it only took a hit to the head for me to realize what I was missing all these years.  Years of social isolation and removing myself from my peers, were shattered the moment Seunghyun invited me into his world.  Those fleeting moments of me speaking my mind was what caught his attention.  Not many people were honest with him because of his intimidating presence, but for some reason, he found me interesting.  I wasn’t one of those girls that giggled and went crazy every time he walked by.  I wasn’t only interested in him after he lost all his weight, but I was purely interested in his thoughts and his life.  Emi’s role as my protector was gradually taken over by Seunghyun.  He recognized the fear in my eyes and he felt some sort of duty to constantly stand by my side.  Every door that stood before me was immediately opened by him, while I walked through with ease.  Every cut and bruise I gathered from being naturally clumsy was tended to and nursed with attention from him.  Every time an ignorant classmate teased me about answering questions in class, Seunghyun would smack them in the back of their heard before sending me a wink. 

 

He was completely beautiful in my eyes.  His heart, his face, his mind was pure and innocent.  He had the most sincere intentions and every word that left his mouth sounded like a symphony to my ears.  My heart fluttered every time he was around me.  My knees would buckle every time he wrapped his strong arm around my shoulder while we walked the halls together.  My breath would get caught in my throat every time he leaned in to kiss my forehead before we parted.  My stomach would do somersaults every time he called me by his nickname for me.  Jagi.  Seunghyun was my savior.  He saved me from my own internal fears of the outside world and ultimately he saved me from myself.  Without his support and guidance, I would have let my years in high school gone to waste without experiencing anything memorable.  He made everything memorable.  Every day we would make new inside jokes with one another.  Every moment our gazes met, was another memory engraved in my mind.  Every second with him was special to me. 

 

My lack of experience in love had me wondering about my feelings towards my best friend.  He was the only male interaction I had during my school life.  Though, I had some sort of sense to what love was from watching so many dramas in my lifetime.  The lead character would always explain how she felt whenever she was around the person she had fallen for.  Every adjective, metaphor, and synonym that was associated with love was attached to Seunghyun’s beautiful face and heart.  My innocent mind reminded myself that I was too young to fall in love, but my pounding heart was disagreeing completely. 

 

I didn’t realize that this would be the life I would share with Seunghyun. We were destined for each other.  The Gods above us created us individually to search for each other.  But our lives would consist of unresolved and unraveling feelings that left our minds and lips too late.  The clocks and calendars that graced the interiors of our minds would remind us of the time we had left.  Though, no amount of time could help us in our inevitable fate with one another. 

 

Fate was a cruel as well as Father Time.   

 

 

My hands ran over the wet grass that was beneath me.  My clothes were dirty and smelt of that familiar cigarette smoke that I grew accustomed to over the years with him.  My hands ran over my body and I remembered the way he held me throughout the night, caressing me like a mother would to her newborn child.  He was attentive and loving and everything I imagined him to be.  A sigh escaped my lips.  The small white cloud of warm breath left my lips and escaped towards the cold night sky that surrounded me.  I rested my head on the cold grass and looked up at the star-less sky.  My pounding heart never once rested ever since I left his apartment.  Even though it was the middle of winter, I felt nothing but warmth as I remembered the night we both shared. 

 

I closed my eyes again and waited.

 

Praying that faith and timing would finally be on our side tonight.

 

 

 

 

A.N.

---

14 subscribers already?! :O WOWZA.  Thank you so much everyone! :D  Seriously, I am really surprised!  I hope everyone likes the first chapter.  It may seems a bit confusing at first because we have some flashbacks going on in the beginning and the end but you'll see at the end of the story why its like that.  I am going to be updating this story slower than my other story just because I already know this one is shorter.  But I hope you al continue to read and support all my stories :D  Thanks again everyone and have a great day and happy reading!