ONE.

"Hey," I say tapping my pencil on my notebook. "Sup," he nods his head in acknowledgement. I don't know why that simple movement makes me nervous. I never know when he is okay with me speaking to him. I know he does not like to be seen with me. I know he would much rather pretend that I do not exist, but I have to try, right? "Um, I noticed that you're kinda struggling with the material. Do you need help?" Confusion and irritation briefly warp his features before being replaced by his detatched expression. I don't know what I was expecting; he is always like this. 

"You calling me dumb?" he responds curtly.

"Huh? No, I was just...well...maybe you and I can hang out later? Just as friends. You know, nothing special."

I wait in nervous anticipation, anxiously watching his expression. There is nothing there. Emotionless as usual.

"Nah I'm good," he says, never looking at me. The sharp tinge of rejection hits me in the chest and I feel my cheeks turn red. "Okay," I say barely above a whisper. I know, I should be used to it by now. His nonchalance is routine. Disregard for those around him so common that acknowledgment, let alone compassion, is shocking. I can't figure out who is more hopeless, me or him. I internally chastize myself for trying, for assuming that maybe one day things will be different.

"You're so weird," he says still ignoring my presence, but noticing my internal monologue. "Thanks," I say as I get up and move to another seat. I stumble over to another table, too distracted to notice the slight ruckus I make. I just want to get away from the situation as fast as I can, and by situation I mean him. I don't know why I continue to embarass myself like this. 

"Miss Carson, is there a problem?" my teacher asks. Today is not the day for her to single me out. I am definitely not in the mood to bicker with anyone.

I just roll my eyes. "I can't see the board," I reply aggravated.

"I am sorry, but you will have to go back and sit with your partner. This is group work," she states firmly.

Ugh, .

Returning to my seat next to him, I feel the same butterflies rise in my stomach as the first time I laid eyes on him. It's sad really. I mean, I feel as if I have no contol over this. It's almost like -

"Why'd you do that, dummy?" My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of his voice.

I turn to him puzzled, "What do you mean?"

As usual, he sighs an exaggerated sigh and shakes his head. "Nothing, just shut up," is his response.

I am so fed up with being treated like this! I don't care if I am in love with him, I do not have to tolerate him being rude to me. "Why are you such a ? You're always rude to me!" I whisper angrily. I don't want to draw attention to our conversation. I'm pretty sure the nosey teacher will call us out for talking during class.

"Am I supposed to be nice to you?"

"Well, you could try." My voice comes out so meek and submissive that it makes me angry. I don't know where this passivism comes from

Scrunching up his face in indignation, he turns to look at me, "It was a rhetorical question."

Like a silly schoolgirl, I am caught in my feelings again once our eyes meet. Those beautiful brown eyes are to die for. He's so breathtaking. It's not often that I get to look at him up close. People generally tend to avoid me, and he is no exception. I cannot blame them though. I don't exactly go out of my way to talk to anyone or make friends. I pretty much have my head stuck in a book, either reading or writing, or I'm fawning over him. Just like I am now. 

"Breathe, you idiot," he says, shaking his head again.

"Shut up I am breathing" I blush as I turn away quickly. I don't want him to see me like this, all weak and . "And you're gonna stop insulting me."

He snorts, "Yeah, okay. Who are you?" My head drops as silence is my response. "Exactly."

That was a low blow

Who am I? Nobody. Hell, even I don't know where I really come from, who I really am. I still feel like an orphan. Just a kid that no one wants. Why would he ever love a nobody like me? He's fairly popular and I'm just a weird kid. We don't fit together; we never have. My mind just likes to manipulate itself to ease my heart , but I know the real truth. I dont understand myself because it hurts, but it feels so good. I hate this feeling! Why won't it just go away?

"You know, you're an . You'd probably have more friends if you didn't act like a jackass every time someone spoke to you," I hiss in anger. I shouldn't allow him to get me riled up like this. Who is he to make me feel happy with his attention, but also rejected and lost by his words?

"Pshh, and I'm supposed to take social advice from you?" he laughs mockingly, obviously jabbing at my non-existent social life.

In an effort to stop the tears threatening to fall ove my eyelids, I blurt the first thing that comes to my mind. "I really don't like you," I state coldly, hoping to make him feel the pain I feel; experience my torture for once.He studies my face and body language for a minute, trying to read me I guess, then opens his mouth to speak. Suddenly, the bell dismissing us from school rings loudly overhead. Kids get up and scramble, leaving the room desolate, each of them probably having something to do or someone to meet in their haste. I meet his gaze as he also gathers his things to leave, willing his eyes to pierce through my soul.

Please see it, see me.

I want him to understand, I wanna just spill it all out right now. It's like a relentless force bearing down on a weakened lamb. 

Please see me.

He leans down toward my ear and the aroma of his cologne intoxicates me. I want to just fall into his arms."No one asked you to," he finally replies, his voice fierce and frigid, making the impact on me that I had attempted to make on him. I sit there speechless as he walks out.

Touche.

"Let's go, I dont have time for you to waste," he calls back to me.

I let out a long sigh, pick up my belongings and head to brother's car. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that he is my brother?

Surprised? >:) 

Still waiting on the poster, but I wanted to give this to y'all. Hope you like it!