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I slowly opened my eyes as the Sun’s glorious rays awoken me. Smiling to myself, I could feel the soothing warmth hitting my face. My smile soon faltered realising where I was, and where I have been for the last 14 months. I laid on my death bed. Slow, steady beeps resounded around the room and for the umpteenth time, my eyes surveyed the area that I’ve become familiar with for the past months. Photo frames rested tiredly on the white windowsill and pictures occupied the four walls. Despite the amount of natural light being emitted into the fairly large room, it felt like I was in the dark. 

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For the past 6 years, I was alone. No siblings, no other relatives; none that cared, anyway. I always thought to myself, “Don’t depend on anyone, Sandara, because even your shadow leaves you when you’re in darkness”, and that’s just what I did. For the past 6 years, I was shunned by the people I called ‘family’. In those years, my life was hell. I was treated horribly by those I adored, but I guess I deserved it; I never showed them any care nor love. However, I did care for them. Because of my disease, I didn’t want to burden my loved ones so instead, I pushed them away. That way, when I finally leave the earth, no one would miss me. No one would mourn for their loss. I was doing it for them.

My thoughts were interrupted when a young, attractive doctor walked into my hospital room. Room 117; my second home, as I’d like to call it. I’ve practically been living here half my life. Room 117; it smelled of medicine and chemicals. I’ve become accustomed to the smell, so it doesn’t bother me anymore. Room 117; the room that I’ve been living in for the past 14 months, and probably the room I will soon die in.

I turned to look at the doctor that was currently checking my status and monitors. He looked down at me and gave me a reassuring smile. The corners of my lips twitched as I weakly returned his smile. Ji; short for Kwon Jiyong. The only person who’s ever taken care of me properly. He was not only my doctor, but a very close friend. He would constantly check up on me even when he’s off duty; and I’m very thankful for that. Over the last couple of months, our relationship continuously developed. He was no longer just a friend, but someone special. 

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I snapped out of my trance as I felt the cold liquid of the medicated injection coursing through my body. My body trembled as my heart beat wildly. My chest heaved deeply as I tried to calm my racing heart. I clutched my chest to ease the pain that circulated through my body. After finally successfully returning to my normal state, I looked up at Jiyong who had a concerned look etched on his flawless face. With frail movements, I reached for his hand and squeezed it, putting him at ease.

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He left my room a couple minutes later after triple checking and affirming that everything was in order. The feeling of loneliness soon began to eat up my insides. He made me feel so alive and free again that every time he leaves my room it felt as if I was living in the past; no one to lend a shoulder for me to cry on, no one to run to when I needed comfort. I didn’t want to think about it anymore. I tightly shut my eyes, forcing myself to sleep, trying to ignore the painful feeling in my heart. In no time, I felt myself drifting off to Dreamland.

As I stood on the soft sandy beach, I could feel the cool refreshing breeze playing at my long wavy hair. I gazed into the beautiful horizon while watching the calming waves crash against the nearby rocks. I closed my eyes as I tilted my head back absorbing the warm afternoon sun. The sound of seagulls calling each other filled my ears as I listened with tranquility. It was a relaxing day, and what better to spend it than being outdoors. I sat down on the seashore and hugged my knees. I leaned my chin on top of my arms and admired the scenery before my eyes. This was the life.

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A jolt of pain suddenly pierced my insides. However, I was not effected by it whatsoever as it was a familiar feeling. I knew what was to come. My time was coming to an end and I welcomed it with open arms. I unhurriedly stood up and casually strolled across the seaside. The cold water swallowed my feet as I walked calmly, feeling alive for the first time. Murmurs could be heard in the distance as I neared closer and closer.

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I gradually opened my eyes to see nurses and doctors frantically moving around my bed as Jiyong was shouting orders to the people present. Fear consumed his eyes as he  continuously fired orders, telling the others what to do. I inwardly smiled knowing that there was at least one person who cared for me. I felt him squeeze my hand one last time as I fell into an eternal slumber.

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