The little cpop group that could finally couldn’t anymore. She says MissTER is still a unit. She says she took herself out of the group to save it.

I’m not sure she went about it the right way. It was a complete shock when she announced it to a reporter before even telling any of us. Ever since, it’s been chaos.

I feel bad that she gets rude emails from fans, but I feel worse that she couldn’t have made a formal announcement – first to us, and then to the fans – before dishing to the press.

I expected she could have at least confided in me when she started to feel the need to quit the band. We’ve always been a team, her and me. Before she recruited the others, An Na and I always collaborated. Together, we helped train them. When she was hard on Niu Nai, I helped smooth things over. When she and Zi Lun butted heads, I intervened until they each cooled off.

I trusted her and I thought she trusted me. Yet, apparently, confiding in some random reporter was more logical than talking to me first. Yes, I’m ticked off. Yes I was angry and hurt at first, but now I just want things to get worked out. I hate having to tiptoe around the company HQ in case I offend anyone. I’m afraid of losing my job, so I take on as many challenges as they throw at me. My immune system is shot, so I keep getting colds, and my chronic back problems keep acting up. I’m teaching so many dance classes that I forget the choreography for my personal projects.

Am I supposed to be enjoying myself with this workload from hell? I think An Na automatically assumed that if she quit the group, I would have to take over. Though she hasn’t said so, I can’t help but feel that the projects she assigns to me are tests. Maybe she wants to see if I can handle the pressure in case she decides to appoint me MissTER’s new leader.

I’m patient and I work hard, but there are only so many hours in a day. Why can’t she distribute the tasks more evenly? Did she seriously have to make me the leader of Coser when Zhe Qiao could have easily fit the bill? Sure, I would have still had to do their choreography, but I would be spared of public appearances, TV show tapings, and straining my vocal chords for a project I’m not interested in. Instead, Qiao is off who-knows-where, doing who-knows-what. Why hasn’t she been at the office or the studio in months? Has An Na allotted her a vacation I wasn’t aware of? Oh, I forgot, I’m just a lowly employee – nobody tells me anything. I’d call Qiao and ask her myself, but she’s been standoffish after learning about my involvement with Coser. Maybe she too, thought she was a better choice for the role of leader.

And where the hell has Niu Nai disappeared to? I know she has an outside job, but did she just completely forget about us? I thought we were on good terms, yet she never calls to see how I’m doing. When I try to contact her, she’s always busy. Somewhere along the way, did I offend her? Or is she just not the sweet girl I always thought she was?

Zi Lun said she hasn’t heard from her either. Oh, Zi Lun...at least one person in this doomed group remained true. We haven’t had many opportunities to hang out because of my loaded schedule, but she often leaves me cute text messages and checks up on me when I’m feeling under the weather.

Even though she’s still seething over what transpired between her and An Na, she sounds so eager to get back to work. When we recorded our first CD, she was still wearing braces, and An Na only gave her minimal harmony vocals. She was so excited to get back into the studio now that she can enunciate properly, but it never happened. I think An Na was jealous of the compositions Zi Lun had been working on, so I wonder if they would have ended up on the cutting room floor. Though An Na felt threatened by Zi Lun, I think she was also pretty fond of her. I’ve tried many times since An Na quit, to let Zi Lun know, but she’s hardheaded and won’t hear any of it.

I think the bottom line is that Zi Lun just wants to sing and dance. The sooner the better, especially if she no longer needs to compete with An Na. As bandmates, they’d continue getting on each other’s nerves, but with An Na in management and Zi Lun as artiste, I think it might work out.

Although I’m worn out, I too just want to be back to work as part of MissTER. If we could dissolve Coser or turn them into a trio, I’d have much more time to devote to the band I was actually hired to be part of.

While prioritizing my schedule, I realized I had to make some choices. I gave An Na an ultimatum. Two months. If she can’t work things out with Zi Lun and put the broken pieces of MissTER back together again, I need to quit the company. I can’t compromise my personal projects, or my health for amateur gigs. My recent teammates are below my standards. I trained them because it’s my job, but honestly, this job is taking its toll on me.

I have little hope that An Na can turn things around in two months, but some part of me wishes my conditional resignation speeds up the process.

I didn’t say I’d quit to threaten An Na. I did it to save my sanity and keep my love for performing arts alive. Qiao, Niu Nai and Zi Lun were like family. We were an artistic match even with our different skill sets. The girls in Coser are nice, but I don’t identify with them like I did with the MissTER gang. I want my family back. I want An Na to want the same thing. Even if she remains in management, couldn’t she watch over us like a godparent? Speaking on behalf of my (ex?) bandmates, I’d make sure she’d be proud of us. She claims she wants to recruit a new leader to take her place. Until she finds someone, I don’t mind being that leader. I’ll round up the troops if our “boss” puts in as much of an effort as we will.