That night was a tragedy for Daehyun.  Not only had he lost the first person to ever support him in every way, but he also lost the ability to do what he enjoyed most: singing.  I still remember his insanely worried expression that he wore the entire night he lied in the hospital bed.  He seemed as if he felt no pain from his three broken ribs.  All I could see were the tears streaming down his cheeks as he waited desperately for someone to tell us that Jongup was okay.  Nurses came in later that night to inform us that Jongup was running low on blood.  Daehyun, unable to move from his unstable condition, was staring at us with wide eyes, because he knew—none of us had B bloodtype.  None of us could save Jongup.  At that time, we did not know that he had lost his voice.  But when the doctor came in later that night with a grim look plastered on his stressed face, we knew what had happened.  “I’m sorry,” the doctor said, and it was all Daehyun needed.  Our vocalist opened his mouth to scream at the news, to cry and beg them to say that they were lying.  The thing was, we heard nothing.  The members and I watched as Daehyun’s lips moved desperately, struggling to make way for words to escape, but no sounds were made.  It was then that we realized that Daehyun’s voice was gone.

            “Was it my fault, hyung?” Daehyun wrote on a notepad one night and handed it to me before he made himself comfortable in his bed.  He had been discharged from the hospital three months ago and since then, he had not been eating well.  Daehyun was thin now, too thin for his own good.  I read his question sorrowfully before turning to look at him.

            “It was not,” I replied, not to comfort him with a lie, but to reassure him with the truth.  “We’ve gone through this at court.  The reckless driver behind you was at fault, Dae-ah.  Don’t blame yourself for something you didn’t do.”

            Daehyun nodded at me hesitantly, and I knew that he was still having a hard time accepting the facts.  He seemed unconvinced, but I knew that with time, he would understand.

            We sent Daehyun to a physical therapist with the compensation money the moment his body was healed.  She struggled with him, because he refused to cooperate often.  Daehyun was heartbroken, we knew, because every day, the members and I wondered… How was it possible for Daehyun to live happily without the things he loved most?  The therapist did everything she could, exercising his vocal chords and leading him through her procedures step by step.  Unfortunately, nothing was successful.  After months, she finally gave up and apologized to us, claiming that she could do no more and that Daehyun’s voice was gone—permanently.

            “It’s been two years, hyung,” Youngjae mentions in his strained voice from the recent stress the members have been through.  “How long can Daehyun keep this up?”

            Three months ago, Daehyun had finally fallen into depression.  He had been sleeping every night in a hospital bed since then, constantly observed by supervisors in order to make sure that he wouldn’t do anything troublesome.  We did not want to believe that he was the type to commit suicide, but with such circumstances, the members and I wouldn’t be surprised if he did.  However, Daehyun had assured us that he would never do such a thing, that he was not selfish, and that he would stay because it was the right thing to do.  We trusted him of course, and visited him every day to make sure he had at least a small bowl of food every day.  Daehyun needed at least some type of nutrition in his body.  But with his weight decreasing steadily, we knew the amount of nutrition wasn’t enough.

            “I don’t know,” I reply to our other lead vocalist.  I wasn’t lying—my mind was just as clueless as Youngjae’s was.  But one thing, we all knew for sure.  Seeing Daehyun in such a situation hurt us all—we couldn’t take his cadaverous expression any longer.

            “I’ve spent an entire night in the hospital with Daehyun-hyung before,” maknae Junhong mutters in the midst of the silence.  None of the members have heard this story that he was about to tell.  “Yongguk-hyung…”

            Junhong stares at me with tears threatening to fall from his eyes.  In a hushed voice, he forces the rest of his story out, “Daehyun-hyung talks in the middle of the night when everyone else is sleeping.  Hyung probably thought I was sleeping, too, and he most likely didn’t notice me in the room with him.  But that’s not important, hyung.  The thing is, I see him moving his lips and staring out the window, but I hear nothing.  It’s as if he’s talking still.”

            Himchan is aghast after our magnae’s narration finally sinks in.  With his eyes wide open, he stares at me in disbelief because we were all aware that Daehyun never said anything to us ever since that day.  He never bothered to mouth words at us after the night of his silent screams.  Everything he tried to say, he wrote onto a notepad.

            “But that’s not it, hyung,” Junhong interrupts my train of thought and he scoots to the edge of his seat on the couch.  “Daehyun-hyung even broke into a smile that night.  For once, I saw him happy.”

            The members and I share a moment in silence, and when we finally make eye contact with each other after what seems like an eternity, we reach a conclusion together.  No words are exchanged as we stand up and head out the door.  I take the wheel of the car and head towards Daehyun’s location.

            “His health is not improving,” the nurse informs us as she exits the room we are about to answer.  I sigh and I nod before pushing open the door and guiding the rest of the members in.  We see Daehyun asleep with wires connected to his fragile body that almost appeared like a corpse and a needle pinned lightly into his inner arm.  Daehyun’s breathing is slow and uneasy as he inhales and exhales in his slumber.  It’s a heartbreaking sight that I try to avoid for a short amount of time as I take a glance at the monitor that displays his heartbeat.  It’s slow, and I’m not sure whether it is because he is sleeping or because he is ill.

            “My heart beats so fast when I’m with Jongup,” Daehyun had admitted to me six months after our group met for the first time.  He seemed to trust me a lot since day one, and I was amused to see my dongsaeng so joyful.  I laughed at our lead vocalist, and gave him the best advice I could think of at the moment.

            “Give it a shot, Daehyun-ah,” because I knew Jongup had a thing for him, too.  And I wasn’t wrong.

            Listening to the sloth-like beeps of the monitor drove me insane.  The members witness this as they watch me questioningly, wondering why their leader was in such a deep thought.  I sigh and shake out of my trance.  We sit in the quiet room patiently, waiting for the minute that Daehyun’s body will choose to wake him up.

            It does an hour later when we witness his fingers twitch and his eyes gradually flutter open.  I shake our magnae to wake him up.  Daehyun displays a puzzled expression—he’s probably wondering why we are here so early in the morning.  Youngjae approaches him steadily with the small bowl of rice we prepared for his breakfast.  It was useless trying to feed Daehyun large amounts of food anymore—he stubbornly refused to eat and after many attempts, the members and I finally agreed to respect his decisions.

            When he is done, Daehyun rests in silence, obviously because he is unable to speak.  However, we don’t try to start any conversations like we normally do.  I am aware of the many different confused expressions that appear on our vocalist’s face.  The stillness of the room probably made him uncomfortable though, because soon, we catch him gazing out into the morning behind the window.

            “That’s what he did the other night,” Junhong whispers into my ear and I observe as Daehyun’s lips tremble, almost as if he is trying to speak.

            “I can’t take it anymore,” I state as I stand up and pace over to the vocalist’s side.  He still continues observing the outdoors though.  It’s pitiful, and it pains us all to see Daehyun so broken, as if he is just waiting for death to come and engulf him.  “Daehyun-ah, it hurts, doesn’t it?”

            Daehyun turns his gaze towards me and just stares at me for a while, trying to comprehend my question.  As soon as he realizes that I am referring to his mental pain and not his physical pain, he nods sincerely.  I turn my face to the side for a moment, so I can avoid his conflicted eyes, but that doesn’t turn out as a good idea when I see Youngjae on his chair, fiddling around with his fingers speechlessly as his eyes watch Daehyun with sympathy.  When one member is hurt, we are all hurt.

            “You don’t have to do this anymore, Dae,” I sigh, standing awkwardly and waiting for him to show some kind of response.  The vocalist only lies there questioningly though.

            Himchan finally decides to stand up and assist me in this complicated task.  He gently grabs Daehyun’s hand, causing the boy to flinch, and lightly yet comfortingly brushes his hand over it.

            “Daehyun, we know you’ve been hurting,” Himchan begins and I nod in agreement.  “But it hurts us more to see you hurt.  We’ve thought about it long enough, and if seeing Jongup will make you happy, then we want you to be happy.  We’ll be okay.”

            Daehyun stares at us in disbelief.  Then he does something extraordinarily unexpected.  Daehyun mouths his first word to us in two years.  What?  It’s not much, but we can tell he’s desperate for clarification.

            “We know you long for Jongup every single day,” I explain, my voice slowly breaking in front of the younger.  This is the first time my members will ever witness my tears.  “But it’ll be all right.  You’re ill, Daehyun-ah.  If you can’t take this pain anymore, you can go.  We will support whatever decision that you make.”

            Youngjae and Junhong join and stand by Daehyun’s other side.  We examine the lead vocalist’s face that is steadily coated with tears when they finally begin to fall from his sorrow, yet grateful eyes.  When his crying stops, he mouths his last words at us and no member misses it.  Thank you.  That’s when the tears finally fall from me, landing onto the hospital’s bed sheets, and when I glance at the other members, they have already been crying since earlier.  The constant beeps of the monitor fall slower and slower in speed, and I know that Daehyun’s pain is almost over.  His heartbeat may slow down now, but it is guaranteed to accelerate when he meets with Jongup again.  And that thought satisfies us all.  We each shift our gazes from the bed sheets to Daehyun once more, whose tears have left behind stains on his cheeks.  But nonetheless, the vocalist’s sobs have halted and all that is left is his extremely calm, yet blatantly grateful face.  He opens his mouth once more and repeats the words from before that he still cannot pronounce audibly.  Thank you.

            The beeps that the monitor emits finally vanish and Himchan holds onto the limp hand a while longer, his fingers still lingering on the cold skin.  When he lets go, the nurse comes in, but after noticing the looks on our faces, she does not bother to inform us on Daehyun’s updated condition.  Because we already know.  Junhong finally bursts into loud sobs and we all crowd together, becoming each other’s only comfort.  The tears come back and pour once more.  But everything is all right, because we know that Daehyun’s pain is gone and that is now in a better place.

            Daehyun awakens and all he sees is white.  He’s in a completely blank and empty space, and it’s obviously not a room, because Daehyun cannot find any walls in the never-ending white.  The vocalist takes some time to absorb his vacant surroundings.  That’s when he notices a figure in the distance, and the silhouette is too familiar to his deprived eyes.  Before he knows it, Daehyun is running.  He’s scrambling towards that shadow, because he is so extremely desperate and hopeful now.

            “Take it slow, Dae,” he hears and Daehyun is crying, because he recognizes that voice.  He would never misidentify it.  The vocalist sprints forward at that figure, his eyes never ripping away because they just can’t.

            When he reaches this silhouette, Daehyun closes his eyes and stands there in silence catching his breath.  He inhales deeply and once his breath is released, Daehyun’s doe-like eyes gently open to be met with the smile he hadn’t seen for so incredibly long.  He doesn’t know when he starts smiling, but Daehyun does and soon, he’s laughing from joy.  Jongup’s eyes form crescents as he returns the smile just as happily and without any more thought, the dancer pulls Daehyun into a longing embrace.

            “I’ve missed you, hyung,” he mutters under his breath and he feels Daehyun nod into his shoulder, as well as the vocalist’s tears moistening his sleeve.

            Daehyun is aware of his own tears, but what he doesn’t know at the moment is that his sobs are producing sound.

            “Speak, hyung.”

            And Daehyun backs away from the younger male in surprise.  He opens his mouth to say something, but after two years of disabled vocal chords, his first attempt to speak fails.  Daehyun tries again nonetheless and this time, Jongup can hear it.

            “I’ve missed you, too, Jongup,” Daehyun smiles at the sound of his voice being audible once again.  But this smile fades away suddenly and he looks up at Jongup with the depression returning to his irises.  “I’m sorry I left the members.  You must be frustrated with me.”

            Jongup’s smile is still visible though as he takes Daehyun’s hands into his.  He brushes the elder’s bangs away from his eyes and takes that moment to express his admiration for the other through no more than a gaze.  “I am not mad,” Jongup says and he tugs at Daehyun’s hands, signaling for the vocalist to come closer.  Daehyun steps forward.  “What matters now is your happiness.  The members will agree.”

            “It was my fault that night.”

            “It was not,” Jongup sighs and finally, the upwards curve on his lips is gone.  “I shouldn’t have abandoned you.  I should have stayed by your side.”

            “What matters now,” Daehyun repeats the other’s previous words, “is that you’re by my side.” 

-------------------------------------

A/N: I checked my account and realized that today is the day that marks my one-month anniversary on Asian FanFics!  Thank you so much for the support.  I wrote this to show my appreciation.  Because I don't have much time on my hands, I did not get the chance to revise this, but I will some time soon!  I hope you guys enjoyed it and again, thank you so much for the endless encouragement. :)