“Donghae wait” I begged. “Don’t hang up!”

“Hyukjae?” He asked.

“Yes.” I rolled my eyes, forgetting he couldn’t actually see me.

“Hows your head? Are you okay?” He asked.

“I’m fine Donghae, listen. I’m sorry about before. I didn’t mean to run off like that-.”

“Hyukjae. Stop.” He said. By the noises in the background, I could tell he was driving. “I know what I did. I know what that makes me. It makes me a horrible person. I can’t take back what I did, no matter how much I wish I could. If you want to go, just go, I won’t stop you. I know you’re afraid, and I understand how overwhelming all this is to you. And then, you went and hit your head.”

“I’m fine.” I replied. Why isn’t he explaining his side of the story? Why is he making no effort to defend himself?

“.” He sighed heavily. “I’m so sorry Hyuk. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you in the first place. But based on your reaction I’m sort of glad I didn’t. I’m just sorry that I turned out to be a huge ing screw-up.”

“No Donghae.” I snapped. “You listen to me. I don’t know why I ran off like that, and after hearing the full story, I now know that you’re the real victim here.”

“I killed someone!” Donghae screamed. “I ended someone’s life! Nothing that I’ve done, or ever could do will ever make up for that.”

The line fell silent for a moment.

“You saved my life Donghae.” I breathed. “I could have easily hit those rocks below the water if you hadn’t pulled over to help me. And nothing I could ever do will ever be able to repay you. I literally owe you my life. You accidentally killed someone, but that’s in the past Donghae. I’ve come to my senses enough to know that the Donghae who committed that crime is not the Donghae I know. He’s the Donghae that made one stupid mistake, and is making himself pay for it for the rest of his life. The past is the past. You can’t change it, but it doesn’t make you a bad person. I lost the love of my life. Nothing I can do will ever change that. No amount of alcohol will ever wash that from my conscience. I don‘t care what you did Donghae. I don‘t care! I‘m worried about you, and I want to help you. All the emotional scars you carry, all the pain. I want to be able to be good enough to make it better. I trusted you to help me fix my life, can you trust me with the same?”

Donghae remained silent, but the sounds of cars in the distance told me he was still listening.

“Please Donghae.” I felt tears fall down my face. “Just come back home. I’m not going anywhere.”

I heard a slight sniffle and I wondered if Donghae was also crying on the other end, or if my ears were playing tricks on me.

I slowly took the phone from my ear and ended the call.

God I hope he comes home.

Kyuhyun headed back to his place, dropping off Ji-yong on the way.

I waited for Donghae.

I rubbed the sore spot on the side of my head as I lay in the darkness, waiting for the soft sound of Donghae’s footsteps coming up the stairs.

Tired of waiting, I headed down stairs to sit in the living room.

I flicked on the light, freezing at the sight of the figure sitting on the couch.

Donghae was hunched over, resting his head in his hands.

“Donghae?” My voice called through the silence.

He got to his feet, staring at me with a dark, apologetic look on his face.

His eyes are red. I felt my heart break, staring into those deep, chocolate eyes, tinged with redness, either from tiredness, or from crying.

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat.

Suddenly, I was running to him and throwing my arms around my neck and pulling his large frame into an embrace. He wrapped his arms around my back, I sighed at his touch. I never thought I could need him as much as I did.

“I’ve missed you Donghae.” I whispered. He hugged me tighter.

“I’ve missed you too Hyuk.”

***

“Are you sure your head is okay?” Donghae questioned for the millionth time. It had taken exactly twenty two hours, and a glass of hard liquor to get Donghae back to his usual self.

“For the last time, it was nothing.” I sighed. Donghae seemed to be under the impression that me falling on my face was entirely his fault and had nothing to do with my clumsiness and lack of athletic ability.

After the incident which involved me running out of the house screaming like a maniac, things had been a little tense. I had explained everything to Donghae, but I could tell he was on edge about the whole situation. Even after explaining that I needed him as much as he needed me, Donghae still insisted he was a horrible person. I wasn’t sure how I would ever manage to heal his scars, but with everything out of the air for now, we agreed not to bring it up anymore, and just let it go. We just let the elephant hover in the room, weighing us down individually. I pretended Donghae didn’t know about it, Donghae acted the same.

Personally, I really wasn’t quite sure how I felt about the whole situation. I knew the idea of Donghae’s mistake and jail time didn’t bother me anymore. The only thing that still kept me tossing and turning at night, was the thought of everything he’d been through, as well as what else I still didn’t know about him.

It didn’t matter though. I trusted Donghae. More than I’ve ever trusted anyone before.

I felt my heart ache at the very thought of him going through all the pain he’d suffered.

Almost two days later, Donghae and I sat at the kitchen table while Donghae poured himself an extremely hearty bowl of cereal. Or to be more exact, a bowl of sugar with a hint of other stuff.

“Oh yeah.” Donghae laughed. “I never did show you what I brought back from Paris for you.”

My face lit up.

“You bought me something from Paris?” I asked in excitement.

Donghae nodded, fixing the cuffs of his sleeves.

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