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20.12

It all happened very fast.

Faster than a blink of an eye.

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It happened very fast. A while ago he was just happily playing soccer with his friends. Mud and grasses all get kicked with their feet itching to get the ball. He was playing enthusiastically, not even bothering if he gets drenched both by his sweat and the slightly pouring rain. He was busy playing with his friends that the next things that happened were a blur. It happened very fast. Faster than a blink of an eye.

 

Now, he was laying on the ground, his eyes tightly shut. And he intends to keep them that way as he tries to fathom everything that happened. He scanned his brain for memories of that cloudy afternoon. He remembered that he was playing football, the sports he enjoyed the most. But what he cannot remember were the things that happened next. With furrowed brows and eyes shut tighter, he keeps on remembering what happened. But everything is hazy. All he remembers are booming, crackling sounds, sounds of shaking ground. Screams and cries of help and then, nothing.

 

He gave up and decided to open his eyes to see what was happening. He squinted when he opened his eyes as light immediately flashes upon them. The sky still looks the same as he remembers it – gray and hazy. But it doesn’t look like the sky that is about to rain; it looks like a sky covered in smoke that mixed with the wet and chilly atmosphere. He can tell it because the surrounding smelled of trees and other materials. He tries to get up, supporting himself with his right hand but then, “Ah!” He felt a sharp pain from his hand, causing him to fall back. He examined it and realized it was broken. He also realized that it was not only his right hand that hurts but also his whole body.

 

He slowly sat and examined himself. Aside from a broken right hand, there were scratches and bruises all over him. He felt a sharp throbbing pain in his head. He lifts his hand to massage his aching head but he felt something wet and sticky instead. When he looked at it, crimson liquid was slowly dripping. “,” he cursed.

 

He sighed deeply at the mess that he was. But he gasped at the mess in his surroundings. Burnt trees, fallen buildings, dead bodies, they were all that he could see. And the soccer field where they were playing hours ago was almost gone; half of it swallowed by the ground. He stared in terror at his dead playmates. ‘So I’m still goddamn lucky in this condition.’

 

Limping, he went out of the soccer field. Everything was in ruin. ‘Did it happen, that ing prophecy?’ Doojoon was one of the people who did not believe in the 2012 apocalypse prophecy. He refused to believe it. Why would he believe in some ancient hypothesis made by some ancient people? The world today could create the technology that may compute when the world will end, yet no one was able to. Then, what can you expect from the people in the past? ‘God only knows when the world will end.’ It’s something he believes in. And even though he is standing in the midst of the prophecy’s reality, he still refused to believe in it. ‘It must be just some major earthquake.’

 

Doojoon started worrying about his other members. He wondered if they are still alive. He tries to convince himself that they are still alive. His anxiety heightened and paranoia is slowly striking him when he sees no sign of living people. Is he the only human alive? If he is so, ‘then I’m better off dead instead of being alive.’ What’s the use of living when those you love left you? When you’re the only one left?

 

He wonders whether Gikwang and Dongwoon have safely left their dorm. He wonders whether Yoseob who went out for a walk has found a safe place to stay. He wonders if Junhyung is a-okay with Hara, if Hyunseung has gone back to their dorm in one piece after visiting his father’s grave.  He wonders where they are, if they are all fine.

 

The worry of s being dead occupied most of his thoughts that he almost fell on a huge crack on the ground. He admits that even though he wished that he died as well (if his co-members are dead); it scared the hell out of him. He continues to walk through the chaos more carefully this time yet still thinking about them when the rain started pouring again, washing the dried mixture of blood and mud in his body.

 

He looked from left to right looking for shelter. And in the middle of turmoil, there he found a Catholic church still standing still, whose only half of the roof got destroyed. He carefully went to the church avoiding cracks and lifeless bodies. The door creaked loudly in the silence when he opened it. He was amazed by how the church stood still despite everything that happened. ‘There is really a miracle,’ he thought. ‘There really is.’ He said to himself when he saw a figure of a small boy sitting in one of the church’s benches – alive and breathing.

 

Doojoon’s hope of having s alive increased. He approached the boy who was singing a sad song, his angelic voice echoing inside the empty church. His angelic voice… it was something familiar. He grabbed the boy’s shoulder and spun him around. His heart raced when he saw who it was. Those eyes, that nose, those lips… “Yoseob,” he said which sounded more like exhaled breath.

 

Yoseob stared back at him in shock tears slowly forming in his eyes. “D-Doojoon-hyung!” he exclaimed. They immediately hugged each other, their shirts getting wet from their flowing tears. “You’re alive.”

 

“And so are you.” Doojoon wiped his tears. He sat beside the lead vocalist of their group and gave him a hug. Seeing Yoseob, his hopes of having his other members alive and kicking has greatly increased, and has urged him to search for the other guys.

Doojoon sniffed and stared at Yoseob. Just like him, the younger boy was covered in scratches and wounds. His forehead has a small cut and blood was slowly dripping and forming a clot. “We should treat your wounds.”

 

Yoseob chuckled. “I’m fine, hyung. These are just minor wounds. We should treat you instead.” He pointed to Doojoon’s broken arm and bleeding head. He looked around the empty church and went to its altar pulling the white cloth in the altar table. He went back to his leader, tore the cloth and used it as a bandage to mend Doojoon’s broken arm. Yoseob used the same cloth forming a triangle and tying it around Doojoon’s neck and placed his arm in it while the remaining cloth, he used to wrapped around Doojoon’s head.

 

Doojoon thanked his dongsaeng. Together with him, they gathered broken woods and started building a fire to keep them warm. It was getting dark and the atmosphere was getting colder. When the fire was lit they sat in front of it, side by side. There was only silence between them, as they stare as the fire’s red and orange flames.

 

“Do you think they’re still alive?” Yoseob asked breaking the silence.

“Hmm?”

Yoseob repeated this question, this time softer, sadder. “Do you think that the others are still alive?”

 

Doojoon wasn’t able to reply to his dongsaeng right away. He continued to stare at the mixture of red and orange blaze in front of him. He doesn’t want to think that the others are already dead. He convinces himself that they are still alive. But remembering how ruined the places he walked along the way, it hard to convince that they are, still, breathing.

 

“Let’s just hope that they are.” That was the only thing he could say to Yoseob.

 

For the next minutes they sat beside each other in front of the bonfire. Yoseob was resting his head on his shoulder, his eyes closed. Doojoon was still deep in his thoughts thinking of the others. He was waiting for a miracle to happen – for the church door to open and behind it his other members, alive. Breathing, smiling.

 

Doojoon sighed. ‘If only it could happen.’ He shook his head and rested it as well on Yoseob’s He closed his eyes and soon enough sleepiness was dawning on him. However the thoughts about his other members still occupy his mind, making it hard for him to sleep. Then he decided on one thing.

 

Doojoon stood up, waking Yoseob from his sleep and went towards the church door.

“Where are you going, hyung?” Yoseob asked as he follows Doojoon.

Doojoon stopped in his tracks. “I’m going to look for the others.”

“I’ll go with you then.”

“No. Stay here,” Doojoon said sternly.

But Yoseob continued to argue. “Come on, hyung. You can’t go alone. Just look at you.” Doojoon looked at himself. Head covered in cloth as well as a broken right arm. His dongsaeng was right but he can’t afford to risk him in danger. “It’s better if I go with you. You’ll surely need a helping hand. Plus…” Yoseob looked down tears slowly welling up in the corner of his eyes. “I’m afraid to stay here all by myself. I’m afraid… that you won’t be able to come back anymore.”

 

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‘Oh God…’

 

He felt his knees weaken at the sight before his eyes. The apartment where their dorm is had fallen to pieces. Doojoon had expected it. He knew it was useless to go here, seeing the damage the apocalypse has caused when they walk on their way towards the apartment. ‘At least we tried.’ Doojoon thought, cheering himself.

 

He looked at Yoseob who was gaping at the horrible sight. Yoseob looked back at him and even though he was not speaking his thoughts aloud, Doojoon knew, from the look in his eyes that Yoseob thinks the same thing he was thinking. ‘They’re gone.’

 

They turned their backs against the destroyed building and was about to go back to the church when they heard shuffling noises and a faint voice. They looked for the place where the voice is and found themselves in the front of the apartment lobby which was now in pieces. There, they found their blond maknae trying to lift the small debris of the fallen apartment.

 

“Dongwoon-ah!” Doojoon and Yoseob exclaimed altogether. Dongwoon looked at the two of them shocked (probably because they’re still alive after everything that happened). He calls back at them without removing his hands from the large block of cement.

 

“Would you mind helping me lift this hyung?  Gikwang-hyung got trapped underneath!”

“G-Gikwang?” They immediately went to help him. Doojoon cursed himself wishing his right arm wasn’t broken. ‘It’d be a lot easier.’ Their blood and wound-covered body didn’t help either.

 

The three of them struggled with the debris. Gikwang was lying on the floor, half of his body under the piece of cement wall. Even though he was hurt and squirming underneath the wreckage, he was still encouraging them. After a few minutes of struggling with the debris, Doojoon, together with Yoseob and Dongwoon were able to lift the large block of cement.  Doojoon picked up Gikwang whose legs got broken. Yoseob and Dongwoon supported him as they walked back to the church.

 

Doojoon leads the way back. On the way he finds a destroyed convenience store. He went to it with Yoseob and they went to look for things that they could use. They scavenged cups of ramen, canned foods, anything that could be eaten and used. When they were done, they continue on their way back to the church.

 

Doojoon now walks behind s looking after their backs. While on their way, something caught Doojoon’s eye.

 

“Can you all go back first without me?”

Yoseob, Dongwoon and Gikwang halted and looked back at him over their shoulders.

“I’m just going somewhere. You know the way back right, Yoseob?”

Yoseob hesitated for a moment, “Ah yes. I do, um, remember.”

Doojoon instructed him to lead the way back and to take care of Gikwang and Dongwoon.

“I promise I’ll be back. If I don’t come back sooner or later,” he looked at them sternly and swallowed hard. “Look for me.” With that, Doojoon went off.

 

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Yoseob, Dongwoon and Doojoon found their way back to the church. When they opened the church door, Yoseob was surprised to see two figures huddled in front of the fire, he and Doojoon made. He was sure he and Doojoon were the only people in the church when they left so he was shock to see the two strangers. Yoseob know they’re both men but he could not make up what they look like because their backs were facing him. The dimly-lit church didn’t help either.

Yoseob was taking a second look at the figures when the church door suddenly closed – because of the strong wind blowing outside – creating a loud booming noise across the silent minster.

 

Yoseob and the two members almost jumped in surprise. The two strangers were surprised too ­­­and looked at the back of the church. The two groups were even more surprised when they laid their eyes on each other.

 

“Junhyung-hyung! Hyunseung-hyung!” Yoseob, Dongwoon and Gikwang exclaimed altogether.

The two older guys called out for them as well and run towards them. Junhyung and Hyunseung went to help the younger members in assisting Gikwang. They placed him on the floor in front of the fire and they all sat beside each other.

 

For a moment no one was speaking a word. They just stared at each other. Their black orbs had a mixture of happiness, astonishment and gratefulness in them. ‘Thank God they’re alive.’ Those were the words that were conveyed in their eyes but they can’t say out loud.

 

Junhyung broke the silence enveloping them. "Thank God you’re still alive. I was so ing worried.” Junhyung was that type of person who looks like he doesn’t care about anyone around him. But behind those sharp gazes he really does.

 

“Thank God you’re both alive too, hyung,” Yoseob said to the wound-covered Junhyung and Hyunseung. “Doojoon-hyung and I were really worried. We were almost losing hope until we found Gikwang and Dongwoon.”

 

Junhyung looked at the two youngest guys. Gikwang was now lying on the floor his broken legs now receiving first aid from Dongwoon. Junhyung sighed and shook his head after seeing their condition. He realized he was still lucky, he only got cuts and bruises. Yet, he already decided to end his life after he saw how the apocalypse took her last breath.

 

“Are you crazy?” He remembered what Hyunseung has said after he found him, ready to take his own life. He has never seen Hyunseung get mad like that before so he knows that this time, he’s serious.

“Stop that and come with me,” Hyunseung said his hands extended. Junhyung took it and together they looked for a safe place to stay until they found themselves in an abandoned church. In all those times they were looking for shelter he thinking about his real family and the second family he has grown to love. Seeing them all in one piece, even though not in a perfect condition, he felt relieved.

 

Junhyung smiled at his friends who were all gathered around Gikwang asking him is he is okay but noticed one missing person, someone who should be there of all person.

 

“Where’s Doojoon?”  He asked not even minding using formalities. “I thought he was with you?”

Yoseob and the others looked at him. “He said he was going somewhere.”

“He didn’t tell you where he was going?”

Yoseob shook his head.

Junhyung scoffed. “Just look at him, going somewhere else instead of being here to take care of you. I knew I should have been the leader all along.”

 

“Would you mind repeating that?

 

A familiar voice said from across the church. All of them jumped in surprise. They turned around and saw Doojoon approaching them one hand behind him.

 

“Would you mind repeating what you said?” Doojoon asked.

Junhyung cheeks flushed a bright shade of red and he stutters as he move towards the other members and checking out Gikwang.  It was only then that he noticed Doojoon’s right arm was hanging on a triangular cloth tied around his neck and was wrapped in bandages.

 

“What happened to that?” Junhyung asked pointing at Doojoon’s disabled arm.

“Oh… This?” He said as he raised his broken arm. “I don’t know. I woke up with this… In fact, I don’t remember anything.”

 

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They talked for hours in front of the flame huddled beside each other, asking each other what happened to them, where they were when the chaos happened, and how they were able to survive. Listening to each of their stories, Doojoon felt how lucky they are but at the same time he also felt sorry after hearing that s have lost hope in finding their immediate families alive.

 

Doojoon can’t help but wonder how everything can happen in a nick of time. How in a minute, he was playing soccer and in a minute finding himself near death. How in a minute, Gikwang and Dongwoon was enjoying a movie and in a minute one of them almost got crushed under the debris and the other trying to lift it. He can’t help it but wonder how in a minute Yoseob was just taking a stroll around the district and in minute finds himself in a cold dark church. How in a minute, Junhyung was with his girlfriend having a lovely date and in a minute finding himself in despair as he watch her die in front of him. And he can’t help wonder how in a minute Hyunseung has just lost his father and in a minute finds himself in almost the same situation as him.

Doojoon shook his head as he removed those thoughts and starts cheering himself up. ‘At least you’re alive that’s the most important thing right now.’

 

It was already late at night but it was only then that the BEAST members are having their dinner. They made dinner out of the foods they scavenged in the abandoned convenience store - ramen, red chili paste, rice cakes, and water – anything that they could eat. Doojoon was being spoon-fed by Yoseob. With a broken right arm, he cannot feed himself, even though his left wasn’t impaired, for it wasn’t his dominant hand. He eats the ramen dangling from the chopstick Yoseob puts in his mouth. He felt weak. He should be the one taking care of them. He shouldn’t be the one taken care of.

 

“Sorry,” he blurted out much to the surprise of s.

They all looked at him with a puzzled expression on their faces.

“I-I’m sorry.” Doojoon wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “I should be the one taking care of all of you. Instead you were taking care f me.” Tears start to fall from the corner of his eyes. “I’m such a burden. You have said it right Junhyung, you should have been the leader all along.”

 

“Hey why are you saying that all of a sudden?” Junhyung asked. “Stop saying bull.”

“Junhyung-hyung is right,” Gikwang said. “A broken arm is not a burden at all. At least you still have the other and you can walk. Look at me.” Doojoon looked at him. “My arms aren’t broken but my legs are. I can hold things but it’s harder if you can’t walk. I even burden all of you to assist me when standing, when walking. Come on, hyung. You’re not that a burden.”

The others nodded in agreement.

 

Doojoon sniffed and swallowed hard. “Thanks guys, thanks.”

 

They all finished eating dinner and were now just sitting in front of the fire. Yoseob was singing them songs and they accompany him with Junhyung rapping. The church’s clock strike twelve signaling the start of another day.

 

“Wow, I didn’t realize it’s this late already,” Dongwoon said.”

“It’s not late. It’s morning already,” Yoseob argued.

Junhyung stood up. “We should sleep and take a rest then.”

 

They all stood up with Gikwang and Yoseob assisting Gikwang. Doojoon however didn’t and stayed in his sitting position. “Could we stay awake a little bit longer?”

“Why?” Hyunseung asked. “Is there a good reason for us to be still awake at this hour?”

 

Doojoon didn’t answer Hyunseung’s question. Instead he stood up and approached one of the church’s wooden benches. He came back with a white box tied with a red satin ribbon.

“What’s the date today?” He asked when he came back at them.

“Huh?” s said in unison.

“I asked what the date today is.”

Hyunseung was still confused but decided to look at his watch which glass has cracked.

“It’s October – Oh my God! I almost forgot!”

“Huh? Forgot what? October what? I don’t get it,” Gikwang said.

 

Doojoon untied the ribbon. “Yup. Hyunseung’s right.” He struggled but refused to accept the help Junhyung was offering him.

 

“Today is the 16^th of October.”

 

The other BEAST member’s eyes widened and their mouth gaped. Doojoon lifted the box’s lid revealing a circular cake covered in white cream icing and topped with fresh fruits.

 

“And this day marks our third year as a group…”

 

Doojoon put three candles which he lighted using the bonfire on top of the cake.

 

“…Our third year as a family.”

 

Under the lid were crooked letters. It was almost illegible but to Junhyung, Hyunseung, Yoseob, Gikwang and Dongwoon, those letters and three words make perfect sense.

 

HAPPY 3^RD ANNIVERSARY!

 

Junhyung fell on his knees and puts his palm on his face. Hyunseung looked away trying to hide the drops of water falling down from his eyes. On the other hand, the three youngest members cried and hugged each other.

 

“Happy anniversary to us.”

 

They all wiped and sat again in front of the fire, circling it.

“Happy anniversary.” They all said and Doojoon blew the three lighted candles.

 

The BEAST members sang all their songs from their debut album up to the present. And because one of them has a broken arm and one has broken legs, they just danced on their seats. Despite their bad condition, there were smiles on their faces as they sing and perform each of their songs in perfect harmony.

 

Doojoon imagines that he is still on stage complete with amplifiers and bright lights. Junhyung imagines that he still raps pretending that he is still holding a microphone. Hyunseung imagines that he still dances in front of a crowd, his dancing burning with passion and energy. Gikwang pictures himself performing, swooning girls with his body and performance, while Yoseob and Dongwoon both imagine their fans cheering for them – doing their fan chant and waving their towels and rose light sticks creating a dark gray ocean. They imagined all of these as they perform in front of the fire and by just remembering those memories it already made them happy, enough to somehow forget how bad the situation they were in.

 

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Doojoon and Yoseob was now the only people awake. The other four members were now deep in their slumber, huddled beside each other. Doojoon and Yoseob had their knees close to their chest, as they watch the fire they made lose its light slowly, leaving gray ashes.

 

“Thanks, hyung,” Yoseob said in a whisper.

Doojoon smiled. “You don’t have to thank me. I’m your leader. In this situation, it is the least thing I could do for you.”

Yoseob thanked him again and shifted his gaze from the fire to Doojoon. “Do you think we’ll be able to perform again? Do you think that… we’ll be able to celebrate another year as a group?”

Doojoon looked at him. “I’m not losing hope.”

 

A smile spread across Yoseob’s face. And when the last flame of the fire has died he rested his head on Doojoon’s shoulders.

“Happy anniversary to us.”

 

“Yes. Happy anniversary.”

 

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It happened very fast. A while ago he was just happily playing soccer with his friends. Mud and grasses all get kicked with their feet itching to get the ball. He was playing enthusiastically, not even bothering if he gets drenched both by his sweat and the slightly pouring rain. He was busy playing with his friends that the next things that happened were a blur. It happened very fast. Faster that a blink of an eye.

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